Author’s note: This is the fourth, and final, chapter of my Justin/Ben story. Once again, thanks to everyone who sent me feedback. Thanks, also, to Desi for giving me the original idea and then nagging me until I wrote it.

Between Friends - Conclusion

by Cathy

When I opened my eyes, it was broad daylight outside. I heard the shower running and remembered who was in there. A few minutes later, Justin padded into the room, wrapped in nothing but a towel; his hair was still dripping. ‘Hey,’ he called. ‘I thought you were going to sleep all day.’

‘Sorry.’ I wish I’d had a chance to put some clothes on before he walked in.

‘Why are you apologizing?’ he laughed. ‘I’ve only been awake a few minutes.’ He glanced back toward the bathroom. ‘I hope you don’t mind…’

‘Make yourself at home.’ I was getting very distracted watching him move around my bedroom.

He sat down on the edge of my bed and leaned toward me. ‘I will.’ He wrapped a hand around my head and pulled it forward, kissing me. When he pulled back, I had to fight to get my breath. ‘Good morning.’ He pushed the towel away and stretched out beside me.

This was the last thing I wanted to happen this morning, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. There was this hot little man in my bed, with only a sheet between us, and all I wanted to do was to fuck him until both of us forgot about all the bad stuff that was happening…

‘Justin…’ I tried to push him away, but my hands wouldn’t cooperate. They pulled him to me and caressed the soft skin of his back as he buried his face in my chest. His tongue teased my nipples as he pushed the sheet away. I felt his hands on my Dick, stroking it slowly.

I was lost. I knew it. I reached for a condom, but Justin beat me to it. He continued massaging me as he turned over on his side. I shifted over so that I was behind him. Reaching back, he pulled me forward so that I could enter him.

If I had any thoughts of stopping myself, they evaporated in the heat that was consuming us. I pushed forward slowly, impaling him. He gasped softly, turning his head so that I could kiss that amazing little mouth.

Afterwards, we were still lying tangled together. Justin had shifted over so that he was facing me. ‘You promised me pancakes, you know.’

‘Ummm,’ he moaned, ‘making pancakes would require that we get out of bed.’

I smiled. How long had it been since I looked at things in those simple terms? ‘We have to leave sometime.’

‘I know,’ he wrapped himself around me, ‘but I don’t have to like it.’

‘Come on,’ I started untangling arms and legs. When I was finally vertical, I slipped into a robe and threw another one on the bed for Justin.

He paused. ‘This isn’t… Michael’s, is it?’

‘No,’ I stopped at the bedroom door. ‘He took all his stuff last night.’

I consider myself a pretty good cook and I enjoy it, but I can’t remember when I had such a good time making a meal. The pancake batter ended up in some interesting places and Justin’s rum sauce was about eighty proof.

‘How can anyone eat six huge pancakes at one sitting?’ I poured us a second cup of coffee. ‘I thought you didn’t eat breakfast.’

‘Most of the time I get up too late, but I eat when I can. Especially when I’ve had a good cardio workout,’ he grinned. ‘Wasn’t it good?’

‘It was great, Justin,’ I reassured him. His smile got even bigger. ‘But I think we need to talk.’

‘What’s the matter?’ His smile dimmed. ‘Did I do something wrong?’

‘No,’ I said quickly, as I gently stroked his arm, ‘you did everything right.’

The smile brightened a little. ‘So… what do we need to talk about?’

‘Well,’ I cleared my throat, ‘it’s kind of about what happened…’ I wasn’t sure of what I was going to say, so I started slowly.

‘We already talked about it, last night. It’s just sex, right?’

I corrected him. ‘I believe it was *you* who said it was only sex.’

‘You mean, it’s not?’ He was staring at me as if he was trying to work out what was going on. ‘Ben… What’re you trying to say?’

What *was* I trying to say? ‘It’s just that this is a very uncertain time for both of us. You and Brian are--’

‘This has nothing to do with Brian, okay?’

‘I know you think he never loved you, Justin, but you loved him, didn’t you?’

‘It doesn’t matter whether I loved him or not. I don’t believe in love any more.’

‘What?’ Now it was my turn to be confused.

‘Brian used to tell me that love was bullshit, but I didn’t believe him. After what happened with Ethan, I realize he was right.’ He had a self-satisfied smile on his face, which rendered me speechless for a minute. ‘So, if you’re worried that I’m going to be dumb enough to fall in love with you just because we fucked, don’t worry.’ He laid his fork down and stood up. ‘I’m gonna take another shower and get dressed.’ He kissed me on the cheek before he left the room.

As I sat and watched him walk away, I should have been feeling relief. I knew Justin was vulnerable, despite what he said. I regretted that I’d allowed our friendship to turn physical and I was afraid he would think that we were something more than what we were. If I was to believe what he’d just told me, there was no danger of that happening - Justin wasn’t going to fall in love with me. All I had to do was make sure that I didn’t fall in love with him.

Much to my surprise, things worked out better than I feared they would. Over the next couple of weeks, Justin and I spent a good bit of time together. I helped him move some of his belongings out of Ethan’s apartment. He’d opened up a little about their brief relationship and I did what I thought he wanted - I listened I thought he need a sympathetic ear more than anything. He admitted that he’d barely known the young musician when he moved in with him, but he didn’t think he had anywhere else to go. He continued to proclaim that he and Brian were definitely finished and I didn’t argue with him, although I didn’t think he was over Brian any more than I thought Brian was over him.

Justin had moved in with Daphne, his friend from high school, and he seemed happy there. The three of us went to dinner one night; I enjoyed the company of these two intelligent young people. Justin said he’d missed having his best friend to talk to during the past few months and she seemed to be genuinely concerned for his welfare. He spent a couple of nights at my place - the sex was still the best I’d had in a long time - and he didn’t give any indication that he thought of me as anything other than a friend.

We discussed anything and everything that Justin wanted to talk about. I was careful to keep our conversations light, so he wouldn’t think he was being studied like a lab rat, but that wasn’t too hard. He was a lot of fun to be around.

There was one night in particular when we met at his favorite restaurant, Angelo’s, to eat pasta. He was quiet during the meal and, as soon as we finished dessert, I asked if he wanted to go home. I’d tried to get him to open up, without success, and I decided to give up and let him have his space.

I was surprised when Justin asked if he could come back to my place. Once inside my apartment, he walked back to the bedroom, lighting candles on his way. Grabbing a bottle of wine and two glasses, I followed him. I was prepared to be physically attacked once I walked into the bedroom, but he was sitting on the bed, fully clothed. I filled the glasses and handed one to him. He sat quietly for several minutes, sipping slowly. When he finally spoke, he seemed to be choosing his words carefully.

‘Daphne told me she saw a former high school classmate of ours yesterday.’

I could tell he had something serious on his mind, but I had no idea what it was. ‘It’s great to see old friends after a year or so, isn’t it?’

‘He wasn’t a friend,’ he said, without emotion.

‘Oh.’ I was stumped for anything clever to say.

‘His name is Chris Hobbs.’ He was quiet for a long minute. ‘I was bashed… at our senior prom.’

So *this* is what’s on his mind. ‘I know.’ I hesitated. ‘Michael told me…’

He looked away. ‘I can imagine what else he said about it.’

‘Justin, I know you and Michael have had your differences, but he was devastated by what happened to you. From what he said, everyone was.’

‘Yeah, I guess.’ He didn’t seem convinced.

I stretched out beside him. ‘Would you like to talk about it?’

He stared at me with an odd look on his face. ‘No one’s ever asked me that.’

‘Not even your therapist?’

He paused. ‘I’ve never been to a therapist, except for the one my mom took me to when she was trying to get me to tell her I was gay.’

This didn’t sound right. ‘You didn’t talk to anyone while you were in the hospital?’

‘Not really. After I went home, I tried to talk about it, to my mom and Daphne… And Brian…’ He emptied his glass and I refilled it.

‘But they didn’t want to talk about it.’

He shook his head. ‘I know it upset them, but…’

‘What would you like to tell me about it, Justin?’

He didn’t say anything right away. He was staring past me, like he could see something in the corner of the room that I couldn’t. When he finally started talking, I could barely hear him. ‘I didn’t even want to go the fucking prom, but Debbie talked me into it. And my mom. I asked Brian to go with me… and he laughed at me, so I asked Daphne.’

‘I don’t remember everything about that night, because of the head trauma, the doctor said. We were having a good time, though. I remember that. Chris Hobbs said something to me about pretending I was straight. I asked him if that was what he was doing.’ He laughed, bitterly. ‘I remember Daphne looking up and pointing to something behind me. I turned around and Brian was there… He looked amazing.’

‘Daphne said we danced, but I don’t remember that part. We went out to the parking garage. Brian got in his jeep and I started walking back to the ballroom. Chris Hobbs came out of the shadows with a baseball bat…’ He sniffed and I could tell he was trying to stay in control of his emotions. I pulled him over so I could put my arms around him.

‘You don’t have to say any more… I understand…’

‘No.’ He sat up. ‘That’s what they always said. ‘Don’t think about it, Justin.’ ‘You’ll upset yourself.’ ‘Let’s just pretend it never happened.’ Couldn’t they understand? It *did* happen! How could I *not* think about it?’ He wiped his eyes.

‘Did you ever think that they didn’t want to talk about it because it upset them? They almost lost you, Justin. It’s natural for them to want to put that in the past and not think about it.’

‘Yeah, I know but, what about what *I* wanted?’

‘What *do* you want?’

‘I don’t know.’ He laughed softly. ‘I’d just like for someone to not act like it never happened.’

This was a very sad subject for everyone, Justin included. I couldn’t understand why he was so adamant about remembering it. ‘Why is that so important to you, do you know?’

Once again, he looked away. ‘It was the best night of my life - that’s what I told him.’

‘Brian?’

He nodded. ‘He came to find me; he danced with me; he kissed me, in front of everybody. That was the night I knew that he loved me…’ His voice sounded strained.

‘And if Brian can deny what happened that night, he can also deny everything he said and did.’ I knew this was a very difficult subject for my young lover to talk about, but I had to ask him one more question. ‘If Brian taught you that love is bullshit, how could you know, that night, that he loved you?’

I moved over so that my face was close to his. He wouldn’t look at me. After a long minute, he tried to pull away. ‘I-I need to get home.’

I pulled back and let him stand up. He hurried out of the room and I followed him. ‘Justin…’ He walked out the door and I let him go.

I knew what I had to do; I just didn’t know how I was going to go about it. I knew I’d have to be sneaky. I called Brian’s secretary and told her I needed to talk to him, but that I didn’t want him to know I was coming. She was in the process of getting an attitude when I told her I was a friend of his, and of Justin’s. The mention of the teenager’s name was the secret password - she wanted to know if I could talk to Justin and convince him to come back ‘home’ to Brian. She said she’d never seen her boss as distant and unemotional as he’d been since they’d split up. I told her I was going to give it a try, if she’d help. She told me to come in on Wednesday at two.

Brian was alone when I walked into his office. ‘What the fuck are *you* doing here?’ He barely looked up from his desk.

‘It’s nice to see you too, Brian.’ I sat in a chair and waited for him to continue the conversation, or throw me out.

Closing a book, he fixed a glare at me. ‘To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?’

‘I-I wanted to know how Michael is.’ I was beginning to doubt that this was the best approach.

‘Why don’t you ask him?’ It looked like he was going to be difficult. ‘Or have you forgotten where to find him?’

‘No, I know where he is. I’m not sure how eager he is to talk to me.’

‘I can’t imagine why. He caught you fucking around.’

I wasn’t about to back down. ‘Justin and I weren’t doing anything wrong.’

His smile never made it to his eyes. ‘I believe you, but it doesn’t matter what I think.’

I saw a small opening and decided to give it a try. ‘I thought Justin needed a friend - he’s been having a pretty bad time lately.’

‘Trouble with his fiddle player?’ He was trying very hard to appear uninterested in Justin’s welfare.

‘They broke up.’ I was careful to give only the barest details. ‘He’s living with Daphne now.’

His face brightened, if only for a second. ‘She’s too good for him.’

I was emboldened by the fact that Brian was still talking. ‘I think he realizes that he made a mistake when he left you…’ I was pretty sure that I’d gone too far.

‘Justin’s mistake was staying as long as he did. He’s better off now.’ The phone rang and he answered it. ‘Hello? Yeah, I’ll be right there.’ He hung up the phone and stood up. ‘Will you excuse me? There’s a crisis in Conference Room A.’

I got to my feet. ‘And you’re the only one who can defuse the situation?’

‘The joys of being a partner,’ he sighed, as we walked out of his office together.

‘Brian,’ I paused in the hallway. ‘I’d like to talk to Michael. Do you think you can bring him to my apartment?’

‘Why me?’

‘Because he trusts you. I think he’ll come, if you ask him.’

I think he wanted to say no, but he didn’t. ‘I’ll call you, okay?’

‘Thanks.’

It was the next day before Brian called me back. He didn’t sound happy about it, but he said he’d bring Mikey by around nine.

It was slightly less difficult to talk Justin into coming for dinner. By the time he arrived, at six, I was having some serious misgivings about my covert operation. Shortly thereafter, my spirits had lifted appreciably. Justin had that effect on me. He insisted on staying in the kitchen and ‘helping’ me cook, which delayed the meal by twenty minutes. By the time we sat down to eat, we’d consumed one bottle of wine and Justin was asking me to open a second one. I couldn’t very well tell him no, especially without a good reason.

As I expected, Justin wanted to go to bed right after dinner. As much as I wanted to oblige him, I honestly didn’t think I could make love to him. Not without getting unbearably maudlin about it. If my plan worked, this would be the last night he and I spent together. I’d gotten more attached to him than I ever imagined. Maybe I was falling in love with him - who knows? The only thing I did know was that I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t, at least, try to help him.

Justin, not being privy to what was going on in my brain, started undressing me on the way to the bedroom. I tried to resist him, for about five seconds, before I gave up and let him have his way.

When we were in the bedroom, I paused to light several candles, just like Justin liked it. I pushed him down on the bed and stripped his briefs off. Before he had time to roll over, I covered his cock with my mouth and started slowly swallowing. He moaned softly as he entangled his hands in my hair and started thrusting. It only took a few minutes to bring him over the edge.

He pulled my face up so he could kiss me. ‘Fuck me,’ he whispered.

I watched his face while I was inside him. He looked at me with a mixture of passion and… What? I wanted it to be love…

Later, we lay together, talking about nothing in particular. I glanced at the clock; it was past eight thirty. ‘I’m going to take a shower.’ I started trying to get up. ‘Join me?’

‘Nah, I’m too comfortable to get up.’ He rolled over. ‘If I’m asleep when you get back, don’t wake me.’

‘Sorry, kid, but you can’t spend the night.’ I smacked his bare ass. ‘I have an early morning.’

‘Come on, Ben,’ he whined.

‘Nope. I’m taking you home as soon as I get out of the shower.’ I turned and walked to the bathroom.

Justin joined me in the shower, which caused it to last about twice as long as it would have if I’d been alone. I finally managed to drag him out at eight fifty five.

Justin was still in the bedroom when my other visitors arrived. When I opened the door, Brian was standing there. ‘Brian! What a surprise!’

Brian looked around. ‘He knows this was your idea, Ben.’ He walked through the door and into the living room. Michael followed slowly. ‘Before we start chatting, I think we’re going to need a drink.’ I started walking toward the kitchen as Justin walked out of the bedroom. He looked at Brian and then Michael. ‘Yes, we’re definitely going to need a drink,’ Brian laughed.

Justin followed me into the kitchen. ‘Why are they here?’

‘Justin, I didn’t tell you about this, because I wasn’t sure you’d stay…’ I grabbed glasses from the cabinet. He looked at me as if he couldn’t believe what I was saying. ‘I-I wanted to talk to Michael, so I asked Brian to bring him. I wanted you here for moral support.’

‘Ben--’

‘Please?’ I handed two glasses to Justin and walked to the living room, hoping he was following me.

‘I only have scotch.’ I set the bottle on the table. ‘I hope that’s okay.’

‘Great!’ Brian picked up the bottle and poured a generous amount into a glass. ‘Does anyone else want some?’

‘Yes.’ Three voices answered, in unison. Brian poured three more drinks and passed them around.

‘What shall we drink to?’ I held my glass up.

‘What the fuck is *he* doing here?’ Michael wouldn’t look at Justin.

‘I asked him--’ I started to explain.

‘I didn’t know either of you were coming,’ Justin interrupted. ‘I wouldn’t have been here otherwise.’

‘Well, I’m not staying!’ Michael stood up.

Michael made it to the door before Brian spoke up. ‘You said you’d listen to what he had to say.’

‘Brian, how can you stand to be in the same room with him?’ He gestured toward Justin. ‘He broke your heart! He stole my boyfriend!’

‘This is no time to be shy, Mikey. Tell us what you *really* think.’

‘I’ll tell you what he really thinks. He hates me.’ Justin turned to face Michael. ‘From the first night we met, you have wanted me gone.’

‘That’s not true!’

‘The fuck it’s not.’ Brian answered. ‘You’re my best friend and I love you, but it *is* true. You’ve always been jealous of Justin.’

‘*Was* jealous. Past tense.’ Justin spoke to Brian. ‘He has no reason to hate me any more.’ He turned his attention to Michael. ‘I’m out of your lives now.’

‘How can you say you’re out of my life? You’re in my ex-boyfriend’s apartment; you were probably in bed with him before we got here.’

‘Mikey, will you sit down and shut the fuck up?’ Brian spoke to me. ‘Okay, Ben, what did you want to say?’

I stood up and took a large sip of scotch. ‘Okay. I think we can all agree that a lot has happened in the past few weeks, most of it pretty bad.’ I looked around for someone to agree with me, but all three faces were neutral. ‘We’ve said and done things, in the heat of the moment, that we regret now.’ I walked over to kneel in front of Michael. ‘But I don’t believe that it’s too late for us. Where there is love, anything is possible.’ Leaning forward, I kissed him softly on the mouth, taking him by surprise. ‘I love you, Michael. I hope you can find it in your heart to take me back.’

Leaning forward, Michael buried his head against my shoulder.

I looked over Michael’s head, at the other two men in the room. They were looking decidedly uncomfortable. ‘Brian, is it true what Michael says? That Justin broke your heart?’

‘That’s none of your fucking business.’ He emptied his glass and poured another drink.

‘You’re right - it’s not.’ I looked at Justin. ‘Even though he never said it, you were sure that Brian loved you once, weren’t you?’

‘Ben!’ Justin had a wounded look on his face.

‘I don’t believe it’s too late for the two of you either. I’m not sure what you have, other than love. But, when you have that, what else do you need?’

‘I’m sorry,’ Justin stood up. ‘I can’t listen to this.’ He started walking toward the door. ‘I’m gonna take the bus home.’

‘To Daphne’s?’ Brian asked.

Justin turned. ‘How did you know about that?’

‘I told him,’ I confessed.

‘Yeah, like he gives a shit.’ Justin was talking to me.

‘Once upon a time, you thought I did,’ Brian spoke softly ‘give a shit.’

‘Once upon a time, I thought you loved me.’ Justin took a step toward his erstwhile lover. ‘Was I wrong about that too?’

‘Just because I never told you?’ Brian took a step forward. ‘Because I never said the words?’

‘Brian…’ Michael had pulled away from my embrace and was standing up. ‘I’m gonna stay here tonight.’ He took a step toward his best friend. ‘Why don’t you give Justin a ride home? So he doesn’t have to take the bus?’ He turned to Justin. ‘He *does* love you, don’t ever doubt that.’ He took a step back.

Brian looked at Justin and Justin looked at Brian. ‘Would you like to stop somewhere and get a drink?’

‘Sure.’ Justin picked up his coat. ‘What about your place?’ He grinned.

They still weren’t touching as they walked out the door. I hoped that would change when they got out of sight.

I can’t believe all of that happened almost a month ago. Since then, Michael and I have had a few rough spots, like when he found out that Justin and I had been lovers. I think we’re going to make it, though.

As for Justin and Brian, things are really going well for them. Justin is still living with Daphne - he says he doesn’t want to move back to the loft until it feels right. I’m not sure Brian agrees, but he’s going along with it. I still talk to Justin on the phone a couple of times a week. The friendship we found is thriving and I like to think that I had something to do with his present and future happiness. He says that both he and Brian have changed a little and that they’re both trying, which is all he ever wanted. They’ve become friends, something he never thought would happen.

Sometimes the best things happen between friends, don’t they?