John looked up yet again at the clock on the wall, but only three minutes had passed since the last time he looked. It was almost four hours since his last vitals check and he was getting anxious about the next one. He felt fine and was sure the fever had not returned. Restless, he tossed the covers back and got out of bed. He went directly to the closet where Deb had stashed his stuff during her visit earlier in the day. She had dropped by to see him in-between Kerry's visit and Abby and Luka's visit. John emptied the bag that the police had used for his clothing and saw that the only things he lacked were underwear and socks. His shoes were there and so was everything else. Deb had even brought him his regular tote, but he knew he didn't have any spare undergarments in there. Well, it wouldn't be too bad to go home without them, he thought as he stepped into his pants. He left them open so he could easily tuck his shirt in once he put that on and he had just taken off the hospital gown when the door opened and his parents walked into his room.
John quickly clutched the hospital gown to his chest, but the looks on their faces told him that they had noticed his surgical scars and he didn't want to get any looks of pity from them. Not over that, especially after all the time that had passed since he had been stabbed.
The three of them regarded each other silently and then John grabbed his undershirt and began to sidle toward the bathroom. "I'll be right back."
"No, we'll wait out in the hallway. You can call us when you're dressed." Jack said and he turned around and opened the door.
Eleanor looked at John, then turned and followed Jack out of the room.
John walked back over to the bed and when he let go of the gown he noticed that his hands were shaking. "Stupid," he admonished himself as he shakily pulled the cotton undershirt over his head and tucked it in, then reached for his shirt. But despite thinking that he was being silly to react in such a way to his parents seeing his body, John noticed that his hands were still shaking as he buttoned the front of his shirt. He was zipping the pants up when he called out that it was okay for them to come back in.
His parents weren't alone when they returned to his room. His nurse and Dr. Kirn were with them.
"And here I thought you were joking when you said you'd be dressed and ready to go," Dr. Kirn said.
"I know that my fever hasn't returned and I'm ready to go home," John firmly replied. His parents could give him a ride to the house, but he doubted if they'd stay there. His mother didn't like staying at his grandparent's place, not since Bobby died there.
"Well, we'll find out soon if you can go or not. Have a seat so the nurse can take your vitals." Kirn said, his voice just as firm.
"Do we need to step outside again?" Jack asked.
"No, you can stay. This won't take long, Dad." John said as he sat on the edge of the bed and held out his arm so the nurse could get his blood pressure. A few minutes later he was sending a smirk in Dr. Kirn's direction. "I told you that I was fine."
Dr. Kirn rolled his eyes. "And you know that a good doctor doesn't always take his patients' word for things like that." He signed off on John's chart. "There. You're free to go. But if your temperature should go up by even one point, I want to know about it."
"No problem," John replied. As the doctor and nurse left, John stepped into his shoes before looking over at his parents. "Can I get a ride with you to the house? Or were you going to avoid visiting there this trip?"
Jack nodded. "We're going there, and we'd be more than willing to give you a ride home. We've heard various versions about what happened and we'd like to hear the real story from you." Jack picked up John's bag, wishing he could hug his son, but John's body language was letting him know in no uncertain terms that a hug would be out of the question.
As John followed his parents to the elevator, he found himself wishing that one or the other of them would touch him in some way. A hug or a simple touch of the hand on his arm - anything would do. As usual though, they apparently couldn't be bothered. A pang of jealousy arched through John as he wondered if they would have hugged Bobby. And that jealousy made him feel small and insignificant. It wasn't Bobby's fault that their parents loved him more and still mourned his death.
The trio remained silent until they were in the limousine and were actually on the way to the house.
"John? What happened?" Eleanor softly asked, her hand raising up from her lap and nearly moving toward his before stopping, then once more was clasped tightly against her other one.
"I went for a swim, Mom, that's what happened. I don't know why everyone is making such a big deal of it. It's not like I was nearly killed or anything." Okay, so he was bitter over the fact that they couldn't be bothered to come to see him when he nearly died. So what if they finally discovered that?
The family was seated on the bench seat, with Eleanor and Jack at the windows and John between them, so Jack had to lean forward to look over at his wife, his eyebrows raised in concern over the bitter tone of their son's voice and the realization that John harbored some resentment toward their timing to come to see him when he had been stabbed. "John, you told us you were fine, which is why we came later." Jack evenly replied as Eleanor nodded her agreement.
"Well, I lied. I had just been stabbed, nearly killed, and you shouldn't have had to ask that question in the first place. You should have just gotten on the plane and come, not wasted your time asking me if I was all right or should you come then. You and grandfather don't like weakness, remember? What was I supposed to do? Break down and tearfully beg you to come to see me? If I had to do that then I didn't want you around period. Not that you're ever around much to begin with," John snapped back, his eyes going from father to his mother. There were times when he felt as if he was just something to be abided, and not their son at all. Although there had been love and caring there before Bobby was diagnosed with leukemia. So they had perhaps loved him at one time.
Jack was about to respond with his own angry retort, an anger inflamed more than it should have been because deep down he knew that he and Eleanor were at fault. He just didn't like having it pointed out to them by their son. A slight shake of Eleanor's head stopped him, though, and he remained quiet while she began to speak.
"Dr. Weaver told us that you said you had felt free when swimming in the river, that you didn't want to stop," Eleanor softly said, getting the conversation back on target. "Tell me about, John. Tell me how you felt when you were in the water."
John let his head fall back against the seat. A part of him wanted to continue his tirade, but his mother's words had brought back the memories of how it had felt to be in the water and those memories made him smile. "It was almost as if I belonged there, Mom. Everything was right while I was in the water. Except..." his voice trailed off as he remembered the sensation of there being something missing, something he couldn't quite name, yet knew he needed.
"Except for what?" Eleanor gently asked.
"I know people think it was crazy for me to do what I did. But when I looked at the river, it was if it were calling to me. And once I was in the water, I wanted nothing more than to feel it against my skin. It was knowing that I risked being arrested for indecent exposure once I got out that kept me from totally stripping. Yet, it was odd because I kept feeling as if I should have had something else on. Not clothing, not a swimsuit or a wet suit. But...something. I just don't know what it was."
Eleanor nodded. "I know. I know what it was. This isn't the place to talk about it, but when we get to the house, we'll all go down to the lake and have a long talk. There are things you need to know about your family, John. About my side of the family."
"What?" John looked at his mother, a bit of surprise on his face. "Are you going to tell me that you're a mermaid or something? Or maybe that the show "The Man From Atlantis" wasn't total fiction?" he joked.
Eleanor smiled slightly. "I'm not a mermaid, and the show was fiction. We'll talk at home."
"Home as in Gamma's?" John asked.
"You know we sold the house here," Jack reminded him. "So, yes, we're going to mother's."
"Yes, I'm well aware that you sold the house. You told me about it after the papers were signed. It would have been nice if you had told me about it when you first put it on the market. It was my home, too," John said, slightly surprised at how angry he still felt over his parents selling off a house where they barely spent any time. It was stupid, really. The last time he had stayed there had been that short period between his apartment building burning down and Dennis asking him to move in. And his parents hadn't been in the country then, so they hadn't been around. But, damn it all, it was home, at least as much of a home as he had ever known.
"I'm sorry," Jack replied. "We should have let you know about it before we put the house on the market."
John glanced over at his father. Was the man sincere with his apology? Jack Carter rarely apologized for things, a habit he had picked up from J. C. Carter, yet the apology had sounded real. John was willing, ever willing, he thought, to give his father the benefit of the doubt and he nodded, then fell silent for the rest of the trip home, his mind buzzing as to what it was about her family that his mother had to tell him. Obviously something she didn't want to have overheard by strangers, or else she'd tell him about it in the car. Or maybe it was something so bad that she was afraid to tell him about it in an enclosed space, scared of his reaction? No, John thought, that couldn't be it. If there were horrible skeletons in her family closet then he would have heard of them by now from other family members. Despite the fact that the Carter family wasn't what most people would call 'close', John couldn't deny that they all knew each other's secrets. The sad thing was that most of those secrets were ferreted out so they could be used as weapons.
There were times, John thought, that the Carter family seemed to be piranhas circling around each other, ready to consume one and all if given half a chance. Definitely not a loving family, but one he was stuck with. Hadn't he been told all his life that the Carter blood ran in his veins and that it was his destiny to make his mark on the world as a Carter? The idea had excited and scared him at the same time, especially as he grew older and learned just what being a 'Carter' meant. At least to the family. John knew he would never live up to their expectations and the truth was that while he wanted the approval of his family, especially his parents and grandparents, he really never wanted to live up to those expectations.
John had hoped to be able to go directly to his room so he could dress 'properly', something that should have been easily doable since his grandparents were at the house on Martha's Vineyard for the week, but no. John's parents were pretty insistent that they had to go down to the lake right then, as if waiting one more second would make a difference. Sighing, John put his bag down, then followed them back outside, the three of them still quiet as they followed the meticulously landscaped path that led to the lake.
As the trio neared the water, John couldn't keep his eyes away from it. It looked inviting, tempting. It looked peaceful. It wasn't until John felt a strong grip on his arm that he realized he was off of the path and heading directly for the lake.
Jack's smile seemed forced as he let go of his arm. "Let's sit down, son." He led John over to the gazebo that looked out over the water.
"Okay," John said, looking from his father to his mother, "What's so bad about your family that you have to drag me all the way out here to say it? Grandfather is an axe-murderer? Uncle Ian is really a Russian spy? Uncle Colin is really a woman? What?" He knew he was being flippant again, but he was close to seething inside over being kept from his goal - getting into the water - and it bothered him that he felt that way over a lake he'd seen so often in his life.
"John," Jack began, his voice tight with repressed emotion. "This is hard enough for your mother, for both of us, please...just listen."
John looked carefully at his father, taking note of the clenched fists, the stiff line of the man's jaw, and even the glimmer of tears in his eyes. A glimmer that matched the one in his mother's eyes. Glimmers that immediately made John feel guilty as he wished he could take back his words. He leaned against the railing, purposely putting his back toward the lake since it was a distraction. "I'm sorry."
Eleanor shook her head as a tear slipped down her cheek. "It's the two of us who should be apologizing to you, John. You should have been told the truth a long time ago, it was just always easier to not tell you. And, well, after losing Bobby, I didn't want to risk losing you, too."
Okay, John thought. That meant that her secret was bad. Very bad. What kind of secret could his mother, or her family, have that would make him want to leave? He slowly shook his head. "Mom, I'd never leave, not in any way. I've survived too much to take the suicide way out, and you know I'd never walk away from my family." Even when he had felt 'pushed' away, John had never been gone for long, nor had he gone far.
"My mind knows that, but my heart...my heart was...is...afraid that you'd go to be with Bobby." Eleanor said, a wistful look in her eyes.
John looked over at his father, alarmed that his mother was talking as if Bobby was still alive. But his father also looked wistful, and he nodded. "I didn't want to lose you, John. You're my son. No matter what you hear today, you ARE my son and you will always be my son. Don't ever forget that, John."
"Okay, now you two are starting to freak me out. Mom, you're talking as if Bobby is still alive, and Dad, you're talking as if I'm not your child." John laughed as he shook his head. "This isn't making any sense."
"You're right about both of those things, John," Eleanor softly said. She patted the cushion beside hers, inviting him to sit on the bench with her. "Bobby is alive and you aren't Jack's son."
It wasn't so much his mother's words that shocked John and made him need to sit down, it was the complete sincerity in her eyes as she spoke that did him in. His mouth moved as John tried to find the right words, but nothing came out. It was simply incomprehensible. Both things were. He had watched as Bobby wasted away. He had felt it, dammitt, when Bobby had died. He had even seen Bobby's cold and lifeless body, cried at his brother's funeral. And they were saying that never happened? As for the other...John's mind was too full of the paradox of Bobby eluding death that it couldn't yet consider the possibility that he wasn't a Carter by blood.
"I know this is a shock," Eleanor's soft voice cut into his thoughts. "But once we've explained things to you, you'll understand. At least, I hope you will."
"A shock?" John asked, his laugh nervous and hollow. "Oh, yes, Mom, it's quite a shock." His eyes narrowed. "You ARE my mother, aren't you?"
"Yes, she's your mother. And I'm your father, John. Not biologically, but I AM your father." Jack stated, his belief in that statement was underlined by the firm set of his eyes and jaw.
"I met your father in Scotland," Eleanor began, her eyes resting lovingly on Jack's form before she turned to look at John. "He was drowning. My brother Ian and I were out swimming. It was stormy, not overly rough, but definitely a refreshing experience. Jack had gone out on some rocks and hadn't noticed the tide coming in until it was too late."
John listened silently as his mother told him the story he'd heard ever since he was a small child. Only this time the story was different. Instead of his mother and uncle saving his father from the beach, in this version, they were already in the water. His eyebrows rose when Eleanor casually mentioned removing her skin as she tended to the human...the human? His father. Jack Carter, the man who was or was NOT his father.
John kept silent as Eleanor told of the births of his brother and sister, and then how she went home for a visit. A visit that reunited her one time with the selkie she had originally been fated to mate with. Not marry. Mate. Selkies. Seal people. She had become pregnant, Sean had died and she had been sure that Jack would reject her and her full selkie pup. Not baby. Not human...
"Wait," John said, interrupting her as he got to his feet and began to pace the small floor of the gazebo. "You're saying that you aren't human. That I'm not human."
"That's correct, John. We're not. We're selkies," Eleanor evenly replied. "Your father has loved you as his own flesh and blood since the moment he knew I carried you. Nothing will ever change that, John."
John looked from his mother to his father, his head shaking. "Selkies...this is a great story, Mom, but that's all it is. As you can see, I'm perfectly human. No seal feet or fins or whatever it is they have. The joke is funny, but it's over." He stared directly into Jack's eyes, looking for hint of a smile to prove that it really WAS just a joke.
But Jack didn't smile. There was no chuckle or sneer. Not on his face or on Eleanor's and John finally had to turn his back on them, a movement that put him facing the lake, where the water seemed to call out to him. But he was NOT a seal...selkie thing. He was a man. It was wrong for him to imagine that the lake...no, it was the water itself, was calling out to him.
"You weren't born in human form, John," Eleanor's voice softly said.
John turned back to gaze at her, not really caring that she was crying. It couldn't be true. None of what they were saying could possibly be true.
"You were a pup, a pure selkie, and Sean, your father, was a fine specimen of our species." She got to her feet and reached into the pocket of her coat, withdrawing something that looked like a shred from a wet suit, although this had fur on it. White fur. "This is your skin, John. Put it on and you'll revert to seal form. Take it off, and you'll look like a human."
"There's no way I could fit into that, Mom, and you know it. Why are you doing this to me?" There were now tears in his own eyes, and John angrily wiped at them.
"You wore this skin when you were born. I removed it later that day and put it away. We intended to give it to you years ago, but..." Eleanor shrugged and she sat back down, her gaze on the small skin while her fingers smoothed through the fur.
"Bobby became ill and there wasn't anything that could be done to save him," Jack said. "Those who are half-selkie and half-human can choose which to be. The moment they put on their skin, then they're selkie until they die, or, more correctly, seals. Bobby dying and we wondered if the leukemia would leave him if he were no longer human. We talked to him about it and he made the choice. He's still alive, John. But Bobby is no longer human. He's a seal. Oh, he knows us, but only your mother can communicate with him, I can't."
"That's a lie." John spat out. "It's all a lie and I'm not listening to this any more." John bounded out of the gazebo and toward the lake. He wasn't sure where he was going, but he knew he needed to get away from their lies. Why would his parents lie to him that way?
John stopped short though, as he neared the water. In front of him, three figures were emerging. Not just figures, but seals. John frowned as he realized that he understood the noises the three were making as they greeted him and asked him to stay right there. Then two of them began to walk out of the water toward him, their skins almost literally slipping from their bodies.
John swallowed hard as he found himself looking at his uncles Ian and Colin, now naked in front of him, their skins in their hands. Then he looked past them, at the seal still in the water, his eyes locking with the eyes of the animal.
Not an animal. It was a seal. It was Bobby, his brother.
"Oh, my God," John said as the tears started to stream down his face. It was true, the whole entire story was true. He fell to his knees on the shore, his entire body wracked by sobs while the truth washed over him, changing him forever. He had thought that his life had been altered when Sobriki stabbed him, but that had been nothing next to knowing that he wasn't even human. How many times had he dreamt about marrying, settling down and having children? How many times had he loved women...human women? Him...an animal, a selkie, a freak. Nothing in his life was true, not his identity, not his body. Nothing.
"We came as quickly as we could," Colin said to Eleanor and Jack as he stepped past John. He wasn't quite used to dealing with humans, especially crying ones, and had no idea what to say or do for his nephew. "You should have told him long ago. Tis a hard, hard thing to accept now."
Eleanor nodded at her brother as she stepped up to her son. "Bobby wants to see you," she said as she reached out to touch him.
John was on his feet in an instant, rage now replacing the sorrow that had been there moments earlier. "Don't touch me. Don't ever touch me. I don't care what you say I am or was, but..." he shook his head and looked out at the seal and his pleading eyes. The same eyes that used to plead with him to come out to play. The same eyes that had laughed with him over stupid jokes and games. It was so wrong to see those eyes in a seal and not in his brother's face.
"No." John turned and began to walk back toward the house, ignoring his family. "Just leave me alone," he said as the tears returned.
Eleanor was also crying as she watched John walk away from them, and she started to follow him, but Ian's hand on her arm stopped her.
"Give him some time, Eleanor. This is quite a surprise for him and he'll need time to get used to it all," he gently said.
"Ian's right, honey," Jack said as he walked up behind her and wrapped her securely in his arms. "John will think it through and then he'll be all right with it. Full of questions, but he'll be all right with it. That's his way. We just need to be around to answer those questions."
"Well, lead the way, brother," Colin said. "I've always wanted to see the grand house where you were bred."
Eleanor looked out at Bobby, her heart aching for her son...for both of her sons. She called out to him, telling him to be patient and to stay there, in the lake, until John came to him. At least that's what Bobby, Colin and Ian heard. To Jack it was nothing more than barks and odd noises, but over the years he'd grown used to the sounds a selkie made, and his eyes looked out lovingly at Bobby.
"Let's get to the house, then, and you two in human clothing before the help notices you," Eleanor said, grasping Jack's hand tightly as they started up the path toward the house.
"What? You don't think they'd appreciate this fine specimen of manhood?" Ian asked with a laugh.
"I think they'd die laughing, brother," Colin easily replied.
"Enough," Eleanor interrupted, not really interested in hearing her brothers comparing their anatomy yet again. "Tell me how you got here so quickly. And into the lake itself, no less." But even as she asked, her attention wasn't on the answers they gave her. It was on John and her fear that he'd totally reject not only his heritage, but her and Jack as well.
She had spent so long being afraid that if John knew the truth, that he'd go looking for Bobby and be lost to the ocean. Now it looked as if that fear was groundless, but that John would still be lost to her - to them all - forever.
"We flew the Concorde," Colin answered. "They weren't too keen on having a seal on board, but when you offer to pay full fare in order to keep an animal out of the hold, they make exceptions. And, please, don't ask how we managed to get Bobby past customs and avoided having him quarantined. There are some things that you're just better off not knowing, Eleanor."
"I see," she coldly replied. She was somewhat miffed that they took the risk of taking Bobby on board an airplane, but at least they had kept him out of the cargo hold. She knew how they were able to purchase the tickets because when she had married Jack, he had set up a bank account in Scotland for her family to use for times when they were on land. It had come in handy many times over the years, but never in her wildest imaginings had Eleanor thought that it would be used to bring Bobby home. She wanted to swim out to him right then and make sure he was okay, but Bobby was no longer a pup. He was a full-grown male and wouldn't take kindly to her mothering. Besides which, she knew that what Bobby really wanted and needed was for John to be swimming out to him. He had longed for a reunion for such a long time now, and Eleanor had no idea if it would happen.
They reached the house and Jack went in first, to make sure the coast was clear so that Colin and Ian could get upstairs to dress without being seen. Once her brothers were behind the closed doors of the guest rooms, Eleanor turned to her husband.
"I'm sorry," she simply said. "I should have insisted that John be told a long time ago. He would have handled it better then, I think."
Jack put his arm around her shoulders and led her toward the room they used the rare times they stayed at the house. "It will work out okay, Eleanor. And there's nothing for you to apologize for. We both did what we thought was best for our son. For both of our sons." He had accepted John as his own a long time ago and there was no way that Jack was just going to let John walk out of his life now.
Eleanor smiled up at her husband, her heart once more swelling with love for the human male that had stolen that very heart on a wild beach in Scotland. "I love you, Jack Carter."
"And I love you, Eleanor Carter. Now, why don't we freshen up before trying to talk with John again? He needs some time to digest all of this."
She nodded as they stepped into their room. "You're probably right. I could definitely use a relaxing bath."
Jack smiled softly at his wife. "Think there's room for two in the tub?"
"Isn't there always?" she said, a soft smile of her own playing over her face. "Isn't there always?"
To be continued