TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'VE UNSUCCESSFULLY FAKED YOUR OWN DEATH.

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by CANCER FAN
10) When people tell other people you're dead their response is, "Yeah, my @$$."
9) Pictures of you turn up on page fifteen of the Vancouver World News next to Elvis, Tupac Shakur, and Richie Ryan.
8) Dick Clark still sends you junk mail, including a line on the envelope which reads: "We know you're not dead! Return the enclosed card to American Family today!"
7) TV Guide reports the exact circumstances and technique you used (featuring you in three collector's covers!).
6) You get mail from Paul McCartney explaining how you did it all wrong.
5) Dr.Kevorkian shows up on you're front door and offers to help you "get it right" this time.
4) Today on Geraldo: "People who fake their deaths and the women who love them", featuring your old girlfriend Mrs. Tina Mulder.
3) You got your ideas on how to do it from watching MAGNUM, P.I.
2) An entire homepage appears explaining different theories on how you're still alive.
AND the NUMBER ONE SIGN you've unsuccessfully faked your own death...
You're Cigarette-Smoking Man.


"I'm not dead yet.
I'm getting better."



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