"Do you need any help?"

"No," Lindsey smiled at her mother. "I've got it."

"But come on! This is science project! I'm all over this, sweetie!"

"The teacher kind of told me that you're not allowed to help me this year after last year's perpetual motion machine."

Catherine sighed, "I'll call, Uncle Gil, then!"

"Mo-om!!"

"Uncle Warrick?"

"Mom, PLEASE, I *want* to do this by myself. I want to be able to look at it, no matter how crappy it is and know that *I* made it. You can understand that?"

"Yeah, I guess." Catherine pouted. "I just was hoping that it'd be a few years yet before you didn't need me anymore."

Lindsey hugged her mother, "I need you, I just want to do my science project myself. Ok?"

"Ok, sweetness."

"Laura's coming over."

"Why?"

"She's my science partner."

"Ok, sweetie." Catherine walked into the kitchen, "Would you like some cookies?"

"No thanks."

"Are you sure? I could make some."

"This just an excuse to hang around isn't it?"

Catherine feigned hurt, "No!"

"Mom. . ."

"Let me hand around, I won't say anything! I promise!"

The doorbell rang, "There's Laura. You can hang around, IF you don't help us!"

"Ok, ok,"

Lindsey opened the door and greeted her friend. "Come on in, Laura." A tiny little brunette walked in and smiled at Catherine.

"Hello Mrs. Willows. How are you?"

"I'm just fine, thank you, and please call me Catherine," She insisted, "Would you like some cookies? I could make some."

"Mom!"

"Sorry, sorry," Catherine waved it off, "I'm just going to be in the kitchen if you need me. You know. . . for science stuff."

"We won't." Lindsey called after her. She turned back to Laura, "Sorry about my mother. She gets really high strung when I have to do science projects."

"It's ok, I think she's sweet."

"She is, she just takes science waaaaay too seriously." Laura giggled, "Did you bring your science book?"

"Yeah," Laura handed the book to Lindsey as they sat down on the couch.

"Would you girls like something to drink?"

"No, thank you."

"We're good, mom."

"I'm just going to sit here," she motioned to the chair, "And read."

"Just don't help us."

"I won't!" Catherine assured her defensively, sitting down.

"I was thinking maybe we could do a volcano." Laura suggested.

"Eh. . ."

"Mom!" Lindsey was getting exasperated.

"Sorry," Catherine went back to her newspaper.

"I was thinking an aquarium."

"An aquarium?"

"Mom! That's it!" Lindsey scolded. "Go to your room!"

Catherine rolled her eyes and dramatically dragged herself up the stairs.

"Finally!" Lindsey sighed, "maybe we can get something DONE!"

"So what do you want to do?"

"Well, there's a bookshelf over there full of science books. We could look through those." Lindsey shrugged.

They started to look at the titles of Catherine's science books. "Hey, what's Forensic Entomology?"

"That's kind of cool. It's how they use bugs to solve crimes and stuff." Lindsey pulled the book off the shelf. It was heavier than she had expected and she dropped it.

It fell open to the middle of the book where an envelope was wedged, "What's this?" Lindsey opened the envelope and pulled one of the letters out.

***

Catherine was sitting on her bed flipping uninterestedly through an issue of Vogue from December 1999, when there was a gentle knock on the door.

Catherine opened it to see Lindsey, "Come to apologize?"

"No,"

"Is Laura still here?"

"No, she went home." Lindsey said softly.

"Lindsey, what's wrong?" Lindsey held up the letters. Catherine gulped and chuckled embarassedly.

"Care to explain these?"

". . . Not really."

"Wanna talk about it over ice cream sundaes?" Catherine asked with a hopeful smile.

"Mom! I'm gonna freak out!"

"Ice cream will help that." Lindsey glared at Catherine. She faultered, "How much did you figure out from the letters?" She sank down onto her bed.

"That you were cheating on Dad." Catherine let out a heavy sigh, as Lindsey finished her sentence scornfully, "With Uncle Gil." She added.

Catherine figured she should come clean. "Ok." She had to work up to it, "I had an affair with Gil."

"I know. I just told you, I knew that."

"Why are you yelling at ME? I am your mother!"

"And are you sure Uncle Gil isn't my real father?"

Catherine was shocked, "How dare you judge me? I didn't start sleeping with Gil until-" she stopped.

"Until what?"

Catherine bit her lip. "I don't want to speak ill of the dead."

"You're going to blame this all on Dad!"

"Lindsey!" Catherine warned, but Lindsey ignored her.

"What were you bored? Were you working late at the office one night and you fucked to amuse yourselves?"

Catherine was appalled. "Lindsey! I will not have you talking to me like that! I don't care what I've done, I'm still your mother, damn it! You should treat me with respect!"

"How the hell can I respect you? First you're a whore then a junkie then an adulteress! What a great example you set!"

"I had no idea you felt this way." Catherine said softly. The anger she the was boiling in her veins seconds before was replaced with blindsidingly overwhelming sadness.

"How could you do this to Dad?"

"To Dad?" Catherine laughed outright. "Once again, I don't want to speak ill of the dead."

"I knew you didn't have any reasons. You're just grasping at straws now and I don't want your bull-shit!"

"Gil loved me."

"And Dad didn't?"

"No."

"That is such a lie!"

"You wanted the explanation," Catherine raged, regaining her control over the situation, "I'm giving you the god damned explanation. So you WILL listen to me."

Lindsey said nothing, but sat down on the vanity stool. She turned and looked at Catherine attentively. She nodded.

Catherine took a deep breath, "I was NEVER a whore. When I was first dating your Dad I. . . I thought he was the greatest thing since white bread. He was handsome, and charming and he liked me. That made me feel so special, like I was somebody. It was about then I started snorting coke. I don't know what your Dad told you about that time of our lives, it was ME who did it first, but it was HIM who fed my addiction. I don't know if it was because he was the first man to genuinely show me any kindness or if it was because we kept giving me what I thought I wanted, but. . . I was so in love with him. So we eloped." Catherine felt the tears fill her eyes and bit back a sob.

"Mom," Lindsey looked down at her feet, "I'm sorry. . . If you don't want to keep going, it's ok."

Catherine shrugged, "You wanted to know the truth, I'm telling you the truth. You should hear it sometime. No time like the present."

"Mom,"

"Please, if I stop now, I'll never finish." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, "Everything was perfect. Until I got pregnant."

"With me,"

Catherine shook her head, covering her eyes. "I quit coke. I just dropped it. I had really bad withdrawal. I got all the withdrawal symptons. Nausea, stomach pains, tremors, agitation, I was sweating like crazy. Your Dad started to abuse me physically at this point. I miscarried. Probably for the best, though. I sweated off so much weight and thanks to the nausea I couldn't keep any food down. I was really thin and I was worn out all the time. The only time your Dad ever touched me was to slap me around."

"Why didn't you leave him?"

"You don't leave the dealer."

"You quit coke."

"But I was still addicted to the way I felt when we did make love. He was usually drunk, but that's what I lived for."

Lindsey felt her heart clench. She was so sorry for bringing this up and making Catherine dredge up all this old heart ache. Sometimes she even thought that her teenage resentment and attitude was too much. She had known that things between her parents were less than peachy. She would see them argue and not speak for days, and she worried but when she saw the look in her mother's face when her father came home and held her, Lindsey had thought that everything was ok.

It had been nearly six years since her Dad's death and nine since her parents' separation. It was now she was realizing how little she really knew about why they separated and then divorced.

Catherine sighed for the billionth time, trying to work up to continuing her story and it pained Lindsey to see her mother suffer over this. Her strong, confident, bossy mom. The mom who told her never let a man get the better of you, had learned from experience.

"I was so scared," she said finally, "When I got pregnant with you. I thought for sure your Dad was going to make me miscarry again. I wouldn't have been able to handle that. At the same time I was hoping that my pregnancy could lay the groundwork for reconciliation. And damned if I wasn't fooled into thinking everything was going to be good. He started staying at home more often. He was so attentive. He told me he was sorry about what happened to our first baby and that he was going to make it up to me. I have to hand it to him though. . . whatever kind of failure he was as a husband. He was one hell of a father. I'm eternally thankful for that. But when you were about two he started drinking again and, you're too young to remember this. . . but he actually left me. He left me for a whole eight months.

"I was in such a bad place. I had a two-year-old to raise and bills to pay when your father was off doing God knows what with God knows who. . . Gil was there for me through everything. It took me a while to realize it but the only person in my life who had never stepped out on me, was Gil.

"He never did anything to hurt me. Maybe that's why I hardly noticed him. He was always supportive. When everyone around the office was making fun of me behind my back because of the coke. . . Gil never judged me. Gil started helping me out a lot. You loved him. You called him Daddy. He held you, and he treated you like you were his own. I started falling madly in love with him and I was worried that I was only falling in love with him because it had been so long since someone cared about me."

Tears streamed down Catherine's cheeks. Lindsey wanted to hug her mother. She wanted to comfort her and tell her everything was ok and she would always be there for her, but she was frozen to the spot. She had seen her cry so infrequently it was completely unprecedented. She was, however, oddly touched that her mother was opening up to her so fully and unadulterated.

"I had no idea," Lindsey whispered.

"You weren't supposed to," Catherine omitted a pitiful laugh though her tears. "Your Dad came home. He came home and Gil was here feeding you dinner. Your Dad was screaming and yelling. He told Gil to get the Hell out of his house and away from his daughter. Gil left begrudgingly at my behest. I put you to bed. I had no idea he was so fired up and I payed for it. He really cut into me. He broke my arm and fractured my ribs and. . . I was crying so hard and he grabbed me by the hair, yanked me to my feet and told me to never, ever cry in front of you,"

"So that's why. . . I've never really seen you cry before?"

"Yes."

"That's over, mum." Lindsey stood and slowly went over to her mother. She wrapped her arms firmly around her mother. Catherine rubbed Lindsey's arm. "Mom, I love you."

"I know, sweets."

"I told her."

Grissom looked up to see Catherine standing in his office doorway. "Told who, what?"

"Lindsey," she walked in and sat down on the couch. "About the stuff that Eddie did to me."

With a pang of concern he stood, crossed the room to the couch and sat down with Catherine. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. She sucked back a sob. "Gil,"

"Catherine, you know I love you." She nodded against his chin. "Did she ask about it or did you bring it up?"

"She found the letters."

"What letters."

"THE letters, Gil."

"I thought you put those in a safe place."

"I did. I thought to myself, where is someplace that no one in their right mind would look? A forensic entomology book!"

He smirked, "Thank you, Catherine. And I think what you do makes a valuable contribution, too." He told her sarcastically.

"I didn't mean it like that," she chuckled. "Just, Eddie left my science books alone, and Lindsey isn't a huge fan of science. . ."

There was a pause. He sighed. "Catherine, my offer still stands,"

"I know."

He pressed his lips to her forehead, "I love you," he murmered against the skin on her forehead. "I always will."

"I love you, too," she closed her eyes, relishing in his embrace, "I don't want to ruin what we have. What if it doesn't work out and I lose your friendship altogether?"

"I'd never let that happen."

"Oh, god, I love you so much,"

***

Dear Catherine,

I miss you, and I miss Lindsey. I know you said not to come by because of Eddie but I have to. I miss you so much and I can't bear the thought of him with you. It may sound sexist but you belong with me. You deserve so much better than Eddie, and I promise I'll try. I'd be a great father for Lindsey, too. Whatever your final decision is I need you to remember that I love you and I always will.

Love,

Gil