Author’s note: This is the next installment in the series, ‘My So-Called Life’, based on promos and spoilers for season 3. It follows ‘The Garden Party’, ‘The Visit’, ‘The Confrontation’ and ‘The Recital’.

The Move

by Cathy

I started dialing Daphne’s number on my way down the steps of Ethan’s building.

‘Hello?’ She answered on the first ring.

‘Hey, Daph. I know you’re not alone, but…’

‘As a matter of fact, I *am* alone.’

‘What happened to what’s-his-name?’

‘Greg had to go home.’ She paused. ‘He still lives with his parents.’

‘Where’s Ashlee?’

‘At Don’s, where she practically lives.’

‘So, you really *are* alone?’

‘Didn’t I just say that?’ I didn’t answer and she continued, ‘Do you want to come over?’

I really didn’t want to be alone right now. ‘Do you mind?’

‘Justin… Are you all right? Did you and Ethan have a fight?’

‘I don’t want to talk about it on the phone.’

‘Okay. Do you want me to pick you up?’

‘No.’ I didn’t want to stand in front of this building and wait on her. ‘I’ll be there in half an hour.’

I got there a little quicker than I thought. I met the pizza delivery guy coming out and the door to Daph’s room was open. She was half-sitting and half-lying on the bed with the pizza box open. She looked up when she heard me walk in. ‘Are you hungry?’

‘Starving.’ I collapsed on the bed and grabbed a piece of pizza. Daphne got up and went to the tiny fridge in the corner and brought two cans of beer back. ‘Where did you get this?’

‘Greg’s older brother bought us a case.’

‘Why isn’t Greg over here drinking it?’ I took a large bite.

‘I told you. He lives at home. His mother needed some help hanging blinds or something.’

‘Oh.’ We ate in silence for a few minutes.

‘So,’ she finished her slice and took a drink of beer. ‘Are you going to tell me what happened? With you and Ethan?’

‘Oh.’ I looked away. I really didn’t want to talk about this now.

‘That’s all you can say? Oh?’

Instead of answering her question, I changed the subject. ‘Can we move some of my stuff in your car tomorrow?’

She looked surprised. ‘Do you still have stuff at Brian’s?’

‘Not from Brian’s - from Ethan’s.’ I couldn’t look at her.

‘Sure.’ She sounded so nonchalant, I had to look up at her. She picked up another piece of pizza.

‘That’s all you can say? Sure?’

‘I know you, Justin. You’ll tell me about it when you’re ready.’

I finished my beer and got us another one. When I’d sat back down, I said, ‘It’s over.’

‘What did he do?’

I stared at her. ‘What makes you think *he* did anything?’

‘Because I know you.’ She grimaced. ‘And from the look on your face. You have that ‘I’ve been fucked over’ look.’

‘That’s not true.’ I wanted to argue with her, but I couldn’t. She could read my moods better than anyone else could. ‘Okay, so what if I do?’

‘Are you going to tell me what happened?’ She looked at me expectantly.

I took a deep breath. I knew she wouldn’t stop interrogating me until she got an answer. ‘I caught him picking up a guy, using the same line he used on me when we first met. When the guy showed up at his apartment, I left.’

‘Shit.’ She was taken aback.

‘I can’t stay with someone else who’s cheating on me, Daph.’

‘I know.’ Leaning forward, she put her hand on my arm. ‘Are you going to move in here? With us?’

I looked around. ‘It’s too small for three people.’

‘It’ll only be for a couple of days. We can start moving stuff into the apartment on Tuesday.’ I’d forgotten about their new place. ‘We can get some of your clothes tomorrow,’ she instructed, ‘just enough to do you for this week. And we’ll get the rest of it next weekend.’ She was looking at me questioningly, like she expected me to give her an answer right away.

‘I don’t know, Daph…’ I wasn’t sure why I was being so cautious. ‘There still might not be enough room.’

‘That won’t be a problem: there’s a third bedroom. We were going to make it into a study. You know, put our computers in there.’

‘I-I don’t have a bed.’ I was grasping at straws - I knew it.

‘The bed and dresser are already there.’

The only other thing I could think of was money. ‘How much is my share of the rent?’

‘You won’t have to worry about that.’ She shook her head. ‘Our parents will pay your share, just so we have a guy living with us.’

‘Even if the guy’s a fag?’ I knew I sounded bitchy, but I didn’t care.

‘They know who you are. We already talked to them about you.’

I stared at her for a long minute. She had a little smile on her mouth, like she already knew what my answer would be. ‘Well… I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try it.’

‘Great!’ She seemed genuinely happy with my decision. ‘One more thing: Ashlee and I talked about it and we decided that, since we all have our own bedroom, overnight guests are permitted.’

I almost laughed. ‘You won’t have to worry about me having anyone over for the night. I’m officially giving up on relationships.’

Daphne smiled. ‘We’ll see how long that lasts.’ She sounded like she was teasing me.

I shook my head. ‘I don’t think I have what it takes to be in a relationship--’ I stopped talking, aware of how cynical I sounded.

‘Of *course*, you have what it takes! You’re smart and talented, you’re fun to hang out with and you’re cute too.’

‘I’m not a troll, isn’t that what you said once?’

She looked at me for several seconds. ‘You are *so* not a troll.’ She paused. ‘Don’t worry, you’ll find someone to love, who will love you back.’

‘I’m not even thinking about that right now. It’s all a joke, you know?’

‘Yes,’ she sighed. ‘Love sucks. Why else would I be involved with someone who runs home every time his mom calls?’

I glanced at her. ‘Because you love him? Because he has a big dick?’ We both laughed, but she didn’t answer. ‘Well, does he?’

‘I wouldn’t tell you if he did!’ We laughed again. ‘We were talking about love, not dicks.’

‘You mean, the two aren’t the same?’ Our laughter continued as we finished our ‘dinner’. We dropped the subject of love for more practical topics, like when we were going to move our stuff to her new apartment. She’d managed to get me out of my bad mood, though, which she could do better than anyone else.

*&*&*&*&*

It was early Sunday afternoon before we got started over to Ethan’s. ‘I’ve been thinking about how much stuff I’ll need this week. I think I can get most of my clothes into two suitcases, and I need my books. And my computer, of course.’

‘Can we get all that in my car?’ she asked.

‘Yeah, I think so. I don’t want to make two trips.’

Neither of us said anything for a couple of minutes. ‘I’m going to stay outside, in the car,’ she announced. ‘Just like at Brian’s’

‘Okay.’

‘I don’t want to be in the way, if you guys need to talk--’

‘Trust me, Daph. I have nothing to talk to him about and I don’t want to hear anything he has to say.’

She blinked, like my words were attacking her. ‘Okay,’ she said, when I finished. We were quiet for the rest of the trip.

Daphne pulled up to the curb and stopped. ‘I said I’d leave you two alone, but I can come up the stairs with you, if you need help carrying stuff down.’

I shook my head. ‘I can get it downstairs by myself.’ I opened the car door. ‘Thanks.’

‘Justin--’ She put her hand on my shoulder.

‘Yeah?’ I looked at her expectantly.

‘I’ll be here if you need me…’ She looked like she wanted to say something else, but she didn’t. I got out of the car and walked into the building.

Ethan was there, of course. It would have been too easy if he’d been gone. He was lying in bed with a book, studying or reading. He was bare to the waist and the bedclothes covered the lower half of his body. Under other circumstances, I would have thought he was waiting for me to get home and come to bed with him. He looked up when I entered the room, but he didn’t say anything.

I walked quickly to the closet and started pulling my clothes out. I could feel his eyes on me as I stuffed everything into my suitcases. I hoped he couldn’t see my hands trembling.

I finished filling the suitcases and carried them over to the door. I turned my attention to my computer. Why did it have to have so many fucking wires and cables to unhook? It took what seemed like hours to get it unattached and moved over to the door.

My books were the only other things I was taking. I didn’t see a box to put them in, so I put as many of them into my backpack as would fit and carried them all to the door. I turned around to survey the room, trying to see if there was anything else I needed to take. Ethan had gotten out of bed while I was there; he was fully dressed now, complete with jacket and scarf. I cleared my throat. ‘I-I’ll leave the key next weekend, when I get the rest of my stuff.’

He didn’t say anything for a long minute. When he spoke, his voice was quiet. ‘He didn’t mean anything, you know. That guy. He must’ve followed me home.’

I turned around to face him. ‘I heard what you said to him at the recital. You told him you couldn’t play ‘cause he was distracting you. It was the same thing you said to me…’

‘And Brian never tried to pick anyone up in front of you?’ I had to give it to him - he didn’t back down.

I wasn’t in the mood to back down either. ‘He was always honest about what he did. He never went behind my back…’

‘Did I tell you I saw him the other day? Brian?’

I couldn’t tell if he was lying or telling the truth. I always thought I could tell the difference. Maybe he’d been lying to me all along and I never knew. ‘No, you didn’t.’

‘Yeah. I was playing over near the park. He started to put some money in my case and I told him to keep it. He said I was good, that I deserved to be heard..’ So far, that sounded exactly like something Brian would say. ‘I told him that someone had offered me a job, playing, but I had to pretend to be straight.’ He must have seen the shocked look on my face. ‘I didn’t tell you about that. I didn’t want to upset you. He told me I had to learn to play their game, and to beat them at it.’

‘It’s not lying if they make you lie.’

‘Yeah, that’s exactly what he said.’ He looked away for a moment and I wondered what he was thinking. ‘Is that how he gets through all the bullshit? By beating the fag-haters at their game?’

I shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I never figured him out either.’

He took a step toward me. ‘You didn’t come over here to listen to your ex-lover talk about another of your ex-lovers.’ This situation was bordering on surreal. I wish I could make my feet move; I wanted to run away. ‘I don’t guess I have a right to ask if we can be friends, do I?’ He had a hopeful look on his face.

I was still frozen. ‘I don’t think so.’ He continued walking toward me, slowly, until he was just in front of me. ‘Ethan… Please.’ I tried to shake my head.

‘Please continue?’ He smiled. ‘Or please don’t?’ He was staring at me, hard, but I didn’t say anything. He took a step back. ‘Okay. You know where I live, right?’ He laughed softly. ‘And I still have your cell phone number…’ I was afraid he was going to try to kiss me, and I didn’t know how I would react.

But he didn’t.

And I left.