http://village.vossnet.co.uk/l/lalo/19_things.txt Date sent: Thu, 06 Nov 1997 07:31:39 EST Top 19 things you'll never hear on the USS Enterprise: 19) Worf: Klingons do *not* play tiddlywinks! 18) Picard: No, please, Mr. Data, do go on. I find your list of synonyms for 'extinct' fascinating... 17) Picard: It's too bad we don't live in an enlightened, civilized era like they had in the twentieth century. 16) Picard: Good work, Councellor. If you hadn't told us those aliens had hostile intent, we would have been completely fooled by their plan" 15) Geordi: Did you hear Wesley almost got kicked out of the Academy again? They caught him smoking pot! Data: (looks puzzled) Pot? (brightens) Ah. Marijuana - a narcotic obtained from the hemp plant. Cannibid. Weed. Mary Jane. Grass. Reefer. Panama Red . . . 14) Crusher: Jean-Luc, since the ship is in no danger at all, and we're not about to die, there's something I want to tell you... 13) Troi (to someone she is counseling): You've obviously mistaken me for someone who care! Now get out! 12) Geordi: The... doohicky... has gone all... funny, making that gizmo light up...the one that means the warp engines are... ya know... all messed up. 11) Worf: Ouch! I got a paper cut! 10) Picard: Captain's Log, Stardate... damn. What's the date? Number One, what's today? No, I know it's Tuesday, what's the date? The STARdate!! 9) A Starfleet Admiral: Don't worry about it, Picard, there are plenty of other ships in your quadrant. 8) Picard: Tea, Lemon Zinger, iced. 7) Riker: Not tonight -- I have a headache. 6) Worf: Klingons do NOT wear frilly underwear... at least not on duty. 5) Worf: Do we have to beam down right now? The Smurfs are on subspace T.V.! 4) "Prime Directive? We don't need no steenkin' Prime Directive!" 3) Geordi: We've modified the warp coils be reversing the polarity of the inverse geometric phase integrator and adding a broad-band neutrino generator to the hyper-magnetic field controls. Riker: What will that do? Geordi: Not a damn thing, but it sure as hell *sounds* impressive! 2) Worf: The aliens are locking their weapons on us... firing... a miss. Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can laugh in their faces? 1) Picard: Ah, what the heck. I'm bored. Screw the hailing frequencies, fire at will.