Author’s note: This is the second installment of my Justin/Ben story. I wanted to thank Desi for her continued encouragement. Also, thanks to all of you who wrote to me about chapter 1. I had no idea there were so many closet Justin/Ben fans. It’s great to know I’m not the only one.

Between Friends - Chapter 2

by Cathy

As I drove home that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about what had just happened. I remember telling Michael once that I kiss lots of guys: I kiss them hello, I kiss them goodbye. It’s harmless. However, when Justin kissed me, before he ran away, I wasn’t sure how harmless it was.

Maybe I need to take a step back, I thought. The last thing I want to do is complicate Justin’s life more than it already is. I decided to wait until I saw him again before I made any decisions.

It wasn’t long before I had the chance to see him again. I was riding my bicycle home from class a couple of days later when my cell phone rang. I stopped to answer it. ‘Hello?’

‘Hey. How’s it going?’

‘Good, Justin. How are you?’

‘Okay… I guess.’ He sounded uncertain.

‘You guess? That doesn’t sound good.’

‘No - I’m okay.’ Silence.

‘So… I’m guessing you just like the sound of my voice?’

‘Huh?’ I was being clever and he was lost.

‘I can only assume that’s the case, since you haven’t told me yet why you called.’

‘Oh.’ He giggled. ‘Did you mean what you said? That I should call you when I needed to talk?’

What a relief - he had no ulterior motive. ‘Absolutely. What do you need to talk about?’

‘It’s… uh… Can we get together sometime?’

Oh, shit, I thought. This was beginning to sound serious. Still, I had told him to call me if he needed a sympathetic ear. ‘Sure. What’s a good time for you?’

‘Well, I’m on my way to work. I’ll be free later on this evening…’

‘Do you wanna get something to eat?’

‘I don’t know. Do you think that’s a good idea?’

‘What? Eating?’ He didn’t answer me right away, so I continued, ‘Justin, there’s nothing wrong with grabbing a burger with a friend, is there?’

‘A burger? I-I didn’t think you ate burgers.’

‘I’ve been known to eat them from time to time.’ I was curious. ‘Why? What do you think I eat?’

‘I don’t know - maybe bean sprouts and tofu?’ He didn’t sound like he was kidding.

‘Tofu? I hate that shit, but sprouts are okay. Have you ever had them on a soy burger?’ He laughed. That was good - I’d managed to lighten him up a little. ‘So… why don’t I pick you up after work tonight? We’ll decide where to eat when I get there, okay?’

‘Okay, that’s a good idea. I’ll see you at six?’

‘See you then.’

Of course, I knew what he was worried about - or I thought I did. I’m in a relationship; he’s in a relationship. If someone we knew saw us together, would it look like we were cheating? I was willing to bet that was what Justin thought. Even though I didn’t agree with him, the least I could do was to understand how he was feeling.

There was a great little Thai restaurant near school. When we pulled up into the parking lot, Justin was a little skeptical. ‘Have you ever had Thai food?’ I asked.

‘I don’t think so. Isn’t it really spicy?’

‘Maybe, but you’ll survive. I promise.’

And he did. During our meal, we chatted easily and I think he was enjoying himself. Neither of us mentioned the fact that he’d wanted to talk about something. I decided that he’d tell me when he was ready.

When we finished eating, I asked if he’d like to take a walk. ‘Didn’t you want to talk to me about something?’ He hesitated. ‘Come on. It’s not too cold outside. The fresh air will do us good.’

‘Okay.’ He followed me out of the restaurant and down the street.

‘There’s a little park down that block.’ We turned the corner. Once we got on the walking trail, I turned to him. ‘Okay, what was it that you wanted to talk about?’

‘Oh,’ he looked away, ‘that’.

‘Yeah. That.’ I stepped forward so that I was standing in front of him. I looked down expectantly.

He took a deep breath. ‘What if you want something really bad but, when you get it, you’re not sure if you ever wanted it at all?’

‘Are you talking about Brian? Or Ethan?’

‘Do I have to be talking about anyone in particular?’ He still wasn’t looking at me.

‘No…’ I guess I was going to have to play his game. ‘The grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence. It’s human nature to feel that way.’

He finally glanced at me. ‘Are you always so goddamned logical?’ He didn’t sound angry, just confused.

‘No, I am not always logical. I thought you were asking for advice.’

‘You’re right - I was.’ Justin looked at me.

When it became obvious that he wasn’t going to say anything else, I spoke, ‘Is it Ethan’s insecurity again?’

‘Not exactly.’ He shrugged. ‘We had a fight - a really big one.’

‘Today?’

‘Kinda. Actually, it’s been going on since Saturday.’

‘Saturday? You must’ve done something pretty awful to cause him to be mad at you for three days.’

‘What?!’ He had a look of panic on his face.

‘I’m kidding, Justin.’ I paused for a few seconds, to give him a chance to calm down. ‘Do you want to tell me what happened?’

‘I didn’t do anything. The phone rang Saturday afternoon, Ethan answered it and they hung up.’

‘Okay… Now, what’s the problem?’

‘That’s it. He got this fucked-up idea that it was Brian, or someone else I’m sleeping with.’

‘Are you sleeping with someone else?’ I knew the answer, but I thought it would make him smile. It didn’t.

‘No.’ He sounded like a snotty little kid.

‘I was kidding again. I know you’re not sleeping with anyone else.’

‘If I’m going to be accused of it, maybe I ought to go ahead and do it.’ He folded his arms.

‘You don’t mean that.’ I led him over to sit down on a bench.

‘Don’t I?’ I waited for him to calm down again. ‘You’re right - I don’t.’

‘So… What do you want to do about it?’

‘I don’ t know.’ He ran his fingers through his hair. ‘I-I’m not sure I can do this any more. I thought things would be different with Ethan…’

‘You thought you’d never have arguments?’

‘No, but I thought we’d be able to talk about stuff.’

‘Why can’t you?’

‘He says there’s nothing wrong - that he’s not mad, but he won’t discuss it. I don’t think he trusts me any more.’

Okay, that was it. ‘And have you done anything to destroy his trust in you?’ He didn’t answer, so I continued, ‘Do you remember what we talked about the other day? I told you that it’s okay to want your friends and lovers to be happy, and you should do whatever you can to help that along, but you shouldn’t blame yourself for everything bad that happens.’

He didn’t answer right away. Maybe he was thinking about what I’d said; maybe he was making up his mind not to listen. ‘What I understand is that I fucked up one relationship to be in another relationship, and now I’m fucking that one up too!’

Well, I’d given it my best shot; I could think of nothing else to say. ‘If you’re really convinced of that, I don’t guess there’s anything I can say to change your mind.’ I stood up. ‘Come on. Let me drive you home.’

‘Wait!’ He stood up and took a step toward me. ‘I-I’m sorry. I’m being a bastard.’ He looked so sad, standing there.

‘No, you’re not.’ Against my better judgment, I took a step forward. ‘You have no idea how terrific you are, do you?’ He stared at me. ‘I’m not going to scold you any more, but I have to tell you that it upsets me to hear you belittle someone I’ve come to care about--’

‘You?’ His eyes lit up. ‘Care about me?’

I nodded. ‘As a friend, yes, I do.’ Stepping forward, he hugged me. I waited to see what he would do next, but he just stood there with his arms around me and his head against my chest. It felt good. Too good. My brain screamed at my legs to step back and at my arms to push him away. None of my limbs seemed to be cooperating; instead, my hands snaked around him to lightly caress his back.

I have no idea how long we stood there. It might have been five seconds or five hours. A dog barked close by and he stepped back quickly. When he looked up at me, he had this huge smile on his face. Had I been the reason for the change in his demeanor? God, I hoped so. ‘Come on.’ I started walking. ‘I’ll drive you home.’

Neither of us said much on the way home. Maybe we were past words - I don’t know. What I *did* know was that something had changed between us; I think Justin knew it as well. I wanted to ask him what he was thinking, but I didn’t dare. I was afraid he’d tell me the truth and then I’d never be able to pretend that none of it had happened. My plan was to play it cool. And hope for the best.

‘You can drop me off here.’ We were near the coffee shop where we’d had our previous conversation.

I pulled over to the curb. ‘I thought you lived a couple of blocks from here.’

‘Yeah, but I don’t want to take a chance on being seen…’ He sounded genuinely fearful of getting caught, despite the fact that he was absolutely innocent of anything.

‘Where did you tell him you were going?’

‘I didn’t.’ He opened the door.

‘Justin.’ He paused, before exiting the car. ‘If there’s anything I can do… Feel free to call me, okay?’

We both sat still for a long minute, staring at each other. He nodded and then slid out and of the car.

My mind was in chaos. What had started out as an altruistic attempt to help a friend was turning into something very different. If I didn’t do something, and quick, people were going to be hurt.

I heard from Justin several times that week, but only by telephone. We kept making tentative plans to get together but it was a busy week and the plans kept getting postponed. Justin didn’t seem to mind, though. Our telephone talks were upbeat and he seemed to be handling things better than before.

When we discovered that both of us had Friday night free, Justin asked if I wanted to go to Babylon with him. I didn’t answer him right away. ‘Come on, you love to dance. *I* love to dance. Ethan hates Babylon and I heard that you haven’t seen much of Michael lately. Am I right?’

‘Are you sure it’s good idea for us to be seen together at Babylon?’

‘Wait a minute: weren’t you the one who told me that friends shouldn’t mind being seen together if they weren’t doing anything wrong?’

‘I did.’

‘And didn’t you also tell me that I should enjoy myself?’

‘Yes.’ His argument was insurmountable. ‘What time do you want me to pick you up?’

‘I’ll meet you there at ten.’

I found myself looking forward, very much, to spending some time with Justin. Maybe he’d turned the corner with his relationship problems; I hoped it was partially because of me. I was so lost in thought that I didn’t hear Michael when he came in.

‘Hey.’ He kissed me on the side of my head, causing me to look up from my paperwork.

‘The face is familiar… What was your name?’

‘Smartass.’ He fetched a beer from the fridge and sat down in the chair. ‘Busy?’

‘Just grading research papers.’ I didn’t want to bring up a sad subject, but I was curious. ‘How’s Brian?’

He didn’t answer right away and I looked up. His face was full of concern. ‘He’s having dinner with a client.’

‘And you thought you’d grace me with your presence for a couple of hours.’ I didn’t mean to sound so bitter.

‘That’s not fair, Ben. You told me it was okay to spend time with him. To make sure he’s okay.’

‘I’m sorry.’ I meant that. ‘Of course, I don’t mind. He’s your best friend.’

‘Thanks.’ He took another drink. ‘You won’t believe what that little shit did!’

‘What little shit?’

He looked at me as if I’d just grown a third eye. ‘Justin,’ he deadpanned. ‘He called Brian’s apartment last Saturday and hung up.’

‘How do you know it was Justin?’

‘When I hit star sixty-nine, his boyfriend answered.’

‘How do you know it wasn’t his boyfriend who called?’

‘Why would he?’ He stared at me. ‘You’re taking up for Justin.’

‘I am not. I just don’t understand why Justin would try to call Brian. He’s the one who left.’

‘Yeah, for some greasy little street musician. It’s obvious that he came to his senses and realized he fucked up, big time. He wants Brian to take him back, but I told Brian to stay away from that ungrateful little prick.’

I’d forgotten how upset Michael was over this. ‘Do you really think this is your business?’

‘Yes, Ben, I *do* think it’s my business.’ He leaned forward. ‘You haven’t seen Brian every day like I have. He took Justin in and protected him. He saved his life and paid for his school. And what did he get in return?’

I was suddenly very tired of this discussion. ‘Okay, Michael, I understand how you feel about this. Can we talk about something else?’

‘Okay. What?’

‘I don’t know.’ I had an idea. ‘Why don’t we go out tomorrow night?’

His face lit up. ‘Where?’

I pretended to be thinking. ‘What about Babylon? We haven’t been dancing in a while.’

‘That’s a great idea.’ He picked up the phone. Before I could stop him, he’d dialed the phone and started talking. After the first couple of sentences, he walked into the kitchen. I guessed that he was talking to Brian and that the conversation wasn’t going the way he wanted. Several minutes later, he re-entered the room and collapsed into the chair. He looked annoyed and he had opened another beer. ‘You couldn’t talk Brian into coming with us?’

He ignored my question. ‘It’s not a good idea for him to be there…’

I looked at Michael in disbelief. ‘Do you mean to tell me he hasn’t been back to Babylon since--’

‘Yes, he’s been there.’ He offered no further explanation.

‘By himself? With you?’

‘I thought he needed to get out. We didn’t stay long.’

‘Just long enough for him to make it to the back room?’

‘No!’ He turned on me. ‘We had a drink and danced a little. It was always his idea to leave.’

I was tired of talking about Brian. ‘Does that mean you’re not going either?’ He didn’t answer me. ‘Michael, I think I’ve been more than patient over the past weeks, but there’s just so much you can do for him. You have to start looking after yourself.’

‘You mean looking after you.’ He had that belligerent tone he always used when he defended Brian.

I opened my mouth to say something snarky, then stopped myself. ‘I’m not going to argue with you about this. If you don’t want to go with me, I’ll go by myself.’

‘Fine.’ He crossed his arms across his chest.

Suddenly, I didn’t want to be in Michael’s presence any more. ‘I’m going to take a shower and then I’m going to bed.’

I was about to step under the spray when I heard the phone ring. When I finished in the bathroom and went back to the living room, Michael was gone. Fuck it, I thought. I went to bed.

By the time I got up on Friday morning, I was over my fit of pique at Michael. After trying to call him several times during the day and not getting him, I dropped by the store after class. It was absolutely no surprise to me that Brian was there. He looked at me uneasily as I walked across the room and kissed Michael on the mouth lightly. I had the sneaking suspicion that I’d interrupted something. I hoped it was merely a conversation.

‘I stopped by to see if you’d changed your mind about tonight.’

Before Michael had a chance to say anything, Brian spoke. ‘I told Mikey he should go with you.’

‘And I said it wasn’t a good idea.’ Michael looked at Brian like he was a disobedient child.

I paused to look at both of them. Why did they always look like they were keeping the most amazing secret? ‘Well, I’m going, by myself, if I have to.’ Turning on my heel, I walked to the door and glanced over my shoulder. ‘Maybe I won’t be leaving by myself.’ I opened the door and practically ran out.

Okay, so my plan to get Justin and Michael together at Babylon probably wasn’t the smartest one I’d ever had. I had the silly idea that, if I could get the two of them together, they might be willing to talk out their differences. I guess I didn’t have to worry about what would happen when they saw each other. Michael apparently already had plans to spend yet another night at the loft, consoling Brian.

In light of that news, I considered calling Justin and telling him I couldn’t make it either, but I didn’t. Why should I punish him just because my boyfriend’s priorities were screwed up? After all the lectures I’ve given him lately about being good to himself, how could I not go out? Justin was right - I *did* love to dance and I missed going out. What was wrong with two friends spending a couple of hours together in a very public place?

By the time I got to Babylon - a little after ten - the dance floor was packed. I found Justin standing near the stairs talking to Emmett and Ted. ‘Hey, guys!’ I called out as I approached them.

‘Ben!’ They all smiled. Justin didn’t give away the fact that we’d planned to meet.

‘Where’s Michael?’ Emmett looked around.

‘If I had to guess, I’d say the loft, but I don’t know for sure.’

‘Is he still baby-sitting Brian?’ Ted asked.

At the mention of Brian’s name, Justin looked uncomfortable. ‘Ben, would you like to dance?’

I stole a glance at Emmett and Ted; they tried not to show it but they were surprised by Justin’s question. ‘I don’t know.’ I looked around. ‘It looks pretty crowded out there.’

‘Come on.’ He grabbed my hand and started pulling me forward. ‘I already asked Emmett and Ted, and they turned me down. You’re my last hope.’

I looked at the other two men with a hopeless look on my face. ‘See you later, guys.’ They waved at me as we disappeared into the mob.

Justin had been right. Again. I loved losing myself in the power of the music. I always enjoyed dancing with Michael but there was something about Justin that made dancing with him almost indecently erotic. We moved together, touching each other as much as we could without being obvious about it. As I gazed into his eyes, I could see what I took to be an invitation to further explore the burgeoning connection between us. I dreaded the end of this evening, when we would both go home alone.

Or maybe not.

I was so totally into my dancing partner that I didn’t see someone walk up and stand behind me. Justin stopped dancing, which caused me to turn around and look.

It was Michael. He was furious.

By the time I realized it was him, he’d walked away, toward the door.

‘Michael!’ He continued walking. ‘Michael, will you stop?!’ He slowed down but he didn’t turn around. I finally caught up with him outside.

‘I thought you were kidding when you said you might not go home alone!’ He looked over my shoulder. I glanced in that direction - Justin had followed us out. ‘This is all very cozy - I see Justin is still sleeping around on his boyfriend!’

‘Michael, this isn’t what you think. I ran into Emmett and Ted. And Justin. We were just dancing, that’s all.’

‘I can’t believe what a slut you are,’ Michael was talking to Justin. ‘It’s not good enough for you to break my best friend’s heart. You have to go after my boyfriend too!’

‘Michael--’ Justin was trying to step around me so he could address Michael.

‘Justin.’ Turning, I shook my head slightly and he stepped back.

‘And to think I left Brian at home, alone, to come here and surprise you. I guess the surprise is on me.’ He turned around and started to walk away but paused. ‘Justin, you can have him. The two of you deserve each other!’ This time he walked away quickly.

‘Michael! I watched him move up the street. ‘Michael!’ I sat down on the curb. ‘Shit!’

‘Ben…’ I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up. Justin was bending over, staring at me. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Just great - thank you for asking.’ I rubbed my hands over my face. ‘I can’t believe I’ve fucked it up with Michael again!’

‘What?’ Justin knelt down so that his face was close to mine. ‘How did you fuck it up?’

I couldn’t believe he was questioning me so calmly, as if we were discussing the weather. ‘Didn’t you see what just happened? He thinks you and I are sleeping together.’

‘Are we sleeping together?’ Justin wasn’t kidding. ‘Are we doing anything wrong?’ I shook my head. ‘Then, why are you blaming yourself when you didn’t do anything wrong?’

I finally realized that he was using words I said to him in the past against me. "Okay, I understand what you’re trying to do, and I appreciate it…’

‘You know,’ he wiped sweat from his forehead, ‘I’m really tired. Do you think you can give me a ride home?’

Nothing was said during the short trip. Despite the ugly little scene outside Babylon, Justin appeared to be in a better mood than I’d seen him in since he left Brian. ‘Listen, Ben…’ he said, just before we arrived on his corner, ‘if I were you, I wouldn’t worry too much about what happened tonight. Michael loves you. I know you’ll find the words to make him understand that there’s nothing going on between us.’

‘Your confidence in me is awe-inspiring.’ We both laughed softly.

‘Will you call me tomorrow and let me know how things are going?’

‘Sure.’ I nodded.

Just before he opened the door, he leaned forward and kissed me lightly on the mouth. I had the presence of mind to grab his head and prevent him from backing away. I plunged my tongue into his small mouth, startling him at first. After a few seconds to adjust to what was going on, he reciprocated enthusiastically. He leaned his slim body against mine as our tongues dueled playfully inside his mouth. I heard a moaning sound, but I wasn’t sure if it was coming from him or me.

As quickly as I had begun the kiss, Justin ended it by pulling back. He was out of the car before I knew it. As I put the car into gear and started down the street, I could see him running toward his building.