begin

Chakotay woke to the quiet pitter-patter of the rain on his window. Rain, so peaceful and calm, yet violent at the same time. It could be thunder and lightening, or just a small April shower. Rain always held the promise of new life. That was what he needed, a new life.
He was faced with two paths. A fork in the road of life. On the left was the possible relationship with Kathryn. On the right, the blooming love affair with Annika. Although he liked the romance with Annika, it left him wondering about possibilities. It left him unfulfilled in life. He’d received more in the tiny kiss from Kathryn in front of Mark than in weeks of love making with Annika. Which path was he supposed to follow? One glance to the framed photo on the nightstand was all he needed to know.
He stared at the Auburn-haired woman in the picture for a few moments. Trying to memorize every detail for the hundredth time. Her floor-length Hawaiian dress, her hair in a perfect twist, and the purple flower lei around her neck. Her birthday party. It was Tom’s idea to make it a luau. Everyone had had fun, except for him. He was too distressed over the hurt look in her eyes that showed when she thought no one was looking. But he was. And he saw.
He remembered his conversation with Annika that night after the party like it was five minutes earlier.
‘Chakotay. I am aware that you still harbor feelings of love toward Captain Janeway. I am also acutely aware of some feelings toward me. I do not wish to pressure you, but you should make a decision. If I am no longer what you wish to have, I would like to move on to other relationships.’
‘I see. So I’m supposed to choose between a real relationship with you and a non-existent one with Kathryn. Is this correct?’
‘Yes, Chakotay. That is the abridged version of the issue.’
‘I need some time to think, Annika.’
‘Very well. I will be visiting Tuvok on Vulcan. Please contact me there when you have made your decision.’ And she turned and walked out of the room.
“I have to call Tuvok,” he said under his breath moving to the communications terminal. He pressed a few buttons and a small Vulcan woman appeared on the screen.
“Hello. I’m looking for Annika Hanson. Is she there?” he asked quietly.
“Greetings. I am T’Pel. Your Annika Hanson is touring the Vulcan Science Academy with my husband, Tuvok. Would it be acceptable for her to call you back when she returns?” T’Pel asked.
“Yes, that’s fine. And, thank you, T’Pel.”
“You are most welcome Mr. Chakotay. Live long and prosper,” T'Pel said the traditional Vulcan goodbye and closed the link.
Now that he had made up his mind about ‘the big one’, he sat down with an old-fashioned ink pen and several blank sheets of lined paper. He had to figure out what he was going to say to Kathryn.
‘Dear Kathryn,
I am pleased to inform you that I have decided that I am...’

“No. Too formal.”
‘My love,
I have come to the realization that I cannot live without you for another minute.’

“No! I want to sound sincere not love-sick.”

‘Dear Kathryn,
Recently I was confronted by Annika to make me choose between her and you. I know that I have been a little unfaithful to my promise....’

“A little unfaithful! Oh Gods! I really am pitiful.”

‘Kathryn,
I believe that there are perfect matches made in the world. For the longest time, I was sure that you were my match. But I strayed away. I may have lost you forever, but I wanted to tell you that I am sorry for deceiving you about Annika and I. She has moved on to new people and to new things. I’m sure that you have found someone new, but I needed to tell you that I love you. I always will love you. Be Happy, Kathryn.
Love Always,
Chakotay’

“There. I’ll read it and I’ll send it as an audio message.”
His thoughts were interrupted by the annoying beep of the comm. channel signaling and incoming transmission. He walked slowly to answer it and was not surprised at who he saw.
“Hello, Annika. Did you enjoy your tour of the VSA?”
“Yes, it was an enjoyable experience. T’Pel stated that you called to speak to me earlier. Am I to assume that you have come to a decision?”
“I have,” he said quietly. He hated hurting people. Especially someone with such a young mental age.
“I wish you the best of luck with her,” Annika said coolly.
“What makes you think I chose her?”
“I can see it in your eyes. Over these past few weeks, I have learned to read you somewhat. The only time I see your eyes ‘dance’, as Lieutenant Torres calls it, is when you are observing Captain Janeway. Again I wish you the best of luck. Hanson out.”
To put it simply, Chakotay was stunned. He didn’t even have to say a word, for she already knew.
“Ok,” he mumbled. “Time to record. Computer, open an audio log.” The computer beeped its acknowledgement. At the last minute he threw his paper across the room.
“Kathryn, it’s Chakotay. Um, I’m sure that you are very busy and probably don’t have time to listen to me but try.
I know that I didn’t tell you about Seven, but I wasn’t sure how. I know that’s not an excuse but, I don’t know how else to explain it. Maybe I was afraid to tell you or maybe I just didn’t want to so I could pretend that she was you. I’m not sure.
She and I broke up, Kathryn. She read me like a book and told me I had to choose between her and you. I didn’t choose her, Kathryn. I don’t love her.
Kathryn? ‘To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world.’ Kathryn, you are my world. And right now, it’s in shambles. I want to try this thing with you again. But I understand if you don’t. Hopefully I’ll hear from you soon.” And he cut the message.
“Computer, encode for delivery to Kathryn Janeway's home in Bloomington, Indiana.” The computer beeped it’s acknowledgement, and displayed the United Federation of Planets logo on the screen.
“The only thing left to do now is wait,” he mumbled.
~*~
A low-pitched ring echoed through the halls of the large Indiana home.
“Katie! Get the door!” Gretchen Janeway yelled from the kitchen.
“Yes, Mom. I wouldn’t want to take you from your mashed potatoes,” Kathryn replied reaching for the door knob.
“Katie, shut up!” Kathryn grinned as she opened the front door of her home. Harry Kim stood in the doorway.
“Harry! You’re early! Come in,” Kathryn said as she ushered the young man into her house.
“It’s nice to see you, Gretchen,” Harry smiled as he sat down in the kitchen.
“It’s always nice to see you, Harry.”
“Has she been practicing?” he asked.
“Of course. Why do you think I have more headaches now?”
“Harry, I though we had a lesson planned! Let’s go!” Kathryn yelled from the other room.
“I’m coming. Smells good, Gretchen. Save me some?” Harry asked as he walked toward Kathryn.
“Of course.”

“I’ve been practicing an hour every day, like you said. I’m still having trouble getting the low ‘G’ out,” Kathryn said attaching her reed to her clarinet.
“How many fingers are you putting down?”
“Six?”
“Right. You also might want to relax your jaw a little. Sometimes, if you’re too tense, you can push the sound up.”
“Right. Here goes.” She rolled her lip back and pushed air through the instrument. It made a sad sounding noise.
“That doesn’t sound like it’s your fault. Let me see. Maybe it’s the keys. They might be sticking.” Kathryn handed the black instrument to him, and he examined it closely.
“Yep, the second key from the bottom is stuck. That’s alright. I’ll work on that later. Have you been working on the scale?” he asked.
“Yes. ‘Lines In A Space Spell The Word Face. F-A-C-E. On the line, Every Good Boy Does Fine. E-G-B-D-F. A-B-C-D-E-F-G.’”
‘That’s right. These little rhymes really help.”
“I know,” she grinned.
“Kathryn!” Gretchen yelled from the other room.
“What?!" she replied angrily at her lesson being disturbed.
“There’s a comm call for you!”
“I look at it later!” she yelled, looking back at her scale sheet.
“Take it now, Young Lady!”
“Excuse me, Harry. She can be so annoying at times.”
“No problem. I’ll try to fix that sticking key while you’re gone,” he smiled.
She smiled back as she darted into the kitchen to the computer terminal. Kathryn gently pressed the ‘accept call’ button and her smile fell as she saw the message begin to play out.
By the time it was over, Kathryn had tears rolling down her face, and her hands were shaking. She pushed her chair out and walked like a zombie into the living room where Harry was waiting.
“Harry, can we reschedule this some other time?” she asked.
“Of course, Kathryn. Are you alright? You look pale,” he said with concern.
“I’m fine, Harry. Or, at least I will be.” Harry was confused at her cryptic answer, but accepted that she needed her privacy.
“See you later, Gretchen,” he waved on his way out.
“Goodbye, Harry,” she said as he walked out of the door. “Kathryn, what was that all about?”
“I have to go,” she said quickly, donning on her coat and shoes.
“Where?" her mother asked.
“South Carolina. That’s where he is,” she is gathering up her umbrella and the rest of her rain gear.
“It’s not raining, Kathryn,” her mother pointed out glancing out the window.
“You’re right. It’s not raining here, but it is there. I’m not showing up looking like a drowned rat.”
“Be careful, Honey,” Gretchen whispered as her daughter kissed her on her cheek.
“I will, Mom.”
Gretchen smiled sadly as her baby walked out her door into the Indiana springtime weather.

~*~*~
Kathryn pressed the doorbell on his house at least a dozen times and received no answer each time. She stood out in the pouring rain for a few more seconds, and then tried the doorknob. Of course the door opened.
She stepped inside, out of the rain and looked around. Everything was dark and no one appeared to be home.
“Hello?” she called. “Anyone there?”
When she got no answer, she decided to take off her coat and wait for him to come back. She placed her umbrella against the wall and hung her coat on a peg by the door.
After she had removed her soaking rain gear, she began to examine the items in the house. The table and chairs were obviously hand-made. The sofa looked like it had a fold-out bed built in. She ran her hands along the pictures on the wall. A portrait of Voyager, the senior staff photos, a sand painting here and there, and several other little mementos of their long journey though the Delta Quadrant.
Without thinking she wandered into his bedroom. She looked around to see that his bed was not made and his closet door had been left open. She fingered through the outfits in the closet for no reason. Until she found one of her dresses. She had never been here before, but this was undoubtedly her dress. It was the blue dress she had worn on New Earth.
‘How did he get it?’ she wondered. She glanced around the room one more time, and saw a tiny glimmer of something on his dresser. Her curiosity piqued, she glided closer to see what had caught her attention. It was a holo-image of her at her last birthday party, the luau. She had no idea anyone had taken picture of her, but it was a lovely photo.
She heard a noise and darted into his closet as the front door to his home opened. She heard several noises that she guessed were him putting down bags of groceries. Then she heard him humming as his cabinet doors opened and closed.
She pressed herself further into his dark wardrobe as he pushed the door aside to his bedroom. He walked to the terminal on his desk and sat down in his chair.
“Computer, did I receive any comm calls, today?”
‘Affirmative.’
“Are any of them from Indiana?”
‘Negative.’
“Damn it. I probably waited too long,” he said as he used his hands to wipe the invisible stress from his face.
“Who are the comm calls from?” he asked.
‘Message one - B’Elanna Torres. Message two - Tom Paris.’
“Begin messages.” The computer beeped it’s acknowledgement and B’Elanna’s voice filled the house.
‘Hey Chak! Tom and I are having a party a week from Friday. I just thought I let you in. Don’t make any plans on Saturday if you’re coming. There’s gonna be alcohol at the party and you’ll have a hangover. See ya soon!’
‘End message one. Message two,’ the computer chirped.
‘Hey Old Man! Wuzzup? Anyway, B’Elanna and I are throwing this killer party in a week and I want you to come. You’ve been too depressing to be around after you sent that message to Kathryn. By the way did she ever respond to that? Well, RSVP if you’re comin. I gotta go get the beer. Bye!’
‘End of messages.’
“Computer delete all messages.”
‘Deletion Confirmed.’
Chakotay got up from his chair and stretched out on his bed. After a few minutes, his even breathing told Kathryn that he was asleep. As she began to maneuver to the door of the closet, she heard a crinkling sound beneath her. It was a letter. It was a letter for her, no less.
She began to scan it and her eyes welled up with tears again. He wanted to see her again. He wanted her in his life. Her heart began to swell with love for this man. All her anger at him for going off with Seven dissipated in a nanosecond. All she could think about was how much she wanted to be with him.
She quietly inched her way out of his closet and over to his bed. He was still evenly breathing but his breathing became deeper, indicating that he was in a very deep sleep.
She slowly sat on the edge of the bed. She observed him for a few moments and then, after seeing no movement, laid down beside him. She scooted closer to him and she reached behind her to pull his arm around her waist. She let her eyes begin to close, and her last thought before she drifted off to sleep was how perfect this was.
~*~*~*~*~*
As Chakotay rose through the many levels to consciousness, he became aware that he wasn’t the only one in his bed.
‘Oh, what did I do now?’ was the first thought that entered his mind. When he looked down at the person in his arms, he could not have been more surprised.
There was Kathryn, curled up to him and held in place by his arm. She had a soft smile on her face and must have been dreaming a good dream.
As he tried to reach his computer console, Kathryn began to stir beside him. He held completely still and wished her to go back to sleep.
“It’s alright, Chakotay. I’m awake,” she said as she smiled up at him.
“What are you doing here?” he asked confused.
“I got your message. When I came to your house, you weren’t here. So I waited for you,” She explained.
“ How come I didn’t see you when I came in?”
“I heard you come in and I freaked out about being caught. I was in your bedroom at the time. Anyway, I freaked out and dove into the closet.” He visibly swallowed hard.
“You were in my closet,” he squeaked.
“Yes, Chakotay. I found my blue dress in there. How did you get that, anyway?” she asked, smiling.
“It’s a long story.”
“I’m sure,” she mumbled pulling herself closer to him.
“Kathryn, aren’t you mad at me?” he asked, pulled his arm around her tighter.
“Not anymore.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you left a letter to me on the floor of your closet. And while you were sleeping, I read that letter over and over.”
“My letter?”
“Yeah. Chakotay are you ok?” she asked, concerned.
“Um, yeah.”
“I wasn’t supposed to see that, was I?”
“No, not really. I was going to read it to you when I sent you the comm call, but at the last minute, I threw it aside and I said what I was feeling at the time.”
They stopped talking for a few moments until Kathryn broke the silence.
“I think we should get up. It is four-thirty,” she said, glancing at the chronometer on the wall.
“Right,” he said, sitting up. He got up and went into the kitchen to fix dinner.
“What are you doing?” she asked, following him there.
“Fixing dinner. You are staying, right?”
“If you want me to.”
“Oh, I want you to.”
“Do you mind if I call my mother and tell her that I won’t be home for dinner? I don’t want her to worry.”
“Sure. You know where it is.”
“Thanks,” she said as she glided into his bedroom again.
“She’s amazing,” Chakotay mumbled as he watched her leave the room.

Kathryn tapped in several commands and the screen opened up to reveal her mother.
“Kathryn where have you been?”
“Relax, Mom. I’m at Chakotay’s house in South Carolina. He’s offered to fix me dinner, so I wanted to call and tell you I won’t be home until later.”
“Later? How much later?”
“Gods, Mom. I’m not sixteen anymore. I won’t be out later than midnight.”
“I’ll wait up for you.”
“No you won’t. I’ve got a better idea. You go to bed and so I won’t wake you up, I’ll stay at a hotel in town. Alright? I see you in the morning then?”
“I guess. You be home at eight in the morning. Phoebe and Jack are coming over for lunch and I need help cooking.”
“Yes, Mom. I love you.”
“Love you too, pumpkin. See you tomorrow.”
“Bye, Mom,” Kathryn said as she cut the link.

“Thanks for letting me use the comm line. Hmm, smells good!” she said walking into the room.
“Thank you. It’s Broccoli and Mushroom Alfredo. And you’re welcome for using the comm,” he smiled. Kathryn got his china plates and silver utensils and began to set the table.
“Why don’t you set those on the patio table out back.”
“Why?” she asked picking the items back up.
“It stopped raining and it would be nice to have a sunset dinner. Right?” he asked, stirring the Alfredo sauce.
“Right. It’s sounds absolutely perfect. I’ll see you outside,” she threw over her shoulder as she sauntered out the sliding glass doors.
Chakotay almost burned the sauce because his full concentration was on her retreating backside.
~*~*~
She felt almost guilty for tempting him like that. Almost. It had felt good to have someone show her that she was still a woman.
She placed dish after dish on the patio table and sat in a chair facing the balcony after completing her task.
Chakotay came out a few minutes later with two steaming dishes.
“Hot, hot, hot, hot,” he kept mumbling as he maneuvered his way to the table. He quickly sat down the hot plates and brought his left hand up to his mouth.
“I burned my hand,” he pouted.
“Let me see,” she said, reaching out her hand to grab his. She slowly looked over the small patch of reddening skin. It wasn’t anything that required a dermal regenerator, but still a nuisance to feel.
Feeling a little bold, she brought the injured hand to her mouth and pressed her lips to the red patch.
“There, all better,” she said releasing his hand.
“Yes, all better.” She glanced up at him and smiled one of her half grins at him. Her smile and the sinking sun made the whole scene very romantic.
As she attempted to move her hand away, he reached out and clasped it again. He brought her delicate little hand to his lips and kissed it so gently that it felt as though a flower had swept across her skin.
A tiny shiver ran up her spine as she registered the touch. It was so intimate, yet not in the traditional way. Her eyes draped closed as he continued his assault up her arm.
He kissed his way up to her shoulders and placed sweet little kisses on her neck.
“The food will get cold,” she mumbled.
“Let it,” he said into her neck.
A part of her was screaming that this wasn’t right. But another, much more larger part, was telling her that it was meant to be. All her thoughts finally drifted away as he lifted her up into his strong arms and carried her into his bedroom, and into a new life together.

~End Part 2~
~April, 2003~