| “Voices” Overture: Over the next few weeks the voice became even more vocal and critical and it’s effect on me was beginning to show increasingly in my performances. I also felt I was losing my grip on my sanity. It was becoming very difficult to convince myself I hadn’t lost it entirely. Finally one night I just couldn’t take it anymore. The voice was being particularly vicious that night and I’d already had a bad day to begin with. Apparently it had nothing else to gripe about so it launched an attack on my hair, which is very short and blonde. “Shut up,” I muttered. It paused for the briefest moment before continuing its tirade with renewed vigor. “Shut up,” I repeated, “shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!” And I seized one of my cast-iron candlesticks and hurled it at my reflection in the mirror. It all seemed to happen in slow-motion, like a special effect in a movie, the second before the mirror shattered it seemed the woman facing me wasn’t me at all, even in costume, as I was, I still looked like me, she looked real. She seemed younger, more innocent, longer, darker hair and eyes, wide and deep blue. Then as the pieces fell away, one-by-one, I saw a man, looking startled, in long cape, a hat, evening wear, and a half-mask, exactly like the character I saw on stage every night. |