It was late afternoon before I got home from my visit to Lindsay and Melanie. When I arrived at their house, I had every intention of signing Melanie’s legal papers, but I kept looking at Gus. He looks so small and helpless when he’s laying in his little carrier or when I hold him. I wonder if my old man held me when I was a couple of months old. Did he look at me and want to protect me from all the shit out there? Probably not.

So I didn’t sign away my parental rights after all. The dykes were pissed off but I don’t care. I have to do what’s best for me and for my son. They’ll get over it… or they won’t.

Justin wasn’t home earlier when I came home from Mikey’s to shower and change. I guessed that he was out with his little friend. It was nice to be alone in my apartment again, but it was a little strange. Justin’s only been here two weeks but he seems to have filled in all the empty spaces in the loft… and in my life.

As the elevator ascended slowly, I tried to figure out if I was more afraid of Justin being there or not being there. Whatever, I thought, as I fished out my key.

The apartment is empty; nothing had been touched since I’d been here earlier. Maybe he moved out, I wondered. After all, I’d stayed out all night and didn’t call. A quick glance in the closet allayed my fears: his school uniforms hung neatly behind my suits. Another idea occurred to me: maybe he’s out looking for me. No, I decided; he’s probably out doing something adolescent with his friends. Walking over to the fridge, I retrieved a beer; I dropped my shoes, socks, jeans and shirt where I took them off and collapsed onto the bed, dressed only in my briefs. I closed my eyes.

Sadly, the sleep I’d been craving all day wouldn’t come. After ten minutes of tossing around, I sat up, propped the pillows behind me and took a large drink of the beer. As much as I tried to keep my mind blank, I couldn’t help thinking back over the events of the past few days. My dad, Mikey, Lindsay, Melanie, all had expectations of me. And Justin, of course. He was the most honest about what he wanted from me and he scared me more than the rest of them combined. Nothing I said or did seemed to dissuade him from going after what he wanted: me.

As my thoughts tumbled around, I leaned my head back against the pillow and closed my eyes. Maybe I *did* doze off because the sound of the door startled me. I watched Justin walk across the room and stop when he saw me. He stood still, as if he was trying to decide whether he should risk coming up to the bedroom. I continued staring at him and our eyes locked for a long minute, then he smiled. He lights up the whole room when he smiles.

Slowly, he dropped his backpack and walked up to where I was lying. I patted the edge of the bed and he sat down. I handed him the beer and he took a drink, then set the bottle back on the bedside table. "I-I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you got home." He looked down. "My mom called this morning…"

I shrugged. "Justin, you don’t owe me any explanations about where you were."

"I know." He looked back at me defiantly. "I just wanted to tell you about my day…"

Okay, he’d made me feel like a shit. Again. "So tell me. What did you do?"

"We went to the museum, then we had lunch, then we took my sister to the park."

I could see sadness behind his smile. Justin should never be sad. "It was just your mom and your sister?"

"Yeah. My dad was playing golf - I guess he would have yelled if he knew where they were going."

I remembered that day in Justin’s house, the way his mom had taken control of the situation. "Your mom is a strong lady, Justin."

"Yeah." That smile flashed again, then he was looking past me. "When she brought me back here, she asked me to get my stuff and come home. When I told her no, she wouldn’t look at me. I think she was crying when I got out of the car."

Justin’s voice was cracking a little as he fought to keep control of his emotions. I wanted to let him know that I didn’t care if he cried - that he had every right to, under the circumstances. But I knew he’d never let go like that in front of me. He didn’t want me to think of him as ‘some little faggot’. Which, of course, I didn’t. "You *can* go home, you know."

When he looked up at me, there was fire in his eyes. "No. I can’t. Don’t you understand?"

"I understand that you miss your family--"

He continued talking as if he hadn’t heard what I said. "Brian, you were there. You heard what my father said to me. If I go home, I can’t be myself - I have to be someone who doesn’t exist, except in his head. I can’t do that - I *won’t* do that."

There he goes again, I thought, trying to be strong. "Justin, you’re just a kid--"

"You’re right!" He was almost yelling now. "I *am* just a kid! What has *that* got to do with anything? Just because I’m not an *adult* like you or my dad, does that mean I can’t stand up for myself?" He paused and stared at me hard, waiting for an answer from me. I didn’t have anything to say and he continued. "Don’t you see, Brian? If I back down now - if I go home without making him apologize for what he did to you - I’ll be telling him that he can do whatever he wants to. I can’t do that. He has to learn to take responsibility for what he does."

I could tell his mind was made up about this. I still thought he was being overly dramatic, but I kinda admired him for it as well. I smiled up at him. "Sometimes I wonder who’s the adult and who’s the kid."

"Me too." He smiled back at me and I knew this discussion was closed. Justin was completely sure of himself when it came to dealing with his father. "Are you feeling better?" He looked concerned.

"I’m fine. Why do you ask?"

He shrugged. "Michael said you two were at Woody’s and you didn’t feel well, so he took you home with him."

"He called you?"

Justin nodded. "Yeah. Last night."

"What time?"

"I don’t know. Late. He said you were asleep and for me not to worry."

Ah, leave it to Mikey to take care of everything.

"Oh, and Lindsay called early this morning, before I left. She wanted to know what time you were coming over…" Justin was looking serious again. He remembered what I was going over there for.

"Thanks. I went by there this afternoon."

"To sign the papers? Brian--"

I put my hands up in front of me, palms out, in surrender. "I didn’t sign ‘em, Justin, so don’t start lecturing me about it."

He was quiet for a few seconds. "You didn’t sign?" He smiled. "I knew you couldn’t."

"Oh, really. And how did you know this when I didn’t decide until I got there?"

"I’ve seen your face when you’re holding Gus, the way you look at him."

"And how is that?"

"Love. You love him, Brian."

"You think so, huh?"

He nodded. "I know you enjoy your reputation as this narcissistic prick who only cares about himself. If that’s you want everyone else to think about you, I don’t care. But *I* know the truth."

I thought I should end this conversation - I knew where it was going - but I wanted to hear what Justin had to say. "And what is the truth?"

"You’re just like the rest of us. You want to love someone. And be loved. The trouble is that you can’t allow yourself to get trapped. With Gus, you can love and be loved, unconditionally. You need him as much as he needs you."

I swallowed hard. How did this kid get to be so wise? "You know, the more time I spend with you, the more I realize that you’re just as full of shit as the rest of us."

Justin looked at me for another second, as if he could read my mind. "Don’t worry, Brian, your secret is safe with me," he whispered.

Without realizing what I was doing, I reached out and hooked my hand behind his head. Pulling him forward, I covered his mouth with mine. His lips were apart and his tongue darted into my mouth quickly. The combination of innocence and raw lust always took me by surprise. I could feel my cock getting hard as his thin body moved against mine. I stripped off his t-shirt while he heeled out of his sneakers, then he stood up and stepped out of his jeans and briefs. An instant later, he was stretched out on the bed, writhing against me as I tugged off my shorts. His skin tasted slightly salty as I licked my way down his neck, to his chest.

I opened my eyes and pulled him over to lie on top of me. Our cocks slid together and I grabbed his ass, encouraging him to move against me. He seemed to know what I wanted and started sucking and biting on my throat as he thrust against me. The only part of him I could reach with my mouth was his head; I placed kisses in his hair as my hands moved across his back and down, again, to his ass. He was moaning uncontrollably, which just made me that much hotter.

It only took a few minutes - I could never last long with Justin. He cried out as he came, which pushed me over the edge as well.

He stayed on top of me long enough for our breathing to get back to normal, then he moved over to lie beside me. Turning over on my side, I was about to kiss him when a huge yawn took us both by surprise. "You look tired," he whispered. "Why don’t you sleep for a while?"

He was right - I was finally sleepy. Closing my eyes, I reached out to pull him close, but he wasn’t there. I opened my eyes in time to see him crawling off the bed. "Where’re you going?"

"I’ve got a killer history test Monday and you need to sleep. I’ll wake you for dinner."

I closed my eyes again. "Give me two hours, then call Hong Kong Palace. They deliver…"