Disclaimer: Paramount owns all, no infringement intended.
Author’s note: I wrote this while on a plane ride to Washington state. It was originally suppose to be a sad fic, but when the time came to write the ending the J/Cer inside came out. lol Anyways, enjoy, and as always, feedback is appreciated.
Musings of a Voyager Command Team
by Holly
“The adventure of my life, and now, it’s over. Never thought the end would come. Maybe I didn’t even want it to.”
“Right ma’am,” the bartender agreed.
“Oh, never mind, you could never understand.”
Kathryn Janeway sat at the bar, one of many on the space station. Suddenly she felt a familiar hand on her shoulder, and a voice just as familiar followed.
“Didn’t expect to find you here, out of all the places on the station,” Chakotay’s voice boomed.
Kathryn turned to her left to see Chakotay take a seat next to her. A site she was all too familiar with.
“I’ll have some Antarian Cider,” he told the bartender. Turning to Kathryn he continued “For some reason, I think you aren’t here to celebrate.”
“Really? Now what would give you that idea Commander?”
“Oh, I have no idea Captain, just a feeling.”
“Ah.”
The bartender handed Chakotay his drink. He took a sip, all the while continuing to eye Kathryn. Even though she tried to hide everything that she was feeling, to pretend all was fine, it was always very apparent to Chakotay.
“What’s wrong Kathryn? You should be happy. You finally managed to get the crew home, safe and sound.”
“*We* got the crew home,” she corrected him, looking him in the eyes. “And of course I’m happy. It’s just us getting home is more bitter-sweet than I had originally imagined.”
“I know how you feel.”
“Do you?”
“Of course I do.”
“We’ve lived with the same people for the last seven years. And now we have to say ‘bye, it was great knowing you, have a nice life’.”
“That’s just life. If we were on a regular mission we would have never been able to become friends with everyone we have, to know the people we know. We should consider ourselves very lucky in that aspect.”
“Chakotay, has anyone ever told you that you are an eternal optimist?”
“Possibly,” he answered, his dimpled smile showing full force.
“So, what happens now?” she asked, after several minutes of silence.
“Well now we’ll have debriefings, I suspect that they will last quite some time. And then...” he continued but was interrupted.
“That’s not what I mean Chakotay.”
“Care to elaborate then?”
“Do we really have to play this game?”
“Well, we have played it for a very long time,” he answered. Off her look he added, “I figured after all this time I’d like to hear it come from your own lips.”
“Us, what about us?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
“Well that leaves us in quite a predicament, doesn’t it?”
“I Guess so.”
*several hours later*
“And that pesky monkey,” Chakotay complained as he took a sip of his drink.
“Hey, I liked the monkey,” Kathryn rebutted with a laugh. “And you know, if it weren’t for the monkey you would have never gotten to see me in nothing but a towel.”
“Very true,” he agreed. “Maybe I owe the little creature an apology.”
“Maybe.”
With that they both laughed again.
“You know Chakotay,” she began. “I was, for a time, actually glad at the prospect I’d spend the rest of my life with you on New Earth.”
“Trust me, the feeling was mutual.”
“And then when Voyager came back for us, it was so hard to go back to the old way of life. To have to restrain all the feelings I had come to feel for you, to lock then up and try to throw away the key.”
“Well, I guess you accomplished that then,” he replied, semi-bitterly.
“Believe me, I didn’t want to. If I could have stayed there with you I would have. And if I could have let my emotions run wild once we were back on Voyager, to feel as I pleased, I certainly would have.”
“Why exactly didn’t you then?”
“Don’t play ignorant, it doesn’t suit you,” she smiled sadly. “What were we suppose to do? The two highest ranked officers on Voyager couldn‘t be involved in some sort of star-crossed romance. It’s against protocol for one thing.”
“I know.”
“Starfleet would have had a field day with that,” she exclaimed.
“That’s not the main reason though,” he pressed.
She laughed. He always knew what she was really thinking when she said something, he knew all the hidden meanings to her words.
“Think if we would have broken up? It would have ruined our professional relationship. But even more so, what if one of us had been placed with the decision of saving the ship or the other? Even without being together we put the ship into danger to save the other.”
“Kathryn, we would have made the right decision. We both know the old adage ‘the good of the many outweigh the good of the few’.”
“Are you so sure of that?” she asked him.
Shaking his head and taking another drink he responded with a mumbled no.
“So what happens now?” he asked.
Eyeing him she replied, “Didn’t I just ask you that a while back?”
“You sure did,” he responded. “I figured, though, that after your reminiscing and analysis you might have come to a conclusion.”
“I don’t think the subject is black or white.”
“Gray then?”
“Perhaps.”
“Is there any hope for us, at all? Are we destined to simply remain friends? Or are the feelings from years ago still flowing through us, just somewhat dormant, needing to be re-activated?”
“I think they are, but of course I may be biased,” she replied with a smile.
“We’re back to the original question Kathryn,” he said. “What are we to do about it, what happens now?”
“Well,” she paused. “My mother had earlier today told me that I was expected at dinner tonight.”
“And that does us what good?” he joked.
“She did tell me I could bring a guest. I’m sure that invitation is open to tattooed first officer.”
“I don’t want to impose Kathryn.”
“You never have,” she smiled.
“Well...” he contemplated.
“Home cooked meal...” she trailed. “Non replicated, non leola root ingredients...”
“Wait,“ he paused. “Please tell me your mother is cooking, not you?”
At that comment she slapped him playfully on the arm. “Don’t worry Chakotay, my mom and sister will be doing the cooking.”
“Okay then, I guess I wouldn’t mind imposing for a night.”
“Good to know.”
The End