| Traveler's Notes 旅英雜記 001 Sometimes I just wonder why I came here. When the winter comes, the highland is freezing cold, cloudy, windy, and rainy all the time. The Sunset is very early and soon you'll find out why everyone just shows up when there is rarely sunshine outside. Even the most optimistic person could be low-spirited here. However its bright shinning spring and summer time can truly compensate the dark side of the winter season. Just like yesterday, people came out, lay on the grass, kicked football, dressed little and took a sunbath. Scotland eagers for the summer. And the summer never let Scottish down. 002 I often doubt am I good, qualified or talented enough. The old melancholy toon of students abroad. But actually no one cares about your abilities except yourself. You questioned your own mind, day after day, night after night, suffering for Socratic's pain. The pain is the price of wisdom, pleasure and pride. In a highly independent society, you are the only one you could rely on. All Gods are in the distant outer space, and all your friends and families too. 003 來到格城已經快一年了，心情始終徘徊在去與留之間。對她的第一印象至今仍未有太大轉變: 這是一個封閉、友善、安樂、無趣、商業化、對政治淡漠、對足球狂熱，球星Becham可以是全民 偶像的國家，格城尤其是一個中產階級的典型城鎮。 雖然很重視生活品質，但是入不敷出的蘇格蘭經濟，加上國力逐漸日落西山的大不列顛，還想勉力 維持昔日的強權榮光，卻隱然有著力不從心的尷尬。這裡很不台北。校園內的氣氛是非常中庸的。 為什麼呢？這裡看不到一般大學校園應有的熱情激進文字，也沒有太特殊足以點燃青春熱血的行動。 系裡沒有conferences, lectures, no MA programme 〈因為招生不滿五人而被迫取消了〉。 到號稱藏書豐富的圖書館，想借一本TaiwanStudy的書都很難。 剛來時書都未寄到，急著要找幾本政治理論的經典書，竟然不是缺貨，就是神秘地missing了！ 當我跟supervisor反映時，得到的是一句理所當然的回答，「我的書都是自己買的！」指導教授以 稍稍困窘的表情和急促的口氣回答我----讓我頓時興起不如歸去的念頭。 至今我才恍然大悟，原來真正重視教育又富足的寶地在台灣。台灣的國立大學，競相比較高教學品質， 宏偉的校園設施，豐富資源和超低學費，連在大學學院歷史悠久的歐陸都少見，遑論台北三步一家的 7-11和超商，如此便利的生活機能和低廉的生活消費。 西行取經，有時只是換來一個空洞的經歷。與她非常非常昂貴的學費不成正比。 在此，奉勸所有唸人文社會學科，想來英國作博士研究的學子，think about it! 如果你不是來唸牛、劍、LSE等等名校，還是考慮到他鄉去吧！ (May, 2001) 004 我們雖一向自豪有數千年悠久漢文化，今日只能被視為區區一個亞洲人，來自第三世界開發中國家，和 東南亞或韓國同一等級。中國人不屑台灣人，台灣人亦被孤立於嚴謹的日本和西化的新、港或東南亞之 外。然而無論是富裕的小日本，驕傲的阿里郎，全盤洋化的新加坡，或是熱情的南洋華人，凡是黃面孔 的族群，今日在英國與歐陸卻都受到相同平等的待遇了。那就是全都被歸為弱小的一族。 我們謙卑地向資產世界學習，向西方文化頂禮。付出高昂代價到西方取經，西方世界卻始終拒絕對亞洲 世界作進一步的了解和接近。東方思維與文化來自中餐館和太極拳，中亞的黑色亞洲人被視為瘋狂、迷 信、專制保守的一群。東方象徵苦悶，東方象徵壓抑。 非西方的民族像是世界村的次等民族，是努力討好西方人的可憐蟲。我們卻從不敢奢求得到相應的尊重。 高大的條頓民族，Anglo-saxon people，男的孔武女的高脁，僥健的身材和齊整的五官，讓所有相對 矮小、平凡的蒙古利亞人相形見絀。 在觀看Kubrick's "Full Metal Jacket"時，我突然感到，美國在越戰的失敗，或許還是近代亞洲人唯一 成功的反制例子。 2001，六月，Manchester發生亞洲人對白人的暴動，那是被歧視已久的印巴人暴動反擊白人。 在倫敦的華裔中國人，事實上也有數十萬之譜。中餐廳被侮蔑成狂牛症、口蹄疫的源頭。華人屢屢被指 為refugees。東方人卻永遠都在隱忍。 早期的Bruce lee電影,總是描寫一個憨厚的東方小子在委居積壓已久的關頭才一舉向白人討回公道。 時隔半世紀，今日的臥虎藏龍，卻依舊依循這樣的悲劇美學，跳崖的玉嬌龍，悲劇英雄的李慕白，在康 乃爾垂淚的民主先生李登輝，不敢向中國說不的無奈阿扁總統。 (July.2001) 005 Writing is a lonely habit. The person who loves writing often be a person who is forced to face his (her) own world alone most of the time. Cause writing is a quiet thing, writing is a game you play with your own brain, the dialogue you talk with the audience in your mind, the argument you debate with your imaging competitors. Writing happens when there is readers. The diaries without readers are meaningless. Sometimes you are your only reader. 006 It has been a new start since last year December. The last three months before I left, I began to miss and save every detail thing about UK, but still looking forward to my new lives. Suddenly I have left for almost half year. This new country is the real centre of Europe. Hoever, there are always something you don't adopt well, someone who is fairly ugly and rude to you. There are always good side and bad side of your life, no matter where you stay or which age you are. However, there must be one place you like to stay for a long time. That's the place a traveler must found. (2002 Jan.) |