Stepping off the plane, weak from not having had a cigarette in over 13 hours, the first thing many of us shout as we arrive is “Yippee! I can get Valium here!” Ok, you never shouted that and neither did I, but the point stands that many of us make use of the widespread availability of Valium. If you don’t know where to get it, sorry I can’t tell you (unless you send an email to The Stalker), but it’s out there and we’re happy for it. It helps you to get through jet lag, to relax when you’re too wound up and to get shit-faced on one beer on a boring Friday night. Keep in mind though, an addiction to Valium is the lowest and most pitiful addiction a man can have.
That not enough for you? I didn’t think so. How about DXM? Dextromethorphan is a dissociative drug found in cough syrups (Robitussin) and cough drops (Contac) in small dosages. When taken in large dosages it causes psychedelic effects (according to many, but not all, users). Some people say the trip is more like being really drunk as you often become very uncoordinated and slur speech. It’s available in Taipei under the brand name Everest. Dosage (depending on whether you want to feel a mild buzz or be strapped down in a hospital bed while aliens try to insert bass guitars into your penis) varies from 1.5 to 15mg/kg body weight. If you’re using this stuff (and remember, we advise you not to do anything that we’re telling you to) don’t overdo it because you’ll die. Check out third-plateau.lycaeum.org/ for much more info or see Ray Silky’s feature in this issue.
But all these things just slow me down, so now I need something to speed me up. Ephedrine is sometimes called “legal speed.” When we asked our Taiwanese pharmacist how much to take and how it would make us feel he answered with “Goa chiah bo koan li, Li la bah an-choa chiu an-choa,” which we translate as “Take a shitload and it’ll fuck you up right good eh!” I’m sure he wouldn’t lie to us, so feel free to do your worst. (Once again: do not do what we tell you to do or do not do it to do whatever you do or do not do to you).
So is that enough for you yet? If you do any of these things (and I’ve already told you not to thrice), and you live through it and don’t want to sue us, send us an email telling us what happened and how it happened. Good luck.
