poetry

Reflective Shards of That Which is Past

When you travelled in the void,
Did you think of me?
The darkened fragments bleeding from your eyes.
Did you love me even then?
Or were you preoccupied with the thought that you would soon be gone from our godforsaken world,
Flying on your way to the circus?
I watched you run from the sight,
(You never had much guts)
I watched you run from my hovel, will it ever be the same?
A tear dropped down your pregnant thighs,
A year dropped by your pregnant lies.
The child, in tears, runs away from the sound, with us not far behind.
A tear, is all that's left of you,
(Preserved in a jar for posterity.)
A name, is all they know of you,
Will it ever be the same?

A Shot in the Dark

I lay upon the bloody floor,
The carpet staining red,
A revolver in my limp hand,
And a bullet in my head.

My mommy called for dinner,
But of course I didn't reply,
So she went up to my room,
And then began to cry,

"She's ruined my beautiful carpet!
She's ruined her beautiful dress!
And to think of all the money
it's gonna take to clean up this mess!
I'll give her a really cheap funeral...
I think that would be best.
But to think of my reputation!"
And she ripped out her hair in distress.

When my daddy found out, he was horrified.
When my daddy found out, he was mad.
When my daddy told the neighbors,
They were awfully glad!

Well, nobody came to my funeral.
Nobody even cared.
Nobody read my suicide note.
Nobody even dared.
But if they'd have read it,
They'd have noticed it said,
"That was a dummy and I'm not really dead!"

Caine's Melody

Gasping for breath,
Gasping for air,
Grasping for a life that's no longer there.
Crying in agony, crying in pain,
Crying a river
Of red salted rain.

(Singing for you.)

You thought you had me cornered,
You thought you had me bound,
But now that I've awakened,
I'm nowhere to be found.
You thought the blood was sacred,
You thought the blood was strong,
But now you find you're singing,
Singing Caine's sad solemn song.

Ballad of a Ghoul

Cranberries are too high for me,
You know it's not too late.
Just because he's dead and gone,
Don't mean he's not my friend.
I'd take him over you any day, But he's just not the same!

Lower than a corpse.

The first stage of writing Is to find a pen.
You know that it's my fault.
I judged you wrong,
I'm such a bitch.
But now we're dead and gone.

Lower than a corpse.

Rotting flesh,
Putrid bones.
Lower than a corpse.

Tardy Awareness

No one deserves to hurt this much
this long
not even me
I don't believe too late
lies lies lies

in a dream i died today
didn't even care
you held her tight you kissed her hair
she kissed your lips you drove the knife in
i felt the pain
i screamed
you ran in, heard me cry then you sat and watched me die
you pulled her near you held her close
you kissed her breasts

i loved you most

i don't believe too late

lies lies lies in a dream of my own creation

Pompeii and the Flood of '96

How many times do I have to tell you of the times
I have to tell you of the times I had to be told?
If I had been a sailor on the deep black sea,
I would've sailed to the ends of the earth for you,
And if you'd be so kind as to let me stay afar,
I'd call to you, call out to you,
Let you back in the secret entrance to Superman's batcave.
You could use your superpowers to melt my heart of stone,
Too late,
Too late
Too much hate with a latte cream coffee on rye bread
In a subway going northbound headed straight for the straining caboose train going southbound on intersection O-87,
heading straight toward the rope holding me together...
The rope that's frayed, uncoiled, unbound for anywhere north or south, but Due West.
I was frightened when the radio said that, I thought, will my home be flooded too?
When will this insanity end?
How will the children find their way home from their hellish schoolhouses, and how will they get back?
No, No, it wasn't called off, just postponed a day or two...
Which was worse because no one got to stay up late and watch the educational programs on the all-night football station...
How did you feel then?
Did you try to save all the boxes in the basement and cry at the thought of kitty kitty drowning,
clutching onto the computer screen like it's the only catnip left, and meowing, meowing, calling out for her playtoy wand,
though no one's left to play with her anymore. And all the molecular structures saved for posterity,

god, it boggles the mind.

Rainbow Eyes

Your ever-shifting rainbow eyes stare at me across the room.
I wanted something small to happen,
But you didn't understand;
You were sick;
My jeans were torn.

Those ever-changing rainbow eyes
stare into mine across the room.
You didn't know what you wanted to happen;
That's okay; I understand.

Your ever-shifting rainbow eyes gaze at me across the room.
I look into them and see the beauty deep down inside of me.
Your ever-changing rainbow eyes gaze into mine across the room.
I look into them and see the beauty that is you.

Your ever-shifting rainbow eyes close forever.
The ever-changing rainbow eyes of fate.

Saltwater Oasis

And you were with me in the glass house,
And we were walking down the aisle,
And we were looking for a haven,
And we were searching for a clue
And you were talking of the ages, And you were practicing for war
And I was thinking of the sunset And I was so in love with you,
But
now the house is empty and I feel so alone
now the clock keeps ticking though there's no one to care
now the blood, it's running down all men's lips,
What happened to my Zen ideals?
SO THEN
And you were screaming for some water
And I was screaming for some love
And you were cutting off your fingers,
And I was trying for some love
And you were dying the bathtub
And I was dying for some love.
And you were dying in the bathtub
And I was dying for some love
And we were dying in the bathtub
And I was dying for some love.

Untitled

Fly tall and far away
To watch upon this empty dream
      Take it, crumble, start again
There really is no new beginning.
There can be no final twist.
      (It's always too loud in the underground.)
Censor my dreams so you don't have to think.
We are the refugees,
       We are the champions.
Bedraggled rescuers of tomorrow's nightmares,
Witness our surrender,
The collapse of an entire way of life.

It's over.
       Here, now, today,
As you watch from your chair thinking,
       "But I am only one!"
And so am I,
       Scrambling, fighting for the strength of nations.
You are only one but you are nothing.

Untitled

Turning to much
Lost what I sought
Sleeping in your lap
       Battered and forced to

                                          sleep...sleep...

Nails cracked and biting in my eye
Nervous about the things I hide
I'm frightened by the fattening oppression
       You pound my skull
(i vow never to sleep again)

I want the things I can never have
        (things i never had)

THOSE WHO FORGET THE PAST ARE CONDEMNED...
                                        TO REPEAT IT...

Sedated in the corridor
It repeats again and again and-----
(((flies into dreams of you)))

SO

So soon to sleep so quick to dream
     so long to carry on
in memories she dwells after hours
     afraid to go along

           She asks me,
"That was love?"

            And I have no answers in my willowed trees.

There's no sheltered canopy in this wisdom
      she wonders in naivety

So precious instrumental death
      day-to-day living, to crush inside that pretty fist
White-helmeted black heart lover
            Betrayal fosters hatred in her soul
He becomes her father figure
            Shoving her father into molten closets
away from help away from hope away from inner strength
      not understanding the fear,
      not understanding love,
she begins to cry,

                                 "if that was love, then let me die."

Three-Year-Old Toddler's Psychotic Babbling

She says,
          "Why scream when you're already dead?
           Why die when you're already dreaming?
           Why dream when you've already lived?"

She says,
          "Why eat when you'll never be filled?
           Why love when you'll never be happy?
           Why hate when you've hated the living?"

She says,
          "Why live when you're gonna die anyway?
           Why save when you'll always be poor?
           Why sleep when you'll spend your life dying?"

I say,
          "Why?"

Clockwork Red

Do it now
                they say
And don't have a reason
      The twittering resin of brain dying down
with click of boots and heiling shine to shine
             **I stand angry and alone**
       (there are no worlds here)

I try to enter my own world
                --(they pluck me into nothingness)--

March,            March,             March
     &&to the beat of their drums off-tempo&&
And they can't even tell,
      {{blank stares}}

"There are no worlds in what you do here."
             <<<No worlds in your mirthless laughter.>>>

Drone on,        Drone on,          And March
             Drone on,            Drone on,          And March
Drone on,        Drone on,          And Drone On.
       (people make me sad)

Slight

      I
           offered you
         a slight surplus of emotion
       and you smiled and drunk it in.

     I
          offered you
        a portion of my soul
       and you smiled and accepted.

     I'll
          offer you
        everything I have.

                                 You'll.
                                  Stop.
                               Smiling.