Page One
“There there Anya. Don’t cry any more.”
Halfrek, the vengeance demon, patted Anya’s head. Anya had been crying in her old friend’s lap for over a half-hour, and all her breaths sounded like gulps or hiccups. Anya was completely beside herself. Xander, the only human she had ever really loved, had just dumped her at the church on their wedding day. That is, what was supposed to be her wedding day. There would be no happy cherished memories of this day for her. She didn’t know how she was going to get up and walk again, much less go on with her life. Halfrek had taken her back to her dressing room and had been holding her ever since Xander had walked out.
“Oh Hallie!” Anya moaned between sobs, “What am I going to do? Where am I going to go?”
“What do you want to do Anya?”
“I just want to be with Xander, but he doesn’t want to be with me. Oh it hurts. It hurts so much. I feel like I’ve died, but the pain won’t stop.”
“Shhh Anya. I’ll help you.”
“He… he told me that he loved me, that he wanted to spend his life with me.”
“But he was always trying to change you.” Halfrek spoke honestly, but with softness. “Did he really love you or did he love what he wanted you to be?”
Anya lifted her head from Halfrek’s lap and groped around for another tissue to blot her eyes with. There were several dozen littering the floor around the chair where her friend sat and where she was kneeling. Finally she found one with a dry corner and blew her nose loudly before folding it and dropping it on the floor again. She took a few unsteady breaths before speaking. “What do you mean Hallie?”
“Well, he did tend to correct you in front of his friends, and he seldom took your opinions seriously. Does that sound like love to you?”
Anya sniffed a few more times. “No, not really.” Her shoulders drooped and her eyes held a lost look. “I never did that to him Hallie. I tried to be the best person I could be for him and to love him just the way he was. I even loved his new little fat globs on his waist. They were so cute! And his little cheeks were getting so porky!”
“You know, Anya” Halfrek interjected thoughtfully, “there is something you could do to show him how he’s made you feel.”
Anya’s eyes brightened a little. “A wish?”
Halfrek nodded. “Yes. I could grant a wish for you and perhaps we could teach Xander a little lesson.”
“Yes.” Anya suddenly felt some of the weight lift from her heart. “Yes, I think I’d like to make a wish.”
“And what do you wish?”
“I wish that Xander and I could change places. I wish that he could feel what I am feeling, just for a week. Please Hallie?”
“Wish granted.”
Part II
Xander stirred from his sleep as the sunlight crept across the pillow and hit his closed eyelids.
“Oh, umm.” He stretched and slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes with his fists as he did. Then he frowned. Sunlight? He had drawn the dark curtains of the motel room after arriving last night. How did they get opened? He blinked and looked around. He was in Anya’s room. Anya’s room? What was he doing here? He took a deep breath and wondered at the weight he felt crushing his chest. He felt sad and empty and completely alone.
“Anya?” he called out, but heard her voice, not his own. “What the…?” He looked down and noticed feminine hands with perfectly painted nails, the index fingers smudged with black where they had just rubbed against his eyes.
He rose and walked to the dresser to peer at his image in the mirror. Instead of his own reflection, he saw Anya’s, and she looked horrible. The eyes were swollen and red. Makeup was smeared around her eyes and her hair was matted. He reached up and touched his cheek. He could feel his fingers touching his skin, but saw Anya’s hand against her face.
“Anya!” he called out again, but the apartment was completely silent and empty. Once again he was overwhelmed with the strongest feeling of grief he had experienced since watching Buffy leap to her death last year. What was going on?
Part III
Anya woke in a dim motel room. The bed was lumpy and the pillow was hard. “Uh, Xander! Couldn’t you have been just a little more discerning?” She felt a little thrill at hearing his masculine voice coming out of this body – Xander’s body! She jumped out of bed and went to the mirror. Oh yes! “Thank you Halfrek!” she spoke up into the air, and performed a little pirouette in front of the mirror. She giggled as she noticed how funny Xander looked doing that.
She felt SO much better today! The crushing feeling of loss was gone. She stopped to examine exactly what it was that she, or Xander, was feeling. There was some sadness. Quite a bit of sadness really. Good. Sad was good. It was definitely better than apathy. “Good Xander. At least you’re sad!” There was also… What WAS that other feeling? She was not familiar with the other emotion filling Xander’s heart. She looked in the mirror and felt somewhat disgusted at the man who appeared there. Self-loathing? Yes. A bit, but that wasn’t quite it.
She was interrupted from her reverie by the shrill ringing of the telephone. She picked it up to hear a gruff male voice. “Checkout is at 10:00. You get charged fifteen dollars extra if you’re not out by then.”
“OK” she replied in Xander’s voice. “I’ll be out by ten.” She replaced the receiver and glanced at the clock. It was 9:45. She knew she had to get on her way. Where was she going to go? Where would Xander go?
Part IV
Willow stood at the stove cooking eggs while Buffy buttered toast. Dawn was setting the kitchen island for breakfast. “Has anyone heard from Xander or Anya today?” she asked?
Willow turned and gave her a crooked sad smile and shook her head thoughtfully.
“I keep hoping one of them will call.” Buffy commented. “I don’t know what to think. This is all just so sad.”
“Yeah.” Willow agreed. “Xander wedding… happy happy… POOF! Miserable now. I keep hoping he’ll come walking in through the door.”
Just then the kitchen door opened and Xander’s head peeked inside. Buffy and Dawn turned to give Willow questioning stares.
“What?” Willow asked. “I didn’t do it! I swear!”
Buffy turned and walked to the door. “Oh Xander, I’m so glad to see you!” She hugged him. “Come on in. We were just getting ready to eat breakfast. I made toast!”
“It’s very aromatic!” ‘Xander’ replied.
All three girls gave him a puzzled look. “Yeah.” Buffy wrinkled her nose. “I guess so… sit down and we’ll get you a plate.”
“How are you doing Xander?” Willow inquired as she put some eggs on his dish. “Have you spoken to Anya since you… since the wedd… er, since anytime recently?”
“No!” ‘Xander’ answered firmly. “I have neither spoken with nor seen Anya.” She looked down at the plate. Eggs. She hated eggs. “Yum. Eggs. I guess I’ll take a bite of…eggs.” She cut off a piece and put it in her mouth. Hmm. Hmmm! “Yummm! Eggs! They’re strangely appetizing.” Quickly she cleaned the plate and held it out to Willow for more. “Have eggs always tasted this good? And more toast please, with extra butter!”
Buffy and Willow exchanged a concerned glance. Willow put more food on the plate and pulled up a chair next to her friend. “OK Xander, I… I’m really getting kinda worried now. You’re acting a little… odd.”
“I’m not acting like Xander? It must be the stress. Yes! The stress from treating Anya so horribly and walking all over her feelings like they didn’t matter.” ‘Xander’ suddenly stopped and frowned. “There it is again, that feeling.”
“What feeling?” Willow was concerned. “I’m sure you’re feeling badly about what happened.”
“No. It’s more than that. I think about the wedding and Anya and it’s as if this weight is pressing down on my shoulders. It is quite disconcerting.”
“Oh, the guilt?”
“Guilt?” ‘Xander’ stops to consider this. “Of course! It must be guilt. Guilt!”
Buffy broke in on the conversation. “Will, you stay here with Dawn and Xander. I’m going to try and hunt down Anya, OK?”
“Sure Buffy. We’ll watch him, won’t we Dawn?”
Dawn looked bored. “Sure.”
Scene V
As Xander approached the door of the Magic Box he was once again startled to see Anya’s face reflected in the glass of the door. The door was locked and all was dark inside. Apparently Anya wasn’t here. He put his hands in his pockets but couldn’t find any keys. Where did Anya keep her keys? Her purse! That’s right, she kept everything in her purse. He had grabbed it on his way out of the apartment. It must have been instinct kicking in, since he couldn’t imagine remembering to grab her handbag. He opened the flap and dug around. There they were. The keychain had a plastic skull on it. Yep. Definitely Anya’s keys. As he pulled them from the bag her wallet fell out. He bent to pick it up and saw a picture of himself and Anya, taken for their wedding announcement. Immediately he began to cry and sobs shook his shoulders. He had to get off the street! He quickly unlocked the door and stepped inside.
Taking a deep breath and brushing the tears from his face, he paused to look around the shop. It was definitely deserted. All was quiet. He turned and locked the door behind him. It wouldn’t do for any customers to come calling. He didn’t have a clue how to sell anybody anything, even though he had spent countless hours here with Anya. Again, he started to cry. What was this? He never cried. NEVER. Not when his heart had been bruised in the past, not when his father used to beat him while in a drunken rage or told him how worthless he was, not even when his best friend died. Now he was sobbing uncontrollably. He couldn’t remember ever feeling this low or this lost. He reached into the purse again and found a small package of tissues. He wiped his eyes and blew his nose, then stepped to look into a mirror.
Again, it was Anya’s face. If possible, it looked even worse than it had when he first woke in this body. Her hair was still a matted mess. The curls were flat and stiff from old hairspray. He ran his hand over the hair, trying to neaten it somewhat, but it stubbornly remained resistant to his ministrations. He pulled himself away from the mirror and tried to think. What was he going to do? He had to call somebody for help. Willow! Maybe she would have an idea if this were a spell or something. Maybe she had even heard from Anya.
He started toward the phone when he heard a knock on the door. Turning, he saw Buffy standing there, her hands cupped around her face, peering in through the glass.
“Thank you God.” He whispered into the air, then hurried to let her in.
“Buffy!” ‘Anya’ grabbed her in a tight hug. “I am so glad to see you! I need help.”
Buffy gave him a quick hug back, then stepped back in surprise. “Hi Anya. We were a little worried about you. Xander came by the house and he was acting pretty strangely…”
“Xander is at your house? Xander!?”
“Yeah. He came by. He was eating breakfast when I left and talking kind of whacked.”
“What did he say? Did he talk about me?”
“No.” Buffy shook her head thoughtfully. “Not really. He was just going on about how good the eggs were and wondering why didn’t we have any milk that wasn’t skim.”
‘Anya’ began to cry again. “Oh no. I can’t stop doing this. What is wrong with me?”
Buffy reached out to hug her again. “I know you feel just horrible Anya. It’s OK to cry.”
“I never cry.”
Buffy looked mystified. “I don’t know if ‘never’ is quite the word I’d use…”
“Me!” ‘Anya’ sounded agitated. “Me me. I never cry!”
“Ooohhhh-Kayyy. Anya, why don’t we go sit down.”
‘Anya’ shook her head. “I mean, I’m not me…”
“Of course you’re not feeling like yourself, not after all you’ve been though…”
“That’s just it!” ‘Anya’ grabbed Buffy by the arms and looked into her face. “Something REALLY strange has happened, and we have to figure out what!”
“Um, Anya…” Buffy interjected, “Have you looked in the mirror?”
“Yes! That’s exactly the problem!”
“Uh huh… you’re kind of a mess.”
“Oh, my hair! Isn’t it terrible! I can’t do anything with it.”
“Here.” Buffy led her over to a chair and pushed her down. “Let me help you out.” She pulled a brush out of her purse and began straightening out the tangled mess. “You know Anya, I really don’t think you should be alone. Why don’t you come home with me?”
“Yes! Your house. Xander’s still there, right?”