SUSAN'S STORY

    This is My Story and I'm stickin to it....haha.

    I was overweight for more than 25 years and I was 38 years old. I literally had not exercised for 10 years, aside from daily house chores (and lifting that fork to my mouth daily). I did my best to do things with my family, but it was a struggle. Many times I didn't go places or do the things because I didn't want to be seen, stared at, pointed at, giggled at. I could see the disgust in some people's eyes as they looked at me. For some awful reason, fat people are discriminated against in this world, whether or not people realize it.

     In January of 1997 I fell, (not on ice) but tripped over my own feet, and unable to catch myself, I fell and broke my arm in 3 places at the shoulder area. It couldn't be casted because of the location. It WAS the lowest point of my life. I was SO obese, and had a very grim life. What I did have though, miraculously, was pretty decent health, despite the obesity. No high blood pressure, no high cholesterol, no diabetes, and I knew that turning 40 shortly,  that the risk factor would increase, being that age, and being obese. I certainly didn't want to wait until I HAD the stroke, or got diabetes, etc. to change my lifestyle. I needed to do it ASAP because I WANTED to, not because I HAD to.

     I told myself I was going to lose weight when my arm healed. That took awhile, and of course I was trying to find the ''motivation'' I knew I would need to get started. Well, a trip to Pittsburgh, PA. (very hilly) helped with that, first of all barely fitting in the airline seats, always having to ask for a seat belt extender (embarrassing) and then, having to park the car at the bottom of the hill to go to the hockey games we flew there to see. It was a steep hill, and I had to stop half way up, to catch my breath. Heck, there were 70 year olds walking up the hill just fine...without needing to ''rest''. Once again, I told myself... THIS IS RIDICULOUS, 38 years old, but not living as one.

     After the trip, my husband enjoyed traveling so much, that's all he could talk about was wanting to go to many other places. We are of the age where our son would soon be gone, and we'd have many more opportunities to go anywhere... BUT...uggggg...It certainly wouldn't be as fun as I would want it to be...having people seeing me, and me not being able to get around. I DID want to ''live'' and see the WORLD...but there was one thing I knew I had to do to be able to enjoy life as I should be.

      I looked into joining WW, as I'd done that in 1988 with some success, but of course, when the motivation left, so did I, because of the weekly cost. I gained it all back and ''then some'' as I had MANY times before with every known diet to man. I NEVER took ''pills'' and am grateful for that with the big scare everyone got from the Phen-fen phase. I'd tried Nutri-System, like Jenny Craig...after a couple of months, I started having gall bladder attacks....and couldn't stand to eat ''their'' food anymore. I tried the Opti-fast that Oprah made famous...and lasted a few days with that...I wasn't hungry, but had the need to EAT my food, not drink it. I tried Richard Simmons, Susan Powder, Atkins, Pritkin, etc. etc. One thing I'd heard a little about....but never tried was TOPS.

      I knew I was READY to lose the weight once and for all, but I would HAVE to face that scale each week. I called the 800 number and got the time and locations to a nearby city. I didn't want to attend in my town, I am a private person and didn't want anyone knowing ''my business'' of how much I weighed, or having ''food cops'' watching me...or of course, in the back of my mind, if I ''failed'' yet again...they would all be talking behind my back, ''she lost weight, and now is putting it all back on.''

      My husband never really bugged me about my weight (thank God), but when I told him I was joining TOPS, I got the ''rolled eyes'' look. But, he'd seen me start and stop thousands of times before, and wondered how long this ''phase'' would last this time.

       Walking into TOPS was very hard. They explained I could attend a ''free'' meeting before deciding to join. I said ''NO I HAVE to join and I need to be here.'' I was quite amazed at how inexpensive it was. Only $20 to join for the yearly fee, and get a magazine monthly for that too. WOW. And our chapter had a $1 a month chapter dues. Can't even go out for coffee for under a buck at most places. Then they started telling me about the monthly contests, etc. and winning prizes and cash. The fine for gaining weight was very low too. I told myself, ''just maybe I can get through this without any fines.''

       Then the trauma began, as I stepped on their scale to get weighed in. I got a dose of reality. I weighed more than their scale was capable of weighing. I had to be escorted by two of the officers to the local clinic to weigh on a scale. The only scale they had capable of weighing me on, was an ''in the floor style'' designed for wheelchair bound people. I weighed 363 lbs. and would have to return to the clinic until I reached 350 lbs. I vowed to myself, that I would NEVER put myself through that again. It took me 4 weeks to lose 14 lbs to be able to weigh in at TOPS.

      I knew going into this, that it would be a long process, but eventually I would get there if I just stuck to it. I began by just cutting back, after all, I didn't want to ''shock'' my system with a real dramatic caloric intake reduction. After those 4 weeks went by, I got more encouraged and decided to pay even closer attention to my food and cut it down to approximately 1800 calories per day. (When I say approximately ???? cals/day, I never actually counted calories, but used the food scale and used portion sizes on the exchange list). By the 7th week, I had lost 26 lbs...and was really motivated, dropping my intake to approximately 1500 calories per day, and stayed at this amount throughout the remainder of my weight loss.

      After 25 years of dieting, I did know portion sizes and the exchange lists quite well. I believe that there are 6 food catagories for a reason...and I don't believe in eliminating any of them. I ate from all catagories, in the portions recommended on the pyramid. I mostly chose the lower caloried options and the lower fat ones, but I NEVER denied myself ANYTHING...it's the first thing you are going to want if you don't ''get to have something.''We went out for pizza once a week, but I chose the vegetarian pizza...and have fallen completely in love with that. The greasy ol pepperoni doesn't even appeal to me anymore. If I decided I wanted a candy bar, I would have one. My ''food-cop" hubby would say ''what are you eating'' and I would respond, ''A candy bar, is that OKAY with YOU?'' and he would back off.

      Upon joining TOPS, they say a pledge each week, and part of it says, ''even though I overeat in private, me excess poundage is there for all the world to see, how foolish I have been.'' Well, I was SHOCKED, that was definately ME. I'd eaten in private most of my life. With having a candy bar and letting my hubby see me eat it, meant ''I'' was in control. It meant I could eat that one candy
bar and be satisfied and not feel as though ''I blew it.'' I never let myself feel guilty if I had a little too much of something. I'd tell myself that '' tomorrow is a new day and I will try harder.'' After all, it took me 25 years to pile this all on, and it's not going to all come off overnight. I would tell myself, stay in control and really enjoy the treats that I do have, when I have them, but try to behave as much as possible.

      It got to the point where I was loving fruits and veggies so much, that if I wanted to just be ''munching'', I'd pig out on fruits and veggies. I'd tell myself that if the scale is up this week from veggies and fruits, that it would balance out the next week, and it always did. Some weeks I'd be totally ''good'' and barely have a loss, (kind of disappointing but I never let it get to me), then other weeks I'd have a few ''extra'' treats, etc. and have a great loss. There was no rhyme nor reason to the scale. It had a mind of it's own, but I'd just go by a ''monthly'' average as that seemed more fair. Our bodies all have a life/mind of their own too....retaining fluids, etc. at certain times, so you can not just judge the weekly numbers.

      When I initially joined, I thought, ''I'll wait until I loose the weight to exercise (even though I knew I should, for many reasons). #1-to lose weight faster, because the metabolism speeds up, was the biggest factor for me.   #2-to firm up as I lost and improve my health. Six weeks into the TOPS program, with my motivation peaking, I purchased myself a treadmill as a birthday gift.
Hubby once again rolled his eyes, (thinking it would collect dust). I explained to him that I fall easily (stumbling on the smallest of rocks or uneven sidewalks). Also, living in (Antarctica)-N.W. Minnesota (same thing almost) haha, there are icy sidewalks about 5 months out of the year. I wanted to eliminate ALL excuses, come rain or shine, day or night, I could use the treadmill. It has been a blessing for me, (not that it's FUN) but that I can use it and I have. At first, all I could walk was 1.9 mph but I stayed on for 30 minutes. I'd walk 3 days, then take a day off, until I could eventually walk every day. Slowly, my speed increased as the weight came off even faster. I still just walk for 30 minutes a day, but it's at 4.8 mph now. Almost a run.

      After losing 50 lbs, I got even braver. I've always loved the water and swimming and had gone to aqua exercises about 12 years before. Swimming tones the whole body. This small town offered classes 4 days a week for an hour...BUT of course, there wasn't any suits available in my size. I put on capri shorts and a tee shirt, and went. I asked the instructor if the clothes I had on would be okay, and bless his heart, he said YES. I didn't tell ANYONE there that I was losing weight. I thought to myself, they'll notice eventually and when they mention it to me, I will know it is SHOWING. I never missed a day of swimming. I was shocked that I weighed practically nothing in the water and could MOVE freely, as fat is bouyant in water. I certainly wouldn't be able to move like that on land. The ramp to go in and out of the pool was amazing too. As I would walk up it to leave the pool, the gravity would take effect as I exited and was awful. I couldn't believe  how heavy I was out of water. Still to this day, when a newcomer joins aqua exercise, they all comment as they leave the pool at the weight coming back on their bodies as they leave the pool.

      I set many goals upon joining TOPS (small goals) but felt excited as I reached each and everyone. I only made one goal into a ''timed'' goal. I wanted to have lost 100 lbs. by December 31st. I was close and when the time neared, I told myself, ''so what if I don't quite make it, look how far I've come and I WILL get there.'' Well, I did weighin on Decemeber 31st and was SO HAPPY to not only reach that goal, but had lost 101 1/2 lbs. YIPPEE. One of my first goals, aside from getting under 350 to weighin at TOPS instead of a clinic, was to reach 300 lbs. It had been quite a few years to even see 300. The amazing thing was how quickly the time went between 300 lbs. down to 200 lbs. It had been since age 22 that I had seen the scale show 200 lbs. Another goal was to weigh less than my hubby for the first time ever. He was a whopping 160 lbs when we married and he's 6'2''. Of course, having been ''teased'' my whole life by family and classmates etc, they sang ''here comes the bride, big fat and wide, here comes the groom, skinny as a broom.'' Well, it was ALL true, but none-the-less, it still hurt.

      Back to exercise, the summer of 1988, I was able to bike ride ''without popping a tire'' as had happened 12 years before, when I had last ridden a bike. I was excited to find that I really enjoyed it. It's something my hubby liked to do as well, so we'd ride 5 miles a day, and still do. When Fall came, we switched to going to the gym for the Winter, 3 days a week. The stationary bike is horrible compared to the real bikes, but our workouts were great. We used the weight machines and the stair steppers too. After our workouts, I'd have that ''feeling'' that the books all talk about...the ''endorphins'' I think they call them. It's really a great feeling too...to have worked out, take a shower and feel the afterglow HIGH. I, of ALL people, NEVER thought I would be saying that I loved to exercise. I still have days that I think, Ahhhhh I'll sit this one out...
but it really does go by quickly, and you have such a self- pride knowing that you did it. Now I just call it my ''maintenance''.

      Everyone knows by now, the importance of WATER. I drank 2 to 3 quarts each and every day. It's a MUST and not just to lose weight...your body needs it every day, whether you are thin or heavy.

      One thing different this time around, I did it for ME. Not because of ''this event, or that event'' or for my ''hubby/family''. 'I' was my #1 concern now, and 'I' was going to do whatever 'I' needed to do to get to my goal. 'I' no longer fixed two meals (one for them and one for me). If they didn't like what 'I' was fixing/serving, TO BAD, they were big boys and could fend for themselves. Surprisingly, I  never got one complaint and they actually liked what I was fixing. I still did some baking and bought treats, etc. but I tried to choose treats that I wasn't real crazy about, but that they enjoyed. I also realized that no matter where you go in this world...there WILL be treats, and it is up to me to say no. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. If I do indulge, I try to enjoy if for what it is and move on. If I am at an event, I try to think about just enjoying the moment for what it is and have enjoyment in being with loved ones. Food will ALWAYS be there, but our loved ones may not be.

      It was about 100 lbs. lost before people started noticing my weight loss. It seemed as though it would never happen but, I didn't let it bug me. I knew they would eventually notice. One gal asked, ''are you wearing your hair different?'' They'd notice that something was ''different'' but weren't sure what . Of course, my 100 lbs lost came at New Years, so I had a bulky winter coat on whenever I was out and about, so obviously they wouldn't notice too much. But, when they finally did start noticing, they'd always ask, ''what is your secret?'' I'd tell them, it's no secret, the answers are all the same thing you read in most weightloss books. Moderation, water, excercise and lowfat. But I would add that the most important part of the equation was ''consistency''. Don't diet today and not tomorrow, or this week but not the next. Time goes by so quickly, regardless if you're dieting or not. Trust me when I say, it's less stressful to be eating healthy than to be pigging out--wishing daily that you were thin.

      I WASTED 25 years ''wishing'' for that ''magic'' pill or genie to arrive. You have to learn how to eat healthy for LIFE...not as ''just a diet'' that will be over with when you reach goal. You'll have to ''watch'' what you eat forever, or we all know the consequences if you don't. You CAN still have that ''goodie'' but in moderation.

      It took me 25 1/2 months to reach my goal, with 208 lbs lost. It did go by quickly. For the first time in my adult life, I know what it feels like to be fit and normal size. Some diet books say to put a ''thin'' picture of you on the fridge to motivate you into losing...well, I didn't have a ''thin'' picture, having started putting weight on at age 14. One of my ''goals'' was to be a ''normal'' size and be able to walk anywhere in public totally anonymous, no stares...just another ''lady''. Unless you have weighed as much as I have, you can't begin to know how wonderful of a feeling that is. I can shop at any store now, before all I could do was order from Lane Bryant, in the largest sizes they had, and not buy them because I liked them, but because they fit. NOW I can try on for hours... without tiring I might add...and ''choose'' which ones I like or don't like.

      Some of the ''little'' thrills of being thin are, fitting into booths at restaurants, airlines seats and not needing the extender for the seatbelt, crossing my legs, fitting behind a steering wheel without having the seat all the way back and the tiltwheel all the way up, clipping my toenails without struggling, not needing the x-large blood pressure cuff and having the nurse automatically assume because I was obese, that she should really pump it up cuz she thought it would be high, and not worrying about the quality of chair before sitting in it, or struggling to get back up from a chair without everyone noticing the struggle or even simply being able to sit in a lawn chair.

      The National statistical odds are AGAINST me, less that 5% of people that lose weight, keep it off. I know it will be a lifelong struggle, but with my TOPS club to support me, I hope I can be among the elite 5% that Keep Off Pounds Sensibly. It's also a struggle of staying thin. I also know that there are ''doubters'' amongst my family/friends that are ''waiting''for it to come back on. I will try with all my MIGHT just to PROVE them wrong. After all, I certainly have proved to a big share of them that I could lose it.  Who'd a thunk it? Who could possibly lose 208 lbs after being obeses for 25 years????

      Some of the funniest moments have been seeing old friends from afar that had no idea I had lost weight. They are SHOCKED and have said I look just like the before/after stories you see in the magazines. One gal didn't know me until I told her who I was. The others just drop their jaws in amazement. One guy that my husband worked with, that had transferred away over a year ago, just saw me for the first time in 2 years. Hubby had told him back when I started TOPS, ''yeah, she's on another diet , for however  long this one lasts''.Well, when he saw me, he asked my hubby, ''are you believing it yet?" haha. My now very PROUD hubby, introduces me as his ''new and improved wife'', or he just says, ''I've got a new woman and didn't even have to get a divorce''. My son says he doesn't even remember what I used to look like, until he sees the pictures. Jeeeeez, burn them pictures, hurry. haha. Actually, the reason I had the ''meltdown'' pictures taken, was because several years ago, a friend of mine had lost weight and no one could remember how she used to look (not that I want to ever remember how bad I really did look) but it is very
inspiring to me now to look back at the meltdown pictures and see how awful I really did look. I always tried to keep myself ''nice'' by fixing my hair, using makeup, etc. ....but it's still awful when you look at the pictures and the big ol blob.

      It's awful to say, but when I was about at the 200 lbs mark, as I was on the UPHILL gain years ago, I was made to feel  just awful by friends/family. I thought I was the biggest HOUSE in town at the time. Well, I tell you, when I got near to 200 lbs. on my meltdown, I didn't think I looked that horrible. In fact, I had several people that asked me if I was almost to goal. They thought I was getting too skinny...HUH...I'd tell them I was at 200 lbs yet and they could
not believe it. For them people out there that ''used'' to weight 120 or 130 in HS and have gotten big...forget that ''little number'' and try for a sensible goal. Just to get to 150 and be able to maintain it is a great feeling. I still weigh more than any of the charts tell me I should weigh but SO WHAT. I feel good, and look pretty decent in clothing, and that is what matters the most.

      Many that have seen my pictures or seen me in person ask me about excess
skin. Having been so heavy and for so many years, there was no way my skin
would have ever returned to normal proportions in my stomach area. I had an
"apron" that hung halfway to my knees for over 20 years and having exercised
all the way to goal, and lost the weight that I did, I felt I deserved to have a tummy tuck to rid the skin that hung there. It was the greatest thing I could have ever done.

      It was not that painful and recovery time was not too bad and within 2 weeks I was back on my treadmill. Other exercise had to wait the full 6 weeks of recovery time. For the rest of my skin, it did shrink down well considering I'd been so heavy and for over 25 years. I still have the granny arm flags, saggy thighs, saggy breasts, but that is all well hidden with the right clothing.

      I am (FINALLY) writing this down, after saying I was going to do it....and it is November 8th, 1999. I reached my KOPS status with TOPS. For those of you who don't know the TOPS meaning, it's Taking Off Pounds Sensibly and then when you reach your goal you become a KIW. That is KOPS In Waiting, with the KOPS meaning Keeping Off Pounds Sensibly. When you get to goal, the KIW status is kind of like a (probation) period for 13 weeks to officially become a KOPS. I just acquired my KOPS status this past Wednesday, November 3rd.   I weighed in at 150 1/4 lbs. With the KOPS status, you have a 10 lb leeway...you can go up 3 lbs. above your doctor's written goal or, up to 7 lbs below the doctor's goal. I definately want to stay on the ''downside'' of the goal leeway,
just to stay safe.

     When I say I've lost 208 lbs, that number is the ''official'' amount that will forever be recorded as with TOPS. The lbs that I lose within the 7 lb leeway under doctor's goal won't be counted (so to speak) so in actuality, as of this past Wednesday, I've lost 212 3/4 lbs. But, what's a few pounds compared to the 208???

      I wish I could have back the 25 years I wasted (all my young days) being obese and not enjoying life to the fullest. I will be forever grateful that I did it when  I did, and can look forward to enjoying the next 25 years. I truly believe, if I hadn't lost it when I did, I would have pretty much been done in by age 50. And , what would have been worse, is knowing that I was a ''burden'' to my husband/family.

      As almost EVERY person that has lost a phenomenal amount of weight says:  If I can DO IT....ANYONE CAN. I used to say ''yeah right''. Well, now here I am saying just that. I still can't believe I have done it and don't know where the true motivation came from, but I do believe I hit ''rock bottom'' when I broke my arm.

      I've also vowed that if I am EVER able to help motivate someone that needs it, that I will do all I can, or help in anyway I can. I used to buy EVERY magazine that showed a ''success'' story, in hopes of finding ''answers'' I needed for me. What I did, was put together all the ''positive'' things I knew I ''could'' do, for starters and then worked on the ones I needed to, in order to be successful. I did have many bad habits, but I also have a few good ones....like drinking water. I also hope that in writing all of this down, that each person that reads this will be able to walk away with a least one ''positive'' idea that can work for them.

      Good luck to you all, and Think Thin.

                                          Susan