| I was born and raised in Bakersfield, California. When I was around 5 I was starting to have dreams that I was a little boy and not this little girl that everybody kept telling me I was. I never told anybody about these dreams. I thought there was something wrong with me. I couldn't even imagine what people might think or say if I told them about these dreams. I was an average tomboy growing up, basically just one of the guys, which was fine up until I was about 12 when differences between the "boys" and the "girls" started to matter. I got teased and made fun of, because I looked and acted like a boy. I ended up as a loner to the students and a trouble maker to the teachers. I was always in fights because of looking and acting like a boy. And because of all of the emotoinal issues I was going through with school and at home I was labled as a "slow learner". My parents not understanding what was "really" going on pulled me out of school after 8th grade. My mother's words were, "There is not a class for you." I took that as basically saying that I was just to stupid for school.
In my dreams, and mind I was still a boy... Because I was afraid of what my family and society would think and do I hid all of my feelings and thoughts and kept them all to myself, and just focused on getting my G.E.D as soon as I was old enough to. I got my G.E.D. The same year I would have graduated if I would have went on to High School.
It wasn't until I was around 20 when I no longer wanted to keep my thoughts and feelings inside!. I came out to my family and friends about being attracted to females and from there I was labled a really butch lesbian. I still wasn't happy... I didn't feel like a lesbain... I didn't even feel like a female... I never have... I thought I was a freak...
I am now 24 and I have learned so much not only about myself but about others as well. I can finally be who I "really" am! I am a human with a heart, soul, and mind! People can label me whatever there hearts desire, ''transsexual, transman, trannyboi, female-to-male or male-to-male". I openly consider this to be a birth defect and I am okay with that. I hope to have surgeries to correct the effects of this defect. I also plan on starting T* as soon as I can afford it to put my testosterone level to what it should naturally be at. But for now I just try and pass as much as I can with what I can afford.
A little more info on when I came out as trans...
My woman Sheri - I met Sheri through the internet playing solitare at pogo.com. When I met Sheri she was married, VERRY unhappy, and asking her husband for a divorce. Sheri had never been with anybody but bio men. I was still considered a lesbian at the time. We chatted alot and one day she told me she had always wondered what it was like to be with a female. So... yea... she thought she was getting into a relationship with a lesbian... Well, about a year after being together I was watching T.V. while surffing the web and Oprah came on. She had a boy in his teen's that was FtM & starting Testosterone. I was just listening and then all of a sudden all my attention was on that damn T.V... more interested in the Oprah show than I have ever been. I was totaly relating to this boy's story of his life, feelings and thoughts... When it ended I turned back to the computer and started searching FTM sites, resources and anything I could find that made me feel more like I wasn't a freak. That day I was so excited that I had learned that I wasn't alone, and wasn't a freak and that I could be who I am that as soon as Sheri came home from work I sat her down and came right out. We were both scared of what this could do to our relationship, but we have an awesome communication relationship and automatically started talking, asking questions, trying to find people, groups and any kind of support we could to help. Sheri was and still is very awsome and very supportive!
A few weeks later...
Family - Well... My mother acted as if it wasn't any surprise, but through a huge fit when I talked to her later about legaly changing my name. I have 2 older sister's and and 1 older brother. The oldest sister disowned me for I think some mixed reason's years ago. Sister #2 (RaeShelle)... Well... She pretty much told me that she wasn't going to tell her husband or her kids and she didn't want me to either, she did NOT want me near her kids, and that "GOD" does NOT approve! My brother (Ray) on the other hand... he hasn't said a word about anything. I figured he wouldn't, and that doesn't bother me cause that is just the way he is about everything.
Friends - I don't really have any... haha... Well, Barb & Chuck are like my second set of parents. When I was 17 they took me into their home when I didn't have anywhere to go while my parents were to busy fighting and getting a divorce, and didn't want me around. Barb took the news really well and just told me that as long as I was happy she would still love me and be happy for me.
Chuck... Well, I think he is alot like my brother cause he hasn't said a single word either.
Barb has 2 girls, from a previous marrage "Erin 16 & Ashley 13". When I moved in I was kinda like their nanny. Now they call me their cousin, although I call their mother, "mom" it really confuses people some times. haha....
I wrote Erin and Ashley a letter of there own in words a kid could try to understand. Erin took the news really well, said it was cool and that she had a friend at school that was the same. Ashley on the other hand still has a bit of a problem trying to understand. Although Ashley is 13 she is mentally around the age 7 or 8, but she really wants to understand and says she will always love me no matter what.
A GREAT BIG THANKS to all of you that have been so caring and supportive!