by Cathy Roberts
After the dishes were done and the kitchen cleaned up, John returned to his room. He lay upon the bed, trying not to think about how close he had come to confirming Kerry's suspicions. He didn't want her to be hurt again. He heard the doorbell ring and knew that Clark Morgan had arrived to replace the bathroom door. Hopefully, he had been wrong when he told Kerry that the detective was using her as a means to gather information for his case. If not, then there was plenty that Kerry could reveal to him now.
Kerry stood in the hallway, watching Clark Morgan work. He was a handsome man and he seemed to be genuinely interested in her. Still, John's words echoed in her mind. Was the police officer using her to further his case? So far, he hadn't asked her any more questions about John or his family, so maybe his interest in her was genuine. She had already put up with being used by Ellis West during the Synergix fiasco. She wasn't sure if she could handle getting involved with another man who was only out to use her for his own gain.
The telephone rang and she went into her bedroom to answer it. It was Roland Carter, looking for John. She put the receiver down on the table, told Clark where she was going and then went downstairs to knock on John's door. She called down that the phone call was for him, then she went back upstairs to replace the receiver. She returned to the hallway with trepidation. If Clark was going to question her, it would be now. She breathed a sigh of relief when he continued with their previous conversation, and never asked about the phone call or how her boarder was doing.
John slowly hung up the receiver, feeling stunned. His father had told him that Branch had visited Chase today, as he said he would. While Chase couldn't communicate all that well, he was able to admit that Joe had molested him in some way. John had no reason to doubt that Chase was being truthful. But, his admission meant that Joe had lied when he promised John that he wouldn't touch Chase or Bobby if John would only do those terrible things with him.
Kerry was right. Joe had gone on to molest at least one other person. Had there been others? He dropped his head into his hands, feeling sick to his stomach at the thought.
"Did you eat something that didn't agree with you?"
John looked up. His uncle was leaning against the dresser, a smirk on his face as he continued to speak.
"You never got ill from me."
"You lied to me."
"About what?" Joe's eyes narrowed.
"You molested Chase. Uncle Branch went to the Kenner Institute to ask Chase and he admitted it. You promised me that if I did what you wanted, then you wouldn't touch Chase or anyone else for that matter."
Joe relaxed, then shrugged. "What can I say? Chase came on to me, so I took advantage of his lust. Just as I did with you. You really can't expect a human being to continually ignore it when someone keeps coming on to him."
"Chase never came on to you. I never did that either."
"Of course you did, Johnny. You just don't want to admit to yourself or anyone else that you were a slut as a child. Just as you are a slut now. How many women have you been through over the years? Women that you just use sexually and then discard?"
"Get out of here," John hissed.
"I want my murderer, Johnny. The police detective is here, isn't he? You should be upstairs trying to find out just what he knows."
"No. I want you out of here. I want you to just leave me alone. You're dead, don't you get that? None of this matters anymore!" John shouted.
"It matters that someone murdered me."
"You deserved to die," John spat out.
"No one deserves to be murdered."
"I'll bet that Bobby felt the same way."
Once Clark finished installing the door, he and Kerry went to the kitchen for a drink and they could hear John shouting downstairs.
"He never speaks to his father like that," Kerry said as she approached the door. "And I didn't hear the doorbell."
"He sounds upset," Clark said as he reached for the doorknob.
"We shouldn't," she said. Then she heard John screaming out to be left alone and she nodded.
Clark opened the door and they both went down. John didn't hear them coming and they could see him standing near the foot of his bed, his attention on his dresser as he yelled. No one else was in sight.
"Quit bothering me. You lied to me and you deserved to die. I hope you burn in Hell!"
Joe sneered at John. "Now you've done it to yourself, Johnny. They think you've flipped." Then he was gone.
John twirled around and saw that Kerry and Clark Morgan were in his room. Just how much had they heard?
"Get out!" He angrily gestured for them to leave.
"We heard you shouting down here. Are you all right?" Kerry asked, her concern apparent.
"I'm just fine, Kerry. Now, get the Hell out of my room. If everyone would just leave me alone, then I would be great, just great."
"And who is everyone?" Kerry slowly approached him. "Clark and I are the only ones here with you."
He sank down onto the end of the bed and closed his eyes. How was he going to talk his way around this? He could feel Kerry sit down beside him and put her arm around his shoulders.
"Did you get bad news from your father?" she gently asked.
Bad news? "You could say that," he replied. He opened his eyes, but he wouldn't look at her. Had no interest in looking at Clark Morgan either. He didn't want to see pity or concern in their eyes. He didn't want Kerry to look into his eyes and tell him he was lying to her again.
"Doctor Carter, who were you talking to?"
"No one. I --- Shit." John didn't know what to say or do.
Kerry glared at Clark, hoping he would get the hint to keep his mouth shut. John was not okay and she wanted to find out why so she could help him.
"Did your father give you more bad news about your uncle?"
"Chase." That was about all he trusted himself to say.
"If you tell them anything, then I'll hurt her again, Johnny." Joe stood near the stairs, smiling again. Knowing that he had him right where he wanted him. Just as he always did.
"Leave me alone. For mercy's sake, just leave me alone," John begged. His anger was gone and had been replaced by sadness. A sadness that he had been unable to keep his cousin from harm. A sadness that he was responsible for the death of his brother. A sadness that Joe could hold the well being of his friends over his head.
"I'll be right back." Kerry patted his shoulder, then left his room. Now if only that cop would leave, then maybe Joe would go and everything would be just fine.
"Find out what he knows, Johnny."
"Shut up," John hissed.
"I didn't say anything," Clark said. He was hoping that Kerry had gone to call for an ambulance or to get a sedative for John. It was obvious that the young man had reached a breaking point - maybe even passed it. His suspicion that John Carter had been one of Joe Thielen's victims was confirmed by John's mental state.
"You never say anything, do you? You only ask questions, but never give any information back. Do you have any idea at all who killed my uncle? Or are you just shooting arrows into the air and hoping they'll land on the killer?" John hoped that once Joe saw he was asking questions that he would leave. So far, it wasn't working.
"We're looking at a long list of suspects, Doctor Carter. A very long list."
"He didn't have any enemies, so how could it be a long list?" Joe was still there. "Go," John whispered at him.
Joe shook his head.
Kerry came back downstairs then and John looked up just in time to see her hide a syringe behind her back. He stood and backed away from the bed, shaking his head.
"No. I don't want to be sedated, Kerry. Please don't do this to me."
"John, you're overwrought. It's just enough to help you calm down. It won't knock you out."
He shook his head again. He was afraid that in a sedated state, he might reveal that his father, uncle and cousin had plotted to kill Joe. Then the police would know about it and so would Joe. He couldn't let that happen.
Kerry whispered something to Clark, then she sat down on the bed. "I assure you that nothing will happen to you, John. You're safe here."
"No. No one is safe here or anywhere else. He hurt you once and he'll do it again." He saw the anger in Joe's eyes and knew he had said something wrong.
"Who? Who hurt me, John?"
"Shut up right now, Johnny, or she'll get it. For keeps this time," Joe snarled.
John closed his eyes, trying to shut both of them out of his vision and mind.
"Do you think that Joe Thielen hurt me?" she softly asked.
"Yes," he whispered. He then winced as he heard Joe's shriek of rage. It was too late now to worry about him. "He made you fall in the shower."
"I slipped on soap, John. No one did that to me."
"He put the soap there and he locked the bathroom door so I couldn't help you."
"It was an accident, John. No person, dead or alive, did that to me."
It seemed to John that her voice sounded too near and he opened his eyes to see that she was standing no more than a hand's width away. He was trapped. Joe had disappeared though and Clark Morgan had left his room. It was only he and Kerry. He felt his shoulders slump as he realized that he had no more fight left inside. Kerry took his hand and led him back to his bed.
They sat down. "I wish you would let me give you the sedative, John. Things won't seem so --- so out of whack if you give yourself a chance to calm down and look at things objectively."
"Things are more than out of whack, Kerry."
"I know it seems like that to you now, but it will get better."
Kerry wasn't going to leave as easily as Joe had. He knew that she wouldn't go unless he gave in to her demands. Then it hit him that he had always had that same problem with his uncle. He wouldn't leave him alone until he had done what he wanted. So, some things never completely changed. He stuck his arm out to her and she quickly injected the sedative.
"Why don't you come upstairs with me? We can sit on the couch and talk. Or not. It's your choice."
"Fine. Whatever." He followed her upstairs and went to sit on the couch. Much to John's dismay, Clark Morgan had not left the house, he had merely come up to the kitchen.
Kerry pulled Clark aside. "Did you reach Roland Carter?"
Clark nodded. "He's on his way over now. I take it that you were able to sedate him?"
"Yeah." She suddenly frowned. "I left the syringe down there. I'll be right back. Keep an eye on him, okay?"
"I will."
Clark went into the living room and had just sat down when they heard a crashing sound from downstairs.
"Kerry!" John shouted as he sprang to his feet, then he swayed slightly as the sedative was beginning to take effect.
"You sit down, I'll check on Kerry."
Clark rushed down the stairs. Kerry was in a heap at the bottom. As he reached her, she sat up.
"Are you okay?"
"I think I'm fine. I didn't hit my head or break anything. Help me up."
Clark helped her get to her feet. "What happened?"
"I tripped. On that." Kerry used her crutch to point to the syringe at her feet.
"You dropped it?"
"No. I didn't." Her eyes clouded over with worry. "Let's get back upstairs. I don't want to leave John alone, especially since he's so sure that Joe Thielen can harm me."
When they got upstairs, the look of relief on John's face was unmistakable. "I thought that he had pushed you down the stairs."
"I tripped over my own two feet, but I'm okay."
John knew she was lying to him, but he didn't have the energy to argue with her now. It was plain to him that his presence here was a danger to her. He was a danger to everyone he cared about. There had been many times during his life when he had considered suicide. But, he had always rejected that option. He was responsible for Bobby's death and he owed his parents for that. To take his own life would be taking the easy way out of his pain and guilt. Not to mention what it would do to his parents to lose another child. Now, he found himself considering it once again. And once again, he dismissed it as an option. If he was being tormented once more, then it was only because he deserved it. But, he certainly didn't have to stay here in Chicago. If he left, then there would be no way that Joe could hurt people just to get his own way. Let Joe figure out who killed him. John just hoped that finding the man who pulled the trigger didn't lead Joe back to his family.
John felt grateful that neither Kerry nor Clark were intent on asking him any further questions. He was pretty sure that in his present physical condition he would be liable to tell them just about anything. He couldn't take the risk of implicating his relatives in his uncles' death, so he had decided to keep his mouth shut. Kerry's fall had shaken him, but the sedative had now taken effect and he didn't feel as upset as he had earlier. He also thought that she was beginning to believe that Joe had returned as a ghost and was intent on harming her. At least he hoped that's what that particular look in her eyes meant.
He rested his head against the back of the couch, wondering just what it was they were waiting on or for. He didn't have to wait much longer because the doorbell rang and Kerry went to answer it.
"Mr. Carter, Mrs. Carter, please come on in."
Shit. They had called his parents. He had been expecting a psychiatrist or an ambulance. He almost would have preferred going to the hospital over seeing his folks right now.
"Detective Morgan said that it was urgent we come over now," Roland said as he and his wife, Maureen entered the house.
"It is. John became very upset after your telephone call. So upset in fact, that I felt it necessary to administer a sedative."
John smiled weakly at his father. "I think she overreacted."
"You know that's not true," Kerry softly said.
John expected his parents to join him on the couch, but he was surprised when they made him move over so that he was flanked by each of them. Now he didn't know whom to avoid. His mother was like Kerry, she could take one look at him and know if he was lying or hiding anything from her. At times, his father was just hard to face period. So, he decided to just look down at his hands.
Clark Morgan cleared his throat. "Mr. Carter, it appears as if Joseph Thielen also molested John."
Damn him for bringing that up. He hadn't said anything had he? John shook his head. "No."
"John, you can't keep this secret any longer," Kerry gently prodded. "It's time to talk about it."
John felt tears welling up and he closed his eyes tightly, hoping he could keep from crying in front of everyone.
"John, is this true? Did Joe....try things with you?" Roland carefully asked.
"He said that he wouldn't touch anyone else," John whispered.
"Dear God." Roland leaned back against the cushions. Maureen simply reached out and took John's hand in her own.
Kerry and Morgan told them what they had overheard John shouting and then what he had said and done in their presence. The entire time they were speaking, John wanted to shout at them to shut up, wanted to warn them about the dangers involved in telling the truth - but he didn't. He couldn't. Not anymore. He wasn't sure if it was because of the sedative or because he was just tired of keeping it all a secret. He had been living with it for such a long time.
"To your knowledge, did he ever molest your brother?" Roland asked.
John shook his head. If Joe would have been messing with Bobby, then Bobby would have said something the night that John told Bobby about the abuse. But, he hadn't.
"Then Bobby wasn't writing about himself, was he?" Roland's voice was low.
"No, sir. He wasn't. I told Bobby about what Uncle Joe was doing. He promised me that he would tell you. He died the next day."
"And Joe was watching him that day," Maureen said. "I had to take Barbara to the pediatrician and Joe offered to stay with Bobby."
"He killed him." John blurted out. Everyone stared at him. "It's true. After I got home and found out that Bobby was dead, Uncle Joe took me aside and told me that he had killed Bobby. He smothered him with the pillow to keep Bobby from telling you what he knew. Uncle Joe said that he would kill anyone who I told." John was trembling now.
"I'm the reason that Bobby died that day."
"No, John. You're not. Bobby died from leukemia," Maureen hugged her son, holding him close.
"He had leukemia, but he didn't die from it. He wasn't sick at all then, Mom. I told him, even though Uncle Joe had vowed to kill anyone I told. I knew that and I still told Bobby. I killed him. It's all my fault." John pulled away from his mother, not wanting to look at her or anyone else. "And now I've told all of you and put you in danger as well."
"John, Joe is dead. He can't hurt anyone ever again," Roland said.
John shook his head. "He hurt Kerry. He did that to show me that he could still hurt people. No one is safe as long as they're around me."
As his parents continued in their efforts to convince him that Joe was dead - he had never debated that fact. Hell, he knew the bastard was dead. It was his ghost that was threatening everyone now - John closed his eyes and leaned back against the couch. He wanted to curl into a ball and hide. He couldn't stand the way his parents and Kerry were talking about him. He didn't like the way they kept staring at him as if he would explode in any second. He really didn't care about the cop being there anymore - it was too late to care about that. At least Joe hadn't appeared again. He knew he couldn't handle seeing him now.
They were talking about him, but he didn't want to hear what they had to say. He knew they thought he was crazy, but he couldn't find any way to convince them that Joe was coming back from the dead, haunting him. Stalking him. And they were all in danger from him.
"John?"
He lifted his head and looked at his father. "Yes, sir?"
"Why don't you pack a bag and come home with us? Just for tonight? You might feel safer in your old room."
John shook his head. Why couldn't they understand that he wasn't the one in danger? Joe wanted too much from him and wouldn't harm him.
"I'm safe here, Dad. I'm sorry that Kerry made you come over here for nothing."
"It wasn't nothing, son. I just wish that you would have been able to tell us sooner. So, you will make an appointment with a therapist of some sort?"
Had he agreed to that? He didn't remember. Hell, there was no way he could talk to a therapist. That would be putting another person in danger. The idea of leaving Chicago was looking better and better.
"Do you know what I would really like? I'd like to get away from here for a while."
"And go where?" Roland asked.
John shrugged. "I'm not sure. Maybe St. Bart's. I haven't been there in a long time."
"That sounds like a good idea. As far as I can recall, you haven't had a vacation since you became a doctor," Kerry said. "You should have two weeks each year."
"Then I would like to take my two weeks now. Is that a problem?" John looked from Kerry to Clark Morgan.
The police detective shook his head. "You aren't a suspect in Thielen's death, so I don't see any reason why you can't leave."
"I have no problem letting you go and I'm sure that Mark won't either."
"What about Romano?"
"You don't need to worry about him. He has no say over vacation schedules," she replied. "When would you like to go?"
"As soon as possible. I need to check airfare prices though."
"No, you don't. We'll pay. As a matter of fact, we'll come with you," Roland assured him.
Clark Morgan cleared his throat. "Mr. Carter, under the circumstances, I don't think that would be a good idea."
"Meaning that I'm a suspect?" Roland sighed. "What about Maureen? Surely you don't suspect her as well?"
"She should stay in the area," he evenly replied. As far as Clark Morgan was concerned, Roland and Maureen Carter had moved up a few spaces on his suspect list. As had Branch Carter.
"I would rather go there alone anyway. I know the island well, so there's no reason why I can't go alone."
"Johnny, Johnny, Johnny," Joe chided. John looked up to see that his uncle was standing behind Kerry. "You know you can't go anywhere right now."
John decided to ignore him. Maybe if he did that the ghost would go away. Leave him alone. Finally and completely.
"I don't know if that's such a good idea, John." Kerry said. "I have some time off due, I could go with you."
"That's not necessary," he protested. How could he make them all safe if she came with him?
"You aren't going anywhere," Joe said. "Unless you want all of them to die."
"No," he whispered. "I don't want that to happen."
"What did you say?" Maureen asked.
John turned to look at her and she was taken aback by the fear in his eyes. She looked over his head to Roland, letting him know with one glance that all was definitely not right with their son.
"Nothing. It was a bad idea. I'll just stay here. No, that won't work either. He'll still go after Kerry. I'll find someplace else to stay." John's eyes took on a faraway look as he tried to think of where he could stay. Maybe with Romano? No one liked him much anyway and it wouldn't matter if he was hurt. Just as quickly as he had that thought, he mentally kicked himself for thinking it in the first place. No one deserved to be injured or killed because of him. No one else, he amended. Too many people had been harmed already.
"Son, you need to pull yourself together," Roland put a hand on his shoulder to get his attention. John shrugged it off, then stood.
"I feel as if I'm going to fall asleep any minute. I'm going downstairs."
"You go right ahead, Johnny. I'll just hang around up here and listen. Maybe the cop will let something important slip," Joe smirked.
"I'll help you get downstairs." Roland said.
Once downstairs, John looked carefully around the room, making sure that Joe had indeed, remained upstairs. Then he turned to his father. "I was so afraid that I would say something about you guys killing him."
"It wouldn't have mattered, John. We were talking this morning and discovered that neither one of us had yet hired anyone to do the job. We have no idea who killed Joe, but it wasn't someone hired by the three of us."
A mixture of relief and fear swept over John over hearing that. It was good to know that his father, uncle and cousin were not guilty of murder. However, he also knew that Joe wasn't going to leave him alone until he had found out who the killer was. Provided he could find a way to convince Clark Morgan to drop the investigation. It would be a lot easier if Joe had known his killer - a whole lot easier.
"Let's get you into bed, son. You look as if you're going to keel over at any moment." Roland turned back the covers, then helped him get into bed.
"Do you want me to stay?" Roland asked.
John shook his head. "That won't be necessary. I'll be fine."
Roland nodded. "I hope so, son. I really do hope so." He walked over to the steps, then turned around to face John. "Son, I'm sorry."
John stifled a yawn. "For what?"
"For not being there when you needed me. I feel that I failed you as a father. It was my job to protect you. Hell, it still is as far as I'm concerned."
"You didn't fail me, Dad. I should have told someone about Uncle Joe sooner. Maybe things would have turned out differently. Maybe Bobby would still be alive."
Roland walked back over to him, seating himself on the edge of the bed. "John, you can't blame yourself for Bobby's death. He died from leukemia and not from something Joe did. Joe probably told you that he killed Bobby in order to make you fear him and it worked. But, we had already been told that Bobby had days to live. The doctors told us that we shouldn't be fooled when Bobby seemed to be better, that it was a false remission. We just didn't want to tell you kids that his time was limited."
"I know what Uncle Joe told me, Dad. He was very specific about the details of how he killed Bobby. And it was my fault. I have a tendency of doing that, you know? Being responsible for the deaths of other people."
"Johnny, not even the best doctor can save everyone. You shouldn't blame yourself if you lose a patient."
John shook his head. "I wasn't talking about a patient. First there was Bobby, then there was Dennis Gant. I almost killed Chase. And this year there was Lars Audia - he died from the bullets that were meant for me. I'm a danger to people, especially to those people I care about."
"That's not true and you know it. You're just talking that way because of the sedative. When you wake up, you'll see that things aren't like that."
John closed his eyes. There was no point in arguing with his father. Roland wasn't the one seeing Joe's ghost and hearing his threats.
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