JOKES
these were all sent to me so sorry if theyr crap, or offensive! if you have any please email me with them! thank you! chadro
How do you drown a blonde?

You put a scratch 'n sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool.
I wanna be just like Barbie, that bitch has everything There was this blonde and her house was on fire so she called the fire department. She's all hysterical, "Please, please you have to help my house is on fire."

The fire department says, "Lady, Lady, calm down! Tell us how to get there."

The blond replies, "DUHHHH THE BIG RED TRUCK."
A man goes into the hospital for some tests. The medical staff knock him out, and when he comes around there is a doctor peering over him, you know pulling up the eyelid and wielding the reflex hammer.

The doctor says, "Ah, I'm glad you're awake. I'm afraid I have some mixed news."

The man says "Don't hold back Doc, tell me the bad news." The doctor says "It was worse than we thought; we had to amputate your left leg."

The man then asks "What is the good news then?"

The doctor replies, "The man in the next bed wants to buy your slippers."
Morris walks into Dr. Cohen's office and puts a note on the table in front of the Doctor. The note says, "I can't talk, please help me!"

The doctor thinks for a while and says to Morris, "Put your penis on the table here."

Morris thinks this is a bit weird, but Cohen is a specialist, so does as he says.

The doctor takes a rubber mallet and hits Morris' penis with it as hard as he can. The man cries in great agony,

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Then the doctor says, "Good, come again tomorrow and we'll learn B!"
Top 20 reasons dogs don't use computers:
20) Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
19) Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18) Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17) Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
16) Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
15) Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
14) Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
13) Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
12) Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
11) Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.
10) Waiting for the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
9) Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
8) 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand.
..7) Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
6) SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
5) SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
4) Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
3) Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.
2) Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.
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What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

About .....35 pounds
Where did Webster look up the definitions when he wrote the dictionary?
Why do we wash bath towels-aren't we clean when we use them?
Why do we put suits in a Garment Bag, and put Garments in a Suitcase?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
EMAIL ME YOUR JOKES! at CHADOWENSO@HOTMAIL.COM