This story takes place during and after Law of Desire. The end of the movie is so sad and I needed closure.

Frivolous

Chapter 1

I Don't Normally Sleep With Guys

"You want to screw me, don't you?" Antonio looked down into the eyes of the other man. Even though he was in bed with Pablo, he wasn't sure he was ready for what was coming next.

"I've wanted to fuck you since the discotheque." Pablo spoke softly but with great feeling. There was that word: fuck. Is he telling the truth? Antonio wondered, or trying to shock me into leaving?

Antonio said nothing, allowing Pablo to turn him over once more. "I've never done it before." His heart was pounding, partially from the excitement of being close to Pablo and partially from terror. He felt Pablo's hands on his legs, lifting one and then the other over his shoulders. He had never felt so vulnerable in his life. He could feel Pablo's erection as it pushed against his upper thigh.

Antonio looked up into Pablo's face; determined to go through with this, he took a deep breath and spread his arms. A sudden pain shocked him as Pablo tried to enter him; Antonio grimaced, his face silently entreating as he shook his head.

Pablo had had more than a few men under similar circumstances and he knew exactly what to do. Some men were just not worth the trouble: if they made it this far and froze, he got them out and fast. Then there were the ones who came home with him but never made it to the bedroom. Pablo thought this beautiful young man would be one of the latter; he'd admitted, at the club, that he didn't normally sleep with men, yet he came home with him anyway. In the process of finding out how far the young man would go before he called a halt, Pablo had discovered that he had told the truth when he said he wanted to fuck him. He was willing to take as much time and trouble as needed to have this man.

Pablo caressed Antonio's face, trying to calm him. Antonio took another breath and tried to relax but the feel of Pablo's cockhead as it was pushed against his anus caused him to wince again. Antonio held his breath, afraid that his sexual escapade with Pablo would be ending in a matter of seconds.

Pablo ceased, once again, in his effort to enter the young man. He wasn't lying about not sleeping with men, he thought. He's so tight... and so tense. It would require a bit of patience, but Pablo would remedy both problems.

The director shifted slightly, reaching over to pluck a small jar from a shelf against the wall. With his other hand he flipped the switch on the lamp next to the bed, plunging the room into almost total darkness.

Pablo allowed Antonio's legs to lay back on the bed, then moved over to sit by his side. Antonio was about to ask another question when he was startled by Pablo's hand on his cock, stroking it gently. "What are you doing?"

"Ssssshhhh... Relax, Antonio..." The hand continued its slow rhythmic caress; the ball of his thumb moved over the head, manipulating the foreskin and sending a shiver through the young man.

Closing his eyes, Antonio licked his lips and moaned. "You're going to make me come..." Antonio placed a hand on Pablo's wrist but was unable to make him stop.

"That's exactly what I want you to do - it's what you need. You're entirely too tense; you need to relax..." As he slowly increased the speed and intensity of the strokes, he leaned his head forward and buried his face in the patch of hair in the middle of Antonio's chest. He ran his tongue around a nipple, catching it between his teeth. When it was standing erect, he moved over and did the same to the other nipple.

Antonio held his breath, tossing his head back and forth on the pillow. "Oh, God..."

"It's all right, love. You're getting close, aren't you?" Antonio moaned an answer. "Just relax and let go..."

With a strangled cry, Antonio's body spasmed and Pablo's hand was covered with hot liquid. Leaning forward, Pablo covered Antonio's mouth, sucking roughly on his tongue.

Antonio's body went limp as his orgasm subsided. Pablo ended the kiss and raised his head, gazing at the other man's face in the shadows. "How do you feel now?"

Groaning, Antonio tried to turn over on his side, but was prevented from doing so by his lover. "Why did you do that?"

"I told you, you were too tense - we had to take the edge off."

"I didn't want it to end like that!"

Pablo wiped the sticky fluid off his hand with the edge of the sheet. "Nothing has ended, Antonio. We've just begun..."

Leaning forward, Pablo started slowly tracing his fingertips along Antonio's body, moving randomly from his shoulders to his legs to his face to his belly, gently stroking as he spoke softly. "If you don't want to go on with this, I understand. You can leave now and we'll forget about it--"

"No!"

"Are you sure? I can't promise that it won't hurt."

"I-I.. want to..." Pablo admired his resolve and wondered if it would be enough to see him through.

"Very well." Pablo's hands moved to caress the outside of Antonio's thighs. Antonio spread his legs, silently begging him to touch his cock, which was hardening again. Pablo moved his hands away, lightly stroking his arms. "I'll help you as much as I can, but you're going to have to relax, baby."

"I'm trying." Antonio lay with his arms still outstretched, his breathing shallow.

"I know. Try to take deep breaths." Placing his hand on his lover's chest, he smiled as his breathing became deeper and less labored. "That's good. I don't suppose you'd do a line. It would help you relax--"

"No! You shouldn't do it either, Pablo! Cocaine is not good for you!"

Pablo chuckled dryly. "Thank you very much for your concern but let's solve one problem at a time, shall we?" Pablo shifted until he was sitting between Antonio's legs again. Placing a hand on each knee, he coaxed, "Bend your knees, love... That's it. Put your feet flat on the bed..." He trailed his fingertips down Antonio's inner thighs, from his knees to his groin. Still avoiding his cock, his caresses moved to his balls, eliciting a groan from the man on the bed. Pablo opened the jar with one hand as he trailed a single finger from his lover's scrotum down to his anus. Antonio gasped and Pablo spoke in a low monotone. "Ssssshhhh - relax, love. Breathe..."

Dipping a finger into the jar, Pablo covered it with the thick cream. "We're going to start with one finger." With his finger, he massaged the tiny ring of muscle that formed the opening to his lover's body. He continued trailing the fingertips of his other hand lightly over Antonio's body as he spoke softly. "Don't fight it, love..." The young man cringed slightly as the slick finger breached his sphincter, but he allowed it to enter.

Pablo moved his finger in and back out slowly, watching Antonio's face for any sign of discomfort; his expression was serious but he remained calm. Soon, the finger was all the way in. Pablo twisted his hand and pushed downward with his finger, eliciting a lush moan from his lover.

"Did you like that?" He didn't expect an answer and kept on talking. "I just brushed my finger against your prostate gland. It was quite a jolt, wasn't it? Somehow I knew you'd be sensitive there. Just wait until my cock is inside you instead of my finger... You'll be begging me to fuck you..."

As he continued talking, Pablo kept up the movement of his finger, in and out. Satisfied that Antonio was comfortable, he removed his finger and dipped it, along with another finger, into the cream. "Okay, we're going to try two fingers now." Inserting his fingers, he pushed them slowly until they were fully sheathed. "You're doing great, Antonio... Just relax and keep breathing..." As he worked his fingers in and out, he gently scissored them, stretching his lover ever-so-slightly and occasionally grazing his prostate, causing him to moan.

"We're going to do three fingers now, love." Antonio was stretched and the third finger slipped in with very little trouble. As he continued to scissor his fingers, stretching his lover more, Pablo noticed that Antonio's breathing had not only gotten deeper, but heavier as well. The young man was getting turned on by what the director was doing to him; he was ready for the next step.

Pushing the three fingers in as far as they would go, Pablo spread them, bearing down as hard as he could. Antonio moaned again, thrashing about on the bed. "You're ready for me, Antonio..." One last push against his prostate; another moan. "Do you still want this?"

"Yesss..." Antonio lay with his eyes closed, his arms still outstretched as if he was bound. He writhed with every movement of the fingers inside him, pretending they were his lover's cock... willing them to be...

"Tell me what you want, Antonio. Ask me to fuck you..."

"Please..." Antonio's world had diminished to this bed and the feeling of Pablo's fingers inside him.

"Say it, Antonio..." The fingers moved faster.

"Fuck me-- Please!"

The fingers were suddenly removed. "With pleasure."

Antonio opened his eyes. In the almost-total darkness he could see Pablo dip his fingers, yet again, into the cream. He anointed his cock liberally, then moved forward, lifting Antonio's legs back into their previous position, draped over his shoulders. "Take a deep breath and relax, querido."

Closing his eyes again, Antonio willed himself not to tense up. He felt pressure at his anus again as the head of Pablo's cock pushed inside him slowly. He whimpered and the forward movement stopped. "What is it, Antonio? Am I hurting you?"

Shaking his head, Antonio moaned loudly, still unable to speak. Pablo remained still and spoke again. "Talk to me, Antonio. Am I hurting you? Do you want me to stop?"

When Antonio still didn't answer, Pablo started moving backward, removing his cock from his lover's body.

"No!"

The suddenness with which the younger man found his voice startled both men. It was several seconds before Pablo answered. "No? You want me to stop? Or do you want me *not* to stop?"

Antonio was lying in the same position he'd been in for several minutes, his arms outstretched. Talking took more effort than he wanted to put forth but he had to tell Pablo what he wanted. "Don't. Stop."

Pablo chuckled softly. "Open your eyes, Antonio, and look at me. Tell me what you want."

Opening his eyes, Antonio looked at his lover's face, which was a mask of concentration. He was beginning to realize how much effort the director was putting forth to keep from letting go and plunging his cock into his body, and possibly injuring him.

"Fuck me, Pablo. I'm ready..."

"Are you sure?"

"Do it!" Antonio moved as much as he could in his confined position. "Now!"

Smiling broadly, Pablo resumed his slow impalement of his lover's body. When he was fully sheathed, he leaned forward, kissing Antonio's mouth deeply as he started moving in and out. "You are so beautiful, Antonito... I wanted you the minute I saw you in the club..." Antonio's eyes closed again as he immersed himself in all the new sensations that were threatening to overwhelm him. Yes, the pain remained, but it had somehow been transformed into something very much like pleasure. With every thrust, Pablo's balls slapped against his ass, sending a shock wave through his entire being. Antonio writhed, trying to move in counter-rhythm, but his position prevented all but the slightest movement. He was at the mercy of this beautiful man and he couldn't remember a moment in his life when he'd been more turned on.

As if Pablo was reading his mind, he reached down and grasped Antonio's cock, which was now rock hard, and started stroking it. Antonio was in total sensory overload from being fucked inside and out. "Open your eyes, Antonio. I want you to watch me while I fuck you..."

Opening his eyes slowly, Antonio looked up into his lover's face. He could feel himself melting. "Do you want it faster?"

"Yesss!" Antonio could hardly form the word.

"Tell me."

Antonio moaned again, unable to speak. Pablo's thrusting slowed and he removed his hand from his lover's cock. "Say it, Antonio! Tell me what you want!"

Licking his lips, Antonio tried to take a deep breath. "Please... Don't stop..."

"Faster?"

"Yesss... Faster..." Pablo suddenly picked up the pace.

"Harder?"

"Ah - yesss! Harder... Deeper..." Pablo complied immediately. "Oh... Oh... Oh..." Pablo resumed stroking Antonio's cock, roughly fucking it with his hand as he pounded into his lover's ass.

Antonio's eyes were closing again. "Open your eyes, querido! Look at me!" Large brown eyes were riveted on Pablo. "You belong to me now, Antonito... We are one..."

As he continued to increase the speed and intensity of the thrusts, Pablo was incapable of further speech. They moved together wordlessly, the only sounds in the room were those of skin slapping against skin, accompanied by the occasional moans and grunts of men deep into a totally animal-like act.

Antonio's breathing had become erratic and he was tossing his head wildly on the pillow. Pablo knew that orgasm was imminent. Reaching down with his left hand, he grabbed his lover's balls and squeezed as he drove his cock deep into the willing body.

Antonio screamed. As he spasmed, hot liquid splashed onto Pablo's stomach. The feeling of Antonio's anal muscles contracting around his cock pushed him over the edge as well. Leaning forward, Pablo rested his forehead against Antonio's chest for several minutes as they both tried to come back to earth.

When the world had righted itself again, Pablo sat up and shifted backwards, gently moving Antonio's legs back down onto the bed. Antonio reached out for his lover. "I'll be right back." Pablo was off the bed before the other man could react, heading toward the bathroom. He wet a wash cloth in warm water and hurried back to the bed, where he turned on the lamp. Antonio was lying on his back, his forearm flung over his face.

Pablo crawled back onto the bed, caressing his lover's shoulder and speaking softly. "Turn over, love. I need to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine." Antonio's voice was muffled.

"It's not that I don't believe you but I want to see for myself." Pablo was successful in turning the younger man over on his side. Gently, he wiped away the semen that was slowly leaking out of Antonio's anus. He looked closely for any blood and was relieved when he didn't find any. Reaching up, he wiped the stickiness from Antonio's cock, then did the same for himself before dropping the cloth on the floor and turning the lamp back off.

"Are you finished?" Antonio sounded like he was half-asleep.

"Yes." Pablo lay down behind his lover and wrapped an arm around his chest. In an inkling, Antonio had turned over and was busy entangling himself in the director's body. Pablo didn't even consider trying to stop him; when they were finished shifting, he laid his head on Antonio's chest. Soothed by the sound of his lover's strong, deep breathing, he was asleep in minutes.

Chapter 2

Don't Provoke A Child Molester

Antonio had pulled Pablo's robe completely off by the time they got to the bed and was busy covering his mouth, face and neck with kisses, licks and bites as he quickly stripped off his jeans and threw them onto the floor. "Slow down, Antonio. This isn't a race."

"I can't help it," he breathed as he pulled Pablo onto the bed with him. "I couldn't wait to see you again, to make love with you..."

Pablo pushed the other man away and sat up. "When I read your note, I didn't think you'd be back."

"Don't be angry with me about that, Pablito--"

"I'm not angry... I just don't know what's going on..."

Antonio's hands reached out, pulling the director close again. He began lightly running his fingertips over his shoulders, back and ass as he kissed him again. "I don't want to talk about that now. I want you inside me again..."

From the minute Antonio slipped into the door, Pablo had made up his mind not to get carried away like he did the last time. After all, this beautiful young man was merely a distraction: he looked enough like Juan and he would let Pablo have his way with him. But he wasn't Juan; he didn't love him and he never would...

Pablo felt all his good intentions dissolving in the heat of Antonio's kisses and caresses. Okay, just one more time, he thought. He'll be gone in three days anyway...

"I'm not in the mood to fuck you, Antonio." He kissed the young man's full lips, plunging his tongue inside the hot, wet mouth yet again. "I want to teach you something new."

Antonio hesitated. It had taken a lot out of him, emotionally as well as physically, to submit to Pablo but he was willing to do it again. Now, Pablo was asking him to do something different. Once again, he feared his choice was between giving in and leaving. And he couldn't leave. "What do you want, Pablo?" The older man didn't say anything; he covered Antonio's mouth yet again, moving around to kiss his cheeks, eyes, chin... "What are we going to do, Pablo?" Antonio's voice had a hard edge.

Pablo sat up. "You know, you have a maddening habit of talking at the wrong time!" Looking wounded, Antonio opened his mouth to speak but was prevented from doing so by Pablo's mouth again. When this kiss ended, Pablo ran his tongue across Antonio's face, plunging it into his ear. "Another word from you... and you can leave. Understood?" Antonio nodded, the look on his face almost comical as he begged, silently, for an answer to his question. "I know you want to know what's going to happen but I'm not going to tell you... I'm going to show you. You decide: you can lay back and enjoy it... or you can leave."

Antonio pursed his lips tightly lest a stray word slip out; with an almost-imperceptible nod he lay back, took a deep breath and waited on what was coming next.

Pablo brushed a kiss over the pouting mouth, fighting the urge to let his lips linger there. Moving his head downward, he sucked at the pulse point on Antonio's neck, then on to the place where his neck and shoulder joined. Antonio's hands were still moving over Pablo's back and ass, interfering with his concentration. Grabbing them firmly, he placed them back on the bed. "When I want you to do something, I'll tell you. Otherwise, lay still."

Antonio silently nodded his assent and Pablo resumed his tactile exploration of the body that lay before him. Moving to Antonio's chest, he licked his left nipple, blew on it, then licked it again. It started to harden immediately. Grasping the hard bud between his teeth, he clamped down, gently at first, then harder. Antonio moaned softly, but said nothing. Pablo moved over to the other nipple and repeated the process.

Moving downward, Pablo licked Antonio's abdomen, pausing to plunge his tongue in the younger man's navel. He continued further down, nuzzling his face in wiry pubic hair. Being careful not to touch his lover's cock, Pablo ran his fingertip over his inner thighs. Small moans escaped from Antonio's mouth but he didn't say anything.

Antonio spread his legs wide, once again silently begging the director to touch him. Pablo moved his head so his mouth was less than an inch away from his lover's cock, which was rock hard now and curling up over his belly. He blew softly on the head, then touched the tip of his tongue to the slit. Reaching down, Pablo grabbed Antonio's balls, rolling them around in his palm as he swallowed the hard shaft in one fluid motion.

In response to dual stimuli, Antonio cried out and bucked his hips wildly. Using both hands, Pablo pushed his hips back down on the bed and started sucking in earnest, bringing Antonio quickly to the brink of orgasm with his tongue and lips.

Then Pablo suddenly stopped and sat back on his heels, looking down at Antonio who was writhing on the bed. "I'm not ready for you to come yet, Antonio. You haven't had your lesson." Antonio opened his eyes and tried to focus on his lover's face; he was breathing heavily and opened his mouth to speak.

Pablo's finger was on his lips before the word escaped. "Not a word!" The hand moved over to caress the young man's cheek. "You're having a real problem with that, aren't you, querido?" Antonio nodded. "I'm going to help you out." Leaning forward again, he kissed Antonio's mouth slowly, gently, then moved his mouth until he was speaking directly into Antonio's ear. "Have you ever sucked a man's cock?" Antonio's head jerked sideways; Pablo couldn't see his face. "Look at me, Antonio." Using his hand, he moved Antonio's head until he could see his face, and saw the unasked questions there. "I didn't think so." He chuckled softly. "But you want to learn, don't you Antonio? You want to do this for me, don't you, my lover?"

Antonio continued to stare up at him; Pablo could tell there was a war going on behind the mocha-colored eyes. For several seconds, he was frozen by his indecisiveness.

Suddenly, almost imperceptibly, his decision was made. He nodded once, never taking his eyes off the older man.

"Excellent. I knew you couldn't say no to me, Antonito... You can't disappoint me, can you?" Antonio shook his head, his gaze never faltering.

"Lay on your side." Antonio did as he was told. Pablo moved his hands over the taut body as he spoke softly, evenly. "I'm not going to be able to talk to you while you're sucking my dick, Antonio, because I'm going to be sucking yours at the same time. So I'll tell you everything you need to know before we start."

Placing a finger under Antonio's chin, Pablo said, "Look at me, Antonito. Listen very carefully. Okay?" Antonio nodded. "Okay. Are you nervous?" The other man nodded, but said nothing. Pablo leaned forward and kissed that mouth yet again. "Don't worry, love. You're going to be marvelous. You know how good it feels when someone, male or female, wraps their lips around the head of your cock... Just pretend it's you that you're sucking rather than me..." Pablo smiled at the confused look on his lover's face. "I know it sounds bizarre, but it works. It's how I got through it my first time."

Pablo kissed Antonio one last time, then shifted so that his head was near Antonio's groin. Moving his head forward, he licked the other man's cock from base to tip. With one hand, he reached down to play with his balls, forcing a moan to escape from his lips. Opening his mouth, he covered just the cockhead with his lips, twirling his tongue around the foreskin, silently willing his lover to do the same.

As he lay on the bed, enjoying the feeling of Pablo's mouth sucking him, Antonio became aware of his lover's hand gripping the back of his head and his groin being pushed roughly in his face. He knew this was Pablo's attempt at forcing him to participate in their lovemaking. He had every intention of joining in... he just needed a moment more to ready himself. He tried to push Pablo away, without success. Pablo continued thrusting against his face and mouth. Abandoning the struggle, Antonio reached out and caressed Pablo's cock. It was the first penis he'd ever touched, other than his own. He marveled at the way it felt so much like his, yet different.

Antonio opened his mouth and licked Pablo's shaft, tentatively at first. Pablo pushed into Antonio's open mouth but stopped when only the head was inside. Using all the self-control at his command, he stopped thrusting and allowed his lover to set the pace. Antonio took very little time to adapt to his new situation and begin sucking. Pablo had a thought that he was trying to move too fast, and wanted to slow the pace a bit, but his reservations were swept away by the feel of Antonio's eager tongue as it tried to imitate what was being done to him.

Antonio had succeeded in almost swallowing his lover's cock completely when Pablo thrust unexpectedly. Gagging, Antonio moved backwards, took a few seconds to catch his breath, then reached for Pablo again.

Antonio was more careful now, but no less enthusiastic. Before Pablo knew what was happening, his cock was swallowed again and Antonio was succeeding in causing the most incredible feelings with his teeth, tongue and lips. And his hands: they moved constantly, touching, caressing...

From his erratic movements, Pablo could tell that Antonio was close to the edge - they both were. Unsure of what his lover's reaction would be if he came in his mouth, Pablo had decided to pull out at the last minute. He was frantically trying to discern exactly when the 'last minute' was when he became aware that Antonio had stopped sucking... for several seconds. Before Pablo had time to wonder if anything was wrong, he was startled by something being pushed roughly into his anus. It was Antonio's finger, plunging deep inside him, grazing his prostate and throwing him over the threshold into orgasm. All thoughts of being careful were swept away as he held his lover's head with his hands and came down his throat.

Pablo had less than a second to prepare for Antonio's orgasm; holding his lover close, he swallowed wave after wave of hot, bitter liquid.

When both men were spent, they lay tangled together as they tried to reclaim the use of their bodies. Pablo lay with his head on Antonio's thigh, moaning softly as Antonio placed soft kisses on his cock, balls and upper thighs.

When he regained his equilibrium, Pablo shifted back around so their faces were close again. Antonio pulled the older man forward to lay his head on his chest, entangling him in his arms and legs.

"Are you all right, querido? You're uncharacteristically quiet."

"I'm fine. I didn't think I'd been given permission to speak yet." Antonio's voice sounded drowsy.

Pablo chuckled. "You may speak now, but only to say thank you."

"Thank you." Pablo felt Antonio's lips on his head as he kissed his hair.

"That's all you have to say?"

"I love you." It was said softly; Pablo wondered if Antonio meant for him to hear it. He wanted to sit up and give Antonio a stern lecture about the dangers of saying things in the aftermath of passion that you regret later. The problem was that he knew very well that Antonio meant what he said - at least he meant it at this minute. This wasn't a new or unique occurrence for Pablo - beautiful young men professed their love for him constantly. It was one of the hazards of being a successful film director: people would say or do anything to get a part in a movie.

Of course, Antonio was different; he wasn't trying to get a part in Pablo's next movie. As a matter of fact, Pablo had no clue as to why Antonio had come here that first night and he had even less insight into why he had returned. Antonio didn't seem especially happy when he walked through Pablo's front door the first time, yet he didn't leave once he got there. And he came back.

Pablo had been aware that there was a word that came to his mind every time he thought about Antonio. It popped back into his brain as he lay here in Antonio's arms and listened to his rhythmic breathing.

Obsession.

Pablo had given a little thought to the phenomenon of obsession; he had even considered writing an obsessed lover into a movie he'd once made, but he changed his mind at the last minute. And he wasn't sure why. At the time, he rationalized his decision by saying he didn't believe in obsession. Not true, single-minded, over-the-top obsession that excluded everything from one's life, except the object of that obsession, of course, and would be satisfied with nothing less than total possession of the obsessee by the obsessor. And always ended in tragedy for all involved.

Pablo had nothing against a good, old-fashioned tragedy. He knew, as well as anyone, that pain and suffering sold movie tickets. But obsession went beyond simple pain and suffering; it was, well, *real-life* tragedy. The word had been bandied about so much in the circle of pseudo-intellectuals populating the movie industry that it had lost a great deal of its meaning - it had almost become a cliche. He'd even spoken about it himself, accusing some pretty boy of being 'obsessed' with an older actor or writer. Or director.

Antonio shifted slightly, moaning softly. Moving carefully, Pablo sat up and gazed at the man who was sleeping so soundly on the bed beside him. If it was possible, he was even more beautiful when he was asleep; there was no trace of dishonesty or deceit in the young man's face, yet Pablo was overcome with a feeling of dread that this angelic-looking young man, who couldn't even seem to tell a lie, would come to a bad end - maybe they both would.

In the name of obsession.

Chapter 3

No Regrets

Antonio helped Pablo sit down on the bed, then removed all of his own clothes except for his underwear. Sitting in front of him on the floor, he started pulling off his pants, taking special care with his leg cast. When this was completed, he moved around to kneel behind him on the bed. Wrapping his arms around Pablo's chest, Antonio nuzzled his face into his neck, glorying in the nearness of him. He started unbuttoning Pablo's shirt, beginning at the bottom, speaking softly as his hands moved slowly.

"Loving you this way is a crime but I'll pay for it. I knew it when I picked you up at the disco." Antonio pulled the shirt off his lover's shoulders and laid it aside. "I thought it would be a high price but I have no regrets."

Embracing the older man again, Antonio spoke softly into his ear. "I don't care what happens in an hour and you shouldn't think about it either." Antonio turned Pablo's head sideways so he could caress his cheek as he ran his fingers through his soft hair.

The young man helped Pablo move back on the bed and gently laid him down on his side. Stretching out beside him, he began placing soft kisses on his face. Pablo's hands caressed Antonio's face and neck as they kissed. "How am I doing?"

Pablo pulled back an inch and looked at his lover. His face was almost glowing.

"You taught me how."

Pablo made a sobbing noise in his throat and pulled Antonio close to him again, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

It was in that instant that the light bulb clicked on and Pablo finally understood it all. Antonio, the possessive, arrogant, bossy, nosy, beautiful, aggravating, naive man who had stumbled into his life only weeks before, had become its centerpiece. And he hadn't even realized it. Until now.

For the first time in his life, he knew what it felt like to be loved, purely and simply. With no strings attached. With no ulterior motives.

The man who lay next to him had lied, threatened and killed because of this love. And regretted nothing.

Pablo smiled as Antonio's hands moved over his body - his beloved's hands, stroking and caressing him. Pleasuring him. Loving him.

Antonio gently pushed the older man over to lie on his back. Placing his hands on either side of his face, he ran his tongue along Pablo's lower lip, then sucked it into his mouth. Pablo grasped Antonio's shoulders frantically.

Antonio pulled back and looked down into his lover's face. "Be careful, Pablo. You're not well."

"I'm all right." Pablo tried to resume the kiss.

"No, querido, you're *not* all right. And you're here because of me." Antonio leaned forward and started massaging his lover's chest and abdomen. "So it's up to me to make sure you don't make yourself worse."

Pablo resented being spoken to like this, especially by someone younger. "I don't need anyone to tell me what to do."

Antonio continued speaking softly. "Apparently, you do. Besides, you wouldn't be in the hospital if it wasn't for--"

Antonio was prevented from saying the last word in the sentence by Pablo's hand on his mouth. "Don't say it was your fault, Antonio. Please."

Antonio nodded silently, then started trying to bite Pablo's fingers. Pablo moved his hand and pulled Antonio's head forward to resume their kiss. The younger man's tongue darted into his mouth, languidly exploring the interior as his hands caressed his face.

When the kiss ended, Antonio planted soft kisses on Pablo's cheeks, nose, eyes and forehead before moving down to his neck and chest. Antonio sucked a nipple into his mouth, biting on it as Pablo moaned softly.

When both nipples were standing hard and erect, he trailed his tongue down Pablo's abdomen. Pablo spread his legs and grabbed Antonio's head, trying to push it into his groin. Antonio sat up quickly and grabbed his lover's hands. "Tut, tut, tut." Placing the hands at Pablo's side on the bed, he said, "You promised to lay back and take it easy, Pablito. Relax..."

Pablo had made no such promise and opened his mouth to say so, but closed it again when he looked up and saw Antonio's face, full of concern and determination; he swallowed the words and nodded his head mildly.

Antonio looked surprised for an instant at the lack of an argument, then beamed. "Okay, where were we?" He gazed down at Pablo's cock, which had begun to harden in anticipation of what he hoped would happen next.

Placing his hands behind Pablo's knees, Antonio urged them up. "Bend your knees, love. Yes, that's it." Leaning forward, he kissed the inside of Pablo's thigh, then ran his tongue down to his groin. He blew hot breath against his cock, causing Pablo to moan again. Moving his head down still further, he lapped at Pablo's balls with his tongue, then sucked one into his mouth. Pablo cried out, entangling his hands in Antonio's hair and arching upwards.

Antonio paused and raised his head, patiently removing Pablo's hands from his hair and laying them back on the bed. "We're never going to get anywhere if I keep having to stop and look after you..." Antonio's face looked serious and Pablo tried to look contrite. "Are you going to lay still?"

Pablo nodded but said nothing.

Smiling at the quick acquiescence, Antonio leaned his head forward and swallowed Pablo's cock in a single motion, sending shock waves through the director's body. He wanted to grab Antonio's legs and shift him around so he could pleasure his lover with his mouth as well. But he didn't dare: Antonio was enjoying being in control and he didn't want to spoil it for him. He closed his eyes and gave himself over to his lover, to do with as he pleased.

Antonio was taken aback by the docile attitude displayed by his usually-aggressive lover. He concentrated on using all his new-found skills to love Pablo as he'd never been loved before. Despite his intention to follow his own advice and not think beyond the end of this hour, he knew this would be their last time together.

Before long, Pablo's moans became louder, signaling that his orgasm was imminent. Rather than scolding the director for his outburst this time, Antonio renewed his efforts toward his lover's release. Pablo cried out, arching his hips upward; Antonio sucked harder, swallowing his lover's seed.

As soon as Pablo could move, he pulled Antonio's head toward his so that their mouths could touch again. Sucking savagely on the younger man's tongue, Pablo pulled him over so Antonio was laying on top of him. He snaked a hand between their bodies, capturing Antonio's hard shaft in his hand. It was now Antonio's turn to moan.

Pablo gave Antonio's cock another squeeze before he removed his hand. "You must be in pain, querido. Let me help you." Grabbing Antonio's ass, Pablo crushed their groins together. His mouth was claimed again as Antonio thrust against him. It only took a couple of minutes, then Antonio groaned as hot semen splashed between their bodies.

When he could speak again, Antonio pulled his head back a couple of inches and looked down at the other man. "My beautiful Pablito... I love you..." There was a pregnant pause as Antonio waited for Pablo to speak, wanting desperately to hear Pablo say that he loved him as well. Antonio knew Pablo *did* love him and he wanted to hear him say it.

But Antonio couldn't ask it of Pablo and Pablo didn't say it.

Antonio leaned forward and kissed Pablo as hard as he had ever kissed him. This would be their last kiss and he wanted Pablo to remember it on his last day on earth. He put all the passion and devotion and love he had for this man into the kiss, then pulled back and crawled off the bed. He located the sheet which had been pushed aside during their lovemaking and stretched it out over Pablo's body. "Cover up, it's cold."

"I'll help you dress after I get your crutch." Bending down, Antonio picked something up off the floor with his right hand, passing it behind his back carefully, lest Pablo see it. He knew their hour was almost gone and he had to go through with what he'd planned. He'd already brought shame and embarrassment on both his family and Pablo and there was no other way out. He wanted to hold Pablo one more time, kiss him, try to explain everything to him; but he knew that, if he didn't leave this bedroom this very minute, he'd never go.

Pablo lay still as his lover walked out of the room. His mind was filled with thoughts of what would happen next but only one thing was clear. He would stand beside Antonio when he faced the police and, together, they would get through it. He would hire the best lawyers in Spain - money was no object. Juan's murder was an act of passion and Antonio shouldn't have to pay for it. He would tell this to Antonio as soon as he came back with his crutch.

Pablo pushed the sheet from over his face; Antonio still hadn't returned and it was quiet in the other room.

"Antonio," As Pablo called out, he looked on the floor beside the bed. Antonio's gun, which he had dropped there earlier, was gone.

Suddenly, Pablo was seized by a blind panic; he tried to get off the bed and make his way to the other room, where Antonio was; his attempt to stand was clumsy due to his leg cast.

"Antonio!"

"No venga!"

Epilogue

Lo Dudo

The small, slight man handed the taxi driver a large bill and got out of the cab without waiting for his change. Passing through the gates of the old cemetery, he moved slowly in the late winter twilight. Even though he had never been here before, he walked almost directly to the grave he was looking for.

After six months, it could no longer be considered a new grave, yet it looked oddly out of place here among all the others.

Maybe, Pablo thought, it's just the fact that the person who's buried here isn't supposed to be dead.

Pablo stood silently, looking at nothing, his thoughts in chaos. He didn't know how long he stood there but it must have been quite a while because the darkness had advanced and his leg had started hurting. The cast had been removed months ago but it still gave him problems if he overdid it.

Carefully, he sat down on the hard ground and leaned back against the headstone. He tried to bring some order to the words and images that were flashing through his brain; he realized he was speaking out loud.

"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, Antonio... I should have, I know, but I've been so busy..." His voice trailed off and he laughed humorlessly. "Who am I kidding? I haven't been doing anything. I didn't come before because I was frightened..." He shrugged. "Don't ask me what I was afraid of, though. I don't know."

Pablo sat quietly for several moments before speaking again. "I've given up cocaine, Antonio, just like you wanted me to. Well, I haven't given it up *completely*, but you'd be proud of the way I've cut down. I don't drink much any more either." The smile on his mouth never made it to his eyes. "I mostly just sit and think. I can remember, in great detail, every moment you and I spent together. Every time I close my eyes and try to sleep, all I can see is your lifeless body laying on the floor of Tina's apartment..."

"I haven't worked since you left me, Antonio; I haven't written a word. I had an idea of making a film about you - about us. I couldn't help you when you were alive so I wanted everyone to know how you died - that none of it was your fault. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't share my memories of you with everyone; the memories are all I have left of you..."

Tears, which were puddled in Pablo's eyes, overflowed down his cheeks. He continued talking, as if he was unaware he was crying. "Tina has been trying to give me the name of a psychiatrist to see and Ada tells me I should pray to the virgin. They're both worried about me and they won't give up on me but I think they both know I'm beyond help."

It was almost completely dark now. As Pablo continued to cry, he leaned forward and placed both palms on the ground in front of him. He ran his fingers lightly over the earth as if he was caressing his lover's skin. "You know I loved you, didn't you, Antonio? You told me and I argued with you. I was so stubborn; even after I realized I loved you, I still didn't say it. I wish I had told you."

Pablo hung his head, sobbing quietly for several minutes as he continued to move his hands over the ground. "I guess I'm pretty dumb, aren't I? I didn't realize until too late that it was you I loved and not Juan. And it's taken me six months to realize that I can't go on without you..."

Reaching a dirty hand into his jacket pocket, Pablo pulled out a gun. "Look what I have, Antonio. It's your gun. I told the police it was mine so they would give it to me after the investigation was over." He caressed the cold metal in his hands, then against his face, turning the weapon so that it was pointed at his forehead. "I got it because I thought it would be... appropriate to end my life the same way you ended yours. And with the same gun." Grimacing, he put the gun back into his pocket. "But I was never as brave as you, Antonio. I can't point that thing at myself and pull the trigger, as you did."

Reaching into another coat pocket, Pablo fished out a small knife and opened it. The blade was razor sharp against his finger and a single drop of blood dripped onto the ground. "Other than pills, which take too long, there isn't a more cowardly way to do it than this, don't you think?" With the fingers of his left hand, Pablo located the pulse point on the side of his neck. Moving his right hand, he placed the knife tip against his neck and plunged it in, removing it quickly. The only sound he made was a soft groan; the pain lasted for less than a second and he barely felt it.

When Pablo looked down, his clothes were already becoming saturated with blood, which was being pumped out the tiny hole in his neck. He was dizzy and fell forward, pretending it was Antonio's body lying under him instead of the cold ground. He ran his face along the earth, the mixture of blood, tears and dirt clinging to his skin. He started talking again, his voice no more than a hoarse whisper.

"I've missed you so much, querido. I know I'll never see your beautiful face again... or gaze into your soft brown eyes... or kiss your lips... or feel your arms holding me as we come together. Unlike you, I *do* have regrets: I regret that I didn't realize, until too late, that you were the best thing that ever happened to me. I could have prevented all this tragedy and I didn't; I should have stopped it and I couldn't. You were right the night we met: it *was* a contest, wasn't it? I just don't know if we won... or lost."

A wave of nausea swept over Pablo; he fought the urge to vomit. He could feel his life slowly leaving him, spilling out on the ground under him, above Antonio. For a brief second, he found comfort in the fact that Antonio had died instantly, never experiencing this. He fought against the darkness that was taking over his mind as surely and completely as the darkness of the night was closing in on him. With the last of his strength, he fought, although he wasn't sure what he was fighting for... or against.

Pablo laid his head down and closed his eyes; as always, Antonio was there. But this time, he was alive, standing at the end of a long hallway. Smiling, he held out his hand, beckoning to his lover...

"Come with me, Pablito. Don't be afraid."

A feeling of exquisite calmness washed over Pablo as he started walking toward his lover.

"Te quiero, Antonito."