I heard the elevator when it stopped, but I still jumped when the door opened. Brian walked in, looking incredible, as usual. He didn’t say anything. It makes me nervous when he’s quiet and the only thing I could think of to say was ‘Are you hungry?’

"Not really."

"You’ve gotta eat something." I spooned our dinner into bowls and he took off his coat. As I took the bowls over to the table, I almost wished I hadn’t lit the candles or gotten out the napkins. Did it look like I was trying too hard?

I sat down, trying to pretend I didn’t care if he joined me or not, but I couldn’t stop a smile of relief when he walked over and sat down.

"So… what’s for dinner?" He looked so serious.

"Jambalaya, from last night." I tried not to look anxious as I waited for him to taste it.

He took a bite, then smiled. "It’s not bad."

"It’s always better the second day."

We ate without saying anything else. I kept looking over at him, not believing I was really here. I wanted to pinch myself; I wanted to go over and kiss him and pull him out of his chair onto the floor. But I didn’t. I thought he was as lost as I was in this strange situation, although he’d never admit it. It was up to me to act as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening.

When we finished, I took the dishes over to the sink and rinsed them off, then started loading the dishwasher. I still didn’t know what kind of mood he was in; I was expecting him to announce that he was going to bed and I was sleeping on the couch. Again.

"That’s enough cleaning up, Betty Crocker," he called from the couch. "Bring the wine bottle and your glass."

I almost ran across the room, knowing he wouldn’t ask a second time. He took off his tie, unbuttoned the top buttons on his shirt, then he filled our glasses. I sat down sideways on the couch so I could see him better, but he wasn’t looking at me. He wasn’t looking at anything - he was kinda staring into space. "Why don’t you turn on some music?" He spoke without looking up.

"Okay. What do you want to hear?" I stood up and started walking to the stereo.

"I don’t care. Whatever you were listening to on the Walkman that day."

"Moby? Are you sure?" He didn’t say anything, so I put the CD in the CD player, but I turned the volume down.

We emptied the bottle and I wondered what was going to happen next. He set his empty glass on the table and slumped back on the couch, his eyes closing. "You look tired. M-maybe you should go to bed."

"And take you with me?" He smirked.

"I’ll sleep on the couch… if you want me to…"

Opening his eyes, he looked at me. "Is that what *you* want?"

I thought he was teasing me, like he always seems to do. I answered his question with one of my own, "Are you mad at me?" I knew he’d probably yell at me, or ignore me totally, but I had to ask. I had to know.

He rolled his head sideways and looked at me. "What makes you think I’m mad? And why do you give a fuck if I am?"

"I-I never know what you’re thinking…"

He stared at me hard for a minute before he spoke. "Trust me, Justin, you really *don’t* want to know what I’m thinking." He looked away again.

I wanted to tell him that I *did* want to know what he was thinking. I wanted to know what made him smile and what he couldn’t think about because it hurt too much. And I wanted to know what he *really* thought about me, but wouldn’t say…

"Look, I know you think sorry is bullshit but I really *am* sorry about everything… my dad hitting you and my mom coming to your office…"

He continued looking at me. "Why are you wasting your time apologizing for things you didn’t even do?"

"Huh?" I didn’t understand. Brian’s face still looked calm, but his voice was starting to sound dangerous.

"Well, you’re not responsible for what your parents do. The only person you’re responsible for is yourself."

*Now* I understood what he was talking about. "You told me that before: *I’m* the only person I can depend on; I’m the only person I have…"

He turned his head away from me and stared straight ahead. "Tell me something." The corners of his mouth curled into a smile. "Do you remember every fucking word I’ve ever said to you?"

Okay, I thought, he’s back to teasing me. "Yeah," I tried to sound like I was teasing him back. "I remember every *fucking* word. Like when you told me you weren’t my lover, or my partner, or even my friend." I lowered my voice and leaned a little closer. "And when you told me about your first time, in the shower with your gym teacher." My mouth was close to his ear and I whispered, "And when you told me to relax, that you wanted me always to remember it, so that, no matter who I’m ever with, you’ll always be there…"

Brian sighed, but still didn’t look at me. "You told your parents it was only a fuck."

"That’s what you told me."

He slowly turned his head toward me and I was staring into his large, dark eyes; his mouth was close to mine. I knew I should move away but I didn’t want to. Being this close to him - breathing the same air and almost touching - was like a drug for me. I was totally hooked on Brian Kinney and I never wanted to come down from the high I was on whenever he was near.

"It was more than that for you, wasn’t it?" I couldn’t think of anything to say and he continued talking. "Tell me the truth, Justin. Was it just a fuck? Is that all I mean to you?"

"You know it’s not!" The words were out before I realized I’d said anything.

"It’s not?" His eyes lit up. "Then, what is it?" He wanted to make me tell him things I didn’t want to tell him. "How do you feel about me? Tell me."

Now it was my turn to close my eyes. "You know how I feel about you, Brian. Don’t make me say it."

"Why not?" His voice was louder; his face was closer to mine. I could feel his breath on my cheek. "Why can’t you be honest with me?"

I slowly opened my eyes. His mouth was barely an inch from my face. "Because… you don’t believe in l--" I felt like I was choking on the word; I cleared my throat and tried again. "Love."

"This is not about me, Justin. I want to know what *you* believe in." Brian’s voice was low. Sexy. Seductive. I would have said anything - done anything - if he would shut up, take me to bed and fuck me for the rest of the night.

But he didn’t seem to be in the mood to fuck; he was in the mood to talk, and he wasn’t going to stop until he’d gotten me to say what he wanted to hear.

I took a deep breath and turned my head slightly, facing him. "I love you, Brian Kinney, more than anything else in my life…" I’d said what he wanted to hear; I waited for him to laugh at me and tell me to stop being a drama princess.

But he didn’t laugh

And he didn’t say anything.

He smiled sweetly, that smile that made my toes curl. He reached one hand forward and wrapped it around the back of my head, pulling it forward. I dipped my head sideways as his mouth covered mine, and I felt my insides melt. He sucked on my bottom lip and I started unbuttoning his shirt. I expected him to stop any second, but I was enjoying it while it lasted. His mouth moved over my face and down to my neck; I tipped my head back as I pushed his shirt off his shoulders.

I was now half-lying on the couch and he was crouching over me. When I heard him groan, I looked up to see him wrapping an arm across his chest. "Did you hurt your ribs?"

"I’m okay." He didn’t sound convincing.

"Here." I sat up. "Sit down. Where does it hurt?"

"It doesn’t-- Aah!" He gasped as I ran my hand across his chest. He collapsed back against the back of the couch as I leaned forward, replacing my hand with my mouth. My tongue found a nipple, which I sucked until it was standing erect. I moved over to the other nipple, biting on the hard nub as I played with it.

I moved down his stomach, to the waistband of his pants, which I unfastened quickly. He raised his hips so I could push them down and out of the way. His erection was in front of my face, large and hard. I licked my lips, then opened my mouth, taking in as much as I could. Brian had never told me that he liked for me to suck his cock - he didn't have to. I could tell by the way his hands gripped my head, by the way his breathing became heavy, that he was enjoying it.

His hands were pulling my head back up to where his face was, then his tongue was in my mouth, devouring me as his hands kneaded my ass.

"I don’t want to get cum on the couch." His voice was muffled because he was talking into my mouth. "Let’s go to bed." He pulled us both into a standing position and pushed me in the direction of the bedroom. I stripped off my clothes as I walked, leaving them where I dropped them.

By the time we got to the bedroom, I was naked and totally ready for him. I crawled onto the center of the bed, being careful to push the duvet onto the floor and out of danger. There was a smile on his face as he moved over to where I sat, then we tumbled together in a pile of arms and legs and torsos. I licked my way, slowly, down his flat stomach again, trailing my tongue through his thick pubic hair. He rolled over on his back and I crouched over him; I bypassed his cock for the moment, moving down to play with his balls instead. I sucked one into my mouth, slurping hungrily for several minutes before moving to the other one.

The next thing I noticed was that he had his hands on my legs, trying to move them sideways. He was saying something that I couldn’t quite hear. I looked up, then smiled when I realized what he was trying to do.

I shifted around so that I was crouching over him again, with my groin directly above his face. A finger moved slowly between my ass cheeks as my cock was swallowed in one quick movement. I moaned, then moved my head down and wrapped my lips around Brian’s dick, sucking deeply. It only took a few seconds for me to adapt to his length; I closed my eyes and felt his cock slide down my throat as his tongue teased me unmercifully.

Sometime between five minutes and five hours later, I could tell he was getting close to orgasm. I was close too. Without warning, he stuck a finger in my ass roughly; fireworks went off behind my eyelids and I started shooting. At the same time, I felt him groan as he shot down my throat. I swallowed all of it.

I must have dozed off with my head on his thigh because the next thing I remember was Brian telling me to get off him. He was still lying on his back and I lay down as close to him as I could without touching him - he doesn’t like to be reminded that he isn’t alone in bed. I looked at his face in the light coming from the other room.

He turned his head toward me a little. "It’s late. Go to sleep."

"Okay." I didn’t want to do anything to make him mad and give him an excuse to send me back to the couch. "Good night."

He turned over on his side, with his back to me. I closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep but I kept thinking about what had happened, with my parents. I could still see the look on my father’s face when he was kicking Brian at Babylon. And I could still see how sad my mother looked just before I followed Brian out of the house. I knew I did the right thing: Brian and I belong together. I love him and he loves me. Okay, maybe he doesn’t *know* he loves me, but he’s intelligent. He’ll figure it out - soon, I hope.

In the meantime, all I have to do is go to school, do my homework and help out around the house. And don’t act like a stupid kid. If Brian never regrets letting me stay, maybe he’ll never tell me I have to go.