Experts predict a busy season for insects this year in Tennessee. In addition to the usual biplane-sized mosquitoes and an epidemic of fleas (especially in the vicinity of elementary schools), there is expected to be a large influx of a previously unknown species. The new insect has only been sighted twice in Davidson County so far, but persistent rumors indicate that it will spread rapidly. The bite of the new bug is believed to induce euphoria, hysterical laughter, convulsions, disorientation and temporary loss of judgment. Curiously, memory is not affected, and may even be enhanced in older adults. The bug is rather large for an insect, and easy to identify despite its chameleon-like coloration. “The strange thing about this new bug,” noted one specialist, “is that unlike most insects, which exist in at most one or two color variations, this one can range from jet black to yellow or white. So far, only red, silver, and black ones have been spotted locally, though persistent rumors of a blue one are circulating near Rivergate Mall." The bug appears to be moving in from Mexico, he added, although it bears some genetic similarities to a familiar but slightly smaller German insect which invaded the U.S. in the 1950s and spread rapidly through the 1970s before abruptly fading away in 1979, apparently due to a decline in the air pollution on which it thrived. Entomologists, divided over naming the new insect, have begun simply referring to it as the scarabus novellus, or the “New Beetle.” A spokesperson for Volkswagen of North America declined comment, saying he was “too busy to talk right now.”

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