ROYAL JOKES

I warn you now some of these are VERY crude and can be offensive!

Edward & Sophie's Therapy

Edward and Sophie had began having marital problems so Her Majesty told them to seek a professional's help.  They found a marriage counselor.  First she asked Edward "What do you think is the problem with your marriage?" she asked Edward replied "Well, it's Sophie she keeps saying I'm horrible in bed!  She says I do it wrong!" Sophie sneered and looked at him "I wouldn't say you were doing it wrong if you just get your dick out of my asshole!"

The Man Downstairs

Edward and Sophie had been married for quite sometime when Sophie began to want more from her life.  She began having an affair with one of Edward's friends but soon tired of him and got another one but kept his old buddy around.  Sophie and her first lover were going at it hot and heavy when the doorbell rang "Shit! Get upstairs!" she ordered he ran up the steps.  Her second lover had came in and they started going at it.  The next thing Sophie had knew Edward was home. "Quick get in the broom closet!" she slammed the door as Edward entered "What are you doing home so early?" she asked "Well, mother and father disinheirted me" "Well shit what are we going to do now?" she pushed he grabbed the bible and held it to his chest "That is for the man upstairs" he said the man upstairs called "HEY WHAT ABOUT THE ASSHOLE IN THE BROOM CLOSET?"

God Bless Papa

One night little Andrew was saying his prayers when he knelt and said "God bless my brother Charles" the next day Charles was killed in a freak polo accident.  The next night Little Andrew knelt down and said "God bless my sister Anne" the next day Anne was bucked off her horse and trampled to death.  By then Her Majesty and The Duke of Edinburgh were getting a little scared they listened to him pray "God bless Papa."  The next day it was all Prince Phillip could do from worrying he was worried so much he came home early.  "Lillibeth I couldn't focus what a day" he said exasperatingly "That's nothing my favorite footmen dropped dead today"

Around the Palace

One day Harry was walking around the palace when he saw Peter Phillips smoking a bong he stopped and said "Hey man don't sit on your big ass all day smoking pot come and walking around the palace with me and be free!" Peter put it down and they started walking.  They came across Lord Fredick Windsor snorting cocaine Harry once again said "Hey man don't snort that shit come and walk around the palace with me and be free!" so he abannoned his habit to walk with them.  The trio came across William about to stick himself with a heroin needle Harry said "Hey man..." William beat the shit out of him "Stupid prick has me wandering around the fucking palace all day when he's fucked up on ectasy!"

Little Peter Phillips

Little Peter Phillips was playing with a new train set his parents had bought him.  Princess Anne was listening in the kitchen when she heard him say "Ok you fucking ingrates if you're getting off my fucking train do it now you resource sucking bastards all you overfed leaches getting on you better fucking do it now we're about to fucking leave!" she jerked him by his arm "You've been listening to your grandfather too much now you go to your room and if in two hours you can hold a civil tongue you can play again!"  Two hours later Peter emerged and apologized for his foul language he sat down with his trainset while Anne went back in the kitchen she listened in "All passengers boarding please do so now, all those exiting thank you for riding with Royal Transits and those of you who are a little pissed off by the two hour delay you can thank Her Royal Bitchiness in the kitchen!"

Popcorn

Prince Edward was going out of town for a weekend but he had his suspcions that Sophie was cheating on him so he asked his royal footman to keep an eye out and to line the bedroom floor with popcorn seeds so if anyone came in the royal footman would hear them.  Sophie was having two affairs with both of Edward's brothers.  Andrew & Charles decided to come over while he was gone but Sophie said "Edward has the bedroom floor lined with popcorn seeds" Andrew mused "I'll fix Eddie!" he and Charles snuck into Bagshot Park and Andrew entered the bedroom and pissed all over the popcorn and then crawled in bed with Sophie.  Well after him was Charles.  Monday the Prince returned to see the footman looking smug Edward went into the room and saw piss stains on the carpet and the popcorn gone.  He came back to the footman "What the hell happened?" "Sir your brothers left you a message Andrew said thanks for the challenge Sophie was screaming and Charles said about the same but he said and the popcorn was excellent"

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