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The B'nai Khaim in America
Chapter 13 - The "Third" Generation
In the preceding chapters we studied the changes which have
taken place in the culture of the first and second generations of
the American B'nai Khaim. We traced these changes from the
religious culture of old Russia into the secular culture of
modem America. We saw the B'nai Khaim abandoning old religious
modes of living and adopting the modes of a sophisticated
age.
Many Jewish leaders see in such trends a threat to the very
survival of Judaism in this country. They point especially to the
tendency of the upcoming generation to forsake ancestral
tradition as leading to the loss of Jewish identity, in particular
through intermarriage. The uniqueness of our study is the fact
that we can follow these trends over three consecutive generations
and thus are able to evaluate more concretely their significance
to the future of Judaism in America.
However, we must caution our readers that our "third" generation
is still too limited in numbers to provide a broad enough base
upon which to establish firm trends. Our native-born B'nai Khaim
women have not been very prolific. They have been
raising an average of no more than 2.2 children per family, just
enough to produce a stationary population. Besides, their offspring
are of but recent vintage. Of the 39 young people we
study in this chapter - 22 boys and 17 girls, all unmarried - 17
were between 16 and 18 years old and 18 between 19 and 22.
Four were 23 years old and over; the eldest, a psychiatric social
worker, was 30; in all, 35 of the 39 were still either in high
school or in college. We begin with age 16 because we deemed
that age as the minimum to respond to our questions with fairly
reasoned judgment.
It should be noted, further, that only 23 of our 39 young
people were strictly third-generation B'nai Khaim, in the sense
of being native-born of native parentage. Seven were of
"mixed" parentage; that is, only one parent was native-born.
Eight were second-generation, and one, who came here from
Israel at the age of four, was foreign-born. These 15, with the
exception of the one foreign-born, were qualified for our group
by being native-born, at least 16 years old, and unmarried.
What we wanted to know of these young people was not only
the degree of their observance or non-observance of Jewish traditions,
as we did for their parents, but also, and in particular,
their own conception of the culture they were building for
themselves as Jews and as Americans.
The first question we asked of them related to their attitude
toward intermarriage, the most sensitive index of the maintenance
of Jewish identity. In part we covered that question in
a previous connection (Chapter 9), where we studied the
rate of intermarriage among all the B'nai Khaim. We learned
there that 30 per cent of the boys and 18 per cent of the girls
16 years of age and over indicated that they "would marry a
non-Jew." For the boys that included only the straight
"yesses." One of them also had said "maybe" and one "possibly
yes." With these included, the total is raised from six to eight,
and the percentage is raised to over 36. For their parents the
intermarriage rate ran up to about 10 per cent. The trend, if the
figures for the third generation materialize, is unmistakable.
We asked our young people:
1. Do you associate freely with non-Jews?
2. Do you date non-Jews?
3. Would you marry a non-Jew?
4. If not, why not?
Nearly all the boys (20 out of 22) and nearly 80 per cent of
the girls (13 out of the 17) said they associated freely with
non-Jews. This is to be expected in an age of commingling of
young people of diverse creeds, nationalities and increasingly of
races in our public schools from nursery to the university.
When it came to dating non-Jews, no more than one-half of
the boys and only one-third of the girls said "yes," they dated
non-Jews. But as one college girl explained: "I do date
non-Jewish men occasionally, but try not to prolong our friendship
for more than a few dates." As to marrying a non-Jew, as we
have already noted, the rates go down to 36 per cent for the
boys and to 18 per cent for the girls.
The gradual drawing away from intermarriage possibilities is
strikingly documented when we place the above figures side-byside:
Associate Date Marry
Freely Non-Jews Non-Jews
_________ ________ ________
Sex Total Yes No Yes No Yes No
___ _____ ___ __ ___ __ ___ __
Boys 22 20 2 11 11 8 14
Girls 17 13 4 6 10 3 14
__ __ __ __ __ __ __
Total 39 33 6 17 21 11 28
Only two of the boys said they did not freely associate with
non-Jews, but 11 said "no" on dating and 14 said "no" to
marrying non-Jews.
Of the 17 girls four said "no" to freely associating with
nonJews, 10 said "no" to dating them, and 14 said "no" to marrying
them.
Similarly informative are the diversities in attitudes when the
respondents are compared by age groups. Taking only the question
of marriage, we find the following differences:
Would You Marry a Non-Jew?
Boys Girls
_________________ _________________
Age Group Total Yes No Total Yes No
_________ _____ ___ ___ _____ ___ ___
High School, 16 - 18 9 4 5 7 1 6
College, 19 - 22 9 3 6 5 2 3
College Graduates, 23+ 4 1 3 4 - 4
__ __ __ __ __ __
Total 22 8 14 16* 3 13
* One of the 17 responses was "not sure."
The first thing that strikes the eye in this table is that the
eldest group, the college graduates, seem least enchanted with
the prospect of intermarriage. Of the four boys aged 23 and
over, only one said "yes" to our question. None of the girls of
this age group said "yes." The high-school age group gave the
highest proportion of "yesses" for the boys. The second large
proportion, 40 per cent, was recorded for the college girls. It
should be noted, however, that the numbers for our analysis are
very small, and we should not claim that the conclusions based
on them are definitive. At most they can be taken as only
suggestive.
The religious taboo was given as the main reason against
intermarriage. As one of the Rabbi's grandsons summed it up:
"Completely contrary to all laws of Judaism." Some, especially
the girls, were mindful of their parents' feelings. One 18-year
old wrote, "My parents would probably have heart attacks
(literally)." Both boys and girls mentioned possible increase in
strain of marital adjustment for eschewing intermarriage. "Too
many personal complications," one 19-year-old boy explained
his negative position.
5. If you did marry a gentile would you require your spouse
to adopt Judaism?
6. Would you adopt the religion of your spouse?
Four of the eight boys and one of the three girls who said
they would marry gentiles said they would require them to
adopt Judaism. None of them said they would adopt the religion
of their gentile mates. Almost all of the 39 boys and girls
said they would raise their children as Jews. The exceptions
were two boys and three girls who said they would raise their
children in no religion. One young man said he was "not sure."
7. In any event, we asked, would you have
(a) a religious marriage?
(b) a civil ceremony?
Of the boys who answered this question, 17 would have a
religious marriage and one a civil ceremony. The others were in
doubt. Of the girls, 12 favored a religious marriage, two a
civil ceremony.
The freer association in our schools of children of diverse
races, creeds and national origin may also help explain the much
more liberal attitude of the younger generation than their
fathers' toward Negro integration. We put to them the same
question we had put to their elders:
1. Are you in favor of Negro integration
(a) in schools?
(b) in housing?
(c) socially?
In this case we added the question:
2. Would you date a Negro?
One-hundred per cent of the boys were in favor of school
integration and 90 per cent in favor of integrated housing and
social integration. The girls were less enthusiastic than the boys,
but still were ahead of their parents: 88 per cent favoring school
integration, 70 per cent favoring integrated housing, and 50 per
cent favoring social integration. The attitude of their elders
(Chapter 11) was 85 per cent in favor of school integration,
56 per cent in favor of integrated housing and 41 per cent
in favor of social integration. In this respect, the girls follow the
sentiments of their mothers whose percentages for integration
were: 80, school; 50, housing; 40, social.
The boys proceeded from the premise that "Negroes are
people" and should have the same rights and privileges as the
rest of us. The girls temporized: "Can't explain," said one who
favored school and housing integration, but gagged on social
integration. From one 17-year-old on the question of dating
Negroes: "This is a very hard question to answer. ... Maybe I
am just against it." Of the boys, seven would date Negroes, 14
would not. Of the girls, three would date, 13 would not.
Negroes should be treated as individuals, not on the basis of
color, was the general feeling. One 18-year-old boy from California
favors "interracial social relations not resulting in marriage
and do not damage and only benefit those involved." Another
18-year-old Californian wrote: "I have been fortunate to attain
many colored boys as friends in the past. Their realistic equality
in society is inevitable, and there shouldn't be any reason to
prevent it from happening today." Our Rabbinical student asserted:
"Integration is a moral commitment to our fellowmen."
He would not marry a Negro, he said, unless she was a "Jewish
Negro." A Canadian-born 18-year-old boy argued: "lf the Negro
cannot be accepted socially, how can he be accepted in any
other way?"
The dilemma for these young people is real and they each try
separately to resolve it. Perhaps the following soul-searching of
a 17-year-old girl raised in the South and now entering college
in California is a poignant example. She writes:
a. There is no reason to deny them the same type of schooling
we have. However, in most cases, unfortunately, equal
schooling does the Negro little or no good since he cannot
apply his knowledge to the type of job which it warrants.
b. I think it would be fine to have integration in housing and
I would like to have my kids play with Negro kids, but I
really don't think this is possible. You know the story-as
soon as a Negro moves into a neighborhood, the whole neighborhood
turns colored and, consequently, the price of
property goes down. To be perfectly honest, I would
probably be one of the first to sell my home. (Did you see
"A Raisin in the Sun"?)
c. Socially. Here again I contradict myself in theory and in
practice. It depends, first of all, on what you mean socially. I
have some Negro girl friends and though I know some very
fine Negro boys and wouldn't mind dating them, my parents
were mad enough at my dating shaigitses (!) (gentile boys)
and said I had to draw the line. I never realized they were
prejudiced until this question came up and they told me
they'd be ashamed if I was dating a Negro. Frankly, I don't
think they would have said this had they lived out here (the
Coast) or perhaps up North. The South atmosphere has been
rubbing off too much on them. (They had lived in Chicago.)
My two best friends are rather violently anti-Negro and one
was horrified when I told her that I had spoken to a Negro
boy. Both these girls are Jewish, yet they resent the association
of Jews and Negroes as minority groups ....
d. As to marrying a Negro: Since most Negroes are gentiles I
am against this to begin with. However, I generally would not
marry a Negro, nor want my children to, for the same reason
as I wouldn't marry a gentile. The offspring of intermarriage
are generally outcasts, or, at the very least, have a difficult
time adjusting to society. In a mixed racial marriage, besides,
the couple itself can have a hard time adjusting except in
special cases, such as out here (the university town in California),
where it is a common practice. On the other hand,
once I am married, I hope that my husband and I will have
some Negro couples as friends.
In the attitude of the young generation towards the Negro we
have a nearly complete departure from the attitude of their
parents. They stay closer to their parents in the matter of
observing Jewish rites and rituals, to an extent even leaning to the
conservative side of their elders. Where their parents tended to
break away from their parents, the younger generation appears
to be retracing the steps back to the family traditions. So we
find, for example, that whereas of second-generation males 7
per cent observed kashroth fully and 72 percent not at all, of
the third-generation males 9 per cent observe Kashroth fully
and 55 per cent not at all.
Of the females, none of the second generation observed the
Jewish dietary laws fully and 53 per cent observed not at all; of
the third-generation females 12 observed fully and 53 per cent
not at all. In tabulated form:
Observance of Kashroth
______________________
Per Cent Fully Per Cent Not At All
______________ ___________________
2nd generation
male 7 72
female 0 53
3rd generation
male 9 55
female 12 53
How long the conservative trend of the younger generation
will last, we cannot of course tell. The four third-generation
strict observers are descendants of Rabbi Kaprov. A 20-year-old
great-granddaughter writes from Bangor:
As new generations appear, it is obvious that Jewish
customs and beliefs are not being followed.
I know of many Jewish families that call themselves Jews,
but do nothing to show it except giving their sons fancy
Bar Mitzvah parties.
In our family many Jewish customs have been given to me
and I would not deprive my children of any of them. I wish
more girls my age felt this way and I feel very sorry for any
Jewish child who has never had the opportunity to see how
wonderful family traditions and customs are. I am truly a
lucky girl.
Said a 17-year-old high-school boy in California:
I feel that man has evolved randomly, with no purpose as
controlling force. It is foolish to deny ourselves pleasure;
sensual, intellectual, or otherwise. Yet life should not be one
big orgy, either. We should pay some attention to the betterment
of ourselves and others, materially and intellectually.
I used to pray every day (writes our Texas B'nai Khaim girl),
but lately I have come to question my religion and rather
than be hypocritical, I generally don't pray. I feel that when
I finally do decide, and if I do believe in God, that He will
forgive me for not praying during the interval.
As a rule it was not until they began leaving home upon marriage
that second-generation B'nai Khaim began breaking away
from the Kashroth observed by their immigrant parents. It
should be noted that none of our 23+ of third-generation B'nai Khaim
were strict observers.
A surprisingly large proportion of the young people said they
fasted on Yom Kippur: 50 per cent of the boys and 70 (!) per
cent of the girls. This is clearly the influence of Mother. Only
41 per cent of the fathers, but 70 per cent of the mothers, said
they fasted on Yom Kippur. The fasting among the new generation
was concentrated in the younger age groups-in high school
and college for the boys; in high school for the girls.
Seventeen of the 22 boys were Bar Mitzvah and 6 of the 17
girls were Bat Mitzvah. Bat MItzvah is a rather recently adopted
ritual among the B'nai Khaim, and so is "confirmation." One of
our boys and 3 of our girls were confirmed. One of the boys
had a "secular" Bar Mitzvah, which really means a Bar Mitzvah
festivity without the ritual.
Sixteen of the 17 boys who were Bar Mitzvah expect their
sons to be Bar Mitzvah and 8 would expect their daughters to
be Bat Mitzvah. Three would possibly go for "confirmation."
Nine of our 17 girls expect their sons to be Bar Mitzvah. Seven
of the 17 would favor "confirmation" for their children.
Nearly all of third-generation B'nai Khaim, then, accept the
idea of Bar Mitzvah. Bat Mitzvah or "confirmation" for their
children. This was not true of their parents. Of the new generation
70 per cent expected their sons to be Bar Mitzvah; of the
second-generation males, 60 per cent planned Bar Mitzvah for
their sons. Thirty-six per cent of our boys plan Bat Mitzvah for
their daughters. Significantly, between 45 and 50 per cent of
the parents went all out for "confirmation" for their children, a
new respectability for Jews with rising espectations.
Sixty per cent of the young generation express warm feelings
toward Israel, but with qualifications. Nearly 70 per cent of
their fathers and fully 100 per cent of their mothers entertained
such feelings, mostly without reservations. The third generation
were 20 years removed from the times of the Nazi atrocities.
There was considerable diversity of views among our young
people regarding the state of Israel. One 16-year-old grandson of
the Rabbi said: "I have absolutely nothing to do with the
people of Israel," while another of his grandsons said Israel was
the "only country I have; America is still Exile."
One 18-year old thought "Israel is a great thing for Jews of
Europe-nothing for American Jews."
One young B'nai Khaim is "sympathetic" to Israel "not as
the Promised Land, but as a country with vitality."
Another sympathizes with a "young country developing in
midst of adversity."
But a 16-year-old Brooklyn girl says, "No. Part sympathy
and respect but definitely not based on its Judaism. In fact, its
religious militancy is what I don't like."
To another, however, Israel is a "seat of Jewish history and
ancestry. Yes, spiritual ties."
A college senior, son of the half-Jewish mother and completely
non-observing, sympathizes "a little with a vague feeling of
nationalism tempered in many ways, e.g., by the senseless
and arbitrary division of the Near East, and by suspicion of the
capitalist-supported state, a potential force of reaction. I feel
the Jews did not need all Israel, but once there, the best should
be made of it." (This, we remember, was written early in 1964,
three years before the Israel-Arab War of June, 1967.)
From some of the girls:
"Yes, exciting to think of Jews having a land." An 18-yearold
writes from Texas: "Yes. I don't really believe in Zion or
the Messiah or any of that stuff. I feel emotionally attached
only because Israel is largely Jewish and I generally feel a closeness
to the Jewish people." From a 17-year-old granddaughter
of the Rabbi: "Israel-a symbol of all Jewish struggles-gives me
a wonderful feeling of security."
Our third generation retains a strong sense of Jewish identity.
Eighteen of our 22 boys and 12 of our 17 girls consider themselves
Jews, or American Jews; four of the boys and five of the
girls consider themselves "American of Jewish extraction."
None of the boys and only one of the girls claims to be "plain
American." The proportion, in general, is in line with those of
the second generation.
On the whole, then, the third-generation B'nai Khaim is not
seriously departing from the Jewishness of their parents. A
major difference between the two generations may be the indicated
rise in the intermarriage rate. Even at that, there are no
signs of a trend toward assimilation. The B'nai Khaim, old or
new generations, are not giving up their Jewish identity to
merge with the Christian world amidst which they live.
An interesting departure from the second generation is
discernible on the secular front. Jews, the B'nai Khaim among
them, engage predominately in white-collar occupations and, to
a growing extent, in the professions-pharmacists, dentists,
lawyers, physicians. We saw in Chapters 4 and 5 that several of
them had become mathematicians, psychoanalysts, and college
professors. The new generation goes in for most of these
conventional professions; but is also moving into new territories.
They are beginning to enter the arts. One of them is studying
architectural engineering; another aspires to become a painter;
one writes poetry and is doing graduate work in playwriting; a
fourth, an M.D., will not follow his father's footsteps by
practicing medicine, but is going into medical research, specializing
in pathology.
* * * * *
In the course of the first quarter of this century 87 Jews of a
common ancestor, B'nai Khaim, settled in America. They came
here from the ghettos of the Ukraine, most of them semi-illiterate,
penniless, imbued with the historic veneration of learning
denied them in Tsarist Russia. Six more came here since the
end of World War II, making a total of 93. By 1964, their
descendants, and those of the original 93 who were still living,
numbered about 350 and lived in 26 different towns and cities
throughout the United States.
Here they struck new roots, raised families and in various
ways adapted to the American way of life. None of them became
rich, but most of them managed to finance their children
to high levels of education. A number of their children and
grandchildren have achieved successful careers in the learned
professions.
Most of them have abandoned strict observance of the commandments
governing the daily life of Jews for centuries, and a
number have abandoned Jewish religious customs entirely. They
have become broadly acculturated to the modes and manners of
middle- to upper middle-class Americans. Several have married
outside their ancestral Faith, and a tendency is that direction is
becoming manifest in attitudes expressed among the younger
generation. There is as yet no visible trend toward assimilation.
All of them continue to retain a strong sense of Jewish identity.
CandleMaker Kaprov
E-Mail:
CandleMaker_Kaprov@Yahoo.com
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