Title: A Walk on the Beach (1/1)
Author: Christina
E-mail: cryst98014@aol.com
Rated: G
Classification: V
Keywords: Angst
Spoilers: Requiem
Archive: Anywhere, just let me know.
Summary: The sun, the sand, the ocean, and
memories.
Disclaimer: The X-Files and its characters are
the property of Chris Carter, 1013 Productions
and Fox. No infringement intended.
Thank yous go out to Jo, Triton, and Peggy for
the quick betas. You girls rock!
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A Walk on the Beach
by Christina
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--taken from the journal of Dana Scully--
Sunday, June 19, 2000
Today, I went to the beach. I often go to the
sea to think about my father. In my hand, I
carried a small bouquet of flowers. As I
walked along the water's edge, I threw the
flowers one by one into the ocean, and I
prayed.
I prayed for my father, my mother, Melissa,
Bill, and Charlie. For the little life inside
me. For Mulder.
I cried.
I miss my father, so deeply sometimes. Oh, how
I wish he was with me now. I wish he was with
me, to lend me support. He'd understand me in
a way that my mom wouldn't.
We'd walk along the sand, hand in hand, or
maybe he'd have his arm around my shoulders.
We'd be barefoot, wind in our hair, smelling
the salt air.
I'd tell him what a great dad he was and how
much I loved him. I'd tell him how much I
would want him to be a part of my baby's life.
I'd want him to spoil my child rotten.
It hurts me to know these things will never
happen. My child will never know what a great
man his grandfather was. He or she will hear
all the famous family stories, and will ache to
know who this person really was. My child will
never feel the connection I did.
And now I fear my child will only know Mulder
through my memories.
The loss of my father nags at me like a
toothache. But the loss of Mulder feels like
I've been torn in two.
I cannot comprehend going on alone; raising my
child without Mulder. I suspect Mulder thinks
he would be a lousy father, but I think
otherwise.
I can picture him in my mind, with a young
girl in pigtails and a summer dress, pushing
her on a swing. I can see his big grin as she
giggles and tells him, "Higher, Daddy!"
I can picture him with a little boy, carrying
him on his shoulders. They're both eating ice
cream cones and Mulder doesn't care when the
sticky mess melts into his hair.
I can picture us together, during long lazy
weekends, on holidays, on vacations. In
everything I imagine, he is there.
I miss Mulder, so deeply. Oh, how I wish he
was with me now. I wish he was here, to lend
me support. He'd understand what I am going
through, in a way that no one else would.
We'd walk along the sand, hand in hand, or
maybe he'd have his arm around my shoulders.
We'd be barefoot, wind in our hair, smelling
the salt air.
I'd tell him what a great dad he would be and
how much I loved him. I'd tell him how much I
would want him to be a part of my baby's life--
*my* life. I'd want him to spoil our child
rotten.
There were things I never got the chance to
tell my father, but in my heart, I think he
knew. Will I ever get the chance to tell
Mulder all the secrets of my heart? If it
takes me forever, I will find him... I have to.
Happy father's day, Mulder.
End.
Thanks for reading!
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