“EVITA”
Lyrics by TIM RICE
Music by ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER
Filk by CATALINA


(The curtain rises on a smoky funeral procession on the lower half of the stage.  As a CROWD of mourners pass from one end of the stage to the other, lights rise on the left side of the upper platform, the narrator’s platform.  MATS appears in the light watching the procession.)

MATS
Oh what a circus! Oh what a show!
All Ruatha has gone to town
Over the death of an actress called Catalina
We've all gone crazy
Mourning all day and mourning all night
Falling over ourselves to get all of the misery right
Oh what an exit! That's how to go!
When they're ringing your curtain down
Demand to be buried like Catalina
It's quite a sunset
And good for the country in a roundabout way
We've made the front page of all the world's papers today
But who is this Queen Catalina?
Why all this howling hysterical sorrow?
What kind of goddess has lived among us?
How will we ever get by without her?
She had her moments--she had some style
The best show in town was the crowd
Outside of Muneen Castle crying, "Catalina!”
But that's all gone now
As soon as the smoke from the funeral clears
We're all going to see how she did nothing for years!

CROWD
Salve regina mater misericordiae
Vita dulcedo et spes nostra
Salve salve regina
Ad te clamamus exules filii
Ad te suspiramus gementes et flentes
O clemens o pia

MATS
You let down your people Cat’lina
You were supposed to have been immortal
That's all they wanted
Not much to ask for
But in the end you could not deliver

(A special appears on the right side of the narrator’s platform.  There stands TRESS who sings angrily to the crowd as MATS watches her.)

TRESS
Sing you fools! But you got it wrong
Enjoy your prayers because you haven't got long
Your queen is dead, your king is through
She's not coming back to you
Show business kept us all alive
Since 17 October 1225
But the star has gone, the glamour's worn thin
That's a pretty bad state for a state to be in
Instead of government we had a stage
Instead of ideas a prima donna's rage
Instead of help we were given a crowd
She didn't say much but she said it loud
And who am I who dares to keep
Her head held high while millions weep?
Why the exception to the rule?
Opportunist?  Traitor?  Fool?
Or just a girl who grew and saw
From seventeen to twenty-four
Her country bled, crucified?
She's not the only one who's died!
Sing you fools? But you got it wrong
Enjoy your prayers because you haven't got long
Your queen is dead, your king is through
She's not coming back to you

CROWD
Salve regina mater misericordiae
Vita dulcedo et spes nostra
Salve salve regina Corbel
Ad te clamamus exules filii
Ad te suspiramus gementes et flentes
O clemens o pia

(A non-descript GIRL moves through the pageantry of the funeral.  She sings as the voice of the dead Catalina.)

GIRL
Don't cry for me Muneen Castle
For I am ordinary, unimportant
And undeserving of such attention
Unless we all are--I think we all are
Ride on my train o my people
And when it's your turn to die you'll remember
They fired those cannons, sang lamentations
Not just for Tabby, for Muneen Castle
Not just for Tabby, for everybody
So share my glory, so share my coffin
So share my glory, so share my coffin

TRESS
It's our funeral too

(Blackout.  Lights rise.  MATS stands alone on the narrator’s platform.  On the main stage below, a Sarian garden is set up.  KRIS sits against a well, playing a mandolin poorly.  Several VILLAGERS mingle, among them, CATALINA who listens to KRIS as he plays.)

MATS
Now Catalina had every disadvantage you need if you're going to succeed.  No money, no class, no father, no bright lights--there was nowhere she'd been at the age of fifteen, as this trained assassin found out.  Kris--who has the distinction of being the first man to be of use to Catalina Pike.

KRIS
On this night of a thousand stars
Let me take you to heaven's door
Where the music of love's guitars
Plays for evermore!
In the glow of those twinkling lights
We shall love through eternity
On this night in a million nights
Fly away with me!
I never dreamed that a kiss could be as sweet as this
--now I know that it can
I used to wander alone without a love of my own
I was a desperate man
But all my grief disappeared and all the sorrow I feared
Wasn't there anymore
On that magical day when you first came my way
Mi amor!
On this night
On this night
On this night of a thousand stars
Let me take you to heaven's door
Where the music of love's guitars
Plays for evermore!

(CATALINA approaches KRIS from behind and rests her chin on his shoulder.)

CATALINA
To think that a man, as famous as you are, could love a poor little nothing like me!

KRIS
The audience here are sitting on their hands

MATS
Listen chum, face the fact they don't like your act

KRIS
But this is nowhere! If this were Muneen Village--I'd have that town at my feet! I never ever meet members of the public--they'd tear me apart!

MATS
I understand their feelings

CATALINA
I want to be a part of life in Muneen Castle, Ruatha.

VILLAGERS
She wants to be a part of life in Muneen Castle, Ruatha.

(MATS makes his way to the central staircase and walks down into the village scene.)

MATS
Just listen to that! They're onto you Kristopher!  I'd get out while you can

CATALINA
It's happened at last--I'm starting to get started--I'm moving out with my man

KRIS
Now Cat don't get carried away-

CATALINA
Monotony past--suburbia departed--who could ever get kicks in the back of the sticks?

KRIS
Don't hear words that I didn't say

VILLAGERS
What's that?  You'd desert the girl you love?
KRIS
The girl I love?  What are you talking about?

VILLAGER
She really brightened up your out of town engagement.

OTHER VILLAGERS
She gave you all she had--she wasn't in your contract

ALL VILLAGERS
You must be quite relieved that no-one's told the papers--so far

CATALINA
I want to be a part of life in Muneen Castle, Ruatha.
Would I have done what I did if I hadn't thought, if I hadn't known, we would stay together?

(CATALINA and the VILLAGERS rush off to one side to talk.  MATS corners KRIS.)

MATS
Seems to me there's no point in resisting, she's made up her mind, you've no choice.  Why don't you be the man who discovered her?  You'll never be remembered for your voice.
.
KRIS
The city can be paradise for those who have the cash, the class and the connections--what you need to make a splash. The likes of you get swept up in the morning with the trash--if you were rich or middle class…

(CATALINA turns sharply to face KRIS.)

CATALINA
Screw the middle classes! I will never accept them! And they will never deny me anything again! If these are the people of Ruatha I welcome the chance to shine in their city!

MATS
Do all your one night stands give you this trouble?

KRIS
Cat, beware of the city
It's hungry and cold, can't be controlled, it is mad
Those who are fools are swallowed up whole
And those who are not become
What they should not become
Changed--in short they go bad

CATALINA
Bad is good for me--I'm bored, so clean and so ignored
I've only been predictable--respectable!
Birds fly out of here so why oh why oh why the hell can't I?
I only want variety--notoriety!
I want to be a part of life in Muneen Castle, Ruatha.

VILLAGERS
She wants to be a part of life in Muneen Castle, Ruatha.

KRIS
Five years from now I shall come back
And finally say, you have your way--come to town
But you'll look at me with a foreigner's eyes
The magical city a
Younger girl's city, a
Fantasy long since put down

CATALINA
All you've done to me--was that a young girl's fantasy?
I played your city games alright--didn't I?
I already know what cooks, how the dirty city feels and looks
I tasted it last night, didn't I?
I'm going to be a part of life in Muneen Castle, Ruatha.

VILLAGERS
She's going to be a part of life in Muneen Castle, Ruatha.

KRIS
‘Lina beware your ambition
It's hungry and cold, can't be controlled, will run wild
This in a man is a danger enough
But you are a woman, not
Even a woman, not
Very much more than a child and whatever you say
I'll not steal you away!

(CATALINA bids farewell to the VILLAGERS.  A strobe effect hits the stage and a fury of movement ensues.  When it stops, KRIS and CATALINA are on the lower level, walking through the streets of RUATHA.  The upper level is empty.)

CATALINA
What's new Muneen Castle?
I'm new--I want to say I'm just a little stuck on you
You'll be on me too!
I get out here Muneen Castle
Stand back--you ought to know what'cha gonna get in me
Just a little touch of star quality!
Fill me up with your heat, with your noise, with your dirt, overdo me
Let me dance to your beat, make it loud, let it hurt, run it through me
Don't hold back you are certain to impress
Tell the driver this is where I'm staying
Hello Muneen Castle!
Get this--just look at me, dressed up somewhere to go
We'll put on a show!
Take me in at your flood, give me speed, give me lights, set me humming
Shoot me up with your blood, wine me up with your nights, watch me coming
All I want is a whole lot of excess
Tell the singer this is where I'm playing
Stand back Muneen Castle!
Because you ought to know what'cha gonna get in me
Just a little touch of star quality!
And if ever I go too far
It's because of the things you are
Beautiful town--I love you
And if I need a moment's rest
Give your lover the very best
Real eiderdown--and silence

(A frantic dance follows as various MEN enter and take a turn dancing with CATALINA.  TRESS appears on the narrator’s platform and addresses the audience throughout.)

TRESS
On the 9th February 1225, in Muneen Castle--a polo match, between a team of leading Ruathan players and the touring Beigoran side.  The Beigoran ambassador said he had never seen a social occasion quite like it.  Even by the standards of Ruathan society the gathering at the polo ground glittered.  The clothes, the diamonds, the crystal, the wines, the procession of nannies from Hryule and Risa.  The result of the match?  Oh yes-- the home team won, but as the Beigoran ambassador pointed out, that did not reflect badly on Beigoran horsemanship.  Three of the Ruathan players were educated at Thuy.

(TRESS exits.  CATALINA continues dancing with various men as KRIS watches.)

CATALINA
You're a tramp, you're a treat, you will shine to the death, you are shoddy
But you're flesh, you are meat, you shall have every breath in my body
Put me down for a lifetime of success
Give me credit--I'll find ways of paying
Rio de la Plata!  Koholint! Corrientes!  Nueve de Julio!
All I want to know!
Stand back Muneen Castle!
Because you oughta know what'cha gonna get in me
Just a little touch of
Just a little touch of
Just a little touch of star quality!

(Blackout.  Lights rise again.  MATS and TRESS are both on the narrator’s platform.  CATALINA enters the lower half of the stage with a MAN on her arm.  As MATS sings, KRIS enters from the opposite side of the stage and escorts the MAN away from CATALINA and to the wall.)

MATS
Goodnight and thank you whomever
You've completed your task, what more could we ask
Of you now?
Please sign the book on your way out the door
That will be all
If we need you we'll call
But I don't think that's likely somehow

CATALINA
Oh but it's sad when a love affair dies
The parting, the closing of doors
But we must be honest, stop fooling ourselves

(CATALINA exits.)

TRESS
Which means--up yours!

KRIS and MAN
There is no-one, no-one at all
Never has been and never will be a lover
Male or female
Who hasn't an eye on
In fact they rely on
Tricks they can try on
Their partner
They're hoping their lover will help them or keep them
Support them, promote them
Don't blame them
You're the same

(CATALINA enters with a second MAN.  KRIS takes the second MAN to the first.)

MATS
Goodnight and thank you whoever
She's in every magazine, been photographed, seen
She is known
We don't like to rush but your case has been packed
If we've missed anything
You could give us a ring
But we don't always answer the tone

CATALINA
Oh but it's sad when a love affair dies
But when we were hot we were hot
I know you'll look back on the good times we've shared

(CATALINA exits.)

TRESS
But ‘Lina will not!

KRIS and MEN
There is no-one, no-one at all
Never has been and never will be a lover
Male or female
Who hasn't an eye on
In fact they rely on
Tricks they can try on
Their partner
They're hoping their lover will help them or keep them
Support them, promote them
Don't blame them, you're the same

(CATALINA returns with a third MAN that KRIS takes.)

MATS
Goodnight and thank you whoever
We are grateful you found her a spot on the sound radio
We'll think of you every time she's on the air
We'd love you to stay
But you'd be in the way
So do up your trousers and go

CATALINA
Of but it's sad when a love affair dies
The decline into silence and doubt
Our passion was just too intense to survive

TRESS
For Din's sake get out!

(CATALINA exits.  By now a fairly long line of CATALINA’s rejected LOVERS has formed)

LOVERS
Oh but this line's an embarrassing sight
Someone has made us look fools
Ruathan men call the sexual shots
Someone has altered the rules

(CATALINA enters and crosses the stage on CORBEL’s arm.)

TRESS
Fame on the wireless as far as it goes
Is all very well, but every girl knows
She needs a man she can monopolize
With fingers in dozens of different pies

LOVERS
Oh but it's sad when a love affair dies

(Blackout.  Lights rise.  Five aristocrats, including CORBEL and JOSEPH are seen moving slowly back and forth in rocking chairs.  During this sequence, every time the music stops, the officers rise and one chair is removed by KRIS.  By the end of the scene there is just on chair left, occupied by JOSEPH.)

ARISTOCRATS
One has no rules
Is not precise
One rarely acts
The same way twice
One spurns no device
Practicing the art of the possible

(The music stops.  One chair is removed.  The ARISTOCRAT standing by it is led off by KRIS.  A scream is heard offstage.)

ARISTOCRATS
One always picks
The easy fight
One praises fools
One smothers light
one shifts left to right
It's part of the art of the possible

(While the officers continue their game of political musical chairs, CATALINA appears behind JOSEPH and whispers in his ear.)

CATALINA
I'm only a radio star with just one weekly show
But speaking as one of the people I want you to know
We are tired of the decline of
Muneen Castle with no sign of
A government able to give us the things we deserve

(The music stops a moment.  The pattern is repeated.)

ARISTOCRATS
One always claims
Mistakes were planned
When risk is slight
One takes one's stand
With much sleight of hand
Politics--the art of the possible

(The music stops.  Only CORBEL and JOSEPH are left.)

CORBEL and JOSEPH
One has no rules
Is not precise
One rarely acts
The same way twice
One spurns no device
Politics--the art of the possible

(CORBEL’s chair is removed.  KRIS drags him offstage.  Screams are heard and JOSEPH is left alone on stage.  Blackout.  Lights rise.  The lower half of the stage is set up as a social gala.  KRIS sits alone in a corner, playing his mandolin.  JOSEPH is present, surrounded by NOBLES.  CATALINA enters to watch.  MATS appears on the narrator’s platform.)

KRIS
On this night...

MATS
Luna Park Stadium, Muneen Castle, January 22, 1224

KRIS
On this night...

MATS
A concert in aid of the victims of an earthquake that devastated the town of Muneen, Ruatha.

KRIS
On this night of a thousand stars
Let me take you to heaven's door
Where the music of love's guitars
Plays for evermore!

(MATS exits.  KRIS stands up and starts to exit.  He passes CATALINA.)

CATALINA
You're act hasn't changed much

KRIS
Neither has yours

(KRIS exits.)

JOSEPH
Tonight I'm proud to be the people's spokesman!  You've given help to those who've lost their homes, but more than that conclusively shown that the people can’t run their affairs on their own! Make sure your leaders understand their people!

(The NOBLES slowly exit, leaving CATALINA and JOSEPH alone on stage.)

CATALINA
Joseph Corbel?

JOSEPH
Catalina Pike?

BOTH (JOSEPH)
I've heard so much about you!
I'm amazed for I'm only an actress (a statesman)
Nothing to shout about (One of the thousands)
Only a girl on the boards (Defending the country he loves)

CATALINA
But when you act, the things you do affect us all

JOSEPH
But when you act, you take us away from the squalor of the real world--Are you here on your own?

CATALINA
Yes

JOSEPH
So am I--what a fortunate coincidence. Maybe you're my reward for my efforts here tonight

CATALINA
It seems crazy but you must believe
There's nothing calculated, nothing planned
Please forgive me if I seem naive
I would never want to force your hand
But please understand
I'd be good for you
I don't always rush in like this
Twenty seconds after saying hello
Telling strangers I'm too good to miss
If I'm wrong I hope you'll tell me so
But you really should know
I'd be good for you
I'd be surprisingly good for you
I won't go on if I'm boring you
But do you understand my point of view
Do you like what you hear, what you see, and would you be
Good for me too?
I'm not talking of a hurried night
A frantic tumble then a shy goodbye
Creeping home before it gets too light
That's not the reason that I caught your eye
Which has to imply
I'd be good for you
I'd be surprisingly good for you

JOSEPH
Please go on--you enthrall me!
I can understand you perfectly
And I like what I hear, what I see, and knowing me
I would be good for you too

CATALINA
I'm not talking of a hurried night
A frantic tumble then a shy goodbye
Creeping home before it gets too light
That's not the reason that I caught your eye
Which has to imply
I'd be good for you
I'd be surprisingly good for you

(CONNOR enters with KRIS.  While KRIS lures JOSEPH offstage, CONNOR and CATALINA lock eyes and slowly approach one another.)

BOTH
There is no-one, no-one at all
Never has been and never will be a lover
Male or female
Who hasn't an eye on
In fact they rely on
Tricks they can try on
Their partner
They're hoping their lover will help them or keep them
Support them, promote them
Don't blame them, you're the same

(Screams are heard offstage.  Blackout.  Lights rise on CHARLOTTE, sitting on the lower half of the stage.  TRESS appears on the narrator’s platform.  CONNOR and CATALINA enter and CATALINA confronts CHARLOTTE.)

CHARLOTTE
Hello and goodbye!
I've just unemployed you
You can go back to school--you had a good run
I'm sure he enjoyed you
Don't act sad or surprised, let's be friends, civilized
Come on little one!
Don't sit there like a dummy!
The day you knew would arrive is here--you'll survive
So move, funny face!

(CONNOR leads CATALINA offstage.)

CATALINA
I like your conversation--you've a catchy turn of phrase

(CATALINA exits.  CHARLOTTE looks crushed.)

CHARLOTTE
I don't expect my love affairs to last for long
Never fool myself that my dreams will come true
Being used to trouble I anticipate it
But all the same I hate it--wouldn't you?
So what happens now?

TRESS
Another suitcase in another hall

CHARLOTTE
So what happens now?

TRESS
Take your picture off another wall

CHARLOTTE
Where am I going to?

TRESS
You'll get by, you always have before

CHARLOTTE
Where am I going to?
Time and time again I've said that I don't care
That I'm immune to gloom, that I'm hard through and through
But every time it matters all my words desert me
So anyone can hurt me--and they do
So what happens now?

TRESS
Another suitcase in another hall

CHARLOTTE
So what happens now?

TRESS
Take your picture off another wall

CHARLOTTE
Where am I going to?

TRESS
You'll get by you always have before

CHARLOTTE
Where am I going go?
Call in three months time and I'll be fine I know
Well maybe not that fine, but I'll survive anyhow
I won't recall the names and places of this sad occasion
But that's no consolation--here and now
So what happens now?

TRESS
Another suitcase in another hall

CHARLOTTE
So what happens now?

TRESS
Take your picture off another wall

CHARLOTTE
Where am I going to?

TRESS
You'll get by, you always have before

CHARLOTTE
Where am I going to?

TRESS
Don't ask anymore

(CHARLOTTE exits.  CONNOR and CATALINA cross the stage, arm in arm, KRIS following them.  As they exit, a parade of ARISTOCRATS enter, watching them.)

TRESS
At the watering-holes of the well-to-do
I detect a resistance to...

ARISTOCRATS
Precisely!

TRESS
...our heroine's style

ARISTOCRATS
We're glad you noticed

TRESS
The shooting sticks of the upper class

ARISTOCRATS
Give her an inch...

TRESS
Aren't supporting a single ass
That would rise for the girl

ARISTOCRATS
...she'll take a mile
Such a shame she wandered into our enclosure
How unfortunate this person has forced us to be blunt
No, we wouldn't mind seeing her in taverns
But behind the service counter--not in front

(MATS leads his ARMY onstage behind the ARISTOCRATS.)

TRESS
Could there be in our fighting corps
A lack of enthusiasm for...

ARMY
Exactly!

TRESS
...Corbel’s latest flame?

ARMY
You said it brother

TRESS
Should you wish to cause great distress
In the tidiest officer's mess
Just mention her name

MATS
That isn't funny!

ARMY
Corbel is a fool, breaking every taboo
Installing the girl in the army H.Q.
And she's an actress! The last straw
Her only good parts are between her thighs
She should stare at the ceiling, not reach for the skies
Or she could be his last whore
The evidence suggests
She has other interests
If it's her who's using him
He's exceptionally dim
Bitch! Dangerous Jade!

ARISTOCRATS
We have allowed ourselves to slip
We have completely lost our grip
We have declined to an all-time low
Tarts have become the set to know

ARMY
It's no crime for officers to do as they please
As long as they're discreet and keep clear of disease
We ignore, we disregard
But once they allow a bit on the side
To move to the center where she's not qualified
We should all be on our guard
She should get into her head
She should not get out of bed
She should know that she's not paid
To be loud but to be laid
Slut! Dangerous Jade!

(CATALINA enters with KRIS.)

TRESS
This has really been your year Catalina
Tell us where you go from here Catalina
Which are the roles that you yearn to play
Whom did you sleep--dine with yesterday?

CATALINA
Is that the extent of your interest in me?
It shows how futile acting must be

TRESS
Can we assume then that you'll quit? Is this because of your association with Connor Corbel?

KRIS
Goodnight and thank you

(KRIS walks up the stairs and drags TRESS offstage.  CATALINA exits.)

ARMY
She won't be kept happy by her nights on the tiles
She says it's his body but she's after his files
So get back onto the street!
She should get into her head
She should not get out of bed
She should know that she's not paid
To be loud but to be laid
The evidence suggests
She has other interests
If it's her who's using him
He's exceptionally dim

ARISTOCRATS
Things have reached a pretty pass
When someone pretty lower class
Graceless and vulgar, uninspired
Can be accepted and admired

(Blackout.  Lights rise on the lower half of the stage.  CATALINA and KRIS stand there together.)

KRIS
Dice are rolling, the knives are out
Would-be precedents are all around
I don't say they mean harm, but they'd each give an arm
To see us six feet under ground

CATALINA
It doesn't matter what those morons say
Our nation's leaders are a feeble crew
There's only twenty of them anyway
What is twenty next to millions who’ll
Be looking to you?
All you have to do is sit and wait
Keeping out of everybody's way
We'll--you'll be handed power on a plate
When the ones who matter have their say
And with chaos installed
You can reluctantly agree to be called

KRIS
There again we could be foolish
Not to quit while we're ahead
For distance lends enchantment
And that is why
All exiles are distinguished
More important they're not dead
I could find job satisfaction
In Catalan

CATALINA
This is crazy defeatist talk
Why commit political suicide?
There's no risk, there's no call
For any action at all
When you have unions on your side

VOICES
Connor!  Connor!

(TRESS and MATS enter on the narrator’s platform.  A MOB enters downstage, bringing a platform for CATALINA to stand on.  CONNOR enters after them and joins her.  KRIS steps off to one side.)

TRESS
A new Ruatha!
The chains of the masses untied!
A new Ruatha!
The voice of the people cannot be denied!

CATALINA
There is only one man who can lead any workers' regime
He lives for your problems, he shares your ideals and your dreams
He supports you for he loves you, understands you, is one of you
If not--how could he love me?

MOB
A new Ruatha!
The workers' battle song!
A new Ruatha!
The voice of the people rings out loud and long!

CATALINA
Now I am a worker I've suffered the way that you do
I've been unemployed and I've starved and I hated it too
But I found my salvation in Connor--may the nation
Let him save them as he saved me

TRESS
A new Ruatha!
A new age about to begin!

TRESS and MATS
A new Ruatha!
We face the world together and no dissent within

(The SECRET POLICE rush up the stairs and chase TRESS and MATS off.)

INDIVIDUAL WORKERS
Nationalization of the industries that the foreigners control
Participation in the profits that we make
Shorter hours
Higher wages
Votes for women
Larger dole
More public spending
A bigger slice of every cake

KRIS
It's annoying that we have to fight elections for our cause
The inconvenience--having to get a majority
If normal methods of persuasion fail to win us applause
There are other ways of establishing authority

SECRET POLICE
We have ways of making you vote for us, or at least of making you abstain

CATALINA
Connor has resigned from the army and this we avow
The descamisados are those he is marching with now!
He supports you for he loves you, understands you, is one of you
If not--how could he love me?

ALL
A new Ruatha!
The chains of the masses untied!
A new Ruatha!
The voice of the people cannot be, and will not be, and must not be, denied!

(The lights dim.  Two special spotlights fall on CATALINA and KRIS.)

KRIS
There again we could be foolish
Not to quit while we're ahead
I can see me many miles away
Inactive
Sipping cocktails on a terrace
Taking breakfast in bed
Sleeping easy, doing crosswords
It's attractive

CATALINA
Don't think I don't think like you, I often get those nightmares too
They always take some swallowing
Sometimes it's very difficult to keep momentum if
It's you that you are following
Don't close doors
Keep an escape clause
Because we might lose
The Big Apple
But--would I have done, what I did
If I hadn't thought, if I hadn't known
We would take the country?

(Full lights rise)

ALL
A new Ruatha!
The chains of the masses untied!
A new Ruatha!
The voice of the people cannot be, and will not be, and must not be, denied!

(Blackout.  Lights rise on the narrator’s platform, where MATS stands.)

MATS
People of Argentina! Your newly crowned monarch, Connor Corbel!

(Lights rise on the rest of the stage.  CONNOR stands in the midst of a CROWD, including KRIS and the SECRET POLICE.)

CONNOR
Ruathans!  Ruathans! We are all shirtless now!
Fighting against our common enemies--
Poverty, social injustice, foreign domination of our industries!
Reaching for our common goals--
Our independence, our dignity, our pride!
Let the world know that our great nation is awakening
and that its heart beats in the humble bodies of Connor
Corbel--and his wife, the first lady of Ruatha,
Catalina!

MATS
As a mere observer of this tasteless phenomenon, one has
to admire the stage management—

(SECRET POLICE move in on MATS)

MATS
There again--perhaps I'm more than a mere observer - listen to my enthusiasm, gentleman! Corbel!  Corbel!
Corbel!--Look, if I take off my shirt, will you-

(SECRET POLICE bundle MATS away.  Lights go down on the narrator’s platform.  CATALINA enters and the MOB flocks to her.)

CATALINA
It won't be easy, you'll think it strange
When I try to explain how I feel
That I still need your love after all that I've done
You won't believe me
All you will see is a girl you once knew
Although she's dressed up to the nines
At sixes and sevens with you
I had to let it happen, I had to change
Couldn't stay all my life down at heel
Looking out of the window, staying out of the sun
So I chose freedom
Running around trying everything new
But nothing impressed me at all
I never expected it to
Don't cry for me Muneen Castle
The truth is I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don't keep your distance
And as for fortune, and as for fame
I never invited them in
Though it seemed to the world they were all I desired
They are illusions
They are not the solutions they promised to be
The answer was here all the time
I love you and hope you love me
Don't cry for me Muneen Castle...

(CATALINA breaks down; the MOB takes up her tune)

CATALINA
Don't cry for me Muneen Castle
The truth is I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don't keep your distance
Have I said too much? There's nothing more I can think of to say to you
But all you have to do is look at me to know that every word is true

(The MOB is ecstatically enthusiastic as they exit.  CATALINA turns around to face CONNOR.)

CATALINA
Just listen to that! The voice of Argentina! We are adored! We are loved!

(MATS enters, leading the ARISTOCRATS.)

MATS
Statesmanship is more than entertaining peasants

CATALINA
We shall see, little man

(CATALINA goes to the edge of the stage and speaks over the roaring of the crowd.)

CATALINA
I am only a simple woman who lives to serve Connor in his noble crusade to rescue his people! I was once as you are now! I have taken these riches from the oligarchs only for
you--for all of you! One day you will inherit these treasures! Descamisados! When they fire those cannons, when the crowds sing of glory, it is not just for Corbel, but for all of us! All of us!

AN ARISTOCRAT
Things have reached a pretty pass
When someone pretty lower class
Can be accepted and admired-

CATALINA
But your despicable class is dead! Look who they are calling for now!

(Blackout.  Lights rise on the full stage.  TRESS stands on the narrator’s platform.  Below, CATALINA is undressed by a maid, ERIN.)

TRESS
High flying, adored, so young, the instant queen, a
Rich beautiful thing of all the talents, a cross between a
Fantasy of the bedroom and a saint
And you were just a backstreet girl
Hustling and fighting
Scratching and biting
High flying, adored, did you believe in your wildest moments
All this would be yours, that you'd become the lady of them all?
Were there stars in your eyes when you crawled in at night
From the bars, from the sidewalks
From the gutter theatrical?
Don't look down, it's a long long way to fall
High flying, adored, what happens now, where do you go from here?
For someone on top of the world, the view's not exactly clear
A shame you did it all at twenty-six
There are no mysteries now
Nothing can thrill you
No-one fulfill you
High flying, adored, I hope you come to terms with boredom
So famous, so easily, so soon, is not the wisest thing to be
You won't care if they love you, it's been done before
You'll despair if they hate you
You'll be drained of all energy
All the young who've made it would agree

CATALINA
High flying, adored, I've been called names but they're the strangest
My story's quite usual, local girl makes good, weds famous man
I was slap in the right place at the perfect time
Filled a gap--I was lucky
But one thing I'll say for me
No-one else can fill it like I can

(TRESS exits.)

CATALINA
I don't really think I need
The reasons why I won't succeed
I haven't started!
Let's get this show on the road
Let's make it obvious
Connor is off and rolling

(ERIN claps her hands.  A flock of DRESSERS enter and begin to dress CATALINA.)

DRESSERS
Eyes! Hair! Mouth! Figure! Dress! Voice! Style!
Movement! Hands! Magic! Rings! Glamour! Face!
Diamonds! Excitement! Image!

CATALINA
I came from the people
They need to adore me
Don’t let them deplore me
From my head to my toes
I need to be dazzling
I want to be Rainbow High!
They must have excitement
And so must I

DRESSERS
Eyes! Hair! Mouth! Figure! Dress! Voice! Style! Movement!

CATALINA
I'm their product
It's vital you sell me
So Machiavell-me
Make an Ruathan Rose!
I need to be thrilling
I shall be Rainbow High!
They need their escape
And so do I

DRESSERS
Eyes! Hair! Mouth! Figure! Dress! Voice! Style!
Movement! Hands! Magic! Rings! Glamour! Face!
Diamonds! Excitement! Image!

CATALINA
All my descamisados expect me to outshine the enemy--the aristocracy
I won't disappoint them!
I'm their savior!
That's what they call me
So come overhaul me
Anything goes
To make me fantastic
I have to be Rainbow High
In magical colors--
You're not decorating a girl for a night on the town!
And I'm not a second-rate queen getting kicks with a crown!
Next stop will be Beigor!
The Rainbow's gonna tour
Dressed up, somewhere to go
We'll put on a show!
Look out, mighty Beigor!
Because you oughta know what'cha gonna get in me
Just a little touch of
Just a little touch of
Ruatha’s brand of
Star quality!

(Blackout.  Lights rise on the lower part of the stage.  On the right, CONNOR sits surrounded by several friends, including JANET.  On the left side, CATALINA, KRIS, and various chorus members appear, acting out the story.)

CONNOR
People of Hyrule! I send you the Rainbow of Muneen Castle!

(Lights rise on the narrator’s platform.  Both MATS and TRESS are there.)

MATS
Pyrnne has fallen to the charms of Cat’lina
She can do what she likes--it doesn't matter much
She's the lady of the new world with the golden touch
She filled a bull-ring--forty-five thousand seater
But if you're prettier than General Laren
That's not hard
Laren's reign in Pyrnne should see out the forties
So you've just acquired an ally who
Looks as secure in her job as you
More important, current political thought is
Your wife's a phenomenal asset
Your trump card

ALL
Let's hear it for the Rainbow Tour
It's been an incredible success
We weren't quite sure, we had a few doubts

MATS
Would Cat’lina win through?

ALL
But the answer is yes!

CATALINA
There you are, I told you so
Makes no difference where we go
The whole world over--just the same
You should have heard them call our name
And who would underestimate the actress now?

KRIS
I'm not underestimating you--just do the same thing in Catalan please

TRESS
Now I don't like to spoil a wonderful story
But the news for home is not so good
She hasn't gone down like we thought she would
Catalan's unconvinced by Ruathan glory
They equate ‘Lina with Margawse Barr
Can't think why

CATALINA
Did you here that?
They called me a whore!
They actually called me a whore!

TRESS (pretending to be an official)
But Signora Corbel--
It's an easy mistake
I'm still called an admiral
Yet I gave up the sea long ago

MATS
Things aren't all that bad she met with “the mope”

(ARTEM enters to greet CATALINA.)

MATS
She got a noble decoration and a kindly word

ALL
So even if the crowds gave our lady the bird
The Ruathan/Catalan axis does have some hope

JANET
She still made a fabulous impact
Caught the eye

ALL
Let's here it for the Rainbow Tour
It's been an incredible success
We weren't quite sure, we had a few doubts

TRESS
Would Cat’lina win through?

ALL
But the answer is—

TRESS
A qualified--
ALL
Yes!

(KRIS brings CATALINA a goblet.  She accepts it and takes a sip.)

TRESS
‘Lina started well, no question, in Chancedon
Shining like the sun through the post-war haze
A beautiful reminder of the carefree days
She nearly captured them all, she sure had the chance
But she suddenly seemed to lose interest
She looked tired

(CATALINA hands the goblet to KRIS.  She stumbles then, catching his shoulder.)

ALL
Tired? ‘Lina tired?

TRESS
Face the facts, the Rainbow's starting to fade
I don't think she'll make it to Hyrule now

CONNOR
It wasn't on the schedule anyhow

TRESS
You'd better get out the flags and fix a parade
Some kind of coming home triumph
Is required

ALL
Let's here it for the Rainbow Tour
It's been an incredible success
We weren't quite sure, we had a few doubts
Would Cat’lina win through?

MATS
And the answer is—

ALL
Yes

MATS
And no

ALL
And yes

MATS
And no

ALL
And yes... and no
Let's here it for the Rainbow Tour
It's been an incredible success...

(Blackout.  A spotlight rises on CATALINA.)

CATALINA
Who the hell does the King of Hyrule think he is?
Tea at some tinpot castle of his--what kind of invitation is that?
Ruatha’s First Lady deserves his most lovely palace!
If Hyrule can do without me
Then Ruatha can do without Hyrule!

VOICES of the ARISTOCRACY
Thus all fairy stories end
Only an actress would pretend
Affairs of state are her latest play
Eight shows a week two matinees
My how the worm begins to turn
When will the chorus girl ever learn?
My how the worm begins to turn
When will the chorus girl ever learn?

CATALINA
The chorus girl hasn't learned the lines you'd like to hear
She won't be scrambling over the backs of the poor to be accepted
By making donations--just large enough--to the correct charity
She won't be president of your wonderful society of philanthropy
Even if you asked her to be
As you should have asked her to be
The actress hasn't learned the lines you'd like to hear
She won't join your clubs, she won't dance in your halls
She won't help the hungry once a month at your tombolas
She'll simply take control as you disappear

(A special rises on TRESS, on the narrator’s platform.)

TRESS
Forgive my intrusion but fine as those sentiments sound
Little has changed for us peasants down here on the ground
I hate to seem churlish, ungrateful, I don't like to moan
But do you now represent anyone's cause but your own?

CATALINA
Everything done will justified by my Foundation

(CATALINA exits.  The lights fade on TRESS and rise on MATS, on the narrator’s platform.)

MATS
And the money kept rolling in from every side

(Full lights.  All the choruses race on stage to dance as MATS sings.)

MATS
‘Lina’s pretty hands reached out and they reached wide
Now you may feel it should have been a voluntary cause
But that's not the point my friends
When the money keeps rolling in you don't ask how
Think of all the people guaranteed a good time now
Eva's called the hungry to her--open up the doors!
Never been a fund like the Foundation Catalina!

ALL
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling on in

MATS
Would you like to try a college education?
Own your landlord's house, take the family on vacation?
‘Lina and her blessed Fund can make your dreams come true
Here's all you have to do my friends
Write your name and your dream on a card or a pad or a ticket
Throw it high in the air and should our lady pick it
She will change your way of life for a week or even two
Name me anyone who cares as much as Catalina!

ALL
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling on out

MATS
And the money kept rolling out in all directions
To the poor to the weak to the destitute of all complexions
Now cynics claim a little of the cash has gone astray
But that's not the point my friends
When the money keeps rolling out you don't keep books
You can tell you've done well by the happy grateful looks
Accountants only slow things down, figures get in the way
Never been a lady loved as much as Catalina!

ALL
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling on out

MATS
If the money keeps rolling in what's a girl to do?
Cream a little off the top for expenses--wouldn't you?
But where on earth can people hide their little piece of heaven?
Thank Din for Holodrum
Where a girl and a guy with a little petty cash between them
Can be sure when they deposit no-one's seen them
Oh what bliss to sign your checks as three-o-one-two-seven
Never been accounts in the name of Catalina!

ALL
Rolling rolling rolling
Rolling on in

(Blackout.  Lights rise on a chorus of CHILDREN.  CATALINA walks among them.)

CHILDREN
Please, gentle ‘Lina, will you bless a little child?
For I love you--tell heaven I'm doing my best
I'm praying for you, even though you're already blessed
Please, Catalina, will you look upon me as your own?
Make me special, be my angel, be my everything wonderful perfect and true
And I'll try to be exactly like you
Please, Catalina, will you feed a hungry child?
For I love you--tell heaven I'm doing my best...

(TRESS appears on the narrator’s platform.)

TRESS
Get them while they're young, Cat’lina, get them while they're young!

CHILDREN
...I'm praying for you, even though you're already blessed

(A parade of WORKERS crosses the stage, hiding the children and CATALINA from the audience’s view.)

WORKERS
Santa Santa Cat’lina
Madre de todos los ninos
De los tiranizados
De los descamisados
De los trabajadores
De la Ruatha

(The WORKERS exit.  The CHILDREN are gone and CATALINA is alone on stage.)

TRESS
Why try to govern a country when you can become a saint?

(TRESS exits.  MATS enters on the lower half of the stage, facing CATALINA.)

MATS
Tell me before I waltz out of your life
Before turning my back on the past
Forgive my impertinent behavior
But how long do you think this pantomime can last?
Tell me before I ride off in the sunset
There's one thing I never got clear
How can you claim you're our savior
When those who oppose you
Are stepped on, or cut up, or simply disappear?

CATALINA
Tell me before you get onto your bus
Before joining the forgotten brigade
How can one person like me, say,
Alter the time-honored way the game is played?
Tell me before you get onto your high horse
Just what you expect me to do
I don't care what the bourgeoisie say
I'm not in business for them but to give all my descamisados
A magical moment or two

BOTH
There is evil, ever around, fundamental
System of government quite incidental

CATALINA
So what are my chances
Of honest advances?
I'd say low
Better to win
By admitting my sin
Than to lose with a halo

MATS
Tell me before seek worthier pastures
And thereby restore self-esteem
How can you be so short-sighted
To look never further than this week or next week
To have no impossible dream?

CATALINA
Allow me to help you slink off to the sidelines
I'll pay your fare, give three cheers
But first tell me who'd be delighted
To witness me tackle
The world's greatest problems
From war to pollution?
No hope of solution
Even if I lived for one hundred years

BOTH
There is evil, ever around, fundamental
System of government quite incidental

CATALINA
So go, if you're able
To somewhere unstable
And stay there
Whip up your hate
In some tottering state
But not here, dear
Is that clear, dear?

(A frantic dance ensues.  It ends abruptly, however, when CATALINA collapses in great pain.)

CATALINA
Oh what I'd give for a hundred years!
But the physical interferes
Every day more--O my creators!
What is the good of the strongest heart
In a body that's falling apart?
A serious flaw--I hope you know that

(Lights fade.  They rise again on MATS leading his OFFICERS across the stage, in a circular pattern around CONNOR, who stands center.)

OFFICERS
It's all very well--to a certain extent
For the lady at the side of the president
To show an interest in affairs
But let's not be blind to the drift of events
She's eclipsing the strength of the government
She should return to below stairs
She will never win our hearts
She's a woman for a start
She holds no elected post
She's an ornament at most

(TRESS enters on the narrator’s platform.)

TRESS
What's new Muneen Castle?  Your nation, which a few years ago had the second largest gold reserves in the world, is bankrupt!  A country which grew up and grew rich on beef is rationing it!  La Prensa, one of the few newspapers which dares to oppose Corbelism, has been silenced, and so have all other reasonable voices! I'll tell you what's new Muneen Castle!

(TRESS exits.  CONNOR addresses the OFFICERS.)

CONNOR
But on the other hand--she's all they have
She's a diamond in their dull gray lives--and that's the
Hardest kind of stone--it usually survives
And if you think about it, can you recall
The last time they loved anyone at all?
She's not a bauble you can brush aside
She's been out doing what we just talked about--example
Gave us back our businesses, got the Hylians out
And when you think about it--well why not do
One or two of the things we promised to?
But on the other hand she's slowing down
She's lost a little of that magic drive--but I would
Not advise her critics present to derive
Any satisfaction from her fading star
She's the one who's kept us where we are

OFFICERS
She's the one who's kept you where you are

(Blackout.  Lights rise on the lower half of the stage.  CATALINA is lying in a bed, clearly in great pain.  CONNOR sits beside her.)

CONNOR
Dice are rolling, the knives are out
I see every bad sign in the book
And as far as they can--overweight to a man!
They have that lean and hungry look

CATALINA
But we still have the magic we've always had! The descamisados still worship me--we arrived thanks to them and no-one else; no thanks to your generals—a clutch of stuffed cuckoos!

CONNOR
It's not a question of a big parade, proving we're big with the mobs on the street—

CATALINA
You're wrong--the people, my people—

CONNOR
The people belong to no-one! They are fickle, can be manipulated, they don't matter! However much they love you now it matters more that as far as my stuffed cuckoos are concerned, you don't politically exist!

CATALINA
So I don't exist! So I count for nothing! Try saying that on the street when all over the world I am Muneen Castle!

(CATALINA breaks off for a second--in some pain)

CATALINA
Most of your generals wouldn't be recognized by their own mothers! But they'll admit I exist when I become vice-president!

CONNOR
That won't work... we've been through all of this before, they'd fight you tooth and nail--you'd never overcome them with a hundred rallies and even if you did—

CATALINA
Yes?

CONNOR
Your little body's slowly breaking down
You're losing speed, you're losing strength--not style--that goes on
Flourishing forever, but your eyes, your smile
Do not have the sparkle of their fantastic past
If you climb one more mountain it could be your last

CATALINA
I'm not that ill--bad moments come but they go
Some days are fine, some a little bit harder
But that doesn't mean
I should change my routine
Have you ever seen
Me defeated?
Don't you forget what I've been through and yet
I'm still standing
And if I am ill--that could even be to your advantage!

CONNOR
Advantage? I'm trying to point out that you are dying!
This talk of death is chilling--of course you're not going to die!

CATALINA
Then I must now be vice-president!
And I shall have my people come to choose
Two Corbels to wear their country's crowns
In thousands in my squares and avenues
Emptying their villages and towns
Where every soul in home or shack or stall
Knows me as Ruatha--that is all
Oh I shall be a great vice-president!

(CATALINA collapses in great pain)

CONNOR
So what happens now?
So what happens now?

CATALINA
Where am I going to?

CONNOR
Don't ask anymore

(CONNOR exits.  TRESS appears on the narrator’s platform.)

TRESS
Forgive my intrusion, Cat’lina, I just have to see
How you admit you have lost--a brand new experience
We got it set up! We fixed you a broadcast--and you're so good on the air!

CATALINA
The actress hasn't learned the lines you'd like to hear
She's sad for her country
Sad to be defeated by her own weak body
I want to tell the people of Ruatha
I've decided I should decline
All the honors and titles you've pressed me to take
For I'm contented--let me simply go on
As the woman who brings her people to the heart of Corbel!
Don't cry for me Muneen Castle
The truth is I shall not leave you
Though it may get harder
For you to see me
I'm Muneen Castle
And always will be
Have I said too much? There's nothing more I can think of to say to you
But all you have to do is look at me to know that every word is true

(Blackout.  As the various characters sing, special spotlights fall on them.  They are all standing on the lower level of the stage.)

MATS
She had her moments--she had some style
The best show in town was the crowd
Outside of Muneen Castle crying, "Catalina”
But that's all gone now—

KRIS
‘Lina beware your ambition—

JANET
Screw the middle classes! I will never accept them and
they will never deny me anything again.

CHARLOTTE
It seems crazy but you must believe
There's nothing calculated, nothing planned
Please forgive me if I seem naive
I would never want to force your hand
But please understand—

CROWD
A new Ruatha!
The chains of the masses untied!
A new Ruatha!
The voice of the people cannot be and will not be and must not be—

CONNOR
High flying, adored, so young, the instant queen, a
Rich beautiful thing of all the talents, a cross between a
Fantasy of the bedroom and a saint—

CROWD
Santa Santa Cat’lina
Madre de todos los ninos...

MATS
Sing you fools but you got it wrong
Enjoy your prayers because you haven't got long
Your queen is dead, your king is through
She's not coming back to you!

(Blackout.  A spotlight shines down on CATALINA, sitting on a coffin on the lower half of the stage.  MATS and TRESS appear on the narrator’s platform.)

CATALINA
The choice was mine and mine completely
I could have any prize that I desired
I could burn with the splendor of the brightest fire
Or else--or else I could choose time
Remember I was very young then
And a year was forever and a day
So what use could fifty, sixty, seventy be?
I saw the lights and I was on my way
And how I lived! How they shone!
But how soon the lights were gone!

(CATALINA stands up and slowly walks up the stairs, joining MATS and TRESS.  The three of them turn around and slowly exit the stage.)

VOICE
Eyes, hair, face, image
All must be preserved
Still life displayed forever
No less than she deserved

(Blackout.)
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