Justin Taylor walked slowly into his living room. "What do you think?" he asked the woman who smiled up at him from the sofa. "I put on what you told me to."

"You look great, Justin." Standing, Jennifer Taylor started adjusting the collar of his white shirt. "Le Pommier is a very nice restaurant. It won’t hurt you to dress up."

Justin closed his eyes and allowed her to fuss. "I know, but this reminds me of my school uniform, and the last day I wore it--" Gasping, he opened his eyes in time to see a look of fear dance across his mother’s soft features. "Sorry, Mom…"

Taking a deep breath, she tried to smile. "It’s okay. The worst is over and--" Whatever other words of wisdom she was about to impart were abandoned as she watched her son scramble across the room to answer the doorbell.

Justin opened the door to see a tall, thin figure framed against the fading twilight of the summer evening. "Brian! Y-you’re wearing jeans…"

"Aren’t you going to invite me in?" The older man’s voice sounded like spun silk.

"Sure." Justin stood back and allowed the older man to enter the room.

"Good evening, Mrs. Taylor. It’s nice to see you again."

Jennifer smiled in spite of herself. It was at times like this that she almost understood what had attracted her baby boy to this dangerous man. "Brian, I asked you to call me Jennifer. After all, you’re closer to my age than you are to Justin’s--"

"Mom!" Justin glared at her from across the room.

"Justin, would you calm down? I was trying to make a joke." She looked from the younger face to the older one. "Am I the only one around here who hasn’t lost my sense of humor?"

Brian chuckled softly, then turned to face Justin. "Are you ready to go? Is that what you’re wearing?"

Justin was staring at Brian, who was dressed in a sleeveless black shirt and black jeans. "Yeah. Mom said there was a dress code at Le Pommier…"

"Which is why we’re not going there. You deserve something *really* nice for your first night out since coming home from the hospital."

"What could be better than Le Pommier?" Jennifer knew this was none of her business, but she couldn’t help asking.

"I didn’t say more expensive. I don’t think it’s possible to find a more expensive restaurant, but every pretentious asshole in Pittsburgh eats there. Justin deserves better." Turning to Justin, he said, "Why don’t you change into something more comfortable?"

With a huge smile on his face, Justin practically ran from the room, leaving Brian alone with his mother. "Won’t you sit down?" Brian sat and watched her walk to the stairs. "Justin!" she called. "Do you need some help with--"

"No! I’m fine!" It was said with sufficient force that Jennifer turned and walked back into the room.

"Would you like something to drink while you’re waiting?"

Brian shook his head. "No, thanks. You don’t have to treat me like a guest, you know. As long as Justin’s living here, you’re gonna have to get used to me being around."

"I know." She sat down in the chair opposite the sofa and tried to smile. "You don’t have to go out, you know. You and Justin can stay here."

"Thank you for the offer, but we need to go somewhere where we can talk without interruption."

"I promise to leave you two alone. Y-you can even go into Justin’s bedroom…"

Brian smiled as he realized how hard it was for Jennifer to make such a suggestion. Leaning forward, he spoke softly. "I appreciate your offer, Jennifer, but Justin has been cooped up in here for four days. Don’t you think he deserves to get out for a while?"

Jennifer took a deep breath. "He still tires very easily, and the headaches come on without much warning." She knew she was fighting a losing battle, against the wishes of her son *and* his… lover. "Just please watch him closely… and don’t keep him out too late."

"I promise." Steps on the stairs took Brian’s attention. He stood up as Justin re-entered the room, dressed in a tight t-shirt and faded blue jeans. "Ready to go now?"

Justin nodded and started following the older man toward the door.

"Justin--" Pausing, they both turned and looked at Jennifer expectantly. All her words of caution and warning evaporated in the light of matching smiles on their faces. "Have a good time, you two."

#####

Justin paused at the door of the Jeep. "Why’re you holding the door open for me? You’ve never done that before…"

"I don’t know… Just get in, okay?" Justin crawled in and Brian shut the door behind him. Brian climbed into the driver’s side, closed his door and started the engine. He put his hand on the gearshift; Justin put his hand on top of it. "What…?"

Leaning forward, Justin quickly covered Brian’s mouth with his own, his tongue pushing past the older man’s lips. He began a frenzied exploration of the interior, which lasted several minutes. When Justin pulled back, they were both breathing hard. Leaning his head against Brian’s shoulder, he sighed. "It seems like forever since I was able to kiss you like that - I missed it." He trailed fingertips across Brian’s chest and belly, then further down. His fingers were grasping the zipper of the jeans when Brian’s hand stopped him.

"Do you think this is the place for this? In your mother’s driveway?"

Justin laughed. "It’s not like she’s watching from the window."

"Still, I didn’t ask you out so we could make out in my Jeep…"

"Okay," Justin had a mischievous look, "let’s go back to the loft where we can fuck--"

"No!" Brian managed to disentangle himself from his young lover’s hands. "We’re going to get some dinner."

"*Then* we can go back to the loft and fuck--"

"Is fucking all you think about?"

There was a wounded look on Justin’s face. "I’m eighteen! Of *course*, it’s all I think about."

"Well, there are other things that are important too." The wounded look on Justin’s face had changed to one of bewilderment. "We’re going to the diner and eat, then we’re going someplace quiet so we can talk."

Justin’s thought of suggesting they go back to the loft to talk remained unspoken. I don’t have to push it, he thought. We’ll end up back there eventually. I hope.

#####

"Justin!"

"Baby, it’s so good to see you!"

"You look fabulous, Justin!"

They had only been in the diner ten minutes, but there continued to be a steady stream of men stopping by their table to speak to Justin. Leaning forward, Brian tried to speak quietly. "Do you know all these people?"

"Sure." Justin laughed. "I was very popular with the customers while I was working here."

"And you’re loving all this attention, aren’t you?" Justin giggled. "Hurry up so we can leave."

"Where’re we going? Back to the loft?" Justin’s eyes lit up at the prospect.

"No, we are *not* going to the loft."

"Well then, where’re we going?"

Brian didn’t have an answer to that question, but he didn’t want to admit he didn’t have an answer. "Will you please finish your fucking cheeseburger so we can go?"

Justin picked up the sandwich, then dropped it back on his plate. "I don’t want any more…"

Brian sat back in mock surprise. "Justin Taylor, the walking, talking stomach, can’t finish his dinner?"

"I-I ate all my fries. I’m just not very hungry."

"Okay." Brian pulled a bill out of his wallet and tossed it on the table. "Let’s get outta here."

#####

"So… you never told me where we’re going…" They were back in the Jeep, pulling out onto Liberty Avenue.

"I wanted it to be a surprise, Justin. Don’t you like surprises?"

"No." Justin looked sideways at the driver, pretending to pout.

In return, Brian was pretending not to notice. "Shut up and fasten your seat belt."

Several minutes later, the vehicle slowed to a stop in front of a four-story brick building. Justin’s grin widened as he opened the door and started running toward the front door. Brian hurried to catch up with him. "I thought we weren’t coming back here."

"I said it was a surprise, didn’t I?" Closing the elevator door, Brian pulled Justin close and kissed him lightly. The teenager was having none of it, though. He wrapped his arms around the older man, moaning into his mouth as he tried valiantly to push his tongue down Brian’s throat.

The elevator stopped with a jolt. "Mmmhhh." Brian pulled back. "Can you stop long enough for us to get inside?"

Justin was already moving, pulling the older man along with him. The door was opened and he hurried in, pulling his t-shirt up.

Brian caught the young man before he could strip. "Justin… *Justin!*"

"What!?"

"I brought you here so we could talk without being interrupted." Brian continued trying to disentangle himself from his lover.

"Can’t we talk… later?"

"No. We cannot." Brian retained his resolve, despite Justin’s physical onslaught. Now it was his turn to pull Justin along with him. "Sit down." He pushed the young man toward the sofa and walked to the refrigerator. "Do you want something to drink?"

Justin’s demeanor had darkened when he realized they weren’t going to bed… Yet. "Can I have a beer?" He started to smile again.

Brian fetched two bottles from the refrigerator. "No, you can *not* have a beer. You know you’re not supposed to have alcohol with those pills."

"I haven’t taken any since before lunch." At Brian’s disapproving look, he added, "I’m only supposed to take them when I need them, for pain."

"No pain today?" Brian sat down and handed Justin a bottle of water. Noticing that the young man took it in his left hand he asked, "How’s your hand?"

Justin looked down and tried to put his right hand in his pocket. "I still can’t use it…"

"Cheers." Brian tapped his water bottle against Justin’s. "Didn’t they say the physical therapy would take time?"

"Yeah." Justin seemed to be fascinated by something on the floor. "I don’t *have* much time, though. It looks like I’m destined to have the shortest college career in the history of the IFA."

"Have you tried drawing? It might not be as bad--"

Justin looked up at Brian. "No, it’s worse." Tears filled his eyes, but he willed them not to spill down his cheeks. "I tried to draw you a couple of days ago. It looked like something Molly did. In kindergarten."

They both sat quietly for several minutes before Brian spoke. "I’m not going to treat you like a child and tell you that everything will be okay. I have too much respect for you to do that." Moving closer, he tipped Justin’s face up so he could look him in the eye. "If you can’t make it this fall, you’ll take a sabbatical for a year."

"If I don’t start this fall, I’ll have to re-apply."

"So… you’ll re-apply. In the meantime, you can come to work at the agency, in the art department. You can start out part-time until you’re--"

"You don’t understand! I can’t draw anymore!"

Justin tried to pull away, but Brian wouldn’t let him get beyond arm’s reach. "I’m sorry. I was under the impression that I was spending the evening with Justin Taylor." He released the teenager and moved back. "Who are you and what have you done with him?"

"Fuck you, Brian!" Justin jumped off the sofa and started walking toward the door. "I’m ready to go-- Oooh!" Without warning, he lunged forward, trying to catch himself against the door. Before Brian could get across the room, Justin had lowered himself into a sitting position.

"Justin!" Brian hurried over to the young man who sat, dazed, on the floor. "Are you hurt? Did you hit your head?" Suddenly, the memory of a night, a few scant weeks before, flashed into his brain. He remembered the panic he’d felt as he crouched over Justin’s lifeless body, afraid that he was dead… Once again, Justin was in pain and, once again, it was his fault.

Scooping the young man up, he carried him up to the bedroom and laid him gently on the bed. He hurried to the bathroom to wet a cloth. When he brought it back to the bedroom, Justin was trying to sit up. "Ssshhh, be still."

Justin gave up and lay back down. "W-what happened?" he asked, weakly.

"I don’t know." Brian sat down on the bed as close as he dared to the reclining figure. "One minute you were walking toward the door, and the next thing I knew, you were on the floor." Closing his eyes, Justin rolled over on his stomach. "Your headache’s back, isn’t it?"

There was no answer and Brian picked up the phone. "I’m calling your mom."

"No!" Justin rolled over and tried to grab the phone. "I-I have my pain pills… Don’t take me home. I’ll be okay, I promise."

Yet again, the look on Justin’s face as he begged to be allowed to stay was more than Brian could deal with. He replaced the receiver; he hadn’t even started dialing Justin’s home number. "Lie still. I’ll get you some water for those pills."

Five minutes later, they were still in the bedroom and still clothed. This must be a record for me, Brian thought, as he helped Justin sit up against some pillows. "How’s your head?" he asked, softly.

"Better." Justin’s smile had returned, but his eyelids were getting a bit heavy.

"The pain medication makes you sleepy, doesn’t it?"

Justin opened his eyes and tried to look alert. "I want to stay here with you. Don’t make me go home…"

"Justin… I promised your mom I wouldn’t keep you out late."

The young man moved slowly over until he was leaning heavily against his host. "Didn’t you bring me here to talk?"

"Yeah, but we can talk later--" Before he had a chance to finish the sentence, Justin’s hand snaked around behind his head. Pulling it forward, he crushed their lips together. If the teenager was in a weakened state, it wasn’t evident in the way his tongue explored every inch of his lover’s mouth.

After a long minute, Brian pulled back hesitantly. "Are you trying to persuade me to change my mind?" He stretched out beside Justin, their faces close together.

Justin chuckled. "That’s exactly what I’m trying to do. You can’t know how much I’ve missed being here, alone, with you. Call her and tell her I fell asleep, and that you’ll bring me home tomorrow morning."

"*You* call her; she doesn’t even like me." Brian reached for the phone and held it out.

Taking the receiver, Justin paused. "You’re wrong, you know. She *does* like you. She said she couldn’t believe you came to the hospital every night…" Justin bit his lip, realizing he’d said more than he meant to.

"She told you about that? I asked her not to say anything." He looked embarrassed.

"She thought it was incredible that you just sat and watched me sleep. Of *course*, she told me. That’s when I knew you really loved me…"

Justin’s self-satisfied smirk brought Brian back to earth. "Justin… that’s what I wanted to talk to you about…"

"What?" Justin’s smile faded. "You’re not going to try to tell me you don’t love me. Not after all that’s happened…"

Brian took a deep breath. "It’s not a question of whether I love *you*. Love isn’t an emotion I’ve had much experience with."

"Is this going to be another one of your ‘I don’t believe in love, I believe in fucking’ lectures?" Justin tried to disentangle himself from Brian’s embrace, but the older man’s hold was secure. "You tried that already, remember? It didn’t work then, so what makes you think it’ll work now?"

"Will you be still for a minute and listen to me?" Justin continued to struggle. "Don’t you think you owe me that?"

Justin halted his escape attempt, but he wouldn’t look at Brian. He knew he had to be strong; one look into those gray-green eyes and he knew he’d be lost.

Brian cleared his throat. "I never meant for any of this to happen, you know. After that first night, I never expected to see you again, but you kept coming back. At first, you annoyed the hell out of me, following me around. Then I realized that, even though I kept telling you to get the fuck out of my life, that’s not what I wanted any more."

Brian paused to take a breath and Justin seized the silence. "Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?"

"I don’t know," Brian shrugged. "What difference would it have made if I had?" He looked away. "I still blame myself for not watching out for you. If it hadn’t been for me you wouldn’t’ve gotten hurt--"

"I told you already," Justin shook his head, "nobody blames you, especially not me."

"But I--"

Justin kissed Brian again, long and slow. As it ended, he whispered into the older man’s ear, "Would you do me a favor?"

Brian turned his head so he could see Justin’s face. "If I can…"

"You can." Justin sucked Brian’s earlobe into his mouth for several seconds before continuing, "I don’t ever want to talk about that night again. It’s in the past and, as far as I’m concerned, it’s forgotten."

Brian opened his mouth to argue, then thought better of it. Laying his head down next to Justin’s, he started running his fingers lightly over the boy’s lithe body. Almost without moving, Justin removed his t-shirt and was tugging at his zipper when Brian’s hands stopped him, but only to take over the job. Pushing the jeans and briefs down and off, he began kissing Justin’s neck before moving down his chest and belly. The young man’s breathing became labored as his hands tangled in Brian’s hair, pushing his head lower.

There was a moment when Brian considered teasing his lover and making him beg for it, but he changed his mind. Justin had waited a long time for this and he deserved as much pleasure as Brian could give him. Justin’s cock was hard by the time Brian wrapped his lips around the head and swallowed the shaft in one deft movement. He moaned aloud as the older man’s tongue teased him, bringing him quickly to a very vocal orgasm.

Justin was still trying to catch his breath when Brian moved back up to stretch out beside him. "That was incredible. Thank you…" He yawned lazily.

"Are the pills finally making you sleepy?"

"Yeah," Justin breathed. "Or maybe it’s the after effects of the best blowjob I’ve ever had…" They both laughed languidly. Justin’s hand snaked out, reaching for Brian’s groin. "Is it your turn now?"

Brian’s hand covered Justin’s. "Not necessary."

Justin peered at Brian from one open eye. "Don’t tell me you’re not horny, after all that?"

Brian groaned. "Are you kidding? I’m horny as hell…"

"I can do something about that, you know…"

Brian started to argue, then changed his mind. "Okay. Use your hand. Your *right* hand."

Justin opened both of his eyes to glare at his lover. "You know I can’t use my right hand."

Brian reached out and caressed Justin’s weakened hand. "I know that it’s never going to get any stronger unless you exercise it." A smile slowly spread across the teenager’s face. "We’ll call it late-night therapy, okay?"

Without any more encouragement, Justin finished unzipping Brian’s jeans and reached inside. Brian hadn’t been exaggerating when he said he was horny. The feel of Justin’s hand stroking his cock brought him to the edge quickly. The young man still had a ways to go before his hand would be normal again, but Brian didn’t think he was as far away as he thought he was. He told him so, as soon as was able to catch his breath.

Justin was in the process of snuggling up to his lover when Brian raised up and stripped his clothes off. Grabbing the phone from the bedside table, he dialed the number he’d memorized in the few days since Justin had been home. "What’re you doing?" Justin looked up in surprise.

"Ssshhh-- Hello, Jennifer. It’s Bri-- No, he’s okay. He’s asleep, actually. We came back here after dinner and he fell asleep watching a movie. I’ll drop him off on my way to work in the morning." A pause. "Okay. I will."

Brian was laughing by the time he replaced the phone on the table. "Your mom said to tell you we needed to come up with a better story than you fell asleep watching tv." Justin joined in the laugh.

Snuggling up together, they both closed their eyes. "Brian?"

"What?," Brian mumbled.

"Can I ask you a question?" There was no reply, so Justin continued. "Did we finish talking? I mean, did you say everything you wanted to say?"

"What else do you want me to say? That I love you?"

Justin knew he should leave it, but he couldn’t. "Well… Do you?"

"Love you? That’s a very dangerous word, you know. ‘Love’."

"Would it make any difference if I told you that I love you?"

"Well, now, there’s a big surprise…" Justin didn’t reply and Brian continued, "It’s not as easy for me to express my feelings as it is for you. Do you understand that?"

"I think so. I don’t want you to tell me just because you think it’s what I want to hear. When you finally say it to me, I want you to mean it."

Opening his eyes, Brian raised up and propped himself on his elbow. He looked down at his lover. "Do you mean that? You don’t mind that I don’t act all warm and fuzzy over us?"

Justin looked up at his lover and smiled. "That’s not you, Brian, I know that. If you suddenly started writing love sonnets, I’d have to come and visit *you* in the hospital because I’d know you’d taken a major blow to the head. You have other ways of showing me that you care - very special ways, and I cherish all of them."

Brian realized that Justin was intentionally keeping this conversation light, and he appreciated it. Without warning, even to himself, Brian asked, "What would you say if I asked you to move back in here? When you’re feeling better, of course."

Justin’s smile lit up the room once again. "Are you kidding? We can bring my stuff over tomorrow--"

"Wait a minute. I’m not *asking* - I just want to know what you’d say if I *did* ask…"

"Oh, I get it. It’s a hypothetical question, right?" Brian nodded. "Well, my hypothetical answer is… yes, but only if you mean it."

Brian tried to look annoyed. "I never say anything I don’t mean." A serious look took over his face. "Listen… Why don’t we play it by ear for a while? You can hang out here as long as your mom doesn’t mind. I may even come over to your house and visit. No strings, okay?"

Now it was Justin’s turn to look serious. "But… I *want* strings. I want us to go to Babylon and have everyone there know I belong to you. I want to walk down Liberty Avenue arm-in-arm and make out in the movie and hold hands over dinner at Le Pommier, like other couples…" Looking up, he saw a strange look pass across Brian’s face. Was it fear? he wondered. Panic? Dread? All of the above? "However," he pulled Brian close again., "I’d give all that up in a heartbeat. As long as I have you, nothing else matters…"

Brian arranged himself so that Justin was again lying against his chest, the blond head tucked under his chin. "I’m not sure you mean that last part, about giving it up, but I appreciate the effort." He chuckled lazily. "Something tells me this isn’t the last time we’ll talk about this, and that’s okay. I need you to remind me, once in a while, what’s important. For now, I’m going to sleep. Some of us have to work tomorrow."

"Okay. Good night, Brian." Justin sighed sleepily. "I love you."

"Me too." It was said so softly that, for a minute, Justin thought he’d imagined it.

When he realized it wasn’t his imagination, his head popped back up. "*What* did you say? Me too?"

"Justin!" Brian used his most authoritative tone. At least, he thought he did. "I said ‘go to sleep’!"

There was no answer and Brian closed his eyes once more, but sleep didn’t come immediately. He thought about everything that had happened since this ‘child’ had come into his life. Okay, he wasn’t a child any more - Brian was dumbfounded by how much he’d grown since they’d met. Maybe Justin had been that mature all along and it was really himself who had grown.

Just as he was drifting off, Brian’s thoughts turned away from the past and to the future. He’d been careful not to make any promises to Justin that he didn’t think he could keep. He knew the next few months weren’t going to be easy. Maybe life with Justin would *never* be easy, but one thing was for sure: it would never be boring. For the first time in his memory, he was actually looking forward to the future.