First Time "En Femme" in Public

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. (Apologies to CD, pun intended) Up until a few short years ago, being en femme was always done in private. Once, in my twenties, I did dare to step outside my house, through the back door, into the cool of the evening. But no one saw me. It did not count….

As I got older, I had to travel a little, for 4 or 5 days at a time. I started taking some things with me to enjoy the quiet evenings in my room. But, I was still alone. Once, I dared to step out of my room and take about twenty steps down an empty walkway. Unfortunately another human being, a man, walked around the corner, not more than ten feet away. I went into an immediate panic, turned and rushed back to my still open door, entered and slammed the door shut. I locked and chained the door. He saw me. I am sure he knew that I was a man in women's clothing. Would anyone at home find out? When my heart stopped pounding, I realized that I was ok, no one was at the door, and I was safe. A feeling of euphoria filled my being. Chrissy was no longer private. She had been seen. She was real. I resolved at that very moment to venture out and be seen, maybe even talked to by someone.

Just a few months later, I found myself in a motel, dressed and wanting very much to show myself to the world. My car was parked just in view. But, I was on the second floor. I would have to descend a flight of stairs, not knowing if anyone was below me on the first floor. I did it. No one was there. I walked very quickly to my car. When the door was unlocked (it seemed to take forever to get the key in the lock and turn it), I opened the door and got in. I sat there for only a few minutes. No one had seen me. And then, I saw the sign at the motel entrance welcoming the local law enforcement members to some kind of meeting. I thought every room but mine had a police officer in it and they were just waiting to catch me. I don't remember how I got back to my room, but I do know it took just a few fearful seconds. I was way too frightened to ever be so foolish again…..

Fortunately, the "urge" (you all know exactly what I am talking about) was too overwhelming. I had to go out. And, it had to be in public. And, I would not run away and hide this time. Was I really that brave (or stupid)?

Now I live just outside of our nation's capitol. I was on a short trip to the western Maryland area. I had remembered reading about a gay bar called Deer Park. This place was far enough away that nobody would know me. I would finally do it.

I choose to go to the bar in my male persona first. If everything looked safe, I could return to my room and change for my "first time out". I do not know what I expected when I entered the bar. A heavyset man, who was setting up a table at the doorway entrance, greeted me. He placed a cash box on the table and a chair next to it. I had arrived before a cover charge was necessary. There were only a few people in the bar. I sat down near the door on a barstool. I ordered a drink. Another man close to my age said hello. He told me he was travelling. It turned out that he was also a government employee who worked for a different department than me. I almost panicked. Not again, I said to myself. But I was determined this time. We would never see each other again. I stayed. A few minutes later, I managed to have enough courage to ask the man at the door if any transvestites ever came into the bar. He said that there were a few that came in, but usually later in the evening. He asked me if I was a transvestite. His manner was not threatening. I answered him with an honest, but quiet yes. We talked for several minutes more. I was very relaxed. As I finished my drink, I was wondering if I would have the courage to finally do it. I got up to leave and the man at the door said, "Come back dressed honey. You will have a good time. You will be safe". I smiled and thanked him. Maybe, I said as I left.

Back in my room, I decided "now or never". I changed quickly. Put on my makeup, wig and heels. It took only a few minutes. I was committed to do it, to finally go out as Chrissy. (It now takes me several hours to transform into Chrissy as you see me in the pictures. For my first time out, I must have looked like a real hag. It did not matter.) I opened my motel door and stepped out. No one was to be seen anywhere. My car was only a few feet away. I got in, started the engine, and drove off the lot. As I got to the first red light, a car pulled up alongside me. It was very dark. Nothing happened out of the ordinary. It would be all right. I drove the few miles to the bar and parked the car. No one was in the lot, but there were many more cars there than earlier in the evening. I sat in the car for 15 minutes checking my hair, looking at my makeup, just plain stalling. Finally, I said to myself, just do it. I opened the door, got out, and walked up to the entrance. I checked myself again, and opened the door. As I walked in, I was aware of many people in the place. I was not attracting any undue attention or jeers from anyone. The man at the door looked up at me. He stared for a few moments and then smiled and said, "I am glad you came back. Come on in. Enjoy yourself". I reached into my purse for the cover charge and he stopped me saying "You don't have to pay the cover charge honey. As far as I am concerned, it's ladies night". I was elated, my first time being treated like the lady I always knew I was. The rest of the evening went so quickly. I talked to just a few people. Everyone was so nice. I felt very comfortable. When I finally left, several hours later, the ride back to the motel was relaxed. I entered my room. My life would never be the same again.

I returned to that bar several times again, but it eventually closed.

I had to find another place to go. But, that is another story.

Enjoy life, I am.