Starts Our Heroines’ Shift

Batwoman watched grimly through the display window as the Joker led a caravan of evil onlookers past the doomed do-gooders from his lavender convertible. The criminals waved and honked their horn briefly before disappearing into the night. The whistle of the train encircling the captive cuties reminded them they would soon disappear from this Earth unless they could do something about the doom the Droll Devil of Side-Splitting Skullduggery had devised.

Neither was in a position to assess the effects of her movements, however tentative, upon the other. The Joker had incorporated this psychological element into their torment as they lay motionless, awaiting the laughter that would kill them both.

“We can’t just lie here and die,” Flamebird said, trying to imbue her voice with a calm she did not feel. She knew if they were to escape at all, it would have to be soon. If they waited too long, the laughing gas would overcome them, preventing voluntary muscle control altogether and thus sealing their fate.

“The key may be to take shallow breaths,” Batwoman said. “Keep the gas from saturating our lungs for as long as possible.” Batwoman knew laughing gas was heavier than air and each breath would make their escape more challenging, provided they could devise a plan. Batwoman felt her lips form a smile and was not encouraged

Flamebird did not respond. Regardless, the train whistle would likely have drowned out her words as more gas was released into the chamber.

Batwoman considered their options. With their wrists bound to their elbows and their forearms fastened together separately, reaching the miraculous implements carried around their waists would be impossible. The Joker had positioned the switch controlling the train, which in turn controlled the incoming gas, across from Flamebird and beyond the trunk of the Christmas tree, where it was well beyond the heroines’ reach.

The train engine passed Batwoman’s neck and chugged on past her arms.

“What would happen if we knocked the train off the tracks?” Flamebird asked. “I don’t know,” Batwoman admitted.

“It may not matter, Batwoman. Joker may have set up some kind of timed release for the gas and used the train whistle as a signal.”

“I’ve noticed our enemies are normally truthful about their deadly machinations. It’s good to see you thinking critically, though. You’ll be using that discipline in college sooner than you think,” Batwoman said. Then she chuckled. “Oh, no! The gas is starting to effect me.”

Flamebird was also starting to giggle. ”Me, too,” she said. “We have to get out of here!”

The train whistle blew as the train chugged past Flamebird’s chest.

“Flamebird, your question about the train gave me an idea. Help me think this through. How is the toy train powered?”

“Well, “ Flamebird said, between more vigorous giggles, “real trains historically burned coal to heat water for generating the steam that powered their engines. This toy won’t do that, obviously. Is there any reason to believe it isn’t powered by electricity?”

“No! I’m betting that is exactly how this train is powered. We may have one slim chance.”

“How can we pull the plug?”

“I don’t want to pull the plug.” Batwoman giggled and went on, “If I can move our bonds across the tracks, we might be able to take advantage of a spark set off when the train wheels cross the rails.”

“Wow! I’ll bet you’re right, Batwoman. The tracks must be electrified!”

“Let’s move as close to the tracks as we can.”

“Can we get there without killing each other?”

“I think we can, if we work together.”

Carefully, with coordinated precision, the heroines wormed their way toward the tracks. “We’re doing it,” Flamebird said, giggling.

“Right. Keep going. We’re almost there,” Batwoman said, trying to suppress her involuntary chuckles.

As the toy engine approached, Batwoman shifted the position of her arms to let the ends of her ribbon rest on the tracks. Thankfully, the risk of this movement was to her alone. She held her breath and watched the engine encounter the ribbon. She felt the binding around her forearms tighten.

“Batwoman--” Flamebird said fearfully.

“Be patient!”

Seconds later, Batwoman’s patience was rewarded as a tiny flame began to lick along the ribbon and follow it upward as it took hold.

“It’s working, Flamebird! We must remain perfectly still to let the ribbon burn away,” Batwoman explained, inhaling deliberately and holding her breath to keep from laughing.

“Right,” Flamebird replied with a chuckle.

Batwoman could feel the flames licking at her flesh. She waited, counting silently and knowing she would have to endure some pain in order to go on living.

“Hold still, Flamebird. Let me know if the bow around your neck gets tighter. I’m going to try to free my arms,” Batwoman ordered with a laugh.

“Okay, Batwoman. Hurry, we don’t want to start the tree in this display on fire,” Flamebird replied as she realized her chuckle had evolved into a laugh.

Both knew Flamebird’s warning was warranted, given the risk Batwoman was taking. The live pine Lacey’s had used for the display would be engulfed in flames within seconds if the flame touched it.

The Brunette Beauty bent her fingers and slowly ascertained the effectiveness of the tinsel bindings, which fastened her wrists to her elbows. “I’m going to try brute force,” she announced and hardened the muscles of her arms. Batwoman risked a deep breath and emptied her lungs at the same time as she separated her arms forcefully. ”Now!” she cried.

Her arms came free.

Joyfully, Batwoman took a sharp blade from her Bat Kit and sliced through the ribbon bisecting her chest. A second, more careful stroke cut the ribbons from her throat. “Time to go, Flamebird,” she said, handing the blade to her partner.

Seconds later, Flamebird slid to one side and turned her upper body so that her shoulders could lay flat on the floor as she cut the remaining ribbons. Together, the heroines cut their ankles free and moved to the door.

“It’s locked,” Batwoman explained as she exchanged her blade for a lock-picking tool and laughed.

“Gosh, Batwoman,” Flamebird said as her chest quaked helplessly. “If we hadn’t gotten out of those ribbons, Joker’s trap might well have killed us by now. I’ll try to turn off the gas.”

While restrained by the Joker’s bindings, both women had tried to suppress the urge to laugh. Now, however, both surrendered to the gas almost totally.

“Yes. If Joker had just left the gas on, I shudder to think what would have become of us. Stand up. We’ll inhale less gas and be able to get out of here a little more quickly.”

Flamebird knelt beside the toy train station and switched off the train. Then she stood again and watched Batwoman laugh and open their prison after several mirth-filled minutes.

“We got away,” Flamebird said, laughing joyfully as she reached the floor of Lacey’s. “The joke is on the Joker!”

“I suppose it is,” Batwoman agreed, joining her partner’s infectious laughter. “That’s funny!” Together the two heroines found themselves laughing helplessly. Whether their mirth was inspired more by the lingering effects of the Joker’s gas or the humor of their situation, would never be clear. Regardless of the reason it began, the heroines’ laughter continued for a long while. As one ran out of breath, her partner kept up the crescendo until her breath subsided and her partner did the same. When they finished laughing, both were exhausted.

“Whew! What do we do now, Batwoman?” Flamebird asked once they had nearly recovered.

“We’ll spell Batgirl at Star Labs. One of us can catnap while the other remains awake guarding Batman, Robin, and Commissioner Gordon. Batgirl will need some sleep and a new approach. You and I are fresh out of clues,” Batwoman decided aloud as she led them to the Bat Gyros.

“Then it’s up, up and away to Star Labs,” Flamebird agreed.

Batwoman and Flamebird brought Batgirl up to date upon their arrival at Star Labs. “If Joker follows the pattern he established last year, he’ll move from his kind of shopping spree at the department stores to making his own kind of public appearance.” As she spoke, Batgirl paced the floor. “Then, he’ll target the business community and move on to public officials. All the while he’ll be gunning for us.”

Commissioner Gordon cleared his throat.

“What is it, Commissioner?” Flamebird asked.

“I was talking to Batman and Robin about an armored car robbery when Joker attacked us with his vile gas. It seems the Joker is behind the theft of money Charles “Big Daddy” Towser planned to give his executives as a cash Christmas bonus.”

“Joker has already hit a business and the department stores. That leaves a public appearance and public officials on his list of targets,” Batwoman said.

“Right,” Flamebird agreed. “Joker had more than enough time to rob the major department stores after he left us to die.”

“I’ll get Chief O’Hara to confirm that theory, Flamebird.”

“Are you sure you’re ready to return to work, sir?” Batwoman asked.

“I’ll need to persuade the staff here, but Batman and Robin got the worst of Joker’s attack. If they had not acted so selflessly, I’d hate to imagine how the Joker would have crippled the police department. I’ll be back at work later today or tomorrow. Batman and Robin are also improving rapidly, but still need their rest.”

“Well, I’ll leave Batwoman and Flamebird here to guard all of you while I go after Joker,” Batgirl said. She took her leave and was exhilarated as she drove to Barbara Gordon’s apartment. ‘Crime may never sleep, but if I’m going to fight it, I’ll need to. Joker’s next move will probably involve crashing a huge public event. It’s a good thing I have the day off.’

Meanwhile, the Joker and some of his ornamental Christmas decorations were well prepared to carry out their morning plans as they lurked outside the studios of KGC-TV.

“Here comes the limousine, Joker,” Queenie said into her cell phone.

“Well done, my royal rogue. Jill, Josie, and I are all ready for it here,” the Joker said with a laugh. “We’ll see you back at the suite later.” The Joker hung up and put his cell phone away, turning to his companions. “So, Jill and Josie, we’re ready, aren’t we?”

“Sure, Joker,” Jill said. “All I have to do is take the woman who won the television station’s contest out shopping for the morning.”

“Right, Jill. Keep her away from the places we hit last night and let her blow about $100,000. All the cash you need is in your briefcase, assembled from last night’s shopping spree,” the Joker answered with a merry chuckle. “And make sure she doesn’t watch television while she’s shopping.”

“Won’t she get in trouble for spending stolen money?” Jill asked.

“Oh, the money is hard to trace, Jill. Even if I’m wrong, who cares?” the Joker replied with a laugh.

"The driver is getting out, Joker," Josie said.

"Excellent! He's right on time," the Joker enthused as he stepped smartly to the driver's door and closed it for him.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" the driver demanded. "Listen! Get out of my way. I drove this lady from her hotel to here and I’m supposed to see her safely inside the station. I don't have the time or the authorization to talk to news people about her. You'll have to watch the show, just like everybody else." The driver's order seemed totally ineffective as he found himself staring at a flower tucked into the well-dressed man's buttonhole. Suddenly, the flower emitted a cloud of knockout powder and the driver literally fell into the Joker's arms.

“Here, girls. Tie him up and put him in the trunk. Quickly! I have a few adjustments to make with my disguise before I speak to the station’s passenger.” Chuckling, the Joker slid into the driver’s seat and used the rearview mirror to make sure the makeup he wore with a conservative looking suit looked right for the part he planned to play. When he had brushed the knockout powder from his coat and was satisfied he would not arouse suspicion, he returned to the street. His assistants had returned to the side of the car by this time.

“Do you really want us to put the chauffeur in the trunk, Joker?” Jill asked. “Our dupe in the car might want to put her purchases in there.”

“Good point, Jill. Drive the woman through Robinson Park in the center of town and dump the driver somewhere. We don’t want him to surface too soon. Now, hurry, finish dressing!”

The tiny brunette slipped a chauffeur’s jacket over the pink blouse she wore with matching slacks and shoes. Her wide belt looked piratical with its polished buckle until the uniform covered it. She perched an appropriate cap atop her head and grinned at her boss, spinning around for him to see the overall effect of the uniform. The Joker nodded his approval. “Okay, I’ll tell the woman it’s a short cut. What’s her name, Joker?”

“It’s Douglas, Lisa Douglas. According to these papers I found, she’s a farmer’s wife who watches the station via satellite and was fortunate enough to win the Christmas contest which has been running for the past month. Here she comes now. Josie, get into the background. I don’t want her to see you.” As the Joker spoke, he indicated the door to the back of the limousine which had opened tentatively.

The Joker was startled by the contest winner's appearance. Not only did she not look nor dress like a farmer's wife, she bore a strong resemblance to the villainess Minerva! He stepped forward to gently draw the car door open as Josie backed out of sight. “Thank you, sir.” Lisa Douglas said as she stepped from the car. Then she noticed him and stopped, staring. "You are not the chauffeur who picked me up. What happened to him? I wondered what was taking so long out here. Who are you? What's going on?"

"I've sent the chauffeur to pick up his next passenger in another limousine--"

"I suppose that is possible," she said, interrupting. "He was not the same man who picked me up from the airport last night. I cannot tell you how much I love being back in Gotham City. It’s so beautiful at night. I just adore a penthouse view. And Chimes Square!"

“Madam,” the Joker said, addressing her formally. He realized unless he took control of the situation immediately, Mrs. Douglas might very well go on talking forever. “My name is Rigby Rearden. I’m a big television producer for KGC-TV and it is my pleasure to meet you and offer an alternative, last minute prize that may tempt you.”

“A last minute prize,” Mrs. Douglas said. “How very intriguing. Whatever could it be?”

"The Board of Directors has just approved a $100,000 shopping spree anywhere in Gotham City. My assistant, Jill, will drive you to any establishment you may wish to visit and present the money to clerks until it's all gone."

"When would this shopping spree begin?"

"Immediately, Mrs. Douglas. Jill is prepared to whisk you away."

"I love shopping. Oh, the stores! I have $100,000 to spend anywhere in this magnificent city?"

"Precisely, Mrs. Douglas. You can leave right now, if you 'd like to go."

She frowned for a moment. "Does this mean I won't meet Harry Upps and can't go to the charity dinner? Oliver, my husband, will be so disappointed."

"I'm afraid so, Mrs. Douglas. The shopping spree is an alternative. If you'd rather not-"

"No. Wait a minute. I watch the show for the guests and I doubt the food at the dinner will be as fresh as what I've become accustomed to in the wilderness. The shopping spree sounds delightful. I can always buy something for Oliver. Let's go."

The Joker helped Mrs. Douglas back into the car and chuckled as Jill slid behind the wheel. "Goodbye, Mrs. Douglas. Have fun and keep watching," the Joker called after them as they drove away. He waved and laughed until Josie returned to his side.

“Now I take her spot on the TV show?”

“Precisely, Josie. You’re going to be magnificent. Time for a quick change and your presentation.” The Joker laughed as he opened a briefcase and exchanged his conservative sport coat for his own chauffeur jacket and cap. “All right, my dear. Come along.”

“Who is this?” a guard demanded as the Joker and Josie approached the dressing rooms.

“My name is Josie Miller. I won your contest.”

The door guard consulted his list and shook his head. “I’m sorry, Miss. You’re not on my list.”

Josie looked disappointed and reached into her purse to retrieve a letter Vixen had doctored for this eventuality. “They warned me this might happen. I guess there was some kind of last minute change,” she explained, handing him the letter and favoring him with her most winning smile.

The guard read the letter and nodded. “Okay. Here’s what I’m going to do. I’ll issue you a visitor's pass on my own responsibility based upon this letter. I don’t want Mr. Upps complaining to me about one of his guests not getting in.” Josie thanked him and went inside, followed by the Joker. “Where do you think you’re going, buddy?”

“Listen,” the Joker said, sounding annoyed. “I was supposed to deliver the lady to Harry Upps personally. I can help explain away confusion this last minute change may have caused. Of course, if you want to explain the whole situation to Mr. Upps yourself, that’s fine with me.”

“Okay, you can go in, too. I expect you to come right back out, though.”

“No problem, pal. I’m trying to make a living here, just like you.”

“Tell me about it,” the guard responded.

The perfidious pair passed the guard. The Joker’s charisma, Josie’s letter, and her smile maneuvered her into the hands of Harry Upps morning show staff.

Barbara Gordon, like many other Gotham City dwellers, often watched the Harry Upps morning show. In the past, host Harry Upps had been the victim of a crime during the course of a live commercial. The previous year, the show had alerted her to the Joker’s Christmas crime wave. On this morning, Barbara listened, preparing for bed, as Upps’ show put her on the Joker’s trail again.

“I am delighted to report the KGC-TV charity Christmas Wish party has sold out again this year. We have a new location which enabled us to sell additional tickets. Warden Crichton and the Gotham City Police Benevolent Society have sanctioned this year’s event to open the Iceberg Lounge, which, when it opens for normal dining, will be managed by Crichton’s inmates from the Gotham State Penitentiary, as they make their way back into polite society. Tonight, the restaurant’s fountains will be converted into wishing wells by the guests when, instead of icebergs, they cast their valuables adrift for the needy. Now, this is the exciting part. KGC-TV has been running a drawing which will enable our single winner to attend the party as my guest. It gives me great pleasure to introduce our winner, Miss Josie Miller.”

“Josie Miller! She was with Joker when he walked into my trap at the hospital!” Barbara exclaimed as the excited girl appeared on camera, jumping up and down and throwing her arms around Harry Upps. “Well, since I know Ms. Miller is working for Joker, the party will have another surprise attendee tonight. Batgirl!”

Shortly thereafter, as Barbara Gordon drifted off to sleep, the Joker returned to the palatial penthouse suite at Gotham City’s premier Midtown hotel, the Ritz Marlton. Baby Jane Towser had arranged for him to use the rooms as his base of operations.

“So, Joker, what are we doing today before the party?” Queenie asked as she led him into the suite after meeting him at the door. He moved to a mirror Cornelia was not admiring herself in and began to remove the makeup he had employed in the course of the morning’s crimes.

“Well, I thought we’d spend the day enjoying Jack Marlton’s hospitality.”

“The private spa and garden are lovely amenities, aren’t they?”

“Oh, yes, Queenie. I must say, though, you and the others make this suite all the more lovely simply by being here.” He chuckled.

“You say the sweetest things, Joker.”

“Don’t I, though?” the Joker asked with a whimsical laugh.

“If we’re going to be here until the party, maybe I’ll slip into something more comfortable?”

“An excellent idea,” the Joker said. Having resumed his normal appearance, he ushered her into the boudoir where she vanished.

“Blondes,” the Joker said appreciatively. “Today there are blondes, all day long.” He started to laugh softly when commotion from behind the door roused him from his pleasant daydreams.

“I don’t know what you think you’re doing in here!”

“I’m changing. I don’t know who you think your are-”

“I am Baby Jane Towser. This is my suite. I’m giving you about six seconds to get out of here before I toss you off the roof.”

“You?”

“Get out!”

“Dressed like this?”

“You call that dressed?”

“What are you wearing under that sheet?”

“That is absolutely none of your business! Now, get out! I mean it. Hey!”

Queenie stormed from the room enveloped in the thin silk sheet. She collided with the Joker who had been about to intercede. He might have immediately, if Baby Jane had been a little quicker to step into the short, black, silk robe that had somehow formed a pool of cloth beside the bed. “Baby Jane, did you have a little surprise for me?” the Joker asked.

“I was hoping to spend some more quality time with you. Would you like to go back to my yacht?”

“I told you we’d have some company when we started using the suite as a base of operations Where is everyone else?”

“Right behind you, boss,” Vixen said. She was dressed for staying in now, wearing nothing but a very short leather skirt and matching red halter top. They looked very good on her and she knew it.

"We were hoping for a good catfight,” Undine said. Her white bikini was wet now, clinging invitingly to her luscious curves even more closely than usual.

The Joker slid an arm around Queenie’s waist and steered her through the door. Once inside, the Joker sat on the edge of the bed and felt Queenie lean against him. Baby Jane shot a look at her which somehow did not induce spontaneous human combustion. The socialite’s next ploy was to sit on the opposite side of the Joker and lean against him. She was rewarded when the Joker wound his free arm around her abdomen. His hand played absently along her thigh as the others followed him in. Undine and Vixen took seats in the chairs where they crossed their legs decoratively.

“I think we should have a little business meeting,” the Clown Prince of Crime announced.

“Good idea,” Emerald said as she and Cornelia entered the room.

“I want to hear how everything went this morning,” Cornelia declared, sitting down at the dressing table and watching the room in the mirror. As Cornelia began her vigil, Emerald sat down on the bed behind the trio and slid into position behind her boss. Emerald’s hands began to massage his shoulders through his coat. Both Queenie and Baby Jane glared at Emerald as the Joker’s smile began to mirror his green clad henchwoman’s.

“This morning’s operation went like a dream,” he reported. "Jill and I intercepted Mrs. Lisa Douglas and spirited her off on what will be a lengthy shopping spree. Getting Josie on the Harry Upps Morning Show was a cinch.” The Joker laughed uproariously and drew the beauties in his arms closer. “Tonight, we’ll have our own agent at the party who can get our plans moving.”

“I thought I was going to take care of our business at the party tonight,” Baby Jane protested.

“Oh, you will, Baby Jane. Think of it. With both of you on the inside, we’ll be able to get our plans moving twice as quickly. I’ve put Josie in place as an insurance policy. She’ll step in to handle unforeseen contingencies. When it’s over, we’ll be even more infamous and have piles of money to distribute to my favorite charity.”

“What about Batgirl, boss?” Vixen asked.

“She is my ulterior motive for going about this crime in the manner I have. We’ll leave a few tasty clues behind that she’ll simply gobble up.”

“We’ll be waiting for her when she does. Right, Joker?” Emerald asked.

“Precisely, Emerald,” the Joker said laughing. “Just wait until you learn how I plan to wind her career to its ultimate conclusion.” The Joker’s serious, businesslike pose evaporated as he burst out laughing.

“I can’t wait,” Undine declared.

“When are we going to finish off Batman and Robin?” Queenie asked.

“Well, we have to find them first,” the Joker said. “All the Bat-women used our attack against us when we came to finish the job. I suppose we have to give them credit,” the Joker mused, chuckling. “I imagine the real patients are in another part of the hospital.”

“I doubt Batman, Robin, and Commissioner Gordon are even at that hospital,” Vixen said.

“What do you mean?”

“If I were setting a trap for you and my bait was a trio of invalids, I’d have the real invalids far away to keep their condition from getting worse in the crossfire when my trap was sprung,” she explained.

“That makes sense, Vixen. Where do you suppose they are?”

“I don’t know. I think I’ll sit down at the computer in the other room and try to figure it out.”

“But, I‘ll miss you,” her boss protested.

“You’ll have plenty of other distractions until I find something. Then, you and I will have something to celebrate together.” As Vixen spoke she stood and put on a show crossing the room. “Have fun,” the curly-haired call girl encouraged, flashing the remaining occupants of the room a dazzling smile over her shoulder. Then she was gone.

The Joker was not given time to miss her. He felt himself dragged gently backward as his coat was removed and tossed playfully aside. Other fingers loosened his tie and unbuttoned his shirt simultaneously. He felt the warmth of his companions’ hands as Baby Jane, Emerald and Queenie lowered him into position on his back. He then became aware of Undine and Cornelia making themselves comfortable.

Night found Batgirl crouched in shadows falling across the roof of the Iceberg Lounge. She watched intently as guests arrived, alert for trouble. Cocktails were served, followed by the meal. Batgirl spotted Baby Jane and Charles “Big Daddy” Towser among the guests, as well as Josie Miller and Harry Upps. Each of the henchwomen had added a jacket to her usual outfit to lend her evening wear a more formal look. Baby Jane had gone the extra step of sliding her legs into a pair of thin, ash-gray nylon hose. Both looked good and not at all out of place among the other guests.

After dessert, as the speakers prepared to deliver their remarks, Batgirl was beginning to grow impatient for action She noticed both Josie and Baby Jane strolling past different fountains at the same time and narrowed her eyes. Each dipped a hand into their respective purses to toss something into the water. If Batgirl had not been focusing on them, she might have assumed they were contributing to the charity wishing wells the fountains had become for the event. Everyone had made a similar pilgrimage at some point during the evening, after all, but both woman pressed handkerchiefs to their mouths and noses immediately afterward. Batgirl slipped a filter mask over her own nose and mouth before preparing her Batrope for rapid descent.

“Look, it’s Batgirl!” party attendees said, pointing at the voluptuous vision of Gotham’s Dark Angel as she rappelled toward them. She was still a few feet from the floor when the apparently invisible gas the Joker’s henchwomen had unleashed took effect on the party guests. Gotham’s Gorgeous Guardian began to swing on her rope and built up momentum which allowed her to hit Josie Miller with both feet, sending the faux contest winner sprawling. Baby Jane was able to dodge Batgirl as the heroine swung to repeat the maneuver. “You won’t get me, Batgirl!” Baby Jane said with a laugh as the Joker swept into the room. The villain kept out of Batgirl’s reach as she began to swing toward him. “I have an odd feeling we’re about to get you!”

“Good evening, friends! It’s The Joker!” the Clown Prince of Crime announced to his largely unconscious audience. He laughed uproariously and regarded the still swinging Batgirl. “Look who dropped in to spoil all my fun! Oh, girls.”

Jill led the remainder of the Joker’s henchwomen into the room. The shapely sextet surrounded Batgirl and produced machine guns. Batgirl’s eyes widened in horror as they turned their weapons toward her and held their positions, silently waiting to gun her down.

Barbara Gordon never imagined her career and life would end like this. Except for Grandma Parker, villains usually tried to kill her slowly, leaving her confined in some perilous predicament to suffer before the end. Yet, half a dozen gun muzzles were aimed at her, about to unleash a lethal storm of painfully heinous death. She knew the henchwomen’s projectiles would perforate her flesh, obliterate her bones, and drain her blood, leaving a bullet-ridden mess behind. Dignity demanded she show no fear as she waited for the end. The Scarecrow had pitted her against her greatest fears and she had returned to thwart the criminal's villainous plans to drive she and her fellow heroes insane. Batgirl reasoned this deadly situation was nothing by comparison. Besides, she was not going to give the Joker the satisfaction of seeing her flinch!

“Farewell forever, Batgirl!” the Jolly Jester cried. “All right, my lovelies, fire! Fire!” The Joker’s maniacal cackle echoed through the enormous death chamber as Batgirl’s endowed executioners mercilessly pulled their triggers.

Batgirl closed her eyes and was simultaneously surprised, delighted, and dismayed when she realized what was happening. She did not feel the expected, searing pain of metal ripping at her from all directions. Instead, she felt her body entwined with the Joker’s sticky streamers. All of the Joker’s assistants were laughing along with their leader and moving in a circle around her, wrapping the dangling damsel in the sticky bindings and leaving her powerless to thwart or even interfere with the Joker’s insidious intentions.

“This is not at all funny, Joker!”

“I beg to differ, my pretty prisoner. I find it utterly hilarious!” He emphasized his point by laughing for a long while.

Batgirl began to struggle vainly with her sticky bindings. Her struggles brought renewed laughter from the Joker’s harem of helpers. “All right, Joker. Now that you have me, what’s next?” Gotham’s Dark Angel demanded.

“Oh, nothing, Batgirl. I think I’ll leave you here, hanging around to enjoy the little floor show I have planned,” the Joker said, laughing. “Watch. Girls, get the stuff.”

Five fur clad fiends stepped out and slid expensive coats they wore from their shoulders. The Joker’s remark about a floor show proved quite accurate. Undine was wearing nothing but her body hugging, white bikini. Emerald was wearing a similar green swimsuit. Queenie had selected royal blue for hers. Cornelia’s was purple. Vixen had sheathed her sumptuous shape in black to round out the pretty picture of the Joker’s curvaceous, bathing-suited blondes.

These five waded into the fountains and gathered the valuables from their depths. Meanwhile, the Joker, Baby Jane, and Josie circulated among the sleeping guests and helped themselves to the remaining valuables. Jill collected the guns and furs they had used for the attack and kept a wary eye on the captive.

“How does it feel, Batgirl, to know you are utterly helpless against me?” the Joker asked with a laugh.

“Not nearly as good as it’s going to feel when I catch up with you, Joker!”

“Well, because I’m looking forward to our next meeting, I’ll give you a hint as to my itinerary. I hope to meet the Mayor tomorrow in public. I’ve been wanting to give him something very special for over a year now. I’d advise you to leave me alone, if you know what’s good for you. Next time, I just might use real bullets.”

“I’ll be there, Joker. You and I have things to settle.”

“That’s too bad, Batgirl. If I felt I could count on your cooperation, I might consider letting you down. You won’t look like a very effective crime fighter to these paupers when they awaken,” he predicted, laughing.

Batgirl’s voice was quiet as she responded. “Joker, I want you to understand something. You have added one more offense to a long list of which I am keeping very close track.”

The Joker stopped laughing.

“Boss,” Undine said, “we could get rid of her once and for all right now. Just cut her down and toss her into a fountain. She won’t last more than a few minutes if we dunk her.”

“No, Undine. I have a much more interesting fate in store for Batgirl. It seems she will be foolish enough to follow us and find out what it is. Let’s get out of here!” The Joker helped his shapely sycophants into the coats he retrieved from Jill.

“How do you think I look, Joker?” Cornelia asked as she admired the way her bathing suit clung to her figure as the surface of the fountain reflected the vision.

“You look magnificent, my sweet. Come along now. We have other exciting crimes to commit, you know!”

“All right,” she said reluctantly, turning from her reflection. The Joker gestured for his narcissistic Nereid to lead the others from the room. He followed his comely companions from the crime scene, enjoying the view.

“Hang in there, Batgirl!” the villain called over his shoulder. “Remember what I said!” It was awhile before his maniacal laughter stopped echoing.

To an observer, Batgirl seemed able to do little more than squirm in her sticky bonds. Nevertheless, she had drawn the tiny, well-honed blade from her glove One by one, she slowly sliced through the streamers, freeing herself after what seemed like an eternity. She quickly checked the gassed party goers and realized they would recover shortly.

“What happened?” Charles “Big Daddy” Towser asked groggily as Batgirl leaned over him.

“The Joker attacked the party with gas and robbed all of you,” Batgirl explained.

“Where is Baby Jane, my daughter?”

“I don’t know how to tell you this, sir,” Batgirl began quietly. “She left with the Joker.”

“She’s been kidnaped!” the executive exclaimed. “Why didn’t you stop them?”

“I’m afraid she’s working with the Joker. He has a history of seducing young women into a life of crime with his exciting reputation and the lure of easy wealth and high living.”

“You’ve slandered my daughter, Batgirl!” Towser accused. “In light of your utter failure so far, I sincerely hope you’ll get to work and stop this criminal freak, this Joker!”

Batgirl’s face hardened as she straightened. “The Joker is a very clever and dangerous man, sir. We mustn’t underestimate him. I blame him for the harm he has done to his victims and I plan to make sure he is captured and punished. Meanwhile, I’ll need you to help his other victims here. I’ll alert the police to this crime.”

Before the executive could detain her further, Batgirl departed.

The chase rejoined, Batgirl conferred with her father via radio.

“Joker has just hit the charity party at the Iceberg Lounge and he told me he would meet the Mayor in public tomorrow.”

“I trust you’re going after him, Batgirl,” Commissioner Gordon said.

“Absolutely!” she said, with perhaps too much enthusiasm. “He dared me to stop him. By the way, sir, I’m glad you’re back on the job.”

“Thank you. Joker will have only one chance to meet Mayor Linseed in public tomorrow. He is addressing a United Charities Confederation breakfast at the Ritz Marlton early in the morning.”

“If Joker plans to use another gas attack,” Batgirl reasoned aloud, “he’ll have to make his preparations tonight.”

“I can have Chief O’Hara send some men, if you’d like.”

“No. I’ll see to Joker. Have Chief O’Hara give the Mayor some extra protection later in the day, in case we’re wrong or Joker eludes me.”

“Right, Batgirl. We’ll play it your way.”

“Thank you for your trust, Commissioner. I’ll keep you apprised of my progress.”

Shortly thereafter, in the opulent Regal Ballroom at Gotham City’s Ritz Marlton hotel, the Joker and his lovely, leggy lackeys were putting the finishing touches on their preparations for the next morning’s crime. All of the women, except Josie and Baby Jane, had taken the time to resume their normal, respective modes of dress. The Joker, naturally, was laughing uproariously.

“Splendid, my dears! We can blow each of the centerpieces by remote control, or, if we wish, all of them simultaneously, and grab the goodies after everyone goes to sleep!” the Joker said when his laughter had subsided. “We’ll be in, out, and on our way in a matter of minutes!”

“The only place you and this horrid harem are going, Joker, is back to jail,” Batgirl said stepping into view, spreading her legs to shoulder width, and settling her hands on her hips.

“Batgirl, you’ve arrived a little sooner than I expected. Congratulations,” the Joker said, pausing briefly to chuckle before going on. “Nevertheless, as you’ll soon discover, I am well prepared!”

“You’ll soon discover how futile your preparations are, Joker. You’re going down. I’ll give you one last chance to surrender peacefully.”

“What are we waiting for?” Vixen demanded.

“Good question,” Undine remarked. “Let’s take her out.”

“Jill, Josie, and Baby Jane. Stay with me and watch the fun. Cornelia, it’s time for you and the others to spring into action. Get her!”

Cornelia turned away from a tall mirror on the wall and charged at Batgirl.

“What’s the idea, Joker?” Jill asked.

“Let us at her,” Josie agreed.

The Joker slid his arms around the brunettes’ waists and drew them to him. “I have special plans for Batgirl once she’s subdued and you two are part of them,” he explained, giving them an affectionate squeeze. “Baby Jane, I need you to make sure this place is put back together exactly as it is now after we leave. Can I count on you?”

“Sure, Joker. Hey, Batgirl is taking a beating now!" The out-of-control socialite clapped her hands. "How entertaining!”

Batgirl hit Cornelia with a showgirl kick, taking her out. Then the heroine had slid to one side and slapped Queenie to the ground with her foot as the other blonde moved in. Vixen, Undine, and Emerald surrounded her to begin taking turns attacking. As Batgirl focused her attention on one, the others moved in and hit her.

Undine hammered a kicking leg aside and raised a knee. Batgirl was surprised when the statuesque blonde faked a snap kick from the knee and turned her hip to slam her foot into Batgirl’s chest.

“You’ve gotten better,” Batgirl said as she retreated a step to maintain her balance.

“A lot better,” Undine said, pressing her advantage. “I’ve also been working out.”

“We all have,” Emerald said, sliding in and hooking her heel toward Batgirl’s head with terrifying speed. The Dark Angel leaned out of the way and felt Emerald snap the ball of her foot between Batgirl’s shoulder blades.

“They’ve both become very good fighters,” Vixen commented as Batgirl lurched forward, propelled by Emerald’s kick.

Batgirl pivoted, and hit Emerald with adequate force to knock her backward. Batgirl then slid toward Undine and spun to force the beach babe backward with a spinning kick.

Vixen, however, had been waiting for this and launched a spinning kick of her own that Batgirl blocked instinctively. Gotham’s Dark Angel swept the call girl’s feet from beneath her as she landed and swooped in on the curly haired blonde to land a pair of punishing punches. “Get up!” Batgirl ordered through gritted teeth.

“Oh, Batgirl,” Undine said. As the heroine glanced at the beach babe, she saw the hardened side of the white clad woman’s hand chopping toward her throat.

“Don’t forget to watch your back,” Emerald advised. The green-clad goon emphasized her point with a side kick to the back of Batgirl’s head.

Batgirl absorbed the blow, but noticed Vixen recovering as she evaded Undine’s attack.

All three of Batgirl’s opponents were now obviously capable fighters and each was able to fend off Batgirl’s attacks while one of the others punished Gotham’s Gorgeous Guardian. Slowly, their technique of alternating attacks wore Batgirl down. As Queenie returned to the fray, Batgirl felt Emerald cut the Dynamic Dynamo’s legs from beneath her as she moved to attack Undine. Vixen caught the falling Batgirl’s arms from behind as Undine and Emerald quickly took her legs in their arms. The henchwomen maintained their grip as the Svelte Sentinel began to squirm. Together, the trio held their victim helpless, suspended in midair.

“This is going to be fun,” Queenie said as she kicked hard at Batgirl’s crotch. The Dominoed Dare Doll winced as Queenie moved to Batgirl’s side and launched another devastating kick. She moved among Batgirl’s sides and groin until her victim let out a low moan.

“Let me finish her off,” Cornelia said. She regarded the battered beauty with hands resting on shapely hips.

“With pleasure,” Queenie agreed, stepping aside.

“I owe you one, Batgirl. You’re a thief! You patterned your costume after my outfit. Girls, drop her.” Unceremoniously, the trio of tormentors holding Batgirl up released her. She hit the floor with a thud and lay still, gasping for several seconds. “Get up!” Cornelia ordered.

Batgirl rose to her hands and knees, gasping. “You haven’t beaten me yet, Cornelia. It looks to me like you stole your outfit from Moth,” the Purple Paragon declared. She straightened her upper body and suddenly felt Cornelia slam a straight legged kick into her chin.

“Happy landings,” Cornelia said, laughing as Batgirl’s body was launched backward, shattering a table laden with various kinds of glasses. “Yes! We got her!” Cornelia said happily as Batgirl lay still, unconscious. “That will teach you to use my outfit concept without permission.”

The Joker was laughing uproariously and letting his lavender gloved hand slide along Josie’s side as she jumped up and down excitedly. Jill was leaning against him closely and slipping her arms around the Joker’s neck. ”Now that we have her, Joker, what are we going to do with her?”

“Oh, Jill. You, Josie and I will take Batgirl for a little ride-a slay ride to be precise. While we’re doing that, Baby Jane and the others will clean up this mess and finish getting this place ready for the Mayor.”

“Tomorrow we’ll pay him a surprise visit,” Josie said.

“Precisely,” the Joker said, laughing. “All right, my beauties, let’s take her out!”

“Once and forever, Joker?” Jill asked.

“Yes, my dear. Hurry!” Josie and Jill picked up the unconscious heroine by the arms and legs and began to carry her out. The Joker followed, laughing happily.

Much later, Batgirl moaned.

“Look familiar, Batgirl?” the Joker asked with a low chuckle. “I hope you are comfortable.”

She was seated in a shallow, inverted glass cone. Her arms and legs were outstretched and secured with ropes to brackets fastened to the inside of the cone. She was facing the darkened corner of a room. "The answer to both questions is no, Joker."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Perhaps another perspective would be helpful," he responded with a laugh. Batgirl felt the cone start rotating. The Joker, Josie Miller, and Jill came into view. They seemed to be looking up at her and Batgirl realized the cone in which she was bound was somehow balanced on a pedestal. Behind the terrible trio, she discerned a dimly lit room littered with tools and toys.

"Oh, God! It's your workshop in the abandoned factory where you tried to kill me last year."

"I'm sure it holds fond memories for you," he said laughing.

"Hardly!"

"Well, not to worry, Batgirl," the Joker said laughing. "We'll be making new memories for you soon and I assure you they'll be very short-lived.

“We’ll see, Joker,” Batgirl replied icily.

“Meanwhile, I have to report I've never looked at you in quite this way before. It's a shame all I have time to do is look!” the Joker remarked, laughing. He obviously liked what he could see of his pulchritudinous prisoner. There wasn’t much of her he couldn’t see.

Batgirl’s face reddened as she realized that the position he had placed her in, with her body balanced on her buttocks, allowed him to stare at her face through the cleft between her breasts; across her stomach; and between her spread legs. Worse . . . her butt and legs were prominently displayed for the Mad Mountebank of Mockery’s inspection. Batgirl suddenly became self-conscious as the implications of her position impressed themselves upon her. She felt her spirits deflate further.

"She doesn't look bad like that, does she?" Jill asked absently.

“Not at all,” the Clown Prince of Crime agreed, chuckling.

"I suppose," Josie admitted. Then, a wicked grin crossed her face as she added, "For now." Both henchwomen started laughing and snuggling against the Joker's body, as his arms encircled their waists more tightly. As her enemies leered at her, Batgirl’s face took on a darker and darker hue until it closely resembled a ripe tomato.

“Well, Batgirl,” the Joker began, “it’s almost time for you to join your fellow female bats in that great big Batcave in the sky!”

“Strange, though,” Jill commented thoughtfully, her right index finger and thumb on her chin, “that we haven’t heard any news about Batwoman’s and Flamebird’s deaths.”

“Oh, I’m sure the authorities are just keeping it quiet,” the Joker explained merrily. “They probably don’t want to put a damper on holiday shopping!”

Batgirl felt no need to correct the Joker’s mistaken impression that the Distaff Duo had died. She did, however, realize she would have to say something to retain what dignity she still possessed. "You've planned my death many times before, Joker," Batgirl declared. She was starting to like the sound of her speech and went on. "If history is any kind of indicator, I'll soon foil your plans and put you and all of your help away for a very long time."

"Our past adventures are ancient history. This year, I'm not making any effort to preserve your remains."

"It's nice to see you can learn from your mistakes."

Joker was laughing too hard to respond immediately. "Oh, I have," he said presently. "When my little toy is finished with you, Batgirl, there won't be anything recognizable remaining. You've shown great ingenuity in escaping from many fiendish deathtraps, but I'm sure you won't come out on top of this one!”

"What do you mean?"

"Permit me to explain. You’ve obviously noticed your body’s position.”

"I find your attention to detail nauseating, Joker."

"You're too kind. Did you happen to notice the lettering above you?"

Batgirl looked up and realized the cone in which she had been bound had a domed lid suspended above it. She also read the upside down block letters on it. They spelled ‘BATGIRL'S TOMB.’

"You monster!" Batgirl cried as she struggled vainly against her bonds.

“That is so true,” the villain agreed. “I had your death chamber labeled, to help the police when they discover your remains.

“It will take more than putting me in a gigantic jar to kill me, you demented devil!” Batgirl raged.

“Oh, excellent, Batgirl! You’re so very feisty. I do so enjoy these little chats. This gigantic jar you so perceptively identified is much more. It will bring about a thoroughly horrific fate for you. Once the summit is put in place, you will find yourself inside of a top-a gigantic children’s toy I designed just for you to play with.” The Joker paused and laughed as Batgirl’s eyes widened in horror. Her fear mingled with excitement as she understood intuitively what would begin to happen all too soon.

“What a fun way to go,” Josie enthused.

“Not for Batgirl it won’t. Before we go, I’ll set the top to spinning. It will spin slowly at first, but grow more and more rapid with each revolution. The spinning top will generate centrifugal force--”

“You know, Joker,” Jill interrupted, “there really is no such thing as centrifugal force. It’s the action of inertia - the tendency of a moving body to continue moving in a straight line without the application of an outside force.”

The Joker stared at his henchwoman in shock, more because she knew such a thing or because she dared to interrupt him, he wasn’t sure. “Jill, don’t be so pedantic!” He straightened his shoulders. “Now, if I may continue?”

The chastened criminal cohort lowered her eyes.

“The spinning top will generate a gravity-like force which will slowly be exerted upon Batgirl’s beautiful body. This pressure will increase as the top spins faster and faster. In the end, there will be nothing left of our enticing enemy except my favorite new prison intern’s favorite snack--pudding. Come to think of it, she’ll be blood pudding!”

“That’s disgusting, Joker!” Josie said.

“Oh, that’s just the pleasant description. I was once rescued from jail by a couple of lovely young twins who I understand left Batgirl and Robin entwined with toy slinkies to be crushed somehow. I’m not sure of the details,” the Joker explained. “Anyway, these twins, Passion and Ecstasy, called what their victims were to become ‘yuckpaste.’ I wonder how old those two are now?”

“Now that is disgusting,” Josie remarked, ramming an elbow into her employer’s ribs.

“Yes, it is. Spinning Batgirl into ‘yuckpaste’ is necessary, though. She would not hesitate to destroy everything we’ve worked so hard to build together. Our little family is precious and must be protected. So, she has to die. There’s no need to stay, however, for her big finish. I’m not anxious to see the end result myself!”

“I can’t imagine why that would be,” Batgirl said, witheringly. “I would strongly advise you to let me go, Joker. You’ll never get away with this.”

“You’re last words were such a cliché, Batgirl. Tell me another one,” the Joker said laughing and turning a switch on a panel Batgirl could not see. Slowly the summit of the top began to be lowered into place. Batgirl stared up at it, in the horrific grip of silence. The Joker and his amorous attendants waited until the glass chamber had finished closing. Then , the Joker touched another control to start the top spinning very slowly.

“No matter how this ends, you’ll be defeated. Evil is never victorious for long.” As Batgirl spoke, the top completed its first revolution and had already began to accelerate.

“Oh, that’s a much better epitaph, Batgirl. I’ll leave you with something I understand the Riddler once told Batman. ‘One bad turn deserves another.’” Batgirl’s defiant retort was lost in Joker’s raucous cacophony of laughter. “Oh, there’s one more thing. Girls, seal her tomb!”

As the Joker went on laughing, he released his henchwomen who took caulk guns and moved around the spinning glass top, sealing the crevice between the base and the lid of the glass enclosure.

“Is the top soundproof now, Joker? I can’t hear what she is saying.”

“I don’t know, Jill. I do know two things, though.”

“What?” Josie asked.

“The top is now air-tight,” he said laughing.

“So she’ll suffocate?” Josie said.

“No.”

”Why not, Joker?” Jill asked.

“Because her body will have been crushed before she has time to use up the air inside.”

“It’s getting faster.” Josie observed.

“Are we all finished here?” Jill asked.

“I believe so. Come along, my dears,” Joker said, laughing and slipping his arms around Jill and Josie once again. “Wave goodbye to Batgirl. She’ll never be the same again!”

“Bye, Batgirl,” the terrible trio called happily. Joker’s henchwomen waved, but the Joker’s hands were otherwise occupied.

Batgirl went on spinning. She could feel the pressure beginning to build.

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