Author’s Note: This is another post-220 story, written from Brian’s POV. It’s a little on the romantic side and it’s not very plausible. I hope you’ll forgive me a little sentimentality, considering that it was written with so many months left until the beginning of season 3.

The ‘Justin Thing’

The first night it happened, I was shocked. I hadn’t seen Justin in several weeks, not even in the diner. I thought about asking Deb if he still worked there, but I didn’t want to. That would give her an excuse to lecture me again about all the shit I’d done wrong since the whole ‘Justin thing’ began.

I just chalked it all up to the fact that he was busy building his new life with his new boyfriend, and I wished him well. After everything I’d put him through, he deserved it.

I was at Woody’s one night, hanging out with Emmett and Ted, and drinking. They both had commented on the fact that they didn’t see me so much any more. I told them I was putting in more hours at the office and bringing work home practically every night. I told Ted he should appreciate how much more time and work is involved when you’re the boss. He grudgingly agreed with me. ‘Besides’, I told them, ‘I still go out. Just because you guys don’t see me, it doesn’t mean I’m not somewhere else.’

After a few minutes, they gave up on their interrogation, but I was tired and bored and restless. I stood up to leave and they looked at me like they expected an explanation as to where I was going. I didn’t give them one, though - I just left.

On the way to the door, I saw a blond head out of the corner of my eye. I stopped and stared in the direction I thought I saw him walk. It wasn’t Justin, though; I was stupid to think it was. I was about to leave when he walked up and grabbed my arm, pulling me into the bathroom.

Before I knew what was happening, he pushed me backward into a stall, following me in. In a flash, he was on his knees, his hands pulling at the buttons of my jeans. I was probably trying to talk until he touched my cock. After that, I leaned back, closed my eyes and enjoyed it.

Justin gives the best blow jobs. I should know. I taught him practically everything he knows, and he was a willing student. If anything, he’s gotten better since the last time we were together; he was taking his time, making sure I enjoyed it.

Which I did. I wanted it to last forever. I’d almost forgotten how good it felt, long and slow and intense.

When I was finally able to open my eyes, he was gone. I wondered, for a minute, if I’d imagined the whole thing. No, I decided. It was real. And it *was* Justin.

*&*&*&*&*

Several days later, I was in Babylon. It was getting late and I was getting bored. In the past, I would have found someone to take home by now. I wondered if I was getting too picky. Yes, there were some pretty men there, but none of them caught my eye and I was considering doing the unthinkable: going home alone.

I was making my way to the exit when I saw that familiar blond head again. Maybe I was looking for him this time - I don’t know, but there he was. He disappeared into the back room and I followed him.

My eyes hadn’t completely adjusted to the semi-darkness when I spotted him, standing in a corner. He smiled when he saw me, as if he’d been patiently awaiting my arrival. I walked over to where he stood; I’m sure I had a silly smile on my face as well.

I leaned over to kiss him but he moved his face away and I kissed his ear instead. I nuzzled my face into his hair and then kissed his neck. He made that little moaning noise, letting me know that I was turning him on. This encouraged me to continue, which I did. Before he could do anything, I was on my knees before him, pulling at the zipper of his jeans. He didn’t fight me - I knew he wouldn’t - and I continued.

I really wanted to take my time and make it good for him. He tangled his hands in my hair, pulling my head toward his cock. I swallowed it quickly and started sucking. I wanted him to remember this, just like I always wanted him to remember how we were together.

It was over almost before I realized it. He turned away quickly and walked off while I was still on my knees.

*&*&*&*&*

By now, I was starting to wonder what the fuck Justin was doing. Was his musician such a bad lover that he had to look elsewhere for satisfaction? Why me? Yes, we were amazing together, but wasn’t all the emotional shit we’d been through enough to keep him away from me? Had he decided he’d made a mistake by leaving me? If so, why didn’t he just call me and ask me if he could come back? Because Justin was too proud to admit he’d made a mistake.

Or, maybe he hadn’t made a mistake. Maybe it was just a coincidence that we’d both been in the same place at the same time, and he’d decided to act on an impulse, like I’d always done.

Still, I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from watching for him, every time I was in Woody’s or Babylon. Just in case…

*&*&*&*&*

Of course, the next time I saw him, I wasn’t in either place. I was in the diner. I went by to pick up something to eat. I had another impossible deadline to meet and I was headed home to pull an all-nighter. I was sitting at the counter, waiting on my food when Justin walked in from the kitchen. He smiled at me but didn’t say anything; he said something to Joanne and then walked back to the kitchen.

I thought it was weird that Justin would almost totally ignore me, but I didn’t really blame him. I wasn’t sure what he thought about me, but I could guess, and it wasn’t good.

I tried to push all thoughts about the ‘Justin thing’ out of my mind as I paid for my order and walked out. I had to park in the lot behind the diner because there were no spaces on the street. It was a little dark back there, in the shadows.

As I turned the corner, I saw him standing there, next to the Jeep. He was leaning against the passenger door. He still had his apron on.

‘What’re you doing here?’ I hoped my voice sounded calm.

‘Waiting for you.’ He was smiling that little self-satisfied smile that I knew so well.

Not wanting him to think I wasn’t up to the challenge, I walked right up to where he was standing. We were almost touching. ‘Here I am.’ I wanted to kiss him. ‘What happens next?’

‘This…’ Glancing around, he opened the door and pushed all my files into the floor of the Jeep. He grabbed my shirt and pulled, then pushed, me inside. I stumbled into the seat and watched as Justin crawled in on top of me.

I’m not sure how either of us got our pants down, but we did. Justin produced a condom out of nowhere and slid it onto my dick. He sat down on it, moaning softly as he slowly impaled himself. My fingers dug into his the soft flesh of his ass cheeks as he rode me.

I wanted to watch his face while we fucked but I didn’t. I couldn’t. Having Justin here with me was almost more than I could deal with. I knew that, in a few minutes, we’d be finished and he’d leave. I didn’t want him to go.

So I closed my eyes and concentrated on what I was feeling right now, rather than what I’d feel when he was gone.

And it was only a few minutes before I came. When I opened my eyes, he was already outside the Jeep, pulling his pants up. I watched silently as he walked to the back door of the diner and disappeared inside.

*&*&*&*&*

Okay, by now, my brain was seriously scrambled. I thought about Justin more than I had when we were together. Wherever I went, I thought I saw him; every blond head I spotted in a crowd caused me to stop what I was saying and doing, which made me look like an imbecile on more than one occasion.

The day that I’d almost fucked up a very important business lunch because one of the busboys at the restaurant had blond hair was the day I decided I had to speak to Justin. What was I going to say to him? I wasn’t totally sure, but I had to think of something.

I guess I was deep in thought when I arrived back in my office. I shut the door and was halfway across the room before I spotted him. He was sitting behind the desk, in my chair. He swiveled around nonchalantly. I was startled. ‘What the fuck are you doing here?’ I stopped beside the desk and stared down at him.

‘This is some office you have.’ He chose to ignore my question. ‘It’s much bigger than your old one.’

‘Of course, it is.’ I decided to play along. ‘I’m a partner now, you know.’

‘Yes, I remember.’ He was sitting in that chair like he belonged there. ‘How’s business?’

‘Business is fine.’ I sat on the corner of my desk and continued staring at him. ‘Why are you here?’

Once again, he didn’t answer me. Instead, he got up and walked over to the door. ‘How many guys have you fucked in *this* office?’ He locked the door.

‘None.’ I knew where this was going and I wasn’t sure I liked it. What I *was* sure of was that I didn’t have the strength to stop it.

‘Because you’re a partner?’ He moved to the blinds in front of the windows that looked out into the hallway, closing them slowly. ‘Yes, that’s it, isn’t it? You’re in a very high profile position. How would it look if someone caught you boinking boys in here?’

When he was done closing the blinds, he walked slowly toward me. Picking up the phone, I dialed Cynthia’s extension. ‘Tell Vance that I’ll be late for our two o’clock meeting. Something very important just came up.’ I hung up before she had a chance to ask any questions.

I reached inside my desk drawer and fished out a condom. ‘What’re you waiting for?’ I glared. ‘Don’t you want me to fuck you?’

Justin chuckled softly. ‘It’s a nice desk.’ He ran his hand along the edge. Reaching past him, I swept the papers off onto the floor. I leaned forward and kissed him, taking him by surprise. He broke the kiss and started pulling his jeans down.

I unzipped quickly as he hopped up on the desk. He lay back and wrapped his legs around my waist, pulling me to him. Slipping the condom on, I slid my cock inside him, slowly. I wanted to be the one in control this time. I forced myself to keep my eyes open, watching his face while I fucked him. His eyes were closed and he was smiling sweetly. Neither of us made a sound, not even when we came together. A minute later, he opened his eyes and looked up at me. I wanted to grab onto him tightly, and keep him here with me, but I pulled out and let him climb off the desk. I removed the condom carefully and took it into my private bathroom.

When I came out of the bathroom, Justin was gone. I wasn’t surprised, but I was disappointed. I made a decision. I had to talk to Justin about this - about us. If there still *was* an us. If there wasn’t, why was he still coming around? I had to know the answer to that question as well. I’d find him at the diner, or school. Hell, I’d find out where his musician boyfriend was living, if I had to.

For the time being, I had a meeting that I was only slightly late for. I could picture Vance, sitting in the conference room, looking at his watch and fuming. A quick check at the full-length mirror in my bathroom, just to make sure I looked okay, and I was out the door and down the hall.

*&*&*&*&*

It’s been only a couple of days since our matinee in my office, and I’ve thought about Justin more and more. As a matter of fact, he’s about the only thing I’ve been able to concentrate on. Every time I make up my mind to go and find him, I think of another excuse not to. I admit it - I’ve enjoyed our little rendezvous. I’m afraid that, if I question him, he’ll end it. So I hope, every day, that this will be the day I see him again.

*&*&*&*&*

This day has been totally for shit. I’m too tired to walk up the stairs to my apartment, which is why I’m in the elevator. All I want to do is take a shower, get something to eat and get drunk, not necessarily in that order. I don’t even want to go out tonight.

As I walk to my door, something doesn’t seem right. No one is around and nothing looks out of place, but I still have a weird feeling.

I fit my key into the lock, but it’s not locked. It occurs to me that I shouldn’t go in, that I should call 911. I push the door aside and look in. There’s no sound. Maybe I forgot to lock the door this morning, when I left for work. That’s not it - I never forget.

So I walk inside. It doesn’t look as if anything is missing and I don’t hear any noise. Pushing my fears aside, I walk to the bedroom to undress.

Ohmygod. Justin is lying on my bed, drawing in his sketch pad. ‘How did you get in here?’

Looking up, he picks up his keys and dangles them. ‘You never asked for your key back.’ He has such a superior look on his face. I pretend to ignore him, undressing and walking quickly to the bathroom.

I had just stepped inside the shower when the door opens and Justin walks in, naked. He grabs the soap out of my hand and starts rubbing it over my body. I can feel my dick getting hard as he continues touching me. I have no idea what he’s planning on doing next, but I can’t wait for it to happen.

Without saying anything, he reaches around me, grabs a condom and hands it to me. Turning, he faces the glass wall of the shower and spreads his legs invitingly. I open the wrapper with my teeth and slip the condom on my cock, positioning myself behind him. He moans as I slowly push into him; I bury my face in the back of his neck, biting it gently as I fuck him.

Despite my desire to fuck Justin for hours, I don’t last very long. I’ve never been able to last long when Justin is involved. Afterwards, I turn the water off and we step outside together. I’m determined not to let him slip away this time, not until I have a chance to talk to him.

I watch him out of the corner of my eye as he dries himself. How different he looks today than that morning, almost two years ago, when I fucked him in the shower the first time. How different he *is*. I’ve given up on trying to think of something clever to say. ‘Why are you here?’ Simple and to the point.

He looks serious for a minute. ‘Well, one night, my mom and dad decided they wanted to make a baby--‘

‘You know what I mean. You walked out on me, Justin. From all accounts, you’re doing very well without me. Why come back?’

He doesn’t answer me right away and I wonder if he’s going to walk away from me, like all those times I’d walked away from him. He looks at me, hard. There is little emotion on his face. ‘You were right.’

‘I’m always right.’ I decide to play along. ‘About what?’

‘I *do* love dick, down my throat and up my ass. But not just any dick…’ Reaching down, he grabs by cock. ‘Yours.’

I back out of his reach, so I could remain in control. ‘And that’s why you kept came back? You missed the fucking?’

He walks out of the bathroom without answering me. I’m not going to be ignored. I follow him into the bedroom. He’s in the process of picking up his clothes when I grab them out of his hands. ‘I asked you a question. Is that the only reason you kept showing up? For the sex?’ I was raising my voice. ‘Tell me!’

He turns on me; his face is pale and his eyes are bright. ‘I made a mistake, okay?! Is that what you wanted to hear?!’ As he sits down on the edge of the bed, he won’t look at me. ‘ I don’t know what I thought it would be like, without you. I think about you all the time. Everything reminds me of you.’

I sit down close to him, being careful to stay out of his personal space. ‘Why didn’t you tell me any of this… earlier?’

‘So you could laugh at me? No, thank you. I think I’ve said too much already.’

‘If you were afraid I’d laugh at you, why did you come around at all?’

‘Well, the first night, at Woody’s… It was an accident. I’d stopped in for a drink and I was on my way out when I saw you. I thought you’d stop me before we actually got to the bathroom. But you didn’t.’ He’s still not looking at me. ‘That was the night I realized how much I missed the sex. No matter how bad things were between us, it was always amazing.’

‘Is that all you missed? The fucking?’ I remain still, watching him.

Tears puddle in the corners of his eyes and run down his cheeks. He slowly shakes his head. ‘It was always more than that for me. I thought you knew that. I never knew if you let me stay because you really cared about me, or if I was good in bed.’

His face was so full of pain. I realized that I’d do anything to make it go away. ‘You asked me, once, if I cared whether you were here or not. I told you it was your call. Do you remember?'

For the first time in several minutes, he looks at me. ‘I remember.’

‘I wanted it to be your decision because I wanted you to leave, but I didn’t want to take responsibility for telling you to. I’ve hurt you, Justin, and I was afraid I’d continue hurting you. I thought you should be with someone who was romantic, like you; someone who could say and do all those silly things that I couldn’t. I thought I was doing you a favor by letting you go. I guess that was just one more selfish thing I did; something else I should apologize to you for.’

‘*I* was the one who walked out on you.’ The tears continue.

‘I pushed you away, can’t you see that?’ I lean forward slowly, wrapping my arms around him. His head slips into its old, familiar place against my neck.

‘What’re we gonna do?’ His voice is muffled.

‘I do not know.’ I’m not lying now, or trying to avoid the subject. I really don’t know how we can be happy, either apart or together. ‘Why don’t we order some take-out and talk about it? Have you eaten?’

Justin raises his head. ‘I probably should go. I told my mom I’d be home for dinner.’

‘You’re living at home?’ I’m a little surprised.

‘Yeah. Ethan and I didn’t last - I knew we wouldn’t. He understood, from the beginning, that I didn’t love him and that I never would. I spent several nights at his place - we talked for hours. In the end, we decided that I needed a friend more than I needed a lover.’

‘How are things with your mom?’ I’m asking out of concern.

‘Okay.’ Justin shrugs. ‘I help look after Molly while she’s at work. She’s pretty cool about me staying out late. She doesn’t interrogate me too much, unless I don’t call.’

‘Is this a long-term situation?’ Once again, I’m just curious.

‘I don’t know.’ He shrugs again. ‘So many things have happened in the past two years. I’m trying to do the best I can for the present, and I don’t think about the future too much.’ I guess I had a weird look on my face because Justin looks at me funny. ‘What’re you thinking?’

‘I don’t know.’ Now it’s my turn to shrug. ‘I was wondering if there’s a place in your new life for a ghost from the past.’

‘You mean, you?’ He smiles. ‘Are you saying you’d like to try to start over?’

‘Start over?’ I’m confused. ‘How can we go back and act like nothing’s happened between us?’

‘I don’t mean that we should forget about the past, just use what’s happened to build on.’ He’s speaking slowly, carefully choosing every word. ‘If we can learn to talk to each other…’

‘And listen. Don’t forget that.’ I want him to see that I’m as serious about this as he is.

‘Yeah.’ He smiles again, which makes me smile as well. ‘Even when things were going bad, I never stopped loving you. I still do.’

‘I know. Me too.’ I say it quietly.

His head pops up and he has this huge grin on his face. ‘*What* did you say? Me too?’

I nod. ‘Do you wanna hear me say it? Would that make you happy? I love you. Okay?’ It didn’t hurt at all to say it. I wonder why it took me so long. I can tell from the smile that remains on his face that he’s pleased. ‘Why don’t I drive you home? You can call me tonight or tomorrow and we’ll make plans to get together and talk.’

‘Do you really think we can make this thing work?’ He looks like he’s still trying to process what we’ve said.

‘I don’t know. I’m not going to pretend that any of this is easy for me. We may discover that we can’t make it, after all. But, we owe it to ourselves to try, don’t we?’

He walks over and stands right in front of me. He’s looking all serious and sexy. ‘You’re talking about *really* trying, aren’t you?’ I nod. ‘Okay. It won’t be easy. My mom says that anything worth having is worth working for.’

I pull him close once more, wrapping my arms around him as tightly as I dare. We kiss, but it’s not intense or passionate. We seem to have a mutual agreement not to do anything more tonight. We’ll save it all for the next time - there will *always* be a next time.

We don’t say much on the trip home. He seems to be lost in thought and I don’t want to disturb him. Something has changed between us and it may be a while before I know what our new boundaries are.

For the first time since Justin walked out on me, I’m looking forward to tomorrow and next week and next year. Just when I thought that the ‘Justin thing’ had ended, it begins all over again.

‘Yes, I do.’ I lean forward slowly, pulling him into a very gentle hug.

When he pulls back, his eyes are shining. I’m afraid he’s going to start crying again. ‘It’s going to take some time, you know.’ He tries to look solemn. ‘No coming back here and jumping into bed, just because we can’t work something out.’

‘Agreed.’ I nod, trying to be just as solemn. ‘We can use sex as a reward. Like, when we make real progress on a problem, we can come back here and jump into bed.’

He laughed softly. ‘Yeah, I like the sound of that.’ He looked serious again. ‘Do you really think we can do this?’