Chapter 8: How could you!
" Please Goro chan, wont you eat something?"
I pushed a spoon of porridge next to his mouth but I cannot push it any further. " You havent eaten for weeks!"
" Please?" I urge again as I attempt to force the spoon in between his lips unsuccessfully.
Disappointed and totally exhausted, I put the bowl down and lean back on the wall behind me. Tears of anguish are starting to form. As I shift my eyes towards him, the tears fell. I need comfort so badly now but I couldnt and I wouldnt tell him that. His dull eyes staring blankly into space had been avoiding me since the accident; I could not tell if it is due to guilt or blame.
Unwilling to give up, I took up the spoon again and tries to feed him without much success. " Please?" Slowly his lips parted and the spoon went in. The blob of gruel remained untouched in his mouth. Hopefully I waited for him to chew and swallow it.
The wait seems endless. Suddenly a strong feeling surged within me. How can he ignore my feelings? My logic went out of the window as anger overcame me. I turned to him, my eyes flashing. " Why must you torture yourself like this!" I screamed at him. " No one is going to take pity of you even if you fall ill now!
" Who are you trying to blame?" I shouted irrationally. The sight of him not even moving at the din I am creating set me off further. " I have feelings too! Why must I let you get away with all this?
" I know you blame me for causing the accident! You are doing all this to get back at me!" I yelled senselessly. Deep inside, I know I am hurting him with my words but I could not stop myself.
" You~" I stopped abruptly when I caught sight of his mouth moving slightly as he swallowed. My hopes soar as I quickly grabbed the spoon and shove another blob of gruel into his yielding mouth. Again my hopes are dashed when I saw him lying still as a rock.
By now I am beyond disappointed. I felt a desperate need to run away from him, escape this stifling room. Without a word, I turned towards the door. Something caught hold of my flailing arm and pulled me back. I turned back to see his slim fingers wrapped firmly around my wrist. His eyes are still kept well away from mine but I could feel a feeble tug at my wrist. I turn back and squat down slowly. Reaching out with my trembling free hand, I stroke his face cautiously. The cold lifeless skin, the double eyebags, the drooping mouth corners; everything I touch sends a stab into my heart.
" I am so sorry," I cried in a harsh whisper. " How could I ever think of forsaking you? Please forgive me!"
Leaning forward, I rest my forehead on his. The coldness of his face shocked my tears into falling. I know my tears are raining on his face but I could not stop myself. I could only think about how cruel I had been to him.
" Gomennasai, Goro chan!" I cried softly.
