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7/1 1998

Arriving at Miami Intl. Airport. The weather's warm and sunny. The flight was Lars show. He got drunk already in the bar at Arlanda Airport, where he met a Swedish woman, Daniella, who also intended to get pissed. To his surprise she too was heading for Miami. (to our nearest friends we can mention that this flight has been recorded on film). Since Daniella has been living in Miami for six years, she gave us some tips where to stay in Miami. We caught a yellow cab and went to The Shelbourne Hotel at Miami Beach. According to her it supposed to be a cheap hotel - No Way Man! Those suckers wanted us to spit up 156$/night! We told them to fuck off and went across the street to the nearest hotel. They charged us "only" 90$/night. Expensive Yes!

After we changed wardrobe at the room and Mats had cut off his jeans (he forgot his shorts - duhhh) we went down to the pool. There we met the crazy Japanese Matsumoto who liked Lars snuff so much that he wanted to do business with him.

8/1 1998

We bought a paper with car ads. We made a few calls but soon we got tired off it. Nobody wanted to come and show their car. While calling Mats managed to perform a great ninja punch ala Lee Van Cleef at the phone. The phone started to spit out money and we got more money back than calling for. Since nobody wanted to show we took a taxi to Van Land in the north west part of Miami - guaranteed No place for white innocent boys like us! At Van Land every van and car we saw was shit and the Latino salesman was an asshole. He promised to call for a taxi but he didn't. Since he knew we were in a nasty neighborhood he probably thought we were going to buy a car to get us out of there because it was getting dark. After 20 min or so we got lucky. A cab with two blue colored Haitians stopped and brought us back to our hotel. -"gött!". On the way back, not far from Van Land, we went past a crime scene, probably some nigger had been shot. The Haitians were friendly. They tolled us to call'em if we needed help getting a car.

Back "home" we bought some beers and two bottles of Bones Strawberry Hill. (good stuff but hard to find) Around 12 am we went in to the "village". Lots of private parties and hard to get a foot inside. At last we got in at a party for the special price of 10 fucking bucks! Mats met a soft babe with 34 years experience. Nice old fashioned girl with the heart on the right side he told Lars. Mats didn't remember the name of his hotel therefore he couldn't phone Lars and tell him where he was. The next day Mats had to walk from the babe's place because he was out of cash. He had to walk 17 blocks that seemed more like 40. Las had been sick of worries but got real happy when Mats showed up.

9/1 1998

A "black" at the pool, two bottles of strong wine and beers. This was to be a very bad night. We had a fight in a pizza store. Lars, shitfaced, flips out and starts fighting over a fucking quarter. It was a misunderstanding between us. The pizza jerk got mad too and kicked us out of there. Lars had the guts to walk back inside and ask for two new pizzas when the first ones ended up on the floor. The pizza man gave Lars the finger as reply. After some bars we ended up at a grease disco and had a couple of drinks. With the emergency door open leading to the backstreet, Lars "coma" Kjellberg went straight out and just stood there starring like a retard. A stupid guard that wouldn't listen to reason came along and closed the door. With no Lars and no money Mats went out looking for the club he knew Christina were at. Up and down the street several times asking people where the hell it was located, he finally found the club on the other side of the street. But no babe....

10/1 1998

We agreed that Miami sucked and was way to expensive so we got a taxi to the train station. Also this one located in N.W. Miami. With destination Tampa we bought tickets and sat there five hours waiting for the train. Mats with a hangover that'd be called "duga" and only wanted to puke, Lars ordered two pizzas with cokes...ate two slices and saved the rest for the trip. Finally on the Amtrak train. After a while the bar in the next car opened up and Lars felt his needs. With NO interest from Mats to go there, Larsa went there by himself. There he met a couple of hillbillies. Lars felt like he was an U.I.P. (unimportant person) among these guys who had so much exiting to brag about. To become one in the gang he came up with a story about how he got his injury on his fist. "You see this" Lars said. "It was two assholes who tried to rob us in Miami but I gave'em what they deserved." Lars got free beers after that, he said. The train conductor had the hoots for Lars he noticed while talking to him. Lars was to ask if the gay...sorry...guy knew any god clubs in Tampa. He recommended a street and also the best gay clubs and before Lars had the chance to tell him he was straight the conductor said..."Well it's damn shame I'm working, otherwise you guys could have slept at my place!" Six hours later at the station Tampa there was not a good locking but nice cashier who helped us with a taxi and the best place to stay. It was Days-In at the stadium airport area where the lucky ones got us as their guests.

11/1 1998

First thing we did was to get a newspaper to look for a splendid car so we wouldn't be so fucking isolated. After a while we choose three ads...one Pontiac Grand Am-89 (who never came) one Ford probe -89 and one Pontiac Bonneville-87. They were to show us their cars the day after, so we went to have look under the hood. Instead of buying a connector, Lars fixed his own much cheaper so we could charge the bloody battery for the camcorder.

12/1 1998

The Probe guy came and we eyed his automobile...naaaaaa. Shit later on the "Poor Old Nigger Thinks It's A Cadillac" Bonneville guy finally decided to show up...and we eyed his car too. Because of the new tires, big space, AC, cruise control and a really bad paint we coughed up 1600$ and considered the car ours. "Not that fast you guys" said the American bureaucracy and forced us to do four hours Big Shit Games (the thirteenth because of M.L. King most offices were closed this day.) with tag, insurance and a emission test that had recently expired.

13/1 1998

After Angelo (the guy we bought the car from) helped us with all that Ripping-Swedish-Guys-Of-Their-Money ceremony we went to his place and had a beer. He showed us a video when one day there was a big alligator on his brothers front yard and they had to kill the bastard. We said bogger of and left for Sarasota that same evening. It was nice weather and a big beach...we stayed one night.

14/1 1998

From Sarasota to St.Petersburg senior paradise #1!! Took it easy and relaxed.

15/1 1998

NO party town went out got drunk and went home. Lars did the glue (limma) on the worst nightmare ever (rugg-uggla)...Mats got her on the hook and stayed at her apartment. (Skit kul Pucko Gittan!!!!)

16/1 1998

Fled from this grave yard straight up to Tallahassee and in to another stiff village. Stayed one night, drank six beers in the room and one in town and then home.

17/1 1998

Due south towards Panama and stayed there for two nights. Unfortunately this was to be a very expensive night. After making the heated pool in the cold evening to our beer nest and filled our blows we paid the taxi driver 8$ to get us to a country club. Stopped in the entrance because -"no I.D.?", we had to go back to the hotel and get our I.D.'s , then back to the "club" cab fare 17$.Probably one of this rides Mats lost 20$ in the cab. With well filled hanged urin blows we decided to go home when the waitress stopped Lars and wanted 37$...What?????...outside Lars mumbled something about seventeen beers. "Beers on me guys" probably. We really don't know.

18/1 1998

Everything cool....and cold.

19/1 1998

Checked out from the hotel and went down to a laundry place we'd seen before, to wash our clothes. It was closed so we started the engine of our BIG six cylinders Pontiac and drove west towards Pensacola. We stopped on the way at an airplane museum. It was noon when we arrived to Pensacola and while going over the bridge leading to the city we saw a smaller bridge along the side. It was a fishing bridge and with clearance from the guy working there we bought a ticket for 6$ to sleep over there. With the ticket in the wind shield we headed to a mall and had some food. Around seven p.m. we got back to our car and had a discussion about the trip. After a while we decided go west instead of staying the night. Up on alt highway 98 until the map didn't help us any more. Without a map on these roads you're lost so you have to guess where to go because there's almost no road signs. One good example is when we at approx 10.30 p.m. in the middle of nowhere had to stomp the brake through the floor watching one yellow arrow to the right and one pointing to the left..."What the hell????" both of us said. After a couple of turns we ended up in a small town and we pulled over to gas station to buy a map. She had no maps over Alabama...that's where we are now.

To be on the safe side we went out on the interstate #10that would lead us to New Orleans. Around midnight we pulled over to a secure parking area and sleeped in the car. Not much room for a guy being 1.86 cm neither for a guy like Lars who is 1.75 cm (not around the belly, but almost J ). Lars honked the horn a couple of times during the night with his knee and surely he woke everybody up at the parking lot. Mats woke Lars up when he should fix down the window so that we should get some air. Because it's power windows Mats had to turn on ignition key and the stereo went on loud! Mats had to open the back door to straighten out his legs. Lars had the belt holder in his back all night no matter what position he was in.

20/1 1998

Approx. 8.00 am we went up and Mats remembered that the steering wheel could be adjusted...well too late now so we wiped of the windows with a towel and got on the road again. When we arrived to Biloxi we got in to the loop and found a casino thinking we should have breakfast there...we decided not to after a discussion and instead move along to New Orleans. We passed big swamps and saw this mostly common bird with yellow peek - What the hell's that ?. Lots of them anyway! We had addresses found on internet of the cheapest hotels and on the way we passed the hotel that would have cost us 21$.It was in a not good neighborhood ... if you're a white guy that is!The hotel we stayed at for seven days had severe water damage and everything leaned.The first room we looked at was in standard of a treehouse...not a stright angel! The second room that we moved into and cough up 35$ a night after a little smooth talk had a damage roof and floor that Mats experied the feeling how it was with dripping water on his feet from the ceiling. The day after we talked to Dennis, the owner, and we got a better room for the same price.(roof and floor caught on film).There was a pool and it was COLD as HELL.After a night in the car Mats didn't give a damn so he walked slowly into the pool. Offcourse a couple of beers dragged us down one night to prove ourselves macho.

21/1 - 24/1 1998

Some short stories will follow now.

BACK TO 24/1 1998

Sitting in the hotel room we had to decide if we were or weren't going back to Florida to get a drivers license. 25/1 we decided that we were. After a 5 hour ride we were back at Penscola. The first thing we did was to go to the license bureau and get one, but Mats felt a bit unsecure so we decided to stay at Howard Johnson one night to rest and to get some traffic rules into Mats head.

26/1 1998

Early next morning went there again. The license girl was a bitch but Mats had no problem what so ever getting the license / yippie ! The very same day we drove all the way back and further. We passed Mississippi, Alabama and Louisiana in one day. We slept in our car at the Louisiana-Texas border.

27/1 1998

No rest. Drove all the way to Lake Jackson where Randy the stupid texan lives. Actually no problem at all except finding the right way from Houston to Lake Jackson. We arrived at Randy's at noon. Well there we had no rest. Randy was in his best party mode and he told us to get some clothes and threw them into his car. We were going to his ranch north of Houston 1,5 hours from Lake Jackson. But first we had to party all night in Houston. We got drunk but not that bad. After 10 beers or so we went to the ranch and immediately crashed in the sofas.

28/1 - 10/2 1998

The next morning when Lars woke up he had a terrible hangover. Thors Hammer were pounding his scull... He puked outside a couple of times then got inside and went to bed. Randy and Shawn's ranch is not far from Bernie and Marge's ranch so we were there some too and shot with their guns. At this time we also went up to the party capitol of Texas - Austin! Lars got thrown out from the same place where he was thrown out from 4 years ago. Assholes and cock suckers he yelled at them 300 times.


That's all for now!

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