"Check."
"Bottles and formula?"
"Check."
"Car seat?"
"Check."
"Toys?"
"Check."
"I guess that's everything..."
"Kelsey, I have everything but her, now please let me have her."
Kelsey reluctantly handed the baby over into Nick's outstretched arms, kissing her head and saying, "Mommy loves you, Madalyn. I'll be back in a few days, make daddy be good to you."
"We will be FINE, Kel." he said, holding Madalyn close to his chest. He looked down at his daughter, cooing, "Yes, we will be fine, won't we, Maddy? Because daddy is much more responsible than mommy wants to give him credit for."
"That's enough, Nick." Kelsey said, pulling her sunglasses out of her purse and slipping them on. "You have the number for the cruise line, I'll call you and tell you our cabin number when I get on there.. god, I should not be doing this!"
"Kel, you've had this tripped planned for what, like, three years? Just go. You and Sadie have happy birthdays, and Maddy and I will be just fine." Nick said, swaying gently, lulling Madalyn into a light sleep.
"I know, I know.. I just can't not worry.. it's a mom thing." Kelsey replied, even though she knew Madalyn would be fine. She'd carefully watched Nick with her each time they visited, part of her wishing they all still lived in the same house. "You're sure you can handle this?"
"Kelsey, YES! I've been around her enough to know what to do with her. We'll be fine." he said, and muttered under his breath, "It's not her I'm worried about."
"What was that?"
Nick sighed, "I said it's not her I'm worried about."
"What? Are you afraid I'm going to hook up with some hot guy in Barbados and not come back?" Kelsey asked.
Nick made no attempt to hide his displeasure at the idea of Kelsey being with another man.
"Nick, we are separated. That means we have seperate lives- you do what you want, and I do what I want, and if that means sleeping with someone else, so be it."
"Yes, I know that, but it doesn't mean I have to like it."
Kelsey pushed her sunglasses up on top of her head, and started to argue with him, but knew it wasn't worth it. She also wasn't going to try to put herself in his place, she knew she wouldn't like it if he told her he was with someone else, either. She put the thoughts out of her mind and tried to mentally run through everything she'd wanted to tell him before she left, making sure she'd told him everything. "Do you remember what I told you about taking care of her ears?"
Nick rolled his eyes. "Yes, clean them morning and night with that solution stuff and turn the earrings, no alcohol, no peroxide." he said, rattling off the directions Kelsey had given him. "I still can't believe you got her ears pierced."
"It's cute!"
"She's three months old! She's cute enough without having holes poked in her ears! That's just cruel." Nick said, rubbing Madalyn's back when she started to fuss.
Kelsey shook her head in exasperation, causing her long hair to swish back and forth and get caught in the chain of her necklace. "Dammit.. will you help me with this?" she asked, trying to untangle the knot.
Nick carefully lay Madalyn down in her car seat and brushed Kelsey's hair over her shoulder, gently extracting the chain from her hair. His eyes followed the chain to the charm that hung on it, "I didn't know you still wore that."
Kelsey fingered the charm- a heart with a key-shaped piece missing, that read 'He who holds the key can unlock my heart'. "I don't feel right without it... and it's not like it isn't true still." she said quietly, and quickly pulled her sunglasses back down, stepping away from him. "I have to get going."
"Alright.. you get back Tuesday?" he asked.
"Yeah, around five, and then I'll come over here to get her, so try to be here, please?"
"We'll be here. We're just going to hang out... no big plans.. just some father-daughter bonding time." Nick replied, walking Kelsey to the door. "Have fun and don't worry about us."
She turned and smiled at him, "I know.. you'll be fine."
Nick watched as Kelsey drove away from the house, still unable to believe how lucky he really was. After he'd watched her leave the cabin that night last winter he'd been sure he'd never see her or their baby again. But it hadn't ended that way, thank god- he still had them both now, at least some of the time. Kelsey had called him, when she found out he'd returned from the cabin, and asked to talk to him, because she'd been rethinking her decisions. She'd said she didn't really want a divorce, how about they try just a separation, because she didn't want their child growing up without knowing who their father was. They'd agreed to seperate, and Kelsey had moved to an apartment about 20 minutes away from their house, and Nick had been an active part in the rest of Kelsey's pregnancy- even being there when Madalyn had been born. He knew he had to take advantage of every chance he was given to prove he really would change, that he could be the person that Kelsey and Madalyn needed him to be. He loved the time he got to spend with them both, and was ecstatic when Kelsey had asked him if Madalyn could stay with him while she went on the cruise with Sadie. He'd been all too happy to say yes, five days with his daughter sounded like a dream to him.
He walked back over to where Madalyn was sleeping peacefully in her carseat, and decided to take her things up to her room while she napped. He managed to get her diaper bag and the toys all up to her room in one trip, and he stopped in the doorway to look at the room before he left. He liked to come and sit in the room even when she wasn't at home with him, simply because it reminded him so much of her and how happy he was when she was around. He liked it better now though, having all the things of hers in the room, making it look lived in.. because she was there with him.
Later that night after Madalyn's last bottle, Nick pulled off his shirt- having learned that it was much easier to get baby spit off skin than clothes- and carefully lifted Madalyn out of her carrier, putting her up to his shoulder and gently patting her back. Madalyn's tiny burp caused Nick to laugh and kiss her head, congratulating her on showing potential to follow in his footsteps.
As he was taking her upstairs to change her into her pajamas and put her to bed, she grabbed at the chain hanging around his neck, her little fingers gripping the baby ring and the key that hung there. Nick shifted her a little and picked up the charms on the chain, "You like those? This one is your baby ring with your birthstone, so I can always have something of yours with me, and the other one is the key to your mom's heart." He sighed as he lay Madalyn in her crib and went to pull some of her pajamas out of the drawer he'd put them in. "I wonder if what your mom said is still true, really? I'd sure like it to be... I'd love to be able to have both of my girls with me again."
After her diaper had been changed, and her pajamas put on, Nick sat back in the rocking chair, cradling Madalyn in his arms. With her bright blue eyes closed, Nick was amazed at how much she resembled Kelsey. When Madalyn's eyes were open, they attracted all the attention, but as she slept, the features she'd gotten from Kelsey were very apparent.
Nick kissed the top of Madalyn's head, then smoothed down the little tufts of her dark brown hair, and began singing softly to her. "Madeline fusses and Madeline laughs, the angel who watches says "hey, look at that!, there's your faith... mountains will shake, 'cause God gladly bends just to hear Madeline when she prays". Madeline stretches and Madeline kicks, Angels in Heaven say "Hey, look at this! There's your faith- mountains will shake, 'cause God gladly bends just to hear Madeline when she prays". And the only angels that I've ever seen, look like tears on the face of the sky, though it sure breaks your heart to see Heaven all streaked up, with sorrows like theirs, so you know all the while... from where cobbles are golden like emeralds shine green, from where gems stud the streets and the walls, God looks out a window at us just to see, if anything frail as a sparrow should fall... God gladly bends just to hear Madeline when she prays." ("Madeline's Song", Rich Mullins)
Nick paused in the doorway as he was leaving the room just to look at her sleeping peacefully in the crib, almost overwhelmed at the happiness he felt, being able to have her there with him, and he knew it was going to practically kill him, when he had to let her go back home with Kelsey.
~~~~~
The next four days passed much too quickly for Nick, every night he'd put her to bed, knowing it was one last day he had to spend with her. He knew he'd be able to see her- going to visit at Kelsey's or having them over for a while, but it wasn't the same, he didn't want her to have to leave.
After breakfast on Tuesday morning, Nick lay on the couch, Madalyn curled up contentedly on his bare chest as he lightly rubbed her back. "Your mom and I were laying on this couch when she told me she was pregnant with your big sister... she was so excited.. so was I... but I really messed up on that one...I should have been there for her, Maddy. I know she needed me so much... I needed to be with her.. not just for her, but for me, too. I can't believe I got a second chance with her... and with you. I love your mom so much- I still do. I fell in love with her so fast- she was so pretty, so smart, so funny. My friends were jealous when I started dating her- they said she wouldn't stay with me, because I was too immature for her.. I thought I'd proved them wrong when she said she'd marry me, but I guess they were the ones who ended up being right when she left."
He stopped talking for a while, thinking back on when he'd begun dating Kelsey, and the things they'd enjoyed doing together. "I remember one day I went to her house at like, six in the morning, and told her to get up.. we were going somewhere... we drove down to the Keys and spent the day on the beach down there. I let her drive my car on the way back.. she looked so beautiful- all tan, her hair blowing all over the place from the wind.."
He looked down at Madalyn, "What am I going to do when you start dating? Guess I have a while to worry about that though. But any boy that breaks your heart.. will be very sorry... because daddy will hurt him..."
A few hours later, Nick woke up to the sound of the doorbell ringing. He'd dozed off with Madalyn, and now it was probably Kelsey at the door, wanting to take her home. He picked Madalyn up gently, trying not to wake her, and went to get the door.
"Hey, Nick.... there's my baby girl!!" Kelsey reached for Madalyn without even giving Nick a second look.
He handed her over, somewhat unwillingly. "How was the cruise?" he asked, surveying Kelsey's tan, wondering how many guys had ogled her in a bathing suit.
"It was.... good. Sadie and I had fun..." Kelsey said, between placing little kisses all over Madalyn's face. "Mommy missed her baby, though, yes she did. Did you have fun with daddy?"
"Yes, she did." Nick answered. "I told you we'd be fine."
"I knew you would be, I wouldn't have left her here with you if I didn't think so." Kelsey said. She'd noticed the changes Nick had made recently, and she knew he was really trying to make good on all the promises he'd made to her about wanting to be the man she needed.
Nick smiled, proud of himself. "You know she looks just like you when she's sleeping?"
Kelsey looked at Madalyn, then over at Nick. "Really? I think she looks like you... every time I look at her.. I see you..." she said, quietly.
Nick heard the quiver in her voice, and couldn't quite tell the reason behind it. "Are you okay?"
Kelsey took a deep breath and said, "While we were on the cruise.. I met this guy... we saw each other alot around the boat and hung out a few times... and the last night he asked me to go back to his room with him..."
Nick was cringing inwardly at the thought of what was coming next. "And?" he asked, trying to keep his voice sounding nonchalant.
"I told him I couldn't... because I was married... and I loved my husband very much..." Kelsey continued, blinking away the tears in her eyes. "Nick, you were so right when you said we had the best reason to try again... and if you still want to.. so do I."
Nick was completely shocked, he hadn't seen that coming at all. He quickly moved from the chair he was sitting in, to the couch and sat beside Kelsey. "Do you really even have to ask?"
Kelsey gave him a little smile. "I'm sorry for all this.. that it took me getting tempted by someone else to realize I still wanted to be with you.. but I know you've changed... I can tell... and I love you even more that you've tried so hard... and I want to be with you and for Madalyn to be around her daddy..."
Nick slipped his arms around Kelsey, pulling her close to him. "I want that, too, Kelsey. And don't apologize... It was my mistake in the first place, for not being there for you when you needed me...but I know how badly I need you... and I'm going to be wherever you need me, whenever you need me there... forever, I promise you that."
Kelsey sniffled and kissed Nick's cheek. She hugged Madalyn a little tighter and whispered, "We got daddy back."
Nick turned Kelsey's head to face him, and kissed her sweetly on the lips. "I love you, Kelsey."
Kelsey nodded, "I know you do. I've always known that.. even when it didn't seem like you did... I still knew... but you're showing me now... and that's all I needed."
