The late afternoon shadows were lengthening fast as Justin Taylor walked up to the front of the building. He’d been planning this all afternoon. When he finished his shift, he explained to Debbie what he wanted to do. Her look was disapproving, but she handed over the key she kept ‘in case of an emergency’ and yelled, ‘be careful!’ to his retreating back.

Justin had gotten a ride with some guy who’d been sitting in booth #3 for the past hour, staring at him as he walked back and forth, wiping off tables and carrying dirty dishes. As he entered the building, he started feeling small pangs of doubt gnawing at the edge of his resolve. No, this wouldn’t be easy, he told himself, but he knew he was doing the right thing.

The young man took a deep breath and walked toward the elevator.

The apartment door wasn’t locked. Justin pulled it open slightly and stepped inside. Assorted debris from last night’s party looked surreal in the semi-darkness. Justin stepped over balloons and other discarded decorations as he searched for Brian. The Jeep is downstairs, he thought, so he has to be here somewhere.

After turning on several lamps, Justin spotted Brian: he was lying on the floor, on his side, with his knees pulled up toward his chest. His head was pillowed on his arm, and he was asleep. Justin moved quickly to sit on the floor beside the sleeping man. An empty liquor bottle lay sideways on the floor near the comic book Brian had given Michael for his birthday. Brian still wore the black pants he’d worn to the party. Justin wondered how long he’d been lying there.

Brian shifted abruptly, moaning softly. It didn’t sound like a moan of pleasure - more like one of pain. I can’t let him sleep here all night, Justin decided. He reached out his hand slowly, tentatively…

Brian opened his eyes with a gasp, startling Justin, whose hand remained in mid-air. "What the fuck are you doing here?" Brian’s voice sounded dangerous.

"I-I had to see if you were all right."

"I’m fine." Brian rolled over on his stomach, burying his face in his forearm. "Go away."

"No." The word was said quietly.

Brian raised his head, looking up at Justin. "*What* did you say?"

"I’m not leaving you alone tonight. You don’t have to talk to me; you don’t even have to *look* at me, but I’m staying." The look on the young face was one of stubborn determination.

Still, Brian didn’t seem capable of giving up without an argument. "What’re you gonna do? Take care of me?"

Justin shrugged. "I swear I won’t bother you, Brian. Please let me stay…"

Brian paused, staring hard at his visitor for a long minute, but didn’t say anything. Justin took his silence as consent, at least for now. "You’re not planning on sleeping here on the floor all night, are you?"

A hint of a smile curled the edges of Brian’s mouth. "Oh, I suppose you want us to go to bed so I can fuck you. Is that why you’re here?"

Angry words popped into Justin’s brain, but he held his tongue. Brian is trying to make me mad so I’ll leave, he thought. "I’ll sleep on the couch, if that’s what you want."

"What I *want* is for you to…" Brian sighed theatrically and swallowed the remainder of the sentence. Holding out his hand, he said, "Help me up."

Justin grabbed Brian’s hand in both of his, pulling them to their feet. The older man staggered slightly and Justin put a hand on his waist to steady him. "Are you okay?"

"Couldn’t be better." Brian took a step toward Justin and looked down at him menacingly. "Are you going to try to put me to bed now, *mom*?"

The young man refused to be intimidated. "H-Have you eaten?"

Brian grimaced. "I’m not hungry." He ran his fingers through his hair, grateful that there were no mirrors in sight. "I *would* like to take a shower."

"Can you make it to the bathroom?" Justin kept his hand on Brian’s back, for support.

Brian shrugged. "You’d better walk with me, just in case."

As they started moving slowly toward the bathroom, Justin glanced up at Brian’s face. His lips were pursed into that little pout that made his knees go weak. He had the feeling that he was being teased, but he decided to play along.

Once inside the bathroom, Brian stopped. "Well?" He looked questioningly at Justin.

"Well, what?" Justin hesitated.

"You’re supposed to be *helping* me." He held his arms out, giving his companion better access to his body. "Undress me."

Now, Justin knew he was being teased but he would not be the one to give in first. Kneeling, he slowly unfastened Brian’s pants and peeled them down to his ankles so he could kick them aside. No underwear, of course. He continued kneeling for ten seconds longer than he needed to, his face inches from Brian’s cock. If it was turning him on to be so close to the object of his affection, he was willing to bet it was affecting Brian the same way.

Without warning, Justin stood up and walked past Brian to the shower. Reaching in, he turned on the water - hot - just the way Brian liked it. He stepped aside, holding the door for Brian to step inside. "Why don’t you join me?" Brian grabbed his arm and started pulling.

Justin braced himself against the shower door, refusing to move. "I don’t have any more clothes here, and you yell at me when I wear yours."

Brian laughed. "I didn’t mean come in with your clothes on… Take ‘em off." Justin remained still, unsure of the wisdom of getting too close to Brian when he was wet and naked. "Come on, Justin, you smell like the inside of the diner…" Brian’s head was cocked sideways and he wore that little half-smile that seemed to say ‘I know everything and I’ll teach it to you…’ Justin took a step backwards and started stripping.

Three seconds later, Justin stepped into the shower and closed the door behind him. "Wash my back?" Brian held out the soap; Justin took it and started rubbing it across Brian’s upper back. His hands moved slowly, tracing the well-defined muscles there. He licked his lips, wishing it was his tongue rather than the soap touching the other man’s skin.

Turning around, Brian took the soap from Justin and started moving it across the young man’s chest. Justin’s eyes closed as his head rolled back; he was languishing in the feeling of Brian’s strong, slippery hands slowly stroking his belly before moving around to caress his back and his ass. He felt Brian’s mouth on his neck, licking and kissing. A second later, his mouth was engulfed as Brian’s arms locked around his body tightly, making it difficult to breathe.

Justin’s resolve not to do anything with Brian tonight was slipping away fast, melting in the onslaught of Brian’s lips, teeth and hands. As a last attempt at protest, Justin tried to speak, but his mouth was quickly covered again by Brian’s, whose tongue began an exhaustive inventory of the interior. Sighing deeply, Justin surrendered his body and his will to his lover, to do with as he pleased.

Before he realized what was happening, Justin was turned so that he faced the wall of the shower, his cheek pressed against the coldness of the glass. Strong hands began stroking his cock, bringing it to full erectness instantly, as Brian’s mouth trailed a line of kisses down his spine. Justin shivered involuntarily as Brian’s tongue moved between his ass cheeks. It was intimate territory, but Brian had been there before. Justin’s mind flashed on the memory of their first night together: ‘Now you know what rimming is.’ That was one of the first things he’d learned from Brian; he knew he’d never forget any of it.

Despite knowing what was coming next, Justin gasped as his cheeks were pulled apart. Brian’s tongue moved slowly across his anus, then pushed inside ever-so-slightly. Justin pushed backwards, trying to increase the penetration. He felt, rather than heard, Brian’s chuckle as his tongue plunged in deeper. Closing his eyes, Justin moaned, languishing in the pure joy and exhilaration he always felt when he was the sole object of Brian’s sexual expertise.

Justin was nearing orgasm when he became aware that Brian had changed positions again. "I’m going to fuck you now, Justin. Are you ready for me?" Slippery fingers scissored inside his asshole, stretching him.

"Yes!" he gasped, spreading his legs and preparing himself for impalement. The fingers were removed, then Brian’s cockhead was poised at the opening of his body. Justin tried to move, but Brian held a forearm across his back, trapping him against the wall. Brian bit down on Justin’s shoulder and started moving forward, slowly. Justin closed his eyes again and silently begged Brian to move faster.

Brian seemed determined to take as long as he could, torturing his young lover with slow, deliberate movements. He grabbed Justin’s cock again and stroked it, matching the ever-increasing rhythm of his thrusts. A symphony of moans and grunts echoed in the small enclosure as the two men moved together as one.

Justin was going into sensory overload: with one hand, Brian pulled on his nipple ring while the other one continued stroking his cock. No matter how much Justin wanted this to last, he knew he was getting close to orgasm. The young man cried out a nanosecond before he spasmed. His anal muscles contracted, squeezing Brian’s cock and pulling him over the edge; Brian thrust one last time as he filled Justin with his seed.

Both men were silent for several seconds as they fought to catch their breath. Justin reached his hand around to clutch at Brian’s back. "Don’t move… not yet, anyway."

Brian moved his head away from Justin’s shoulder so he could speak. "The water’s getting cold." He pulled back, reluctantly. "Let’s go to bed."

With a dissatisfied snort, Justin relinquished his hold on his lover. He opened the shower door and stepped out as Brian turned the water off and followed him. Brian toweled off quickly and ducked out of the bathroom, leaving Justin alone.

When Justin walked into the bedroom, Brian was lying on his back in the bed, a forearm flung over his eyes. The young man moved silently around the apartment, turning off lights, before coming back and lying down next to his lover, far enough away so that he couldn’t be accused of ‘smothering’ him.

Knowing he’d not be able to go to sleep this early, Justin turned over on his side, his head propped on his hand. He was content just to look at Brian: the still-wet hair falling on the pillow riotously, the mouth relaxed into the familiar pout, the lips kissable, as always. The muscles of his chest were finely delineated, even when he was at rest. The dark sheet covered the lower half of his body, forcing Justin to use his imagination, and his memory, to picture the flat belly, the long, slim cock that lay flaccid against his thigh, the long, muscular legs.

"What?" Brian’s voice startled Justin out of his reverie.

"I-I thought you were asleep."

"Is that why you were staring at me? You thought I was asleep?"

Brian sounded annoyed. What else is new? Justin thought. "It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve watched you sleep." Justin chuckled at the memory of the way he frantically hurried to complete the drawing of Brian which was sold at the charity auction, before the older man woke up. If he’d know Brian better back then, he’d have realized that his model was out for the night and he could have taken his time.

"You know, I’m constantly amazed at how little it takes to entertain you." Brian had moved his arm and was looking up at his companion with a derisive smirk. "And I thought you came over here just to fuck--"

"I *didn’t* come over here to fuck, Brian!" Justin’s eyes flashed. "I wanted to be with you because I care about you." Justin sat up and leaned forward, wanting to touch Brian, to caress his face, his body, but he didn’t dare.

"Don’t waste your time caring about me, Justin."

"Why?" I love you, Justin wanted to say, but didn’t.

"You were here last night - didn’t you see what happens to people who care about me?"

Brian turned over quickly on his side, with his back to his bedmate. Justin could hear the pain in his voice; it was very much like he’d sounded the night before, as everyone was leaving. "You mean Michael?" Brian didn’t reply and Justin took a deep breath and continued. "Well, I’ve been thinking about that all day. I know everyone’s pissed at you ‘cause of what you did. I didn’t understand last night, but I think I do now. Do you want to know what I think?" He paused again, waiting for Brian to say something. Anything. But he remained silent. "Debbie thinks Michael should move in with the doctor, that they’d be happy. I guess everybody else thinks so too. I heard her thank you this morning, before we left. I think you said what you did to that girl to drive him away, so he can be with the doctor. Am I right?"

"So what if you are?" Brian’s voice was muffled.

Justin’s mind raced as he tried to think of something else to say. "I just wanted you to know that I understand, that’s all." He shrugged. "I know you didn’t do it because you hate him, but because you love him. You want him to be happy." He paused yet again, hoping Brian would acknowledge that he was even listening, but there was no sound from the other side of the bed. "I know everyone thinks I’m just a dumb kid, but I can see what’s going on. You and Michael have been friends half your lives. You’ve always been there for each other. No one has ever come between you two - no one ever could, except you. I can tell you’re in pain and I just want you to know I’ll be here… if you need me, that is."

Brian shifted over just enough so that he could turn his head and look up at Justin. "You think you have everything all worked out, don’t you? But, you know what? You don’t know shit, Justin, about me, or Mikey… or anybody else. You *are* just a dumb kid and I don’t need anything from you. Now, do you think you can shut the fuck up so I can go to sleep?" The ‘request’ was accompanied by Brian turning back over and burying his head in the pillow, signifying an end to the conversation.

Justin sat, stunned, for several minutes. Why am I continually surprised by Brian’s rudeness, he wondered. Maybe I’ve been wrong all along; maybe he really *doesn’t* care anything about me, maybe I’m just wasting my time here… Crawling off the bed carefully, Justin collected his clothes and dressed by the light of a single lamp. He was almost to the front door when he heard a noise from the bedroom. Turning, he looked to see Brian sitting up in bed with the sheet still wrapped around his waist. "Where are you going?"

"Back to Debbie’s…" Justin spoke quietly.

"Why?"

The question was spoken so innocently, so blandly, that Justin almost laughed. "Everything I say or do is wrong, Brian. It’s obvious you don’t want me here…"

"Since when did you give a shit whether I wanted you here?" There was that mocking half-smile of Brian’s; Justin had seen it before, but he’d never been able to work out what he thought was so funny. He said nothing and Brian spoke again. "What happened to staying with me tonight ‘cause you care about me?"

Justin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was just like Brian to use his own words as a weapon against him. "If you still need to be reminded that I care about you, after everything that’s happened…" He left the sentence unfinished, unable to utter even a hollow threat. He wasn’t mad, although he wished he could be; a little righteous indignation might be just what he needed. The only thing he felt was defeated. And tired. Turning, he put his hand on the door to open it.

"You can stay if you want to…" Brian’s voice was almost inaudible.

Justin half-turned so he could see Brian’s face but the older man was looking down. "You should know what I want, but what about you? What do *you* want me to do?"

Licking his lips, Brian looked at Justin and smiled. "I’d like you to stay."

Justin was across the room and up to the bed in record time. For the second time tonight, he stripped off his clothes quickly and crawled onto the bed next to Brian, who was lying on his back with his eyes closed again. Justin snuggled a little closer; his head was almost touching Brian’s arm. He closed his eyes, trying to push fear and insecurity out of his mind as he willed himself to go to sleep. I’m still here, he thought, and I’m not going anywhere. Eventually, Brian will come to his senses and realize that what we have is special. Until then, I just have to hang on tight and enjoy the ride.