By Cathy Roberts
His mind was still reeling from all he had learned, and not from the legal things, but from the personal things he had found out about Abby, Susan Lewis, Michael Gallant and Carter. Of them all, Carter had surprised him the most. Luka smiled slightly as he remembered how surprised he had been over Carter's temper, and his side was still smarting from the blow Carter had landed there. Luka also knew he had been wrong to aim for Carter's head, but his own temper had gotten the best of him. With all that had happened, it was amazing they had been able to walk out of the class and smile at each other, let alone shake hands. But they had, and Luka was glad of it. He found himself hoping that Carter was glad about it was well.
Luka smiled as he thought about which one of them had put that *thing * in Kerry's locker. He had a feeling it was Abby. Or Susan. Might as well be either one of them since they had been the ones who got all of them into trouble in the first place. But, things hadn't turned out so bad. The Saturday had not been wasted.
Luka's smile faded though as he remembered the questions about virginity. He had thought that Abby and Susan and Gallant had been terribly young when they first had sex, but it had shocked him when Carter said he was eleven. The man had to be lying; he just had to be. Luka's mind couldn't even comprehend how a person could have sex with an eleven-year-old. The father in him wouldn't let his mind go there. One thing that bothered him was that no one seemed alarmed by Carter's confession. If an eleven-year-old came into the ER and they discovered he or she had been engaging in sex with an adult, they would be calling Adele down from Child Services. But the others only joked about it. Luka had watched Carter as the women made their jokes and insinuations -- Carter had looked more haunted than proud of losing his virginity at that age. He had worn a similar look when Susan, Abby and Gallant were going on and on about how rich the Carter family was. Luka knew all too well that there were some things money couldn't buy, and he found himself wondering if the look in Carter's eyes were a reflection of that. Well, there was Lucy and the stabbing. No amount of money was able to keep Lucy alive or Carter from becoming addicted. What had bothered Luka the most about that whole exchange though, was the way Carter had said he was worth almost nothing. The others had thought Carter meant money, but Luka had been looking at him, and he didn't think that was what Carter meant.
There were a lot of times when Luka had been watching Carter, and finding things there he hadn't expected. Those looks in his eyes, the odd phrase or two, the admission about losing his virginity. How much they had in common. That had really been an eye-opener. Luka had spent so much time distancing himself from Carter that it had never occurred to him that they might be more alike than different.
Luka looked up for the waitress, feeling somewhat irritated that the diner was so busy that he couldn't get served. He was hungry and he needed food. But even though she wasn't in sight, Luka found himself smiling over who was -- Carter. He had obviously just come in, alone, because Luka didn't see Susan in the diner. Carter was looking around for a place to sit, but Luka knew he would be disappointed. Luka had been lucky enough to get the last empty booth in the place, and the counter was crowded. Well, his loss, Luka thought. Or, was it?
"Carter! Back here." Luka wasn't sure why he called out to him. Maybe it was the memory of those haunted eyes. Maybe it was because Carter was alone when he shouldn't be. Susan wasn't working, so where was she? His smile widened as he saw Carter walking back toward him, stopping at the table.
"I guess that class helped you work up an appetite, too?" Carter asked, the smile in his eyes matching the one on his face.
"Definitely. I think it was the fencing though. Have a seat. I'm still waiting to order, so there's no telling how long it will be until we can actually get any food."
Carter seemed to hesitate, then he slid into the seat across from Luka. "Thanks." He looked down at the table, then up at Luka, concern in his eyes. "How's your side?"
Luka shrugged. "A bit sore. How's your face?"
"I've done worse when shaving. My wrist though, is killing me." Carter said with a grin.
"Sorry. I guess we got a little carried away," Luka admitted.
"No, I should be the one apologizing. Susan said I was acting like an ass all day."
Luka pursed his lips as he nodded. "You were. But I think we all had our moments."
"Yeah. Look, what Susan said about Abby, and me well, you shouldn't listen to her. I mean, if the two of you are getting back together, then..."
"We're not," Luka quickly interrupted. "I don't know what's in our future, but right now we're just friends."
The waitress approached them and they ordered, then sat in silence for a bit. Luka cleared his throat. "I know this is a personal question, but..."
Carter laughed. "I think we all revealed more than enough personal information today, so why hesitate now? What do you want to know?"
"When Abby and I broke up, why didn't the two of you get together? I was so sure that she'd run to you." Luka looked at Carter, watching his face, mostly his eyes, as the other man answered.
"She did. But it was a bit after the two of you had broken up. To be honest, I didn't think she was over you, and I didn't want to be the rebound guy." Carter shrugged. "Maybe I blew it. I don't know. I just don't think we would have had a fair chance at that point because you were still on her mind a lot. And I think you're wrong, Luka. I think that for her, the two of you are still more than just friends."
The waitress came with their drinks and the conversation lagged a bit. Luka knew Abby and himself well enough to know that if there was more to them than friendship, then she wouldn't be sleeping on his couch. She'd be in the bed with him. Since she wasn't, he didn't think that they were somehow destined to be together. Still, it was nice having her friendship. But he couldn't say that there was anything more than friendship on her part for Carter, though. Maybe he could ask some subtle questions, find out. If she did love Carter, and he loved her, then they should at least date for a bit to see if things could work out for the two of them.
"So, you sounded interested when I mentioned my father was an artist," Luka said, breaking the silence. "Do you like art?"
Carter nodded. "I used to feel jealous of my cousin. Chase mostly took photographs, but he also drew and painted. He was good, really good. I hope that your father never gives up his art, even if he isn't making a living off of it."
"I don't think he will. He enjoys it too much." Luka took a drink of his soda. "You used the past tense to refer to Chase. Is he dead?"
Carter shook his head. "No. But I don't think he'll ever draw again, or take another picture. He suffered brain damage a few years back from a heroin overdose." Carter looked Luka straight in the eyes. "Yes, it probably is some genetic flaw in the Carter family that makes us too weak to resist temptation. Chase's father drinks to excess, my father can certainly put away the booze, and you know all about how dangerous it is to let me anywhere near a narcotic."
"That's not true," Luka quickly replied, not liking the way Carter was putting himself down. "You've been clean for a long time now. I heard about Paul Sobriki showing up in the ER, and I think you've shown incredible strength to not let that push you to a relapse."
Carter looked down at the table again, something Luka noticed he did often when he didn't either want to face people or seemed to have something to hide. "Thank you. To be honest, I never really thought that you'd have any kind of a good opinion about me."
Luka digested that statement. He could understand why Carter would feel that way, as their relationship hadn't been the best. But it hadn't always been strained between them. There had been a time, back when Luka first started at County, that they had gotten along. But that had been before the stabbings, before Abby. Maybe it wasn't too late to recover that, to actually become friends.
Luka was willing to take the first step. "I'm sorry. I know I haven't given you much of a chance at times. I'll try to do better."
Carter looked up at him again. "Abby used to talk to me, you know? She'd share her feelings and frustrations. For the longest time, all I heard were bad things about you. Not bad things as in you being a bad person, but..."
"I understand what you mean. Your perception of me was from what Abby told you."
Carter nodded. "Right. But, it wasn't that she was being mean or cruel. She was just venting at times. At other times she just wanted to figure out why she couldn't reach you."
"I used to wonder that about her, too." Luka grinned. "Maybe I should have been venting to you?"
Carter laughed. "Maybe. Given how things went, it was for the best you didn't."
"Maybe. But, if you feel the need to vent, I'm here to listen," Luka offered. He hoped that Carter would take him seriously.
"Thanks." Carter took a sip of his drink. "Susan and I broke up. We're still friends and all, but we both realize that our relationship just wasn't going to work. There was no spark when we kissed. I guess I just needed a friend so much that I was willing to ignore that just so I could keep Susan close."
"You and Abby were close friends. What happened?" Luka really did want to know. It seemed that Carter didn't have a lot of friends, and Luka thought that was a bit sad.
Carter shrugged. "I was an idiot, that's what happened." He took another drink of his soda. "It started to end back in May. When that crazy guy was going around shooting people."
Luka nodded, remembering that day. Mark Greene had thought that the gunman was going after his wife and daughter. Which, it had turned out he was. Luka still couldn't believe that Mark and Elizabeth had broken up.
Carter continued. "Abby and I both needed fresh air, so we went for a walk. She started talking about you, and how you didn't understand her. And I just snapped. I told her that I wasn't her girlfriend and that she shouldn't be telling me things like that. I added that I didn't want to keep sitting on the sidelines, wishing bad things for the two of you and concluded by telling her I couldn't be her friend any longer."
Luka's eyes went wide. "And what did she say?"
Carter shrugged again. "Nothing much. I came that close to telling her I lov..."
Luka grinned. "You might as well say it."
Carter smiled back. "I love her. I'm sorry, Luka, but I love Abby. I'm trying not to love her, but.." Carter shook his head. "Anyway, we didn't talk for a while and then my grandfather died and she came to the house."
Luka nodded, remembering that, too. At the time he hadn't understood why Abby wanted to go, but now he did. And he was glad that she had gone. More people from work should have gone, he thought, for Carter's sake.
"So, we were good again, until after the two of you broke up. She came to me, basically asking me out on a date. And I turned her down. I thought she wasn't over you. She disagreed. And things have been strained between us ever since. I wanted so much to go to her when I heard about that bastard beating her up, but I didn't think she'd want me around." Carter shook his head. "I ruined my chance. I know it."
Since Luka didn't know how Abby felt, he couldn't tell Carter that he was wrong or right. He wanted to be able to reassure him, but at the same time, he didn't want to give him false hope, either. "Maybe. Maybe not."
"It's okay." Carter fiddled with the straw in his glass, then grinned. "I lied, you know."
Luka blinked hard, wondering just what Carter had lied about. Then he smiled. "Ah, about knowing how to fence? I noticed."
Carter laughed. "Actually, I wasn't lying about that. It was about the Bulls. I really do like them."
"I thought so. Something about the way you hid behind the newspaper when you said it made me doubt your words," Luka agreed with a chuckle. "Speaking of the Bulls, I happen to have two tickets to their next home game. I was going to sell the other one, but since you like them, would you want to go?"
Carter looked surprised at the offer and Luka was afraid he'd turn him down. Then Carter nodded and smiled. "Thanks. I'd like that. It's been a long time since I've been to a game with a fr..."
Luka smiled back at him. "With a friend? Me, too." He sat back in his seat, glad he had asked. It was more than time for the two of them to work on becoming friends. More than time. And it felt good.
The End