What being Transgendered means to Me
Not too long ago, I was writing an e-mail to someone and I was trying to explain what being transgendered meant to me. It took a while to get started, but once the thoughts started coming, I could not stop writing. I saved that letter and find myself re-reading it on occasion. I have removed some of the very personal thoughts that I was sharing with someone, but left enough to try to explain myself to anyone that might be interested. Stop me if you have heard this before....
JI have a family that would never understand Chrissy (mentally, emotionally, or physically). I struggle with labels, hence "Chrissytg". When I was a child, I hoped for the magic pill that would make the body match the soul. When I was a young adult, I played with the idea of surgery for a long time. Then, only "freaks" could even consider such a course of action. I was not a freak, just very, very confused.
I suppressed my own needs and conformed to society's role for me. I married, and am raising a beautiful family. All of my family's needs are being met, and will continue to be met. But, I am incomplete and not very happy in this role.
As I have matured, I became carefully daring. Just over two years ago Chrissy emerged on a short trip. In my mind, she was an attractive lady. Reactions from others range from "that's disgusting" to "Wow, you're gorgeous". I have found my inner beauty. I am satisfied with my outward facade. (I have great legs and a well proportion figure for my 5'11", 175 lbs. with an attractive face). The physical attributes are minimally acceptable for the complete woman called Chrissy.
When I "go out" it takes me a couple of glorious hours to allow Chrissy to emerge both physically and emotionally. When I walk out of a motel room, I am a complete female. When I go to the few places that I have found, where I can be accepted, I can be at ease quietly alone or chatting with those around me
Let me tell you a little bit more about myself. MWM, TG, 40's, 5'11", 175#, Blue/brown well proportioned (great legs) and reasonably presentable/attractive (my description). Others have said, "great legs (almost everyone); "that's disgusting (one idiot); "Wow, you are gorgeous" (more than a few).
MWM means my family does not now and never will know about Chrissy. That is unfortunate, but the way it has to be.
TG means that after a lifetime of confusion, I finally accept the fact that I am a woman with male plumbing and I must live with that.
Presentable/attractive means that I can wrap a sexy miniskirt and a blouse around this caged female that can fool anyone if it is dark enough and quite a few in full daylight, but I could not go 24/7 without HRT (hormones) and SRS (surgery).
Two years ago, I finally had the nerve to go to a gay bar and ask if I would be welcome as Chrissy. The people there were very nice and assured me that I would be welcome. I returned to my room, changed and went back. I was so frightened, but I had to go. It changed my life. I will never be the same.
During these last two years, I have come to accept who I really am, and that is a woman in almost every way possible. Most women dress, color, pad, shape perfume or accessorize themselves to make a better presentation than nature provided them. I do the same thing. Some people question the degree to which I do that. If they do that's fine, but don't bother me with their shallowness in judging my actions. I alone am responsible for my actions.
Chrissy can only get away on an occasional basis. When she does, she packs as much "living" as she can into a few short hours. She enjoys each and every moment.
Enjoy life, I am.
I welcome your comments