Chapters 1-7       Chapters 8-15        Chapters 16-23       Chapters 24-30       Chapters 31-36 Title: Twist of Fate Chapter 16 Two hours later Road to Norfolk Harm had called on every ounce of discipline he had to leave Mac alone over the weekend.  They had talked the night they were released from Bethesda until almost four o’clock in the morning.  Most of the time he’d sat and listened as Mac talked to herself.  He couldn’t begin to imagine the turmoil she was going through.  As he watched her curl up in his arms, stand up and pace, and then curl up some more, it stirred questions he hadn’t even thought to ask himself. He’d known from the moment the shock of finding out she was pregnant had worn off that he wanted to be a father to Mac’s child, but by one o’clock in the morning he was asking himself new questions. Was Mac right? Would he see one of their captor’s faces every time he looked at what was now his child? Would he be filled with resentment at not having been able to protect Mac? Would this child be nothing but a constant reminder of his failure? Or would he only be enthralled by the reflection of the smile of the woman he loved? He’d battled his own demons as he’d watched Mac struggle with hers for three more hours. By morning she’d insisted she needed time and space to think, and he agreed to give it to her. The only problem was by Saturday afternoon he knew there wasn’t any way he couldn’t love Mac’s child no matter who the father was. He already loved Mac more than life itself. Nothing could ever change that. So he spent the next day and a half arguing with himself to leave her alone. He did at least call briefly on Saturday night and again Sunday night, but it was clear she still wasn’t ready for company. Now they’d spent almost an hour on the road and he was struggling with all the ridiculous small talk.  “Harm?” “Hm?” Harm glanced briefly in her direction. Something about that ‘Harm’ didn’t sound like small talk. “I made an appointment with my doctor for next Tuesday afternoon.”  “And...” he coaxed when Mac seemed to hesitate too long. “Regardless of what happens, I could really use a friend with me.” Mac had been debating with herself ever since they’d gotten into the car.  Whatever she decided, it was going to be one of the hardest choices of her life and she wasn’t all that sure she had it in her to do it alone.  “Next Tuesday?” “I explained that this was a bit of a surprise and it was urgent I get in as soon as possible.  The nurse was very apologetic, but it usually takes more like three weeks to get an appointment with her. I considered making an appointment with another doctor, but ... I trust Dr. Hawkins.” “No, that will be fine.” Harm wasn’t sure what to expect next, but he didn’t have the nerve to ask. “She did say if anyone cancels before then, they’ll give me the first chance to take the appointment.” “No problem. Whenever you need me, I’ll be there.” “Yeah.” Mac dropped her head back remembering all the different times Harm had been there for her. From the first assignment where he tried that ridiculous move of grabbing onto the helo she’d been in, to the poachers, when they’d thought Webb was dead, the Sudanese embassy, her court-martial, her father dying.  Despite the disastrous results of miscommunicating in Australia, he’d always been there for her.  Hell, he’d almost killed himself coming home for her wedding because he’d promised her he wouldn’t miss it, and he’d certainly nailed it when he’d said if she needed him there so badly maybe she was marrying the wrong person. Following Tuesday Bethesda Medical Center Dr. Hawkins’ office Mac had been flipping the pages of a magazine with one hand and crushing Harm’s fingers with the other.  A few times she’d realized what she was doing, apologize, and loosen her grip, but within a few minutes the vice-like hold had returned. Harm offered Mac a reassuring smile from time to time, but the truth was, he was almost as nervous as she was.  He almost laughed. The way he felt, anyone would think it was his child she was carrying. “Colonel MacKenzie?” a sweet voice called from the doorway. “Mac, that’s you,” Harm urged.  Mac remained frozen at his side. “Mac?” Harm stood up, pulling Mac with him and nudging her towards the door. “I’ll be waiting when you come out,” he reassured her.  It didn’t work. Her grip pressed unimaginably tighter. In what Harm would remember as practically slow motion, Mac’s head turned and she whispered, “I can’t.” “Mac, this is the first step. You have to see a doctor.” Her eyes pleaded with his. “Stay with me?” When her words worked their way through his already flustered mind, his eyes popped open wide. “Inside?” Mac could only nod. Harm was her lifeline. There was no way she could let go of his hand right now.  She’d barely held it together for the last week, burying herself in work.  Whether or not she was ready, she was about to face the cold, harsh reality of life and she didn’t think she could do it alone. “Okay,” Harm smiled tentatively.  He hadn’t prepared himself for this, but he couldn’t resist her silent plea. He could never say no if she needed him, no matter how awkward he was about to feel. Maybe it had been a mistake, but Mac neglected to mention to the staff that this suspected pregnancy was the result of being held in captivity by the enemy for close to three weeks.  The nurse was smiling and perky, and kept grinning at her and Harm until Mac thought she was going to vomit. When she left and returned to say, “Do you want me to tell you now, or later that you’re pregnant?” Mac couldn’t stop the words ‘damn it’ from tumbling out.  She thought she saw the nurse do a double take, but Harm smiled politely at the woman, before placing his hand on Mac’s shoulder. Somewhat pacified, the nurse informed them the doctor would be in shortly to conduct an exam. Harm didn’t flinch. He was so focused on Mac’s reaction he didn’t give any thought to what was about to occur. “You knew that’s what they were going to tell you,” Harm questioned when the door was shut. “I know, but I had hoped maybe...” Mac squeezed his hand again, not sure if she wanted to cry or scream. It felt completely natural for Harm to lean over and gently kiss the top of her hair. “It will work out somehow. The doctor will be in soon. You can talk to her about your options.” Kissing her lightly one more time it suddenly hit him what he’d said at the same moment the doctor came into the small examining room.  “Let’s see what we’ve got.  According to your paperwork, looks like you should be about six weeks. We’ll confirm that in a bit with a sonogram,” Dr. Hawkins reported, putting on a pair of rubber gloves. “Uh... maybe I should wait, you know, outside the door,” Harm looked like a scared child who had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.  The only problem with his plan was Mac still wasn’t letting go of his hand. “No problem.” Dr. Hawkins was used to squeamish first time dads, and she’d noticed the death grip Mac held on the handsome commander.  “Pull that chair up by the exam table, turn it around that way so you can still hold the colonel’s hand and have your back to me.  Will that work?” “Uh, yes, thank you.” Harm tried not to sound too relieved. Mac hadn’t moved or reacted to anything. Her expression and her grip were frozen firmly in place. Chapter 17 “Well, good. Everything looks perfectly normal from here. Let’s get you in for a sonogram and see how things look from the inside.  Cathy will be back in a minute to take you across the hall.” Harm looked quickly from Mac to the doctor, wondering why Mac hadn’t said anything. When the door closed, Harm turned to Mac again. “Wouldn’t that have been a good time to tell her what’s going on? I mean, is it a good idea to go through more tests?” Harm wasn’t sure what Mac was thinking. “I don’t want it on my record. We’ll just get this over with. I’d have to go to a private clinic anyway for... anything else.” She hadn’t said anything to him, but it was clear to Harm she’d made up her mind. A small part of him felt a loss. He’d liked the idea of sharing a baby with Mac now, not having to wait two more years. On the other hand, he knew that under the circumstances having this baby would be anything but ideal. Following the nurse across the hall, Mac climbed onto the table with Harm’s help and made herself as comfortable as possible.  When the nurse told Mac to put her feet in the stirrups, Harm blanched for the umpteenth time this afternoon. “Why put her feet in stirrups to run a wand over her tummy?” Harm was amazed he’d found the words for a logical question. “That’s a transabdominal ultrasound. We’ll be doing a transvaginal, much more accurate at this early stage.” Harm quickly shifted his position so he was once again looking at Mac’s face and had his back to whatever was being done to her lower half. For the first time Mac noticed Harm’s awkwardness and almost felt like laughing. “And here we go...” The woman operating the sonogram focused on the screen. “So far looks fine. You say you think you’re about six weeks?” “Actually,” Harm stopped a minute to do math. “Conception should have been less than four weeks ago.” “Right. That would be considered six weeks pregnant. The weeks start counting from the date of your last period. Otherwise, at 40 weeks gestation, we’d all be pregnant for ten months. Not a pleasant thought for most people,” the tech smiled. Harm watched Mac. She was staring up at the ceiling, barely taking the time to blink.  Her grip had evened out some, still firm but no longer cutting off his circulation. “Aha. Here we go. Definitely at least six weeks, I found the heart beat.” Before anyone could say anything, the woman hit a switch and a loud swishing sound echoed through the room.  Mac’s head shot around to look at the screen.  Harm looked at her before looking up. “Everything is just as it should be. This little line here that looks like it has a tail is your baby.” The woman pointed to a dark spot in a patch of gray with an even smaller dark spot opening and closing. Your baby. The words echoed in Mac’s head as she changed back into her clothes. They grew louder as she and Harm walked down the interminably long hallway to the elevator. She could hear the words reverberating to the same hum as the car engine when they pulled out of the parking lot. Your baby. “Do you want to go get your car, or do you want to get something to eat?”  It was already 1600. Harm knew there was no point to going back to work. “Take me home.” Mac tried to rub away the pounding echo in her head. Nothing worked. She closed her eyes, it got louder. She watched the traffic out the window, she could still hear it.  The car came to a stop in front of her building and she hadn’t even realized they’d driven that far. Harm wasn’t sure what he’d expected from today, but if at all possible, Mac seemed even more shocked than that day he’d found her curled up in a near-fetal position at the hospital in Germany.  At least she’d managed to finally find her keys and open the door. From her near catatonic appearance, he’d had his doubts. “Shall I order some food?” “Not hungry.” Mac kicked off her shoes and walked directly to the window. Opening the french doors, she stood at the half rail. “Did you hear what she said?” “Which part?” Harm dropped his cover and walked up behind her. “My baby.”  Mac continued staring at some distant point. “I heard.” Harm focused on the back of her head. “I thought I knew what to do.” “And now you don’t?” Harm let his hands fall gently on the sides of her arms. What he really wanted was to pull her into his arms and keep her there always, safe from all the world’s evils. “Actually, I think I do. It’s just not what I thought it was.”  Mac turned around to face Harm.  “It won’t be easy. There will probably be days when I’ll make everyone’s lives miserable.” “You wouldn’t be the first pregnant woman to do that,” Harm flashed a mini smile. “There will undoubtedly be many days when I’m going to second guess myself.” She waited to see if Harm said anything. He simply nodded.  “I...I don’t think I can do this alone.” “Mac, you’re not alone.” Thinking back to the examination room, Mac chuckled softly, surprising Harm. “You look awfully cute when you’re embarrassed.” “You think so?” Harm inched closer, dropping his arms around her. “Yeah. I do.  I didn’t say it earlier, but thank you. It meant a lot having your hand to hold.” “You mean break?” “Maybe.” Mac dropped her forehead on his shoulder for a second, then looked back up at him.  “I might want to do that again in about eight months.” “I’ll be looking forward to it.” God, she looked so kissable.  Here they were talking about sharing in the birth of a baby and he didn’t have the right to hold her any more closely than he’d already dared. He longed to let his lips fall on hers and taste the warmth and sweetness that he remembered from that lone night on a porch, too long ago. “Then the offer is still good?” “I’ve never broken a promise yet.” Mac stared at him stunned.  Was he saying what she thought he was saying? “Harm, I can’t deal with cryptic double talk right now.” Nervously she licked her lips. She almost thought she heard Harm let out a low moan before answering. Swallowing hard, he resisted the urge to lean over and taste those moist lips. He couldn’t help but wonder if she had any idea what that unconscious little gesture was doing to him.  Summoning every drop of courage in him, he forced his lips to move, to tell Mac exactly what he meant. “I’d like to be a father to this baby, and when the five years is up, I’d like to go halves on another baby, the way we planned. Together.” Chapter 18 “Oh, Harm.” All the air was stuck in Mac’s throat.  What was she supposed to say to that? This man that she’d practically thrown herself at two years ago was offering her another chance, at least she thought he was, and now, now she was in no condition to accept. “Mac?”  Harm cringed when she slipped out of his arms and walked back into the living room. “There was a time when knowing you still wanted to keep our deal would have meant everything to me...” “But...” “I can’t make a promise that I don’t know if I can keep.” She turned to look at him. “Right now, this is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I have no idea how I’m going to come out of this when it’s all over.  I’m not even sure if you’re going to still want me, us.” “Wait a minute.” Harm walked into Mac’s space. “If you’re telling me you’re not sure how you want to deal with this pregnancy, what you want to tell people, I understand. If you’re not sure how I fit into this, I can wait for you to figure it out. But do not for one minute ever doubt I want you." Mac’s eyes opened wide as a silver dollar. “I’ve wanted you for as long as I can remember. You have to know that.” There, he’d finally said it, and so far it didn’t look like she had any inclination to cause him bodily harm. “Oh, yes... ‘You know the reason.’  No, Harm. I didn’t know. I’m still not sure if it’s me you want or if you can’t resist a noble cause.” Mac tried to back away, but Harm wouldn’t release the hold he had on her. “Let’s get one thing straight.  I didn’t suggest sharing a child three years ago out of a misplaced sense of nobility, and I’m not doing it now.  I’m offering the same things now I did then, Mac. A home, a family, and the best husband I know to be.” For the second time in only a few minutes Harm had left Mac speechless. There was no longer Afghanistan, a prison compound, or a baby. The only things in the room were him, her, and years of missed signals. Somehow she finally managed to make her mouth move. “Three years ago, you wanted all that?” Harm nodded his head, and quietly answered, “Yes.” Mac laid her hands flat on his chest. The eyes staring back at her held the same expression as two years ago when she had asked ‘you’re this way only with me?’ “Then why did you say no to me on the ferry?” “I didn’t say no, I said not yet.” “Why?” “I was afraid you were only offering me Australia and I wanted more. I’d just come back from flying. I needed to stabilize my career before I could make another change. I thought I had time.  If I had known saying ‘not yet’ would mean losing you to Brumby, I would have accepted whatever you had to offer.”  “On the admiral’s porch. You tried to tell me?”  Memories of the single real kiss they’d ever shared flooded her system. Harm nodded his head again.  He could feel the heat of her fingers burning through his shirt and searing his heart. “And on the Guadalcanal, why didn’t you just say something?” “I don’t suppose stupidity is a good answer?”  He’d asked himself the same thing for months.  If he hadn’t hesitated, if he’d spoken up sooner, if she hadn’t left the room, everything could have been so different. “I’m serious.” Mac inched closer. “So am I. Mac, I’ve done a lot of stupid things in my life, and not letting you know how I feel is one of them.”  Harm’s fingers were now drawing lazy circles on her hips.  His eyes were pleading with her to understand and accept what was finally in front of them. “And how do you feel?” Mac was standing so close to him, she could feel his breath on her face. “I love you,” he murmured. His lips, having lost the battle of restraint, fell softly on hers, testing, begging for acceptance.  Somewhere in the back of his mind it had occurred to him she might not want this, might not be ready, but the feel of her soft body in his arms, and her moist lips pressed feverishly against his, scattered any concerns he may have had. He held her, kissed her, and lavished in the feel of her warmth until the need to breathe forced them to pause. “Yes,” she whispered, with what little air was left in her lungs. “Yes?”  Harm covered her face in a flutter of tender kisses.  He’d told Sarah MacKenzie he loved her and she hadn’t kicked his six to Timbuktu. He’d kissed her and she’d kissed him back. For this instant in time, life was perfect. “Yes to a home, a family, and...”  The rest of her words were interrupted by the feel of his lips capturing hers in another kiss, this one hungry and wanting.  His arms pulled her unbelievably closer.  His hands roamed the length of her back, leaving a searing heat against her skin. When they dropped down and gently caressed the roundness of her six, she felt him pull her hard against his hips. She could feel how much he wanted her. Wanted her... It quickly became obvious to Harm that he had gone too far, too fast. He’d been lost in the power of the kiss. Lost in finally having the woman he loved in his arms, he hadn’t realized what he’d done until he felt Mac freeze.  He’d never had a woman go so completely still.  If he could have, he would have kicked himself all the way to Timbuktu.  “I’m sorry,” he pleaded, pulling slightly back, still wanting to hold her, but not crowd her. “No, I...I...” Mac didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know exactly what had come over her. She was suddenly very scared. “I understand.  We need to take things a little more slowly.” Harm put a few more inches distance between them, but couldn’t bring himself to completely let go.  “Harm...” Mac started. “No, please, Mac. It’s okay. Really.”  Harm leaned over and kissed her gently on the forehead. “What do you say we go out to eat. Celebrate?” “There’s a lot to work out.” Mac stepped back. “We have to eat. We can discuss this more over dinner.” Harm debated if he should follow her. “I’m going to need to tell the admiral about the baby.” “We’re going to have to tell everyone at some point,” Harm smiled, hoping to keep the conversation from taking on a heavy tone. “I know, but he should know the truth. I’d like to tell him now, but I think I’d like to keep the rest of this to ourselves while we sort it all out.” She turned to look at Harm, unsure of the look on his face. “If that’s what you want.” Harm was a little hesitant. He hoped, no he prayed, this need to keep things private wasn’t setting up the groundwork for her to change her mind and run. He didn’t want to believe that, but he couldn’t help worrying.  This wasn’t exactly the scenario he’d envisioned for declaring his love for Mac and asking her to marry him. Undoubtedly, it hadn’t been hers either. Chapter 19 JAG Headquarters 1130 hours Next morning AJ was beginning to feel he’d prefer to face a firing squad than another round with the SecNav over JAG’s annual budget.  He was seriously considering throwing all three thousand pages of it out the window and jumping after it when his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his intercom. “What is it Tiner?” he snapped. “Sorry to disturb you, sir, but Commander Rabb and Colonel MacKenzie would like to speak with you.” “Is it important? Never mind. Send them in.”  He hadn’t assigned them any more work as a team other than that homicide case last week, and they’d resolved that fairly quickly. If one of their lives wasn’t currently at stake, it would be for interrupting him. “Sir.” Harm followed Mac into the room. “At ease,” AJ ordered without looking up from the budget reports.  “Make it quick. I have to be ready with these by tomorrow morning.” “The budget, sir?” “That’s right, Commander.” AJ looked up, a hint of sarcasm in his tone. “If I may, sir? Lt. Roberts was instrumental in the success of the budget I presented on your behalf a few years ago.” “Really?” AJ raised one brow and leaned back in his seat. “Yes, sir. Very.” “I see.” Noticing for the first time an unusually stiff stance on Mac’s part, AJ dropped his pen on his desk. “What can I do for you?” “Well, sir.” Mac swallowed hard. “I have some additional information regarding ... our time in Afghanistan, and...” Mac swallowed again. This was harder to get out than it had been telling Harm. “Perhaps you should have a seat, Colonel.” AJ waved for both his officers to sit down, the hair on the back of his neck bristling. “Thank you, sir.” Taking a seat, Mac took a deep breath and continued. “The blood tests done in Germany revealed something that Qandahar overlooked.” AJ’s heart sank to his stomach. God, not HIV. Though, she wouldn’t need to share that with him. Her medical records would be priva....oh no! “I’m pregnant.” Mac kept her hands steady on her lap trying desperately not to fidget. “It’s been a difficult decision, but I’ve decided to go ahead with the pregnancy.” “Afghanistan?” For a moment AJ had hoped he was wrong. Mac nodded, wanting very badly to reach over and take hold of Harm’s hand. Only the rules of military decorum held her back. ‘Damn.’ She’d been in captivity too long. Normal emergency medication would have been too late for her.  Somewhat stunned, AJ glanced at Harm. Then it hit him. Why was Rabb here? “We, the commander and I, have agreed when the time comes we’re going to tell people he’s the father. I felt you should know the truth.” Mac struggled to look AJ in the eye. “I see,” AJ practically stammered. “It’s only fair you should know, sir, we haven’t worked out the logistics, but at some point, we will be getting married,” Harm interjected.  “I see,” AJ repeated a little more clearly.  “Changing your designator again, Commander?” “No, sir,” Harm tried not to smirk. “That’s one of the things we haven’t been able to agree on yet, sir,” he explained. Even though either of them could be transferred to another billet at any moment, neither wanted to be responsible for the other requesting a transfer. “Do you see any reason why you could not continue to work in the same office?” AJ was fishing. It would probably take a miracle, but he felt the same way about this blasted budget. Harm and Mac faced each other momentarily, then returned their attention to the admiral. “No, sir.” “Good. I’ll see what I can do.  In the meantime, congratulations, Colonel.” AJ extended his hand. “Thank you, sir.” She tried to smile, but she still didn’t feel as though this were something to smile about. Hopefully that would change soon or she was in big trouble.  “Is there anything else?” AJ looked at Mac, then Harm, and back at Mac. “No, sir,” they quickly responded. “Very well. Dismissed.” When they had reached the door, AJ looked up. “Commander, just a minute.” Harm nodded at Mac, closed the door, and returned to attention in front of the admiral’s desk. “Yes, sir?” “Sit down, Harm.” It wasn’t often the admiral called him Harm. For some ridiculous reason, he felt as though he were about to face a future father-in-law’s wrath. “How is she?” AJ sat down in the seat beside him. “Fine, sir.” “No, Harm, off the record.  How is she really?” “Considering, sir? She’s doing very well.  It’s been hard. She’s had some difficult moments.  Some serious soul searching, and serious doubts, but I think it will be okay.” “I don’t suppose there’s any chance you really are...” AJ let his thought hang. “No, sir. I’m afraid not.” “I see.”  “I presume you’ve both taken into account all the potential challenges that come with this ‘situation’?” “Yes, sir. I believe we have.” AJ stood up and walked around his desk.  “Very well, Commander.  I’ve recently received a report from Commander Coulter. The original report is being sent on to NI to add to the case file for war crimes, not that I think it will ever be used.  I hadn’t seen any reason as yet to bring this to the colonel’s attention.  As one of the principles in the investigation, you might be interested to know that the commander was unable to match any of the DNA samples taken from the scene to the DNA of the men taken prisoner.” Harm’s brow curled curiously.  AJ fished a file from under a pile of papers on his desk and tossed it at Harm.  “These are the prisoners currently being held for kidnapping and illegal imprisonment, but we don’t have the evidence for rape.” Harm scanned each photo. Junior’s photo and information were on top. It’s a good thing they’d nicknamed him Junior, because there was no way Harm could ever have pronounced his real name. One of the other lesser goons who often accompanied the three stooges was next, then another. Curly and Larry were the next two.  Nothing unusual stood out on either of them. Harm continued thumbing through the file. Several of the faces he’d never seen.  He recognized one of the men as the man at the radio controls the day they arrived. Most of the band that had accompanied them on their desert trek seemed to have been caught.  Though if he were honest, there were a couple he’d rarely come in contact with and wouldn’t remember if they weren’t among the men in this folder.  No, only one face was blatantly missing. “The only person I don’t see in this file is Bahriim.” Harm looked up, handing the admiral back the file. “I’m afraid he’s still at large, and we’re no closer to knowing what he was after either.” AJ dropped the folder on his desk and rubbed his temple.  “Under the circumstances, I think the colonel needs to know.” “Yes, sir. I suppose she does.” The question remaining now was, who should tell her, and when? Chapter 20 Harm walked slowly towards Mac’s office wondering what was the right thing to do.  Neither he nor the admiral gave a rat’s ass what protocol required. Terri had no real reason for forwarding the file to the admiral except that she knew he cared, and the admiral had no reason for telling Harm other than he thought it would be better for Mac to hear the news from Harm than from him.   What Harm had no way of knowing was if eliminating so many of the suspects was going to make this any easier on Mac or not. “Lieutenant?” Harm turned to Harriet when he found Mac’s office empty. “Have you seen the colonel?” “Yes, sir. She headed that way down the hall. Seemed to be in a hurry.” Harriet pointed to her left. “Thank you.” Harm was already half way down the hall by the time his words reached Harriet’s ears. Unsure if the look on the commander’s face was one of curiosity or concern, Harriet couldn’t help wonder when those two were going to quit dancing around and get things straight. Shaking her head, she returned to clacking away at the keyboard. Harm followed the direction of Harriet’s finger.  There was no sign of Mac anywhere in the hallway. He checked with the librarian in the law library, and popped his head into the courtroom. The only other option was that she had left the building or was in the ladies’ room.  He hesitated near the door to the women’s restroom, wishing he’d had a file or something he could pretend to be looking through. Harriet’s sense of timing had never failed her. Now was no exception. She’d had the good graces to look up and spot Commander Rabb hovering by the ladies’ room door just as Mac came out.  When he leaned over her and let his hand rest at the small of her back, red flags and sirens went off in Harriet’s head.  She watched closely as they returned to Mac’s office, lowered the blinds, and then closed the door.  Now what was that all about? “Are you sure you’re okay?” Harm repeated for the third, or was it the fourth, time. “I’m fine. Either telling the admiral upset my stomach more than I’d realized, or I have now graduated to the morning sickness phase of ... this.” Mac opened and closed drawers, hunting for a piece of candy or gum. “Morning sickness?” Harm seemed a tad surprised. “Isn’t it late in the day, I mean, it’s almost lunchtime?” “Oh good heavens. Surely you’ve known enough pregnant women to know that morning sickness has nothing to do with the time of day?” Mac popped a piece of candy into her mouth and tossed the wrapper into the nearby trashcan. “I know you may find this hard to believe, but I know very little about pregnant women.  As a matter of fact, I can honestly say, my experience with the lady in the hospital and Harriet are the only ones I can draw conclusions from.” A wave of green flashed across Mac’s face, sending Harm flying to her side. “Are you sure this is morning sickness?” Harm placed his hand across her forehead. “I’m not sure, but it makes sense.” Mac leaned back again in her chair, hoping this wasn’t going to become a problem. “Can I get you something?” “Yeah, actually a cup of herb tea and some crackers might work about now.” “You stay here, I know there’s a variety box of Celestial Seasonings, but I’m not sure about the crackers.  I’ll be back in a minute with at least the tea. I can run to the store for the crackers if you think it’ll make a difference.”  Harm was on his way to the break room before Mac could answer. Harriet watched as Harm left Mac’s office and then returned a moment later carrying a hot beverage.  Maybe the colonel wasn’t feeling well. A few people had come down with a summer cold. “I brought you some chamomile tea. I couldn’t find any crackers. Would you like me to run to the supermarket?” Harm set the tea on her desk with two packets of honey. “No, I think it’s settling down.” Mac sat forward and picked up the tea. “Thanks,” she smiled. Mac’s office Later that afternoon “Excuse me, ma’am.” Harriet knocked on the door. “Hi, Harriet. Come on in.” Mac sat back in her chair. She’d been poring over this case for hours and was ready for a break. Her short bout with morning sickness had left as quickly as it had come. After the warm tea Harm had brought her, she felt just fine. “I’m sorry to disturb you,” Harriet began. “No problem. I needed a change of scenery.” “Permission to speak freely?” “What’s on your mind?” “Well, I noticed the commander hovering earlier and I wondered if everything. I mean, if you’re alright?” Mac dropped her pen on the desk and studied Harriet.  “Hovering?” “Well, I noticed him waiting for you outside the ladies’ room and then shortly after that he brought you something to drink.” “Harriet, do you mean to tell me in six years you’ve never seen the commander bring me something to drink?” This wasn’t going to be as hard as Mac had thought. “No, ma’am. I mean yes, ma’am.  The commander has brought you drinks before, it’s just that, well, there was something different about him this time.” Harriet couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but she knew something was up.  “I just thought you might not be feeling well. I mean, you were pretty weak when I first saw you in the hospital. If there’s anything I can do for you...” “Thank you for your concern, Harriet, but I feel fine.” Mac considered her next words carefully. “And now that I think about it, you were probably right about the commander hovering. Being stranded with someone for three weeks in a combat situation has a way of bringing you closer.” Stranded? No wonder the colonel looked as though nothing had happened. Considering herself stranded instead of a prisoner of war would certainly explain her ‘unaffected’ attitude.  Harriet was so stuck on Mac’s choice of words that the rest of what she said almost went over her head. Wait, did she say closer? Now, how close is closer? All of these thoughts were tumbling over each other in her mind when Harriet realized Mac was staring at her, probably waiting for a response.  “I see. Still, if there’s anything at all I can do for you, please don’t hesitate to ask.” “I won’t, Harriet. Thank you.” Mac picked up her pen and leaned over her desk again, watching Harriet grin and retreat.  Undoubtedly, scuttlebutt was about to begin. Chapter 21 Mac’s apartment Georgetown Later that night Mac poured another capful of bubbles into the tub and turned the hot water on.  She’d been soaking happily for over half an hour and the water was starting to cool.  Usually that was her signal that it was time to get out, but tonight she wanted to indulge just a little longer. This was the one thing she had consistently craved after only a few days of dirt and desert, and by golly she was going to enjoy it. Harm took the stairs to Mac’s floor two at a time. He’d stopped at the store to pick up some organic teas and crackers for Mac, and a roasted chicken for dinner.  At the store he’d decided to forgo running home to change and headed straight for Mac’s, even if it meant arriving a little early.   Despite the apparent ‘holding pattern’ their relationship was in, Harm could barely suppress the thrill at actually having a ‘relationship’ with Mac. The idea that they would soon be husband and wife and raising a family together, regardless of the originating circumstances, had him walking on cloud nine. Mac had just turned off the hot water when she heard the knock at the door. Who the heck could that be? Well, Harm wasn’t due for another hour, no way she was going to cut her bath short for someone knocking on the wrong door. Waiting a few minutes before knocking again, Harm considered the options. Mac could have stopped somewhere after work without telling him, or she could have been kidnapped by teenage hoodlums, or she could be in the bathroom.  Knocking a little more loudly a second time, he reached in his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. Just about the same time Mac heard the pounding on the door, her cell phone began to ring. Damn it! Pulling the plug on the tub, she stood up quickly splashing water on the floor.  “This better be good!” she called, grabbing a bath sheet and wrapping it around her. By the time she reached the bedroom she was sure every neighbor on the floor knew she had company.  “Coming!” she called again, stubbing her toe on the dresser as she turned the corner into the living room. “Damn it!” She hobbled to the door, doing a little jig as she tried to walk and rub her foot at the same time. Pulling the door open, Mac was ready to bite the head off the bathtime offender. “Are you okay?” Harm asked before the door was fully open. “Do you realize how EARLY it is?” Mac stepped aside letting Harm in, still trying to rub the sore foot. “Nice towel,” he smiled, before walking over to set the bags on the table. “It was an even nicer bath until you showed up and tried to wake the dead.” Mac rolled her eyes and spun around towards her room again only to lose her balance and stumble. “Hey!” Harm was at her side in a flash.  “Are you okay?” “Yeah, just lost my footing?” “Dizzy?” Harm held onto one arm. “No, just tripped over my own two feet,” Mac giggled. “You’re sure?” He ran his hand through her hair, getting his fingers tangled in the wet ends. “Owe.” Mac flinched when he pulled on a knotted strand of hair. “Sorry.”  Harm’s eyes gravitated to the wet locks resting just above her bare shoulders.  He hadn’t really seen her shoulders since Australia.  She was thinner now than she had been then, but the few beads of water glistening on her skin made her incredibly attractive.  One single bead rolled down her front and disappeared in her cleavage under the cover of the fluffy yellow towel. Suddenly he wanted to be that bead of water more than he wanted anything else. “Earth to Harm.” “Sorry, what was that?” “My arm. Mind if I have it back? I’d like to go put some clothes on.” “Oh, yeah, sure.” Letting go of her arm, he stepped back and watched her departing back.  He couldn’t help but smile. He had to be the luckiest man on earth. A few minutes later Mac emerged from her room wearing a pair of red pajamas with little flying pigs, and sniffing the air.  “What did you bring? It smells good.” “Saltine crackers, organic tea and a lemon dill roasted chicken. I thought I’d cook up a little macaroni to go with it.” “Mm,” Mac reached over around him and snuck a piece of chicken. “This is good.” “You look like you’re feeling better.” “I am, thanks.  Hopefully, it won’t get in the way too much at work.” “People may figure out what’s going on before you want them to.” Harm lowered the flame on the pot of pasta. “Harriet’s already suspicious.” “How?” Harm turned around, leaned back against the counter, and watched Mac walk over and sit down at the table. “She saw you waiting for me at the bathroom door this morning and then bring me a cup of tea.” “And she suspects you’re pregnant from that?” “No, I don’t think she suspects I’m pregnant, but she knows something’s different.” Mac looked down at the table then up at Harm. “I told her we were closer.” “Closer?” Harm decided a watched pot never boiled anyhow and moved over to the table beside Mac. “Yeah. I said something about its being inevitable that people who have been stranded together would grow closer.” “Stranded? Mac we were held prisoner.” “I know that.” She pressed her lips and swallowed the anger that threatened to overtake her.  “The point is if people are going to assume this is your baby, they need to know there’s an ‘us’ of some sort. I thought telling Harriet we were closer might imply we were at least dating.” “Why didn’t you just say we were seeing each other?” “I don’t know.  I thought it might seem more believable if it was discovered instead of announced. Sounds kind of silly now that you mention it.” “No, it’s not silly. It actually sounds like a good idea. Harriet is probably the best source of information other than the Navy Times,” Harm smiled. “I was sort of counting on that.” “So does this mean we’re finally dating?” Harm grinned. “Considering we’re engaged, yeah, I think so.” It felt totally surreal to be engaged to Mac. Taking her hand in his, he brought it to his lips, and kissed it gently.  He needed to be especially careful with her, after last night he was sure of that much.  “I’d better go check that pasta.” Now all he had to do was figure out when to tell her what the admiral had said. “Anything I can do to help?” Mac followed Harm into the kitchen, warmed all over by his simple, gentle gesture. “Nope.” Harm scooped out a noodle and tasted it. “Just a couple more minutes and we’ll be all set.” “Good, I’m starving.” Pressing around him, she pulled off another little piece of chicken and placed it in her mouth. Watching Mac strip off a morsel of meat and plop it in her mouth seemed unbelievably exciting to Harm. He couldn’t believe how sexy Mac seemed to make eating. The way her lips wrapped around the food made it the most appealing delicacy.  When her tongue slipped out of one side and licked a stray drop of juice, Harm couldn’t stand it any longer. “If we’re officially dating, are there any rules on how often I can do this?” Swinging Mac around, he pulled her gently into his arms and placed as tender a kiss as he could manage.  After the incident last night, he needed to be especially careful not to push, but he simply couldn’t stop himself. Falling into the kiss, Mac lingered longer than Harm had intended. Easing away, she breathlessly whispered, “Often.” Chapter 22 When Harm and Mac finally separated, he gazed into her eyes. “Then you don’t mind?” “I’ve waited a long time for this. Why should I mind?” “Well...” Harm fumbled, searching for the right words, not wanting to remind her of what she’d been through. “It’s just that...I’ve prosecuted enough sexual assault cases to see what it does to the victims. Even the married ones... it was hard for them to...be close...to...” “Harm,” Mac cut him off to spare him the struggle. “I’ll admit, something inside me is a little scared, but you can’t possibly compare me to a typical victim. I know what happened, but I don’t ‘know’ what happened. I have no recollection of the trauma these women would be faced with.  I have no smells to trigger memories, no flashbacks of the touch, the voices...” Mac felt a chill go up her spine as the horror that would normally be associated with this crime washed over her. “Thankfully, this part is just easier for me.” “So what you’re saying is that we’re okay, but taking it slow would still be a good idea.” “Yeah,” Mac nodded. “ Maybe not too slow,” she added with a grin. Delighting in one more quick kiss, Harm patted Mac on the six. “Go sit down. I’ll bring dinner. If there’s anything left.” Harm waited until Mac had finished eating to bring up the information the admiral had shared. “Mac?” “Mm?”  She had begun gathering up the dishes. “The admiral had some updates for us.” Harm followed her into the kitchen and set his dishes on the counter. “Us?” Mac didn’t like the sound of that. “Our case.” Okay, Harm fudged, it was really her case.  “Did anyone tell you that he called Terri Coulter in to work the forensics?” “Yes, he mentioned something about that.” Mac leaned against the counter and bit her lower lip. “It seems the only evidence they have of the...events were some fluids, yours and one other person’s... on your clothing.” “My clothing?” “Yeah,” Harm hesitated. “Underwear actually.” Mac nodded, biting a little harder on her lip.  “And...” “None of the people rounded up the day we were rescued are a DNA match.” “Who’s unaccounted for?” Having bitten down a little harder than intended, Mac lifted her hand to her mouth at the bitter taste of blood. “That I could tell, only Bahriim.”  Mac turned suddenly and began tinkering with the dishes in the sink. “Do they have any other ‘evidence’?” “You do know that there was no semen recovered when you were examined?” “Maybe.”  Mac seemed to remember the doctor mentioning something but she’d be hard pressed to remember exactly what it was. “Well there wasn’t.  That means either he used a condom, which is unlikely, or there was no...intercourse in the 24 hours previous to our rescue.” Harm’s mouth had gone terribly dry and pasty. He’d never had so much trouble forming words in his life. “Are they sure?” Mac opened the dishwasher, her back still to Harm. “Yes.  Terri also thinks it had been at least several days since anyone had...been with you.”  Harm had to quash the nausea that attempted to overtake him as the thoughts of that man ‘with’ Mac threatened to invade his sanity. “Why does she think that?” Mac put another dish on the lower rack, still unable to turn and face Harm. “There wasn’t any vaginal tearing, so there must have been enough time for some healing.” He couldn’t believe he’d said that without stammering. “I see.” “The admiral and I were thinking that this might point to Bahriim as the sole culprit since he’s known to be away from the compound for days at a time.” “And you and the admiral were discussing all this without me because...” “He cares, and so do I.  If Terri weren’t the one running all the tests, he wouldn’t even have known about it all.  The DOD will take the lead on any war crime charges. Even though the odds are slim of this ever seeing the light of day, the admiral thought you should know.” Mac closed the door to the dishwasher and walked off into the living room. Harm wasn’t sure what to say now.  This was such a challenge.  Mac was a strong woman, but memories or not, this had to be really hard on her. “So, it’s Bahriim?” Mac plopped heavily on the sofa. “We think so.” Harm sat gingerly beside her, almost expecting her to ask him to move over, to give her space, but she didn’t. “Bahriim,” she repeated softly, pulling her knees up to her chin, and wrapping her arms around them. “Mac.” Harm reached out and placed his hand on her arm. “Don’t. Please don’t.” Mac tucked her arm closer to her side. “Sorry. I just want you to know I’m still here.”  He had no earthly idea what else he could possibly say to her. “I’m going to go finish cleaning up the table.” Saturday afternoon Roberts residence The car door opened and Mac took a deep breath, staring reluctantly at Harm’s extended hand. “Ready, Marine?” “As ready as I’ll ever be.” Mac accepted the gesture and proceeded hand in hand with Harm up the walkway. This was going to be their first official, sort of, function as an ‘us’.  They hadn’t said anything specifically to anyone, but Mac had noticed Harriet eyeing them carefully at the office.  When Harriet gave them an invitation to a house-warming barbecue and asked Harm if he would mind coming a little earlier than the other guests to fill in for Bud and be in charge of the grill, Harm and Mac saw this as their perfect opportunity to ‘come out’. Harriet opened the door only slightly startled to see Mac arrive at the same time. It wasn’t that unusual for the two of them to ride together.  She’d somehow managed to miss that the couple arrived holding hands. “Oh, I’m so glad to see you ma’am. I’m running so far behind.  AJ decided this morning would be good time to drag out every toy he owns while mommy was in the shower – including the Legos. Then, if that wasn’t enough, he was thirsty and found the soda I bought for the party.” Mac cringed at every word out of Harriet’s mouth.  “Point me where you need me, and for heaven’s sake, Harriet, call me Mac.” “Deal. If you wouldn’t mind hitting the toys in the family room while I clean up the kitchen. Just put what you can in the toy box and take the rest up to AJ’s room.” Harriet turned to face Harm.  “Commander...” “Harriet...” “Sorry, Harm. If you wouldn’t mind, could you please run to the store for me?  AJ poured two large bottles of Coke all over the floor. I need to replace them.” “No problem. I’ll do that now while you two clean up. Be back in a flash. Did you say Coke?” “Yes, please. I have plenty of everything else.” “Got it.” Harm turned to Mac, kissed her briefly on the lips and smiled. “Be right back.” Harriet watched stunned as Mac nodded her head and returned the smile.  It wasn’t until the door clicked loudly behind Harm that she snapped out of her astonishment and squealed at Mac. “SPILL!” “There’s nothing to ‘spill’. Besides, I need to go clean up the den.” “Den shmen.  I want details! All of them!” “Don’t look so surprised, Harriet. I told you we were getting closer.” Mac smiled coyly. “How close is closer?” Harriet was practically bubbling over with excitement. “Harriet.” “Hey, you said call you Mac. How close is closer? Though she didn’t have any reason to, Mac honestly blushed. “Close.” Chapter 23 It hadn’t taken long for Mac to figure out if she kept crackers in her desk and nibbled small meals more often during the day, instead of her normal three larger ones, the morning sickness hardly bothered her at all. As the days progressed, Harm and Mac developed somewhat of a routine.  Whenever possible, they would have lunch together. After work they would have dinner at Mac’s. Harm had decided early on he didn’t like the idea of her driving home late at night from his place, and after only a few small debates, the habit of eating out and going back to Mac’s or eating in at her place was firmly established. Despite Mac’s claims that not remembering what had been done to her during their captivity made it immensely easier to go on with a normal life, almost as though nothing had happened, Harm recognized that emotionally and physically she would still need time and space to deal in her own way with what they knew had transpired. He’d been very careful to try and give her that space, not to rush her, to take things slowly, especially on a physical level. However, a couple of times they’d found themselves making out on the sofa for hours like a couple of teenagers. Much to his surprise, rather than frustrating him, he found it made him feel young again.  Besides, a cold shower when he got home seemed to help him sleep better anyhow. Harm thrived on having something to look forward to at the end of his day; going home with Mac.  With each passing day he found it mattered less and less to him that she was carrying another man’s child, or even how the child had been conceived. All that seemed to matter to him was that he was finally building a future with the woman he loved more than life itself. He’d tried to bring up wedding plans a few times, but that seemed to trigger something inside Mac that made her distant and withdrawn, so he opted to just enjoy the newfound closeness. It had been almost a month since the coming out at Harriet’s.  Harm hadn’t realized how much he would relish sharing his relationship with other people.  He found it difficult not to hold her, touch her, even kiss her.  There was a need for an almost constant connection, and he was thrilled Mac didn’t seem to mind. Mac had actually found an exhilarating strength in Harm’s nearness. She had been worried the circumstances that led to their getting together would somehow cast a constant cloud over any relationship they tried to develop, but she was delighted to discover she never once thought about anything other than how wonderful it was to be among friends, and to have Harm’s arm draped around her shoulder as though it didn’t belong anywhere else. JAG Headquarters Admiral’s Office “Well, people.  Never let it be said miracles can’t happen.  This arrived this morning.” AJ handed Harm and Mac a copy of her new orders. “The SecDef, sir?” Mac looked up a little startled. “Yes, you’ll be expected to report to the Associate General Counsel in an advisory capacity one day a week.  Should a ‘situation’ arise, your presence may be requested more frequently, otherwise, you will report to this office and continue your normal duties.”  AJ almost couldn’t contain the grin on his face. Somehow Nelson had pulled it off. He was going to owe this man till the day he retired, but keeping his two best attorneys was worth the price. “Thank you, sir.” Mac stiffened her shoulders trying to hide her surprise. “Colonel, before you go thinking this is a gift horse, your file is what got this assignment. The AGC took one look at your experience and I had to fight him to keep you to only one day a week.”  This was actually an enormous career opportunity for Mac. Being at the Pentagon and under the nose of the SecDef himself could mean big things for her career if she wanted it. “Thank you, sir.” Mac offered a hint of a smile. She wasn’t sure which part of her record he was referring to, the successful op in Iran years ago, or the Article 32 for perjury that followed it. The admiral was right about one thing, though: if she wanted to move forward with her career, the Pentagon wasn’t a bad place to be. Glancing over at Rabb, AJ thought he actually saw Harm’s chest inflate. The man was beaming with so much pride anyone would have guessed he’d been the one offered the assignment. “Now that career issues have been resolved, I expect I’ll be hearing another official announcement soon?”  “Yes, sir,” Harm answered immediately. His chest, still puffed with male pride, expanded even further. “Uh, yes, sir.” Mac’s smile wavered slightly. Neither her tepid tone, nor fading smile escaped Harm or the admiral’s attention. AJ glanced at Harm. Harm had heard the same thing and his chest deflated enough to tell AJ it could be a problem.  It had taken a lot of things to get these two to this point. AJ couldn’t help but wonder what was going to happen next. JAG Headquarters Following Friday Harm had intentionally avoided any conversation regarding wedding plans since the admiral’s announcement.  He didn’t need a brick wall to fall on him to recognize that for whatever reason, Mac was vacillating.  He had, however, come up with a plan, and he’d said a prayer every night this week that he wouldn’t be wrong. Another crumpled piece of paper flew across Mac’s desk and hit the wall, missing the trashcan by at least six inches.  Not only was her concentration off, so was her aim.  She’d been working all morning on closing arguments for a dereliction of duty case.  She knew she could get the kid off.  As far as she was concerned, there was no reason for this one kid to carry the burden for a series of unfortunate errors that had eventually led to the death of a crewman on the Seahawk. All she had to do now was come up with a brilliant argument to convince the panel, but everything she thought up sounded to her ears as though it had been written by a first year law student.  Crunching a blank piece of paper in her hand, she was about to throw it across the room out of sheer frustration when she spotted Harriet in the doorway. “Ma’am?” “Yes, Harriet?” Mac thought there was something unusually timid in Harriet’s tone. “You have a delivery.” “Just set it on my desk.” “Well, I don’t think that’s a good idea.  It’s a rather large delivery.” Harriet’s shoulders shrugged an apology. Sighing heavily, Mac threw her pen loudly on the table. She was in no mood for this.  “Where is it now?” “Some of it is in the bullpen, some of it is still at the visitor’s desk, but the delivery guy says there’s more in his truck.” This time Harriet sounded really overwhelmed. “Just have them bring whatever it is up and we’ll figure it out Harriet. Start with what’s in the bullpen.” Mac couldn’t help but chuckle at Harriet’s dramatics when she saw Harriet carrying in a vase of pink roses in one hand, and yellow in the other. She swallowed the chuckle when Tiner followed Harriet with two more vases of peach and white, and she almost choked when the Marine guard brought in two more vases and she realized there was a trail of people outside her door carrying flowers. “There’s more?” Mac’s jaw was practically touching the floor. “Yes, ma’am,” all the voices in her office echoed.                                                                      BACK          NEXT                                                                  HOME