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ISSUE #7 OUT NOW!
1.60 plus an A4 s.a.e.
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31 FIR GROVE, MARTON, BLACKPOOL,  LANCS,FY1 6PJ, ENGLAND
Beckham Gimme Back My Crass T-Shirt!!
This morning I was casually flicking through the Daily papers when my eyes
zoomed to a picture featuring that Man (Scum) Utd toss pot David Beckham posing
in a Crass T-shirt, I kid you not!! You know the one with the Crass logo and
'Stations Of The Crass' printed all over it.
My first reaction was to spit out my breakfast with horror, as I almost choked on my
corn flakes. So there I was thinking what the fuck is all this about? And more
importantly what the fuck is that sad excuse for a fashion victim doing prancing
about like a demented fairy in my favourite Crass T-shirt. What made matters
worse is he plays (or should be cheats!) for Man (Scum) Utd. The team I hate!!
Doesn't this sad fuck know that Crass T-shirt is sacred. For his sins I reckon Mr
Beckham should be hung, drawn and quartered and sent to the Tower of London.
The execution should be carried out by one Robbie Fowler, a local hero who once
worn a home-made T-shirt supporting the Liverpool dockers strike (something the
government disapproved of). Our lad Fowler flashed the T-shirt once he scored
and was later fined by those out of touch F.A. cronies. Their snotty responce was
politics should be kept out of football. Our boy Fowler no doubt muttered "Fuck-Off"
under his scouce breath and so say all of us!!
By the time you read this column you will have seen a certain Mr Beckham prancing
about the X-mas edition of T.F.I. in that Crass T-shirt. What I want to know is how
can a millionaire, out of touch footballer justify wearing a Crass T-shirt ? I was
under the impression he was into Hip-Hop and his wives thongs! I bet if someone
asked if he knew who Crass were and what the stood for? He wouldn't have a clue
and just stand there with a thicko, gob smacked look! After all this is the man who
can't even spell his own tattoos right, when he draws them with a black marker pen,
trying to look well hard!!! But Mr Beckham don't fool me. I dread to think what will
happen next, Man Utd supporters turning up to matches, or Beckham wannabes/
look-a-likes in Crass T-shirts aaarrgghhhh!!! That would be an even bigger
headache. It's just not worth thinking about. We all know Mr Beckham's fashion
sense is something to be desired, all those dresses, skirts, bandara's and Posh's
thongs! But that Crass T-shirt made my blood raise and basically takes the biscuit.
The only solution I could come up with is Mr Beckham is having an affair with Brooklyn's nanny, who just so happens to be the original bassist of Welsh punksters The Partisans. Yes, maybe Louise has had her wicked way with him. It would also explain the commotion for that sad excuse for a Mohican he sported earlier this year, and cowered in the corner when his manager (big bad wolf, sorry I mean Fergie) ordered him shave it off at once or face the consequences! It wasn't even a proper mohican!!! This guy doesn't know the first thing about Punk or Crass for that matter. It's just another fashion accessory, and I'm afraid to say he's not the only one. As all these bloody boy and girl teeny bands seem to be following in his steps. Even that sad twat Robbie Williams has been prancing around in photo's wearing a Clash 'Dragon' T-shirt. And so has Sporty Spice. It's funny how she claims to be 'punky' spice and destroy's 'Anarchy In The UK' at the Reading festival. Is nothing sacred from these wannabe celebratory arseholes? The manufactured teen scene are not only content in nicking our punk T-shirts, no these sad muppets also attempted to nick our punky hairstyles. The very same muppet trendies who laugh, point and shout abuse at us punks and punkettes for having spiked hair and mohicans. They have short memories. It was only yesterday they frowned upon us punks and punkettes for the way we dress, which brings me to a recent incident I experienced. A sad little schoolgirl bitch with long trendy pink hair had the nerve to shout "what the fuck is that?", as she pointed at my black spikey hair, the cheeky cunt! Luckily that day I was in a good mood as I'd just collected some X-mas pressies from my friends and wasn't suffering from a bad case of P.M.T. Or else I'd have slapped her one. She was obviously eager to impress her two schoolboy friends and future fathers to be. Sadly for her, I walked on cooly and with a smirk on my face. Her boyfriends failed to respond to her so-called 'girl power' and carried on pushing their bikes. They weren't interested and possibly thought I'd kill her. The funny thing is, she was no oil painting, she had legs like tree trunks, no shape at all. So what the fuck was her problem? I guess that's sad, pink-haired goths for you! I say "burn em at the stake" as Sore Throat once sang.
Sadly youngsters have no sense of rebellion, they'd rather be stuck behind computers, or creating designer babies. And they all love the bloody Beatles and think it's hip to wear flares, platforms and long hair. All the things punk fought against! Dole queue rock has long since disappeared, and only student middle class indie bands seem to be the order of the day, with all this 60's and early 70s retro shite. The media acts as if punk never happened and the music weeklies have zero coverage on the UK punk scene. When they do write about it the A-Z of punk it's all about designer happy, clappy commercially friendly yank bands. As the second year of the new decade and century begins the youth culture is in decline and will continue to be. All those Crass T-shirts will just become a designer accessory bought and sold at Top Shop. And all of what Crass and the Blankl generation represented will become a distant memory. Lastly I'd like to wish all the punks and punkettes reading this column a belated Happy Crassmas . My X-mas came early with my beloved Liverpool beating Man Utd at Old Trafford, I couldn't wish for a better X-mas present . One day soon the 'sleeping giants' will return and win back all our trophies and return to our former glories. Liverpool! Liverpool! We love you! Danny Murphy your so cool! David Beckham your a fool! Ha Ha! Sorry the song isn't more Christmassy!! I'm just so pleased with the result. I keep thinking I'm dreaming!!
ANARCHISTICALLY YOURS!!
MITCH 21/12/00

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