I’m working on a new Justin/Ben story, called ‘Life After Love’, which I hope to have finished very soon. In the meantime, this is a short Justin/Ben snippet that takes place during Christmas.

The Christmas Dance

by Cathy

Justin slammed the door and backed up against it theatrically. ‘I thought they’d never leave,’ he said, breathlessly.

I couldn’t help laughing. ‘Come on. It wasn’t that bad.’ Turning away, I started picking up plastic cups and paper plates.

‘I didn’t say it wasn’t fun.’ He started cleaning up the other side of the living room. ‘It just lasted longer than I expected.’

‘Are you late for an important date or something?’ I tried to sound casual but I’m not sure I succeeded.

‘As a matter of fact…’ I turned to look at him. ‘I am.’ He had a silly smirk on his face that made my heart stop beating. I couldn’t make my mouth form words, so I stared at him in silence.

He laughed softly. ‘With you.’ He moved quickly over to stand next to me. ‘I couldn’t wait for them to leave so we could be alone together…’

I pulled him close, enfolding him in my arms and kissing the top of his head. ‘I knew that…’ I croaked.

He looked up, still smiling. ‘Bullshit.’ He continued staring at me. ‘You didn’t really think--’

‘No, I didn’t, Justin. I swear.’ He didn’t say anything but he didn’t look away. ‘Okay,’ I mumbled. ‘I did. I-I’m sorry…’

‘Are you serious?’ He didn’t sound angry, just confused. ‘What have I ever done to make you doubt that I love you? That there’s no one else?’ He looked so completely gorgeous and sexy… I knew I’d never be able to make him understand how it felt to be able to love someone you didn’t think you ever be allowed to love. I saw the way other men looked at him when we went out together. They all wanted him - of that I was sure. They assumed we were just friends - they couldn’t imagine that we were actually a couple. I knew they were waiting until I turned my back or went to the men’s room to make a move on him.

‘Ben?’ I pulled my thoughts back to the young man in my arms. ‘Are you okay?’ Instead of answering him, I kissed him, lightly at first. His tongue invaded my mouth quickly, plundering it completely. When he pulled back, he looked up at me again. ‘Do you really think--‘

‘No,’ I interrupted, kissing him on the cheek. ‘I don’t. Can we change the subject?’

‘Absolutely.’ We resumed the clean up without further discussion.

We’d gotten most of the trash collected and thrown away when I looked at the clock. ‘It’s after midnight, Justin.’

He nodded. ‘Christmas Day. Can we open our presents now?’

‘I thought we decided to wait until after we got up.’ His face fell and my heart contracted. ‘What if we open one?’

‘Great!’ He started dragging me across the room to the tree.

When we were seated on the floor with Justin practically in my lap, he picked up a small box and handed it to me. ‘Open it,’ he commanded. I tore the wrapping off and read the box. ‘It’s a calendar?’

‘Yeah, a Zen desk calendar.’ Taking the box from me, he opened it. ‘It has a saying for every day. I thought you could put it in your office.’ He handed the calendar to me. ‘Do you like it?’

‘Yes, I do. Very much.’ I put the calendar back in the box and set it on the floor. ‘Thank you, Justin.’

He beamed. ‘Which one can I open?’

‘I don’t care. Which one do you want to open?’

He surveyed the brightly-wrapped packages. ‘Which one is the biggest?’

I handed him a red package with a big gold bow. He ripped it open in record time and pulled out the contents. ‘Ohmygod - it’s beautiful!’

‘I know you have blue sweaters, but…’

‘No, I love it.’ He ran his hands over the material. ‘Is this cashmere?’

‘Yeah.’ He slipped it over his head quickly and sat back. ‘How does it look?’

I looked at him intently and sighed. ‘It looks just as good as I pictured it.’

‘Can we open the rest of them now?’

‘Justin…’

‘Okay. Just one more?’

I shook my head. ‘We’re going to keep them for tomorrow.’ He tried to look pouty, but he succeeded in looking even more beautiful. I kissed him again, briefly. ‘I *do* have one more surprise for you tonight.’

‘What?’ His demeanor changed, again, to expectant anticipation.

Standing up, I hurried into the kitchen for a bottle of champagne I’d hidden in the refrigerator. I brought it back, along with glasses. When I sat down in my place in front of the tree, I opened it.

‘What’s this?’ Justin’s face shone in the Christmas tree light.

‘You aren’t the only one who couldn’t wait for us to be alone,’ I said, pouring the champagne and handing a glass to Justin. ‘What shall we drink to?’

‘You do the toast,’ Justin replied. ‘You’re better with words than I am.’

We held our glasses up. I thought for several seconds, but I couldn’t think of anything brilliant to say. ‘Why don’t we drink to all our future Christmases together?’

Justin nodded, touching his glass to mine. We sipped the champagne silently for a minute before I retrieved a tiny box hidden under some larger packages under the tree and held it out to him.

‘What’s this?’

‘You wanted to open something else.’

He looked at the other packages. ‘I have to give you something else to open.’

I grabbed his arm. ‘No, you don’t. This is for both of us.’ He hesitated. ‘Open it.’

I thought his hand was shaking slightly as he unwrapped the box. He opened it to reveal two simple gold bands. He looked up at me in surprise.

I took a deep breath. ‘I know we haven’t been together very long… but I can’t remember when you weren’t the most important person in my life. I think I loved you the first minute I saw you, but I never thought I’d be allowed to have you. I don’t know what the future holds; how much longer I’m going to be here…’ My voice trailed off as I went off onto a tangent that I didn’t want to pursue. I cleared my throat and began again. ‘But I love you, Justin Taylor.’ I removed the smaller ring from the box and held it out to him. ‘And I want the whole world to know that…’

‘I belong to you.’ He extended his left hand so that I could put the ring on his finger. He took the other ring and held it out to me. I extended my left hand and he put it on.

‘And I belong to you.’ He shifted closer, pulling me down into a kiss. Time stopped for us as our tongues dueled together playfully. When we finally broke the kiss, I cocked my head sideways. ‘Do you hear that?’ We’d been listening to Christmas songs during the party and we hadn’t turned the radio off. ‘Chestnuts roasting by an open fire…’ I sang quietly. ‘Do you want to dance?’

We pulled each other up off the floor and started moving together. I loved dancing with Justin - he was so graceful. Yes, we still went to Babylon and let our hair down once in a while, but our favorite party choice was to stay home and dance, just the two of us.

Justin’s body felt warm against mine, his head tucked under my chin.

We danced through two songs without saying anything. He was being uncharacteristically quiet. I wondered if everything was okay. I pulled back slightly and looked down at him. ‘Are you all right?’

‘Huh?’ He looked up.

‘You’re so quiet… Is anything wrong?’

‘No…’ I wasn’t convinced, but I didn’t want to push it. I allowed him to lean close again.

A minute later, I heard his voice coming from down near my chest. ‘Ben?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Sure? About what?’

He pulled back again. ‘About this.’ He held up his left hand. ‘Us.’

Was that all it was? ‘Justin, I’ve never been so sure about anything in my whole life.’

He smiled. ‘You wanted us to wear the rings on our right hands, didn’t you?’

He was right. I had, but it wasn’t a big deal. ‘I don’t care which hand we wear them on.’

He nodded. ‘Ethan bought rings for us…’ He spoke slowly. ‘We wore them on our right hands…’

‘Are the rings too painful for you? We can take them off.’ I started removing mine.

‘No!’ He grabbed my right hand, preventing me from completing my task. ‘How am I going to get over the old memories if I don’t make new ones?’

‘Okay.’ I pulled him close and we began moving again. The next song began. Blue Christmas.

A minute later, he spoke. ‘Ben?’ He looked up at me again.

‘Are you happy? Really happy?’

‘Yes, I am really happy. Why do you ask?’

He shook his head slightly. ‘All I’ve ever wanted to do was make you happy. Sometimes I wonder how I’m doing.’

This was a fairly dismal comment and I wondered where it came from. ‘Why would you say something like that? Is that song bringing you down?’

‘No. Elvis Presley has little effect on me.’ He laughed softly. ‘It’s just that, well, I haven’t had a lot of success with relationships. I’m only twenty and I’ve screwed up three times already. I’ve done drugs, twosomes, threesomes; I slept around… I’ve even tried monogamy and that didn’t work for me either…’

This was starting to bother me. ‘You don’t think any of the stuff you did with Brian was your fault, do you? And you tried your best with Ethan…’

‘Don’t make excuses for me. I’ve made lots of mistakes--’

‘Justin, we’ve *all* made mistakes--’

‘Will you let me finish?’ His voice was sharp. I nodded, but didn’t say anything. ‘Sorry, but I’ve allowed a lack of communication to ruin past relationships too…’

I laughed. ‘Yes, I know. I was somewhat involved in your last break-up.’

‘None of that was your fault, you know. I would never have survived it if it weren’t for you.’ His voice wasn’t much more than a whisper.

‘You’re stronger than you know, Justin. You would have been just fine by yourself.’ He opened his mouth to speak but I spoke first. ‘Although I have to say I’m inordinately happy that you chose me.’

‘I?’ He laughed. ‘Chose you? I thought it was the other way around.’

‘Whichever,’ I shrugged. ‘Let’s just say we chose each other.’

‘Okay.’ He still seemed troubled. ‘I just don’t know if I’ve ever told you how much you mean to me… And how happy I am that we’re together. It wasn’t easy for us, I know, and I don’t ever want you to wonder if I love you…’

This was so sweet and so totally unnecessary. ‘Justin, you don’t have to worry about that. You tell me, every day, that you love me.’

‘I do?’

‘Yes. Even if you don’t say the actual words, you show me with your sweet smile and your sunny disposition; you ask how my day was and you actually listen when I tell you. You’re interested in what I teach and in what I read and write… You want to know about my family and my friends…’ I pulled his face up and kissed him again, slowly.

When the kiss ended, I pulled back and looked down at him. ‘Any more questions?’

He shook his head. ‘I love you, Justin Taylor, and I’m looking forward to dancing with you, every Christmas for the rest of my life… Is it a date?’

I thought I saw a tear slip down his pale cheek, but I didn’t comment on it. ‘Yes, it’s a date.’ He kissed me again, pouring all his emotions into it.

Later, we went to bed and made love for hours, until tiny pink fingers of daylight began appearing on the horizon. It was almost noon when we woke up and finished the champagne as we opened our remaining gifts to each other.

Afterwards, we showered and dressed for Christmas dinner at Debbie’s; the whole family was there and we had a great time. We went home early, saying that we had plans for the next day.

As the last few hours of Christmas Day slipped by, Justin and I lay in bed, holding each other and talking about nothing and everything. None of the tension or uncertainty of the night before was present; I must have said the right things to my lover because he seemed completely content and peaceful. As he’d said, we were making new, happy memories that would cancel out all the old, bad ones.

~ to be continued ~