| All screennames have been changed for privacy. |
| (While taking a bath with my neice...) Me: Mikki, can you say "purple?" Mikki: Purple. Me: Can you say "chair?" Mikki: Chair! Me: Can you say "sesquiphiledalian?" Mikki: . . .Yeah. (At a furniture store) Salesman: Can I help you? Mom: Yes, we just moved into a new house and we're looking to buy some new furniture. I was wanting to buy this piece right here. (they get to the check out counter) Salesman: Okay, and I just need your phone number. Mom: Well, we don't have one yet . . . the phone hasn't been hooked up. Salesman: Oh. Well do you have any idea of what it's gonna be? Mom: (sarcastically) Well, there might be a 4 in it but it doesn't it have to be exact? (At an ice cream parlor) Josh: Hi, I'd like a chocolate one. Worker: Would you like it soft or hard? Josh: Oh,you have soft? Worker: No. |
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| (Me and Chad looking at pictures on a bulletin board at school) Chad: What the hell are they doing? They look possessed. Like something out of the Exorcist or something. Me: They're deaf, dummy. They must be doing some kind of presentation or something. Chad: Ohh...Well they still look possessed. Oh great! Watch. They're probably in that classroom right there listening to us. Me: THEY'RE DEAF! THEY CAN'T HEAR US! (conversation between Brittney and her mum, Wendy) Brittney: Where's the chicken noodle soup,Mom? Mom: I'll look. (5 minutes later) Mom: I didn't get you that. I got you something else you'll like. Brittney: What? Mom: Here. Chicken Rice. Brittney: Is there chicken? Mom: Umm...yeah. Brittney: Noodles? Mom: No. Rice. Chicken.....rice. Amanda: I need to call my mom's friend's house...but I can't remember her name. Is it Josephine or Josie? Me: I don't know. Just call up and say "Yo! Biaaaaaaaaaaatch!" shutxupxdie [8:39 PM]: Yo, what's up?! punkthrasher [8:39 PM]: Why did u just call me a ho then ask me wats up? shutxupxdie [8:39 PM]: I didn't call you a ho. I said "YO" punkthrasher [8:40 PM]: Why u gotta talk about my mama why u bust out them yo mama jokes? shutxupxdie [8:40 PM]: What!? I never said anything about your mama. You're skitzo. punkthrasher [8:40 PM]: Why u gotta say my mama's skitzo? shutxupxdie [8:40 PM]: Oh my god. Nevermind. Bye. punkthrasher [8:41 PM]: fine then call me bi i don't care shutxupxdie [8:41 PM]: I said "BYE." Moron. punkthrasher [8:41 PM]: oh i get it (After watching Jurassic Park) Josh: Hey Brenna? Me: Yeah? Josh: How did they train those dinosaurs to do that? (Me and Josh at Superette) Cashier: Eww. I don't like Skittles. Me: That's okay, 'cause I do. Cashier: No, it's because people used to call me Skittles in High School. Josh: Ohh..why? Cashier: I don't really know, but they always stuck Skittles bags in my locker. Me and Josh together: Hmm... (Walking back to Josh's car) Me: You know why they called her Skittles don't you? Josh: Nah, why? Me: Cuz she's a lesbo. Josh: Huh? How do you figure that? Me: Get it? "TASTE THE RAINBOW"!! Josh: <laughing> HAHAHA I am so fucking proud of you. |
| shutxupxdie [9:21 PM]: Timmy. I love you. emoXsucks [9:21 PM]: aw really? shutxupxdie [9:21 PM]: Will you go out with me? emoXsucks [9:21 PM]: maybe to the movies cus all I got is 20 dollars shutxupxdie [9:21 PM]: FUCK YOU! emoXsucks [9:21 PM]: thats all I wanted. (Car ride with mom.) Me: What the hell does Jimmy crack corn for anyways? Mom: I don't know. Because he wants to. Me: But if no one cares then why would he keep doing it? Mom: Because he's an individual,he doesn't care what other people think. Me: Well obviously people do care if there's a song about him. Mom: If Jimmy was murdered,I think the guy singing that song would be the prime suspect,Ya know,'cause he obviously doesn't. (10 minutes later) Me: Maybe he should just stop cracking corn. Mom: Well maybe he's going to make it into a business. If no one else has thought about it,he'll be rich. Me: If it's just him then that would be a monopoly and that's illegal in the US. Mom: Well maybe he's doing it in other countries. Me: But it's a U.S. song! Mom: Well maybe he's just practicing cracking the corn here before he moves. Me: Moves where!!! Lord knows he ain't gonna be going to Afghanistan anytime soon to be cracking some corn! (Driving to my sister's house) Mom: Turn this up. Me: Are you serious? Mom: Yeah. I like Eminem. Me: You're a mom,you're not supposed to. Mom: What? He's cute. Me: Don't tell anyone. Mom: I know right. They'd be dissin me and tryin to get in my grill. (Josh at my house, when his computer fucked up) Josh: Berna look, this girl is cursing me out on AOL. Me: Let me say something to her. Josh: nah,just let it go Me: Oh come on!...Tell her: 'Lick my flaming Llama,Biatch!' Josh: (laughing) What!?! Oh my god. Mom: Don't talk like that. (singing) Trailer park trash....you'll be goin around the outside, 'round the outside, 'round the outside. Me: You have got to be kidding me. |
| Poetic Paragon [4:15 PM]: do i have to vacuum?lol Poetic Paragon [4:16 PM]: it's ok to say no..i wont hold nothing against you Poetic Paragon [4:16 PM]: lol shutxupxdie [4:16 PM]: If it's disgusting I would appreciate it, if not okay.. Poetic Paragon [4:16 PM]: it is sooooo not disgusting shutxupxdie [4:16 PM]: Are you sure? Poetic Paragon [4:16 PM]: yuppers mate shutxupxdie [4:17 PM]: Okay... Poetic Paragon [4:17 PM]: wuv you shutxupxdie [4:17 PM]: diddo Poetic Paragon [4:17 PM]: dildo? Poetic Paragon [4:17 PM]: oh nevermind shutxupxdie [4:17 PM]: dodo Amanda: 'B, I woke up the other night to crickling noises coming from my tree Me: And what exactly does crickling sound like? Amanda: I don't know but the weird part was when I went to look out the window, and I saw a high heel fall out of my tree and onto the lawn. Me: Did you go outside to see? Amanda: Yeah. It was a homeless woman sleeping in my tree. |
| Me: One time, in 7th grade, I was dared to sniff Pixie Stix up my nose. Man, I'll tell you the truth - I've never felt more pain in my entire life. Jaymie: Oh god, don't even start on that.. Me: Remember the time we were all in McDonald's, and someone dared Stephen to snort a line of salt? Me: And so, as usual, being the idiot that he is, he did. Me: He flipped the fuck out, yelling and banging on the table, then, he grabbed his soda. He took the straw, jammed it up his nose, and snorted the fucking soda. Like that made it any better. boo_bookittyfcuk (6:17:23 PM): Okay, so I'm doing a report . . . so far, this is what I have: boo_bookittyfcuk (6:22:21 PM): From the 9th century to 1520 the church was simply Western Europe taken in it's religious aspect, and no clear line divided spiritual from temperal life. In the West (unlike the East) the religious organization was free for centuries from grave interference from civil rulers. Charlemagne was an exception, but his influence was benign. In the 9th and 10th century every part of the church organization, including the papacey, became the prey of the powerful...Sound good? joshd1984 (6:24:32 PM): If cheese were purple, would you eat it? Scott: Hey, Brenna Me: Yeah? Scott: Do you remember when we used to ride the bus and the bus driver would honk and wave at the other bus drivers? Me: Yes...why? Scott: I do that with other Ford Focus drivers Me: <laughing my ass off> Scott: Sometimes I pull right up, and roll down my window and say, "Hey, I see you drive a Focus . . . good choice." Josh: Ahh, gaga . . . Do you know gaga? Me: WHO THE FUCK KNOWS GAGA!? Me: Fuck! I hate Usher! Jaymie: Why? This isn't even him singing. Me: No, now that I know he does stupid things with his ass. Dustin: Aunt Brenda, what kind of animal do chicken cutlets come from? Mom: <sarcastically> Calf. Dustin: Calf!? Dustin: What!? Like the foot!? Mom: No...a calf is an animal. Dustin: You mean to tell me we're eating the calf part of an animal? Mom: Oh jeez...nevermind. Me and mum driving in Russellville. Me: Damn! I absolutely hate driving to Russellville. It's always so damn long. Mum: Ah, relax. We're almost there. Me: DAMNIT! Everytime I go through that light it's red! Josh: Ya know, Brenna, I might be getting a new job. Me: Oh yeah? Where at? Josh: At a Collection Sperm Me: <laughing my ass of to the point of crying> OH MY GOD!!! Josh: What's so funny? Me: You're gonna be collecting sperm! Mom and Dad are gonna be so proud of you! <laughing continues> Josh: NO!!!!!! Not "Collection Sperm", a Collections Firm. Me: Oh. (Me and my mom watching American Idol. Silence for 15 Minutes) Mom: Thank you. Me: For what? Mom: I don't know. |
| (talking to my other friend Amanda that went to Kingston High.) boo_bookittyfcuk: I can't comprehend this shit for the life of me. boo_bookittyfcuk: I'm doing math right now. boo_bookittyfcuk: help me! boo_bookittyfcuk: where are you good woman!?! lovelyamanda88: i am here lovelyamanda88: i will help you tonite...ask teacher for help..if you cant get this you will have to get a tooter...oops tutor boo_bookittyfcuk: I don't get this shit. and when the teacher explains it, I get more confused. lovelyamanda88: i went to petco for perches..they dont have the right size..saw a better cage and she said i can return the other one..i will purchase this one on my way home and i can return the other one tomorrow..perches are thinner and much more room lovelyamanda88: petco over here by me has much more stuff boo_bookittyfcuk: how much? lovelyamanda88: 62.99 boo_bookittyfcuk: that's not too bad. lovelyamanda88: on a rolling stand like chloe's lovelyamanda88: much nicer cage lovelyamanda88: should i get it? boo_bookittyfcuk: it'll fall off therollingstand boo_bookittyfcuk: icantspacebecausethespacebardoesntworkanymore lovelyamanda88: it felt very sturdy but you can take it off the stand boo_bookittyfcuk: fuckingschoolsucks boo_bookittyfcuk: howbigisit lovelyamanda88: youshouldntbesonegative boo_bookittyfcuk: willitstillfitonmydesk lovelyamanda88: samewidthithinkbuttallertheylikeheight boo_bookittyfcuk: wellwhatthefuck!..youmeantotellmetheschoolcantgetworkingspacebars lovelyamanda88: apparentlynot lovelyamanda88: heythisiskindoffun boo_bookittyfcuk: i'mbored lovelyamanda88: ihavenolife boo_bookittyfcuk: youreallydon't. boo_bookittyfcuk: it'skindasad boo_bookittyfcuk: lol lovelyamanda88: typethisfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck lovelyamanda88: fellbetterido boo_bookittyfcuk: fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck lovelyamanda88: seeithelps boo_bookittyfcuk: ithinkthegirlnexttomeiswatchingmetype boo_bookittyfcuk: yeahgirlnexttome...imeanyou lovelyamanda88: toughtamales boo_bookittyfcuk: what? lovelyamanda88: itsmexican for tough tamales boo_bookittyfcuk: ooo...ithoughtyousaidthatmalesweretough lovelyamanda88: notheyaresoft boo_bookittyfcuk: iwanttoleave boo_bookittyfcuk: thisgirlisbuggingme lovelyamanda88: youbetterdomathwhataboutcage boo_bookittyfcuk: sheshouldstopwatchingmetype lovelyamanda88: tellher boo_bookittyfcuk: yesi'mtalkingtoyougirlnextomestopwatchingmetype lovelyamanda88: youaresofunny boo_bookittyfcuk: iamsodead....teacherishere...bye. rockhard9inches: no doubt i got the insdie track boo_bookittyfcuk: insdie???? you in english, correct boo_bookittyfcuk: lol boo_bookittyfcuk: I mean to say "you are" boo_bookittyfcuk: lmfao boo_bookittyfcuk: I always screw my own shit up when correcting someone boo_bookittyfcuk: I did it agai boo_bookittyfcuk: meant* boo_bookittyfcuk: again* boo_bookittyfcuk: ARGH! boo_bookittyfcuk: I quite boo_bookittyfcuk: quit* boo_bookittyfcuk: FUCK! rockhard9inches: hahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha rockhard9inches: u r too funny boo_bookittyfcuk: Well I'm glad my illiteracy amuses you. (In the Bathroom Stall) Mom: Heyyyyy, now that's something you don't see everyday. (Five minutes later . . . ) Mom: Ah! Damnit! I messed it up! |
| the_REAL_barbie: anyone have their nipples pierced??? and wat should i get first implants or piercings? Poetic Raven: What the fuck?!? You're 16. Poetic Raven: After they poke your nipple you should cover it quickly or your brains will leak out. the_REAL_barbie: that cant really happen right??? ive had other piercings and tat didnt happen Poetic Raven: Yes, it really does happen. the_REAL_barbie: ur lying Poetic Raven: Think about it, barbie girl. If you're a barbie, your brains are located where? the_REAL_barbie: if ur a barbie than u dont have brains Poetic Raven: You're not building a very good case for yourself. And I'm not even trying. the_REAL_barbie: i dont get it i Am Emo [4:22 PM]: Hey i Am Emo [4:29 PM]: The lack of a response can only mean youre falling in love with me. (Talking about what we hate to get when we go trick or treating...) Jaymie: I hate when they give you the rolls of pennies Me: I know! What the fuck is up with that? Me: I really hate when they put razors in the milky ways. Jaymie: Erm...where the fuck do you go trick-or-treating at?! Mom: They must be hard up for teachers. Me: What? Mom: They must be hard up for teachers. Me: Huh. Mom: HARD UP! THEY MUST BE HARD UP FOR TEACHERS! Me: Hard on? Mom: What the hell is wrong with you!? HARD UP! Me: Oh. Mom: God you're deaf. Me: What the hell!? I'm deaf, not dumb! Don't call me dumb! Mom: I SAID DEAF. Me: Oh. (Me and Jaymie talking about what we think would be fun) Me: I think being in a padded room would be fun. Jaymie: What? Why!? Me: Well, you can run into the walls and everything. |