Feeling melancholy and more than a bit put out, Jack had decided to embrace the weather and he bundled up and headed out to the beaches. He would enjoy the ocean one way or the other, even as a voice in the back of his mind mocked him for turning his back on the family vacation to St. Barths in the Caribbean. Where he could be sailing out on the sea and not shivering in the summer rain of Scotland -- alone. Not that being alone was bad, quite the contrary. After having his heart broken by Madeline Jameston when she rejected his proposal of marriage, Jack had sought out solitude; desired it even.
Now that he had it, Jack was discovering that he really didn't want it. Which would most likely have been the case with Madeline, he thought. She had played a wonderful game of cat and mouse, using his interest in her to spark another man's interest -- and that proposal she accepted. Or so Jack had heard. He didn't have much use for rumors lately, even if they were well meaning ones from his mother.
Jack carefully made his way out onto some rocks and sat down, not caring that the salt spray of the ocean was misting over him with every wave that crashed toward the shore. He had two years of university to complete, then law school ahead of him. And no one to share any of that with. Everyone else in his family was wed and that saddened him, although many bachelors his age were still partying strong and were quite happy to be free of the entanglements of a wife and children. But Jack wanted a wife to stand at his side and children to carry on his blood. He would be a much better father than his own old man had been. Hell, Jack thought, anyone could be a better father than John "J.C." Carter had been or could ever be. The latest wedding had been that of his brother Branch to the woman who had been his high school sweetheart. Catherine was a lovely woman and she loved Branch dearly, a feeling that was strongly returned by Branch. The wedding had been a huge affair and Jack had stood up at the altar beside his older brother, hiding a grin when the minister announced to all of Branch's friends that which Branch had tried to hide since he was a small boy -- that his name was really John Truman Carter, Junior. A name that Branch hated almost as much as he seemed to hate John Carter, Senior.
The rest of the family didn't hide their amusement however. Their oldest sister, Irene Nichols, chuckled from where she sat, heavily pregnant with another heir to the family fortune. Branch and Catherine had wanted her in the wedding, but Millicent had put her foot down firmly on the notion of a woman in Irene's 'condition' standing in front of all of their guests. That stance had caused a bit of heartache, but Irene finally told the couple that she didn't think she could handle standing that long and an end was put to the near scandal. But the youngest member of the family, Alethia Smith, stood to the left of Catherine. She had been married the year before, and no one knew her secret -- yet. Branch had already told Jack that it would be his great pleasure to announce at the wedding reception that Alethia and her husband Rich were expecting a baby in only six months. Branch was hoping to see Millicent faint from the shock, but Jack doubted if that would happen. Nothing shocked their mother *that* much, not even being informed of the death of her youngest son Robert had made Millicent faint.
Jack smiled as he remembered his brother Rob. The quirky smile, his warm brown eyes, and his desire to do what felt right, no matter the consequences. It was that desire that had made him join the Marine Corps the day after his high school graduation. Jack could still hear the argument that had caused. An argument that ended when their father disowned Rob, a declaration he soon regretted but didn't rescind. Rob worked his way through boot camp and then to service in the Philippines before being stationed in Vietnam. Not that Rob was there for long; with only four months 'in country', as they called it, Rob was dead. His body was shipped home for a hero's burial and he was awarded the Silver Star for his bravery under fire. Rob had died to save others and nearly everyone in the family was still angry with him for having the gall to die on them.
Millicent recovered quickly from the news, but not the old man. Jack didn't know what to do about or with his father except bow to the man's wishes in how he lived his life and the career he followed. That seemed to make his old man happy.
It wasn't making Jack happy.
Things would be simpler if Rob were still alive, Jack thought. His mind on that impossibility, he stared off into the distance, oblivious to the sea that raged around him.
********************************
Eleanor relished weather like this. The pounding seas, the high winds, the rain -- it thrilled her. Her brothers and sisters thought she was daft to enjoy such wildness, but Eleanor laughed them off. They were tame, she thought, wanting comfort and shelter all the time. Maybe even wanting men to hand feed them fish so they wouldn't have to make the effort.
Laughing, she swam ahead of her brother Ian, daring him to try to catch her as she made a course that paralleled the coast. He called for her to slow down, then tried his best to catch her. But she knew it was useless -- no other was as swift as she. And then she pulled up short, her head barely bobbing above the waves as she listened to the wind. Ian came to a stop beside her and barked out a question. She shushed him and strained to listen. There it was again -- a call for help.
There -- Ian pointed his nose toward the shore and they saw a human trying to hold onto some rocks that jutted out from the land. The tide was quickly rising and would soon be above his head. In calmer weather, the human could have swum to the beach, but not today. The undertow was vicious and Eleanor had to swim with all her strength to counter it. But she finally reached the human. Help me, she mentally called to Ian as she struggled to put her arms around the male creature. She could feel Ian's hands tugging at her skin and then she was able to kick her way to the beach, the human now a dead weight in her arms. Pulling him up on the sand, Eleanor did all she could to force the ocean water out of his lungs and she was vaguely aware of Ian draping her skin over her shoulders as a cape of some sort.
"He's alive, Eleanor. Leave him," Ian said.
"I can't leave him until I know he'll be all right," Eleanor replied.
"What will I tell Sean?" Ian wanted to know. Sean was the love of Eleanor's short life and they were due to mate soon.
"Tell Sean..." What to tell Sean? That some unseen force told her she had to stay on the beach with the human male until he awoke? Would he even understand something like that? "Tell Sean I'll be back when I can."
"Fool," Ian said with a sigh. He had heard of things like this, of selkie females falling for human males and leaving the ocean behind. "Be careful, Eleanor." Ian finally said, placing a hand on her shoulder.
Eleanor looked up at her brother and smiled. "I will be. I just have to know that he'll be safe, Ian. I'll be back."
Ian nodded, then donned his skin and slipped into the water. Not that Eleanor saw her brother leave. Her attention was on the human prone upon the sand in front of her. He had to live, she thought as she grasped his hand in both of hers. He just had to. But why that had to be, she didn't know.
*********************
As Jack regained consciousness, he was aware of the softness of two hands that held his right hand and the smell of the ocean near him. He opened his eyes and looked up at an angel. Pale skin, dark hair that framed a perfect face, red lips that formed a perfect bow and eyes that reminded him of creamy chocolate.
"Good, you're alive," the angel said, although Jack barely understood her words.
Jack nodded. "The tide came in," he stupidly said.
The angel cocked her head to one side and her smile grew broader. "Aye, that it did."
Jack sat up and had a better view of his angel. She was wearing a dark gray cape. A fur cape, of all things -- and in the summer no less. Still, it was cool for the season right now. But when the angel moved, Jack thought he saw a flash of pale skin under the cape and he wondered if she were naked.
"You saved my life." It was safer to stay on the subject of nearly drowning than to ask an angel if she were wearing any clothing, Jack thought.
"Aye, that I did." She replied with a laugh. "Twas the least I could do. Now, be a good laddie and turn around so I can go."
Jack didn't want his angel to leave, so he pretended he didn't understand what she had said. Which wasn't all that far from the truth. Her accent was much more pronounced than that of the local population. Another sign that she really was an angel of some sort and not from those parts. "I'm Jack Carter." He stuck out his hand toward her.
The angel laughed and grasped his hand, shaking it firmly. "You're an odd one, Jack Carter," she said. "I'm Eleanor. But now that I know you'll be fine, I have to leave. My family is waiting for me."
"Please stay," Jack said and he pulled on her hand until she was seated on the sand beside him. "Please?"
The angel's eyes became sad for a moment and then they were bright with interest and something else. The cape was thrown back to reveal that the angel was as naked beneath it as Jack had thought. She reclined back on the cape, pulling Jack to her until he was straddling her body.
"You're shivering, Jack Carter," the angel Eleanor observed. "We must get you out of your wet clothes before you die from the cold."
"Of course," Jack said as he did what he could to help the angel disrobe his body. And then Eleanor rolled the cape around them both and warmed Jack's body and soul, both of them knowing that they were meant for each other and neither one regretting the choice they made on the beach that afternoon.
***************************
1969, St. Barthelemy Island
"Are you okay?" Jack asked as he stepped up behind his beautiful wife and wrapped his arms around her. Eleanor leaned back against his chest and her hands gripped his arms tightly. She had been different since her return from visiting Scotland. Visiting her family, Jack amended, even though he didn't like to think about what visiting her family entailed.
"Maybe," Eleanor said. "Do you remember our first day together?"
"How could I forget? You save me from drowning and we made love on the beach during a storm." Jack grinned at the memory.
"I told you about my family then. About what I am." Eleanor said.
"Yes. And I loved you. I still do. You not being human has never changed the love I have for you." He had become so used to considering her human that it was difficult for him to remember the fact that Eleanor Carter was a selkie and no where near as human as she looked.
"I know." Eleanor grew quiet again, but under his arms Jack could feel the beating of her heart and he waited patiently for her to say more. Something had happened in Scotland, that much he was sure of. He just didn't know what it was.
"I told you about Sean."
Sean. The selkie who would have been Eleanor's husband if not for him, Jack thought. "Yes. I would imagine that he settled down and sired a host of pups by now." Okay, so maybe Eleanor had seen him. What of it? He had seen Maddy since he and Eleanor had married. It meant nothing.
"No. He was waiting for me, Jack. That day on the beach, I told my brother that I would return to my family, to tell Sean I'd be back when I could, so Sean trusted in that and he waited. And then I did return, only it wasn't to stay." Eleanor pulled away from Jack and walked to the where the sand met the sea.
"Okay, so he didn't live happily ever after. I can only be but so sorry for him, Eleanor, since I never knew him."
"I saw him," Eleanor's voice was distant even though she only stood a few feet away from him. "And I still loved him and he still loved me. I told him about you and our family, about Bobby and Barbara. Still, he asked for one night, Jack. One time to get over me so he could seek out a new mate."
"And you gave it to him?" Jack's voice was a harsh whisper.
"Yes. I gave him one night. And the next day he was gone. I had to get back to the hotel to be with the children, so it was a few days before I went back to the ocean. My brothers were waiting for me and they told me that Sean had died. He had gotten caught up in the nets of a fishing boat and he died. Even though I was sad over that, I was also selfishly glad because I knew then that I would never have to tell you that I had broken the human marriage vow I made with you. Even though those mean nothing to my kind."
"Then why are you telling me? You've been back for a month, Eleanor." Jack angrily asked.
"Because I'm pregnant with his pup."
Jack collapsed to his knees in the sand, the breath gone from him. Eleanor pregnant with another man's child? His angel? No, not another man, he fiercely reminded himself. A selkie. Her own kind.
"I couldn't leave you and the children without telling you why."
Jack looked up, startled to hear Eleanor's voice nearby. She was standing in front of him, between him and the ocean. And that's when he saw that she had her skin tucked in the pocket of her dress. She was leaving him and he had the sinking suspicion that Eleanor was leaving him forever.
"You can't go."
"I have to go. I can't ask you to raise a full selkie, Jack. It's different with our children -- they can only exist in one world, and at some time they will have to make the choice if that world will be that of humans or that of selkies. But this child," she placed a hand over her belly. "will be a full selkie, able to change form at will. Able to live in both worlds. And he or she isn't yours," Eleanor's voice broke on the last part and he got to his feet and put his arms around her.
"Eleanor, my angel, you're wrong. You are my wife and therefore," he placed his hand beside hers, already thinking he could feel the baby moving within her. "therefore, this *is* my child. No one else will ever know otherwise."
"Do you mean that, Jack? You'll still love me?" Eleanor's lower lip trembled. "I still love you. Nothing changed that. But I also loved Sean, and..."
Jack touched his fingers to her lips. "Hush. You can't help being selkie and I can't help being human. At least you've tried to live and understand my world, Eleanor. I would die if I tried to live in yours. I also know that I would die if you ever left me."
He pulled Eleanor close, holding her tightly against his body. He remembered how thrilled and then frightened he had been when Eleanor had told him she was pregnant with her first child. Pup, she had called it. Would the child be born a human? Eleanor had told him that the baby would be born in human form if she were in human form when she birthed it. And Bobby was born a human, and later came Barbara, also born in human form. But they were covered in a downy substance that the nurses couldn't clean off. It was their selkie skin. Out of sight of the nurses, Eleanor had removed it from each babe, carefully storing it away in case they ever decided to forsake the world of humans for that of selkie. Telling the children about their heritage was something to be saved for when they were older, and now Jack had to think about how to tell a child that he or she was not human at all, but another species entirely. A shape changer who would be born the same as Bobby and Barbara, but who wouldn't be the same at all.
"I will love this child, Eleanor, as if he or she were my own. I promise you this." Jack said. He couldn't let her leave him over this.
"Thank you, Jack. I shall never forget this." Eleanor replied.
Out beyond the breakers, Ian and Colin, two of her brothers, heard the voices carried on the wind. They had come there to escort Eleanor home in safety, but now they knew they would return alone.
Eleanor raised her head from Jack's shoulder and looked out at her brothers. "Haul out, please? For just a little while?" she called.
Jack followed her gaze and then saw two naked men walking out of the surf, skins in their hands -- selkie. He tightened his embrace, determined that they would not take Eleanor away from him.
"It's okay, Jack. These are two of my brothers. This is Ian and the taller one is Colin. They were here to make sure I made it home safely."
"With Sean's pup," Ian added. Sean had been his friend and he still mourned his tragic death. Having Sean's pup around would go far to healing the sorrow of the selkie herd.
"No. Eleanor is pregnant with my child," Jack firmly said.
Colin laughed. "Oh, Eleanor, you were right about him. I *do* like him." Colin stepped forward and patted Jack on the back, nearly knocking him off his feet with his exuberance. "It's not so bad to have a human in the family, Ian."
Jack and Ian stared at each other for a long time in the silence that followed Colin's statement. And finally Ian nodded. But it didn't change the truth that Eleanor carried Sean's pup and not the human's.
********************************
2001, Chicago, Illinois
John Carter placed his hands on the back of his hips and carefully stretched, slightly turning to his left until he felt the 'pop' that undid the kink in his back.
"You okay, Hoss?" Dave Malucci asked from the other side of the table in the lounge.
"Yeah. My back's a little sore, but I'll be okay." John sat back down and pulled another chart out of the stack that the two of them were reviewing.
"Maybe you should ask one of the women to give you a massage?" Dave asked with a grin.
"Maybe," John agreed without enthusiasm. The only nurse that he wanted to feel rubbing his back was Abby Lockhart and he didn't think that was going to be happening any time soon.
"So ask. What's the worst they can do? Tell you no?" Dave put his chart in the 'done' pile and picked up another one.
"There's that. There's also the possibility of being brought up on charges of sexual harassment," John replied as one of the doors opened.
"Who's being harassed?" Jing-Mei Chen asked. As the newly appointed Chief Resident, it was her job to make sure that nothing untoward was going on in the ER.
"No one," John replied.
"Yet," Dave said with a gleam in his eye. "But Carter's afraid he will be."
"Forget it." John warned. "Deb, I was just joking. No one is being harassed."
"Okay." Jing-Mei went to the sink and found her coffee cup, then poured herself a cup. "Thanks for volunteering to do the chart Q&A."
"Not a problem," John replied.
"Yeah, not a problem. I didn't have anything better to do with my life than to sit here and read over a gazillion charts." Dave said.
"Dave, this is important." John looked across the table at him. "There are patients here who should have follow up care and if we don't remind them of it then the consequences could be fatal."
"I don't see where it's our job to make sure someone comes back in. I mean, we treat 'em and street 'em, right? If we tell them to come back, then they should come back, but I don't see why we have to call them to make sure they remember. What's next? Going to pick them up if they don't show up for a follow-up appointment?"
Jing-Mei looked thoughtful. "You know, Dave, that might not be a bad idea. Not that we could spare anyone from the ER to go, but we might be able to get funding for a van or something like that for transporting patients for follow-ups. You keep on thinking like that and you just might surprise us all."
Dave grinned. "You'd be surprised more often if you paid attention, Jing-Mei."
John rolled his eyes, then returned his attention to the chart in front of him. But even as he tried to ignore the easy bantering of Dave and Deb, he could feel a longing welling inside of him. It had been there before -- even before the stabbing. But it had worsened after the stabbing. A longing that competed with the pain and emptiness to be most important in his life. And that was the trio that led him to take more painkillers than prescribed. The trio that beckoned him to stick a needle through his skin. A trio that wanted, no, needed to be silenced. And he had silenced them.
More physical therapy had helped with the pain. Psychotherapy had helped with the emptiness. But nothing had made the longing go away. It had abated, but was now back. Was it because Abby hadn't tried to repair the rift he had made between them? Because he was lonely? He didn't really think that the longing had to do with love or physical intimacy though -- it had still been there while he was with Rena. Sometimes it would hit him hard right after they had had sex. There he'd be, wanting to cuddle with Rena, resting his hands on her body and that longing would be there. That desperate longing for something he couldn't define.
He had told his therapist that he thought it was the drugs. That he was longing for the high. But he didn't think that was it exactly. The drugs had been there after the longing, not before.
"What do you think, John?" Deb asked. "John? Hello? Earth to John Carter, come in."
He looked up quickly. "Huh? I'm sorry, Deb, what did you say?"
Jing-Mei laughed. "Nothing. I think that going over all those charts has fried your brain a bit. Let Dave finish up. Your shift ended thirty minutes ago anyway."
"Hey," Dave protested. "I've already done a lot of these charts."
"Of course you have. But you're also still on duty. John's not."
"He's just staying late to make points with the Chief so he has a shot at being an attending." Dave then grinned and pushed the pile of charts toward him. "If you do them all then she'll be really impressed."
"Stow it, Malucci," Jing-Mei said as she stepped up to the table and pushed the charts toward Dave. "John, go home. That's an order from the Chief Resident."
John grinned at her. "Thanks, Deb. You, too, Dave." He got up and went to his locker.
"Welcome. Like I have a choice," Dave muttered.
"Oh, shut up. You might actually learn something from doing this," Jing-Mei said as she headed for the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, John."
"Night, Deb," he called back.
The door closed and Dave shook his head. "I still don't get why she bites my head off if I call her 'Deb', but she smiles at you whenever you say it."
"She likes me better, that's why." John said, barely able to keep a straight face as he pulled on his suit jacket.
"You know, you just might be right about that. She does look at you strangely sometimes. Mostly when you're not looking at her." Dave said, a thoughtful look on his face.
"I was joking. Deb and I are friends and nothing more. I'll see you tomorrow." John went to log out on the computer and then he left.
Usually he drove to work, but there were some days when he just didn't feel like jockeying for a parking space or hassling with the traffic. On those days he would drive to the El station closest to the house and then he'd take the train in to work. Today was such a day and John made his way to the El station, although for some reason his feet took him further along, until he was at the river. For some reason the longing feeling would ease whenever he went down to the river. Or even the pool at the house. Any body of water seemed to make him feel better. He hadn't mentioned *that* to his therapist yet. John was too afraid that the man would tell him that it meant he had a cleanliness fetish or something like that.
John leaned on the sturdy stone railing and looked down at the water. It had been a long time since he had been sailing and he missed it. There were times he found himself wondering if would even remember what to do if he got on a boat again. He would never know the answer to that unless and until he actually set foot on one. Pity that Luka Kovac had sold his sailboat, John thought. Although given the fact that he and Luka were vying for Abby's attentions, John was pretty sure Luka wouldn't take him out in it unless it was to push him over the side.
Over the side and into the water -- swimming seemed like a much better idea than sailing, but John didn't know why. While he was a good swimmer, it wasn't something he loved to do. So why then did the idea of climbing over the railing and diving into the river appeal to him? It wouldn't be all that hard to do, he thought as he slipped his bag off his shoulder, then stepped out of his shoes. His jacket landed on top of the bag, then his shirt and pants. John then quickly clambered over the railing before someone called attention to the near naked man. A shallow dive would be best, he decided and as his body arced into the water he heard a commotion back on the shore. The noises all faded as his body pierced the surface of the water and he entered another world. Deeper he went, and it became darker. There were still noises from boats in the water, but nothing like the noises of the city. Holding his breath, John swam, keeping his eyes open. Junk was scattered over the river bed -- over a hundred year's accumulation of junk. Man, John thought with derision. Always spoiling the water. His lungs began to burn for the need of oxygen and John shot to the surface, gasping down mouthfuls of air as he treaded water.
"There he is!" an excited voice above him shouted.
"Sir, you need to come out of the river," another voice said. John looked up and saw that a crowd had gathered at the railing. A crowd that included two policemen.
"Is it against the law to swim here?" John asked.
"Well, sir...um, no it isn't. But you should come out now. We can go over to the hospital and they can check you over." The older police officer nervously replied.
"That's okay. I work there, officer. And since it's not against the law to swim here, then I think I'll keep swimming. Thank you just the same." John took a deep breath and jack-knifed his body into the water, this time swimming further down the river. They wouldn't be able to follow him as long as he stayed under the water. If he were careful, coming up just long enough to get the air he needed, then John thought he could make it to Lake Michigan without incident. And from there maybe to one of the other lakes. Could he even make it to the ocean from here? The very idea sent a thrill through his body. He could see himself swimming out in the ocean, not a care in the world except for where his next meal would come from. No medical decisions to make or nightmares about pretty blondes bleeding to death in darkened rooms or even wanting to get high. No need to want that when he was high enough from the freedom of being out in the water.
John found a small overhang and he came up for air under it. There were no shouts of discovery this time around and John smiled. His socks felt odd, so he pulled them off. But he felt as if there were something he should be pulling 'on', only he didn't know what it was. He just knew that even his boxer shorts felt confining in the water. But he didn't dare strip all the way. Sooner or later he'd have to get out of the water and he didn't want to be naked when he did. Taking another deep breath, John decided that getting out of the river was definitely something to be done later and not sooner and he went back under the water.