"What do you mean he's not showing signs of an infection?" Kerry asked them over coffee in the lounge. "If he's running a steady fever, then there has to be a reason behind it."
"We both know that, Chief," Dave replied. "But his white cell levels are normal. Carter's got a fever of unknown origin and so far nothing is working to break it."
"The good news is that it isn't getting higher," Jing-Mei added.
Kerry sighed. "I guess we have to grateful for something. I think it's time to try to track down his family, let them know that he's in the hospital again. Jing-Mei, would you arrange a room for him upstairs?"
"Sure." Jing-Mei left the lounge to make the arrangements to move Carter.
"Good luck with his family, Chief. I think we all remember how concerned they were back when he was stabbed." Dave said, his voice thick with derision toward the Carter family.
"His parents were out of the country, Dave. They got here when they could," Kerry replied. She didn't like defending the people, but she also didn't want to sit there and listen to Dave put down Carter's family.
"And I guess planes don't fly where they were, right, Chief? And what about his grandparents? He was in here for nearly a week before his grandmother showed up to visit him. God, with support like that it's no wonder he started to self-medicate."
"That's enough of that kind of talk, Malucci," Kerry warned. She was still blaming herself for not seeing that Carter had been in trouble after he returned to work the previous year and she didn't want any reminders of how blind she had been.
Dave pressed his lips together, but he knew he was right about Carter's family. They simply didn't give a damn about him. "Well, I'm going to head home now. I'll call later to check on Carter."
Kerry nodded. "I'll see you later. Since Carter's out of commission, it would be helpful if you could come in early for your shift."
"Sure, Chief."
"Thank you." Kerry left the lounge and went to Carter's room. He was still sleeping, but restless. Kerry picked up his chart and read over his latest vitals check. Everything looked normal, so why was he running a fever? It didn't make any sense to her.
The door opened and Jing-Mei stepped into the room, Malik behind her. "They have a room ready for him up on five. Malik is going to run him up there."
"He should be told what's happening," Kerry said as she slipped the chart into the holder at the end of his bed. She stepped up to his side and slightly leaned over him.
"John? John, wake up." There was no reaction at first, but then Kerry saw a flickering behind his eyelids. "Come on, John. Wake up and look at me."
John slowly opened his eyes, blinking a few times as he tried to focus. "Dr. Weaver?"
"Good morning, Carter," Kerry said with a smile. "I'm sorry I had to wake you up, but I wanted you to know that we're moving you to a bed upstairs."
John felt confused. He was just supposed to be kept overnight to make sure he didn't get any kind of an infection from swimming in what many believed to be a polluted river. "I have an infection then?" It was possible. He felt warm and achy, like he did when was running a fever.
"No. There's no sign of an infection present. But you *are* running a fever, and we can't bring it down. We don't know why you have the fever, either."
Water, he thought. If he could just get back into the water, then he'd be fine. "Let me go," he said.
"Go where, John?" Kerry asked as Malik walked around the bed releasing the brakes on the wheels.
"In the water. I'll be fine if you let me go back in. I know it." John earnestly said.
Kerry shook her head. "I'm sorry, John, but you won't be going anywhere until that fever comes down. I'll be up to check on you later."
Kerry opened the door so Malik could wheel the bed out of the room and then she and Jing-Mei walked behind Carter and Malik to the elevators.
"Try to get some more sleep, John," Jing-Mei said. She reached out and grasped his hand, squeezing it reassuringly.
"I'd be okay if I were in the water, Deb," John said, hoping he could convince her that he knew what he was talking about.
"We can go swimming later...once you're better." Jing-Mei replied. The elevator doors opened and she stood there with Kerry until the doors had closed behind Carter and Malik.
"I need to call his family. You're off now, right?" Kerry asked as she and Jing-Mei headed back to the lounge.
"Yes, but I can work a double if you need me," Jing-Mei replied.
"I might. I asked Malucci to come in early and he said he would, but that only gives me someone to cover part of Carter's shift."
Jing-Mei nodded. "I'll stay. I'm going to go on and grab a nap while it's still quiet."
"Good idea," Kerry replied. "We'll find you if we need you."
Jing-Mei watched as Kerry opened her locker and pulled out her purse. "You keep the phone numbers for John's family in your purse?"
"After last year...I felt it would be easier to have everyone's emergency contact numbers handy." Kerry sat down by the phone and looked through her purse until she found her address book.
"That's a good idea. Well, good luck." Jing-Mei went in search of an empty bed, leaving Kerry to the task of finding someone from John's family.
When her break time rolled around, Kerry went upstairs to see how Carter was faring. She checked in at the nurses desk first to check how his last vitals check had gone. While his blood pressure and pulse had been normal, his temperature had not. It was still elevated enough to cause worry. "Who is his doctor?" Kerry asked the charge nurse.
"Sam Kirn. Do you want me to page him for you?" The woman asked.
"Please do. I'll be in Dr. Carter's room."
"Yes, ma'am." The nurse turned from Kerry and reached for the phone to make the page. Kerry headed into Carter's room. She paused in the doorway and watched him for a few minutes before walking further into the room. His face was flushed and even though Carter was asleep, he was tossing and turning in the bed.
Kerry walked to his side. "Carter? John?"
Eyelids fluttered open to reveal dulled brown eyes. "Hey, Dr. Weaver," he said, managing a small smile.
"Hey, yourself. How are you feeling?"
"Hot and tired," he replied. Waking up more fully, he sat up, resting against his pillows. "The fever has gone up."
"I know. I looked over your chart before I came in here. I couldn't get in touch with your grandparents..."
"They're out of town and this is the time of year when the staff gets their vacations, so no one is home," he interrupted.
"So I discovered. But I did manage to reach your father. He and your mother are on their way and should be here tonight."
"My parents are coming to see me?" John couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice at hearing that bit of news. "They're in Thailand. How can they get here that quickly?"
Kerry shook her head. "They're in Scotland, not Thailand and your father managed to get tickets on the first flight out. He sounded worried about you."
"Oh." John looked away from Kerry for a few moments. "Scotland, huh? I hope everything's okay there. That's where my other grandparents live, but Mom and Dad don't usually go there. Did you tell them about what I did yesterday?"
"You mean your swim in the Chicago River?" Kerry asked with a grin. "Yes, I told them about that. And that you're fine except for a fever that we can't seem to resolve."
"Excuse me?" A deep male voice said.
Kerry turned to see a large man standing in the doorway. "Dr. Kirn?"
"That's right." He stepped in and shook Kerry's hand. His grip was sure and dry. "You paged me?"
"Yes. Can we step out for a moment?" Kerry didn't want to discuss Carter's condition in front of Carter, especially her fears that the fever was a result of some type of psychological trauma as opposed to being a physical reaction. She still didn't understand why Carter had jumped into the river and a part of her felt it might be a symptom of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Just because Carter had gone to rehab and underwent psychological counseling while there it didn't mean he wasn't still suffering from the disorder and in need of further help.
John saw Kerry's frown and he said, "It's okay, Dr. Weaver. You can talk in front of me. Dr. Kirn and I have already gone over a long list of concerns and possible causes for the fever."
Kerry nodded, but the frown didn't leave her face. "Okay, what do you think is causing his fever?"
Dr. Kirn shrugged. "It could be caused by any number of things. Pollution in the river, a lingering infection, a virus. It could be psychological in nature. We're taking it one possibility at a time and ruling out the causes."
"I see." So they had considered the psychological aspect. That assuaged her fears somewhat, but that still left open a whole realm of medical reasons for Carter's fever. "What's his white cell count?"
"Normal," Kirn replied. "Which leads me to believe we can rule out an infection as a cause for the fever. And I don't know of many side effects from swimming in polluted water that don't include infection in some form or another. But, we're not going to rest until the fever is gone or we have our answer."
Kerry nodded. "Good." She walked back over to Carter's bedside. "I want you to rest all you can, and follow Dr. Kirn's instructions to the letter, is that understood?"
John grinned. "Understood. I don't like being a patient and I'll do everything I can to get out of here as quickly as possible."
Kerry lightly touched his arm. "I know. I need you back downstairs and I need you there healthy. I've got to get back down there, but I'll be back later to see how you're doing."
"Thanks for stopping by and telling me about my parents. It'll be odd to see them this time." John said.
"Yes, it will be." Kerry still didn't understand why Carter's parents couldn't be bothered to come to see him when he had been stabbed and it confused her even more that they were now rushing to his side when he had nothing more serious than a fever. Wasn't the stabbing far more serious? Perhaps she'd get a chance to ask them, she thought. And if she did, then she was definitely going to let them know her feelings on the way they had previously treated their son.
"Hey," John said, "Do you think you could convince Dr. Kirn here to let me take a long bath? I keep telling him that I'll feel better once I'm in the water, but he won't believe me." John was very serious in his request.
Kirn shook his head. "It's not that I don't believe you, John. I do believe that you will feel physically better if you soak for a while. But that feeling will quickly wear off and it might make the fever spike and I don't want to risk that. Especially since nothing we've given you has done anything to reduce it. This isn't the old days when the only treatment for a fever that wouldn't break was to immerse the patient in water, or to bleed the patient. I certainly hope you aren't going to ask me to consider that next."
John shook his head. "No, I don't want to bleed again, thank you. But a long bath couldn't hurt..."
"We don't know that," Kirn briskly replied. Then his features softened as he looked at Carter. "I know you want to feel better, but I want to actually make you that way. If nothing else has worked by this time tomorrow then I'll agree to your request, all right?"
"I guess so, since that's the best you can do. I'll give you twenty-four hours and then I'm in the water again," John vowed and the light in his eyes had everything to do with his determination and little to do with the fever.
"I'll see you later," Kerry gave his hand a gentle squeeze, then she nodded good-bye to Kirn and returned to work.
******************************
Abby checked her watch against the clock on the wall, hoping that her watch was slow and that it really was now her break time. But her hopes were dashed when she saw that her watch and the clock had the same reading. "Damn," she muttered under her breath. She wanted to go upstairs to check on John, needed to see for herself that he was all right. What in the Hell had he been thinking when he dove into the Chicago River? In Abby's mind, it was no coincidence that it happened shortly after John broke off their friendship by telling her that he didn't want to be her friend anymore. Of course, Abby knew that she hadn't done much to ease the tensions between them. Quite frankly, she wasn't sure what she could do. John had made his feelings about their friendship clear. What he hadn't been clear about had been his other feelings. Abby had returned to work that day thinking that perhaps John had fallen in love with her. His comments could certainly be interpreted that way.
Abby didn't know what to do or say if that was the truth. She cared about John quite a bit, but she wasn't sure she was in love with him. She couldn't say that she was in love with Luka, either. She cared about both men, but there was no denying the fact that when things went wrong in her life, or when she had a reason to be happy, John was the person she first sought out to share things with, just as he searched her out.
Was that love?
Abby didn't know the answer to that question and she glanced up at the clock again. God, she needed it to be her break-time and she had to see John. From the very moment she had arrived at work and heard about his swim, she had been on edge, knowing that she couldn't rest easy until had seen with her own eyes that he was okay. He had to be okay.
Abby jumped slightly as a hand touched her elbow, and the chart in her hands clattered to the ground, the paperwork scattering.
"I'm sorry," Luka said as he knelt to pick up the pages. "I didn't intend to startle you."
"It's okay," Abby tersely said as she also knelt to gather the patient information together. "My mind was elsewhere."
"On Carter." Luka's voice was neutral as he stated the obvious. "Everyone is thinking about Carter and what he did yesterday."
"Thinking or gossiping?" Abby snapped back. She knew her co-workers and how they loved a good story. And John Carter taking an extended swim in the river was definitely a good story.
"I haven't heard anyone gossiping about *that*." Luka picked up the last page and added it to the pile already in his hand, then held them out toward Abby. "They're still too busy talking about the three of us."
Abby's head jerked up and she met Luka's eyes. He didn't look angry, but rather resigned. "The three of us?"
He inclined his head. "Me, you, Carter. A love triangle is one term I've heard recently. The gossip has increased daily since you and Carter stopped talking to each other."
"God, give me strength," Abby muttered as she got to her feet. Beside her, Luka did the same. "What is it with these people and their imaginations?"
"Maybe they don't have to imagine so much, Abby."
Abby looked up at Luka, but she didn't shake her head. She felt even more confused than before and didn't know what to say to Luka to put him at ease over the things he had overheard.
Luka sighed. "It's almost your break time, right? How about we grab a cup of coffee and go up on the roof to talk?"
"I was going up to see John," Abby quickly said. She almost regretted saying it though, when she saw the sad look creep into Luka's eyes.
"Then we'll go together. We all need to talk, Abby. We might as well do it now," Luka firmly said. "At least this way, one of us can't run off before we're done discussing things. I'll come and find you in ten minutes." Luka walked off and Abby stared after him, her mouth unable to form the words to tell him that what he was proposing was a bad idea.
She turned to go back to the admit desk so she could put the file back in order but stopped short though as she saw Dave Malucci staring at her. From what she had heard, Malucci had stayed all night with John and was now in early to help cover for John's absence. She definitely didn't like the look of distaste that she saw in Malucci's eyes at the moment, but she decided to ignore him as she put the file down on the counter.
"Stay away from Carter, Abby. He doesn't need you messing up his mind any more than you already have," Dave said, not even making an effort to keep his voice down.
Abby looked up at him and her eyes narrowed. "You don't know what you're talking about, so I'd advise you to shut up, Malucci."
"It's *Doctor Malucci* to you. You are a nurse, after all, Abby." Dave snidely replied. "And I know exactly what I'm talking about. Carter's sick and doesn't need the hassle. Not from you and definitely not from Kovac. So, stay away from him." And with that, Dave took his chart and walked away, leaving her staring angrily at his retreating back.
"Bastard," Abby muttered, even as she looked up at the clock to see how much longer she had to wait until her break. She really didn't want to go upstairs to see John with Luka at her side, and she had no idea what it was Luka had in mind when he said they all needed to talk. How could she talk with John if Luka was in the room with them? Luka wouldn't understand the things Abby could easily share with John, and John wouldn't understand why Luka was there. Hell, Abby didn't understand why Luka wanted to be there. She reluctantly turned her attention to the chart and began to sort through the papers, putting them back in order and trying her best to keep from watching the clock as the minutes passed until she could get away.
******************
John felt miserable. Aside from the familiar aching, longing and emptiness that seeped through his pores, he felt tired and sore. Unable to get comfortable on the bed, he tossed and turned, but no position eased his physical duress. Desperate for something to take his mind from his problems, John turned on the television, but the fever made him tired and the strain of looking up at the TV set would set his eyes to watering and he gave up on that distraction.
If only Dr. Kirn would give his approval for a bath, John thought, he'd feel better then. His eyes drifted toward the door of his bathroom. There *was* a tub in there. The nurse had already been by to take his vitals, tsking her disappointment that the fever had noy yet broken. Not that John had needed a thermometer to tell him that. He knew the fever still raged through his body, sapping his energy. Water would make it go away.
No one would know if he took a quick bath. John knew he could be in and out in less than ten minutes without anyone finding out. His parents weren't anywhere close to landing in Chicago yet, there would be no more vitals checks for the next four hours, and Kerry had already made her obligatory visit. The rest of his friends in the ER were busy since they were one doctor short on the schedule. Abby...Abby wouldn't be too interested in coming to see him, John knew that now. She had been distant since his disastrous attempt to let her know he loved her. He knew that beating around the bush on the topic wasn't the smartest thing to do, but once he found out her reaction, or rather, non-reaction, John knew he had made the best choice by opting to *not* declare his love directly. What he had said was embarrassing enough.
John tossed back the covers and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He had to brace his arms on the mattress as a wave of dizziness passed over him, but as soon as it was over, he put his feet on the floor. His legs felt rubbery and the muscles ached from the swimming he had done. But John knew they were strong enough to carry him to the tub in the bathroom. He was halfway to the door when the unexpected happened -- there was a quick knock on his door and then it opened to admit not only Abby, but Luka Kovac as well. 'Just rub the salt in the wounds, why don't you?' John asked Abby in his mind as he faced the couple.
"Come on in," John finally said, gesturing to the chairs. "I take it the ER's slow now?"
Abby looked at him, her eyes wide from the shock of seeing him looking so pale. "It's my break time. How are you feeling?" She asked, taking a step toward him.
John took one step backward, wanting to keep a safe distance between himself and the woman he loved. Especially while her boyfriend happened to be standing there. "I've been better," he replied. "My fever hasn't gone up since the last check, but it hasn't gone down, either."
"Fever?" Luka questioned. He hadn't heard that Carter had been running a fever.
John nodded. "It started last night. They're slowly eliminating the possibilities for it though. My white cells are normal, so I'm not suffering from any kind of infection courtesy of the Chicago River." He headed back to his bed, knowing he wasn't going to be getting his soak any time soon.
Abby sat down in the chair nearest the bed, her eyes glued to John's face. "That's a relief. Though it's still not good that they don't know what's causing the fever."
He shrugged. "Dr. Kirn's working on it bit by bit. It's a slow process of elimination. We're even looking at psychological causes, just to be on the safe side." John explained, glancing over at Luka as he wondered if he would be one of the people who would agree that John's own mind was causing the fever.
Instead, John's direct look made Luka feel bold enough to ask, "Just what made you jump into the river in the first place? Of all the crazy stunts to pull, that one..." he shook his head, all too aware of Abby's shocked gaze on his face now. But at least she wasn't still staring at Carter, he thought.
"It seemed like the right thing to do at the time," John evenly replied. Then he smiled suddenly feeling relaxed as he remembered how it had felt to be in the water. "It was great. I've never felt so free as I did when I was swimming down the river. I didn't even feel the cold until I was out of the water." John shook his head, even though he was still smiling. "It was...as if I belonged there. I wasn't empty anymore, Abby."
Abby's brow furrowed as she frowned. John had never spoken that way about himself before...except when talking about how he had felt after Lucy died. The emptiness that he felt had threatened to consume him. An emptiness she thought had disappeared while he had been in Atlanta. An emptiness that she now feared had returned since that day they had sat by the river and he told her he didn't want to be her friend any more. Her arm lifted and she almost reached out to touch him. "Oh, John," she said.
Luka looked away from them, his mouth tightly set as he wondered what to make of this. If he were a more worldly man, a less jealous man, then he'd suggest a menage-a-trois, but he didn't think he could stand to be in the same room while another man made love to Abby, let alone stay on the same bed. And he was sure that Carter wasn't that worldly of a man, either.
"I'm so sorry," Abby softly said. It was breaking her heart to see the look in John's eyes -- the look that spoke of longing and hope and freedom, a look that told her that he meant exactly what he had said. A similar look had been in his eyes when he had told her that he couldn't be her friend any longer. It had been a look that had quickly disappeared, though, when she had just sat there, not wanting to admit to herself what his words really meant. Even though she was conscious of Luka's gaze upon her, Abby got to her feet and walked over to John, taking his hand in hers as she looked intently at him. "I wish I could undo all the pain I've caused you. I never wanted you to be hurt."
He shook his head. "Abby, you haven't done anything like that. This emptiness...it's not from you. And it's not from when Lucy...well, it's not from *then*, either. It's been here for years, always just beneath the surface. But yesterday it was gone. For that brief time, it was gone. And I'd give anything to feel like that again."
Luka cleared his throat, slightly relieved to see Abby flinch away from Carter at the sound. It was about time she remembered which of the two men in the room was her boyfriend. "That's a very dangerous way to feel, Carter. Didn't that get you into trouble before?"
John looked over at Luka. "No. I was trying to get rid of it, but never succeeded. And *that's* what got me in trouble. This time it was gone, not just masked or covered over. And I know that if Dr. Kirn would just let me get back into the water, any water at all, then everything would be okay."
Luka chortled. "So now you're a merman, Carter? Is that what you'd have us believe? Just let you back into the ocean and all will be right with your world?" His levity was cut short by the angry gaze Abby directed his way.
"This isn't anything to joke about, Luka," she said, her voice betraying her fear. "I can't believe you'd be so cold-hearted."
Before Luka or John could say anything, there was a brisk rapping at the door and then Dave walked in. His smile disappeared when he saw that Abby and Luka were in the room and his eyes darkened with an anger they all could feel.
"Well, now that you have another visitor, we should go," Luka said. "Abby?"
Abby looked back at John, then reached up to gently touch his cheek. "It'll be okay, John. You have to believe that."
John smiled at her, then grasped her hand in his. "I know. But it's nice to hear you say it, too."
Abby nodded as she reluctantly withdrew her hand from John's grasp. Then she walked over to the door, having to squeeze her way between Luka and Dave, very much feeling the hostility emanating from Dave's body and the coldness from Luka's.
Luka looked back at Carter. "I hope your fever abates soon," he said. Then he exchanged a glance with Malucci, wondering why the resident had so much anger in his eyes as he looked at *him*. As Luka followed Abby out of the room he realized that the three of them still hadn't managed to talk things out and that the state of affairs -- now, there was an interesting word -- were the same as they had been when Luka and Abby had first set foot in Carter's room. Except that now Luka had cause to doubt Carter's mental condition, what with all of his talk about feeling at home in the water.