Author’s note: This is my first Justin/Ethan story, based on what I’ve actually seen, rather than what I’ve heard through spoilers. It’s my version of what happened after the end of episode 218, from Ethan’s POV. Thanks to Phyllis, who assured me that Ethan is a top, and to all the other B/J fans who aren’t afraid to admit they enjoy watching Justin and Ethan together…

It was a night like any other night. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep, so I hadn’t even gone to bed. I was standing in my little garret, surrounded almost entirely by windows, playing.

I don’t even remember what the song was, but I know that it was good. I was flying, like I almost always am, when I heard it.

Someone was knocking, then beating, on my door. "Shit!" I stopped playing and stomped across the room. I was so pissed that I walked across the bed, rather than around it. I opened the door, ready to give that asshole hell for interrupting me--

But it wasn’t Jack, the old fart who lives down the hall, or Mrs. Lyons, who lives next door.

It was Justin.

I can’t say that I was totally surprised to see him. After all, he’d been turning up regularly for the past week or so, at the recital, in the rehearsal room and on the street two days ago. He’d helped me bring my ‘new’ couch upstairs and we talked for a few minutes. I asked him about his boyfriend, the one who ignored his birthday, but I could tell he wasn’t comfortable discussing him. He was very much in love with him, of that I was sure. Ah, it took me back to the not too distant past, when I allowed my entire life to be consumed with the wants and needs of another person…

Before Justin left, he invited me to the student art fair. ‘If you have time,’ he’d said. Like I wouldn’t make time.

When I walked into the room where his art was hanging, I heard him talking to a girl. He said she was a friend from high school. I wasn’t exaggerating when I told him he was brilliant. I jokingly asked how much one of his drawings was - the one that struck me the minute I saw it. We discussed how many millions he should sell it for and then he said it was mine. ‘For a song.’

I told him he could come over later and collect.

He *did* show up at my place a couple of hours later. Luckily, I’d just spent some of the money I made playing on the street on a little wine and some nice cheese and crackers. He wolfed the food down like he hadn’t eaten in a week. He seemed to be more relaxed than at any of the other times I’d seen him. Maybe it was the wine. Maybe it was the conversation. Maybe it was us.

Justin said he told me some things that he’d never told anyone before and I told him about Jacob. I’m not sure why I even mentioned him - it’s been almost a year since that ended; I thought I’d managed to get him out of my mind. I guess not, ‘cause there I was, rambling on about how he drug me out to the clubs every night and talked me into letting him bring someone home for us to fuck. Justin asked me what I wanted and I hesitated. Did I really want to tell this guy, who I’d just met, what kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with? I started to think of a glib reply, but I looked at him - really looked at him. He was listening to me and there was no trace of judgement or ridicule in his expression. I told him I was looking for someone who only wanted to be with me and didn’t need to go out every night. I don’t know how I expected him to react, but he got really quiet. He said he understood and I believed him.

I’d been thinking about Justin off and on since yesterday. Okay, I’d been thinking about him almost constantly, since the first time I’d met him. Whenever he’s around, I get weak in the knees and my heart pounds so hard that I’m afraid he’s going to hear. When I saw him standing in my doorway tonight, I wanted to grab him and pull him into my apartment - into my bed - as fast as I could.

I managed to hide all my excitement and terror, at least I think I did. I made some joke about the neighbors paying $100 to hear me play one day. Justin followed me into the room and we just stood there, looking at each other, for a second. He said he came for his song. For some insane reason, I was relieved to hear him say that - to know that he’d thought enough about this to come up with an excuse for dropping by so late.

I asked him if he wanted to hear something technically astonishing - I wanted to show off for him. As he sat down on my dilapidated sofa, he said he’d like to hear something astonishingly romantic. The expression on his face as he looked up at me… He was so fucking beautiful and he was in so much fucking pain.

Immediately, I knew what to play: Massenet is one of my favorite composers and Thais is his most beautiful opera. As I played, Justin continued to stare up at me with a beautiful/terrible expression on his face. I was sure that something had happened between him and his boyfriend. I hated the rich SOB for what he’d done but, at the same time, I silently thanked him, for being the reason Justin was here with me and not at home.

I had only played a few bars when he got up and walked slowly toward me. He stepped up onto the bed and moved closer. His face was only a few inches away from mine now. I stopped playing as I lost myself in those gorgeous pale blue eyes. He leaned his head forward slowly. I didn’t move; I couldn’t believe that he was about to do what I thought he was about to do.

Then Justin’s lips touched mine, very softly and very briefly. It was over before I fully realized what had happened, and he pulled back slightly. I opened my eyes quickly; the look on his face was unmistakable.

I was emboldened now. Justin had started it and I wasn’t going to let one chaste kiss be all there was. I moved my head forward, covering his small mouth with my own. He didn’t pull away - I was afraid he would - and I kissed him harder. I dropped the bow so I could wrap my hand around the back of his neck. I held him lightly, afraid that he’d come to his senses and run away.

He showed no signs of wanting to leave, however, as he responded enthusiastically to my kisses. I pulled back a little so I could lay my violin down. When I turned my attention back to him, I wanted to show him, as best I could, how incredibly happy I was that he’d come here tonight. I unzipped his shirt, slowly. Pulling back the cloth, I pressed my hands against his pale chest, palms down, and stroked upwards. I caressed his neck before moving my hands to the back of his head and pulling it forward yet again.

I was flying once more; just like when I lose myself in a beautiful sonata or concerto, I was losing myself in the symphony that was Justin Taylor. It had been such a long time since I’d kissed anyone as wonderful as Justin, and I was having a hard time keeping myself from pushing him down on the bed and falling on top of him.

Happily, joyfully, he seemed to be as much into ‘us’ as I was. He plunged his tongue into my mouth quickly; I followed his lead enthusiastically, wanting - needing - to give him as much pleasure as he was giving me.

This is always my favorite time to be with someone, when you’ve only just met. Everything between the two of you is new and different and special. You can tell, from a moan or a sigh, what he really likes and you want to do it to him, over and over. You’ve both been on your best behavior up to now and everything is fabulous. Of course, there are compromises and second thoughts in your future - there always are, but you’re not thinking about that. You know you’ll discover the drawbacks and the bad habits - he snores too loud or hogs the sheets or puts an empty milk carton back in the refrigerator or leaves his dirty socks on the bathroom floor - but you force yourself *not* to think about all that crap. The only thing that matters is that he’s here and you’re here. If you’re lucky, you’ll make the earth move in just a few minutes.

Trying to make myself go as slowly as possible, I lowered myself onto the bed, pulling Justin with me. We couldn’t seem to *not* kiss for more than a nanosecond. As I pulled him close to me, I could smell the faint scent of sweat and very expensive soap. Was he sweating from the exertion of walking so far? I wondered, or because he was nervous about coming to my apartment so late. He’d had an invitation, I reminded myself. I assumed he came here on purpose, as a result of something his boyfriend had done. Maybe that’s not what happened, I thought. Maybe he just started walking and arrived on my doorstep before he realized where he was.

Then it occurred to me that I didn’t really care why he was here. He was showing no sign of wanting to leave and I was prepared to take full advantage of the situation. As we rolled onto our sides, I placed kisses across his face to his neck. Pulling his shirt away from his shoulder, I buried my face in his soft skin. I could feel his hands under my shirt, pulling it up. He sat up long enough to pull off my shirt; his shirt was tossed aside a few seconds later.

Justin stretched out on the bed beside me. Our kisses were becoming more and more passionate; in short order, our pants joined our shirts on the floor as we continued our oral and tactile exploration of each other. I was getting close to the point of no return and I had to know if Justin felt the same. "If we’re going to stop before this goes too far, you need to tell me now," I pleaded, hoping that he’d want to continue.

"I want you to fuck me, Ethan," Justin breathed. "D-do you have…?"

Without answering, I pulled out of his embrace and ducked quickly into the bathroom; I brought back condoms and an almost-empty tube of KY. I stopped to turn off all the lamps except the one nearest the bed. As I crawled back over beside him, Justin smiled and turned over on his stomach. I kissed the back of his neck. "We are not going to fuck," I whispered into his ear. I pulled him over onto his side once again, facing me. "I want to be able to see your face while we’re making love."

And that’s exactly what we did - we made love, and it was astonishing. I kept my eyes open so I could watch Justin - my lover. Pulling my head forward, he kissed me slowly as we moved together. There have been times, in the past year, when I thought I’d never find anyone else who made me feel like this, but here he was. Here we were.

I wanted it to last forever, but it had to end, of course. It felt like days since I’d opened the door to see him standing there, but it had only been an hour or so. I had been fighting to stay in control of my emotions since Justin had first kissed me. As we lay together and tried to catch our breath, I felt the tears start. I was smiling and crying at the same time, but that was okay. Somehow, I knew Justin wouldn’t mind. He smiled at me and told me, without words, that he understood.

For the first time in longer than I care to remember, I fell asleep smiling. I buried my face in his shoulder and moved as close to him as I could manage. Our bodies were still tangled together - if it hadn’t been for the difference in our skin color, it would have been hard to tell which arms and legs belonged to who. I opened my mouth to thank him or tell him how amazing he was or that I loved him… He sighed contentedly, however, and I remained silent.

The last thing I remember, as I slipped into unconsciousness, was that I wanted to watch the sun rise tomorrow morning with Justin beside me.