Hgeocities.com/collaborators04/retort1percent.htmlgeocities.com/collaborators04/retort1percent.htmldelayedxkJ׍?OKtext/htmlv:?b.HMon, 06 Aug 2007 17:53:36 GMTMozilla/4.5 (compatible; HTTrack 3.0x; Windows 98)en, *kJ? Collaborators
1% PUNK 99% SHIT

Just take a look around you and what do you see?...literally thousands
of 'punk' bands for you and me!!! Yeah...swarming en masse all over
this god forsaken planet of ours. From the dusty plains of Australasia
to the rich white ghettos of South Africa. From the redneck towns of
middle America to the 'ippified squats of Europe! Fucking loads of
punk in loads of different places. In fact we're inundated with it. So tell
me why...why is there a pathetic 1% at the very most of this so-called
punk scene who are worth the phlegm from the back of our bunged up
throats? Don't know?...I thought so. It's a fucking sad state of affairs I
know, but most of these punk rock individuals (snigger) are a joke, a
farce, some bemused caricature of what legends were once made of!!!

The majority of todays punks never remember and never will discover what it really takes to create the mad tantrum we call punk rock! "So what the fuck are we listening to then?" you may ask! Well the plastic well maniqured stand-ins today sure ain't it. Punk has over it's 20 year plus existence been gradually diluted, polluted and cut out of our system like a cancer. It's been zeroxed from our minds so many times that today in the year 2001 it's just a faded, jaded white Elephant! Punk today just ain't got it kicked into it's substructure, it ain't felt the cold clutches of boredom circling it's windpipe, it ain't tasted from the sickly cup of monotony and for want of a better word it just ain't got the balls it once had!!! Yeah the punks moan and groan about how everything sucks but you can't manufacture hate, loathing and rage, you can't engineer the raw energy that chucks it in our faces. These disgusting qualities that are frowned upon in today's tame punk scene are the real makings of punk! Sure you can ape anger and you can mouth it out to those who are willing for a finger dip in anything they deem outlandish, but you can't feel it unless you've lived it! I mean c'mon does anyone make the effort anymore?

Quirky looking bands playing quirky punk fucking rock are ten a penny in today's climate. 21st Century Punk conveys an aura of geeky college school kids who look like shit or even worse students! (that seems to be the uniform world-wide these days). And the gigs come over like being present at some gigantic University campus for gawds sake. Designer punk is a disgrace! And it's a fucking nightmare to be surrounded by nerdy personnel with no more panache and no more originality in em than the columnists in Maximumrocknroll or heaven forbid Fracture. In fact countless punk bands today are really rather boring to watch! And don't you just hate it's safe fucking attitude? Punk rock is a played out game that's merely here for the safe and corporate amongst us to reside in till the next cheap ride comes along. The kids should be out there questioning it, not fucking condoning it, or lapping the shop soiled booty up like looters at a Seattle riot! There's nothing worse than getting inadequate punk force-fed through a polyurethane tube into your brain and told "this is the real things kids! this is it!!!" I feel disgust for the stupid punks who believe this to be it! This definitely ain't it!!!

Punk today ain't what you read about in books, mags or thgose posh looking zines, and it certainly ain't what they mean by Anarchy!....bollox to An-ar-cheeey!!! Anarchy is just another cool trend!!! The majority of anarchy in punk today is 'ippified, grubby crustacean dog turds served up by middle-class kids playing at being poor kids. They are politically correct in mind, body and soul and it's enforced like some sort of lefty liberal show-boat. It's like being part of an inner-sect! Oh no, you can't join in unless your a fully fledged paid up member. And by fully 'paid up' I mean you gotta read and believe all the right pamphlets, quote all the right dogma, refuse all the cardinal sins like meat/sex/drugs and attend all the right-on lectures and anti-racist demos. Fucking hell is this some 'back to nature' gun cult? You gotta sustain community programmes, which have fuck all to do with the real community outside of punk. And of course you've gotta shop at 'food not bombs' or death follows quickly! Americans always get it wrong. They squat in glib delight amongst their dope and braids, festering like the petunia that floats in the campside atmosphere maaaannn!!! These 'ippies have fuck all to say or do with people outside the Anarcho set (other punks included) and are either simply spitting out early 80's concepts of peace and anarchy like some sort of communal witchhunt or they are constantly trying to pacify a punk scene which was definitely not what it was about at all. Their cowshed philosophies and well over-used themes that lack anger and energy as well as autonomy. There anger is managed...stage-managed!!! It's duplicated, it don't come from the heart! They lazily ape Crass instead of trying to create something for themselves. Hell even the artwork and slogans are regurgitated with painstaking vigour!!! Give it another decade and the true feeling of punk will be eliminated and made obsolete forever! We will all be rejoiceing in the safe bland, bands who fart or snarl (very badly) in the right direction.

Just like the indie kids! Yeah didn't you know? Indie is big in punk now! They've infiltrated and successfully amputated punks more nihilistic blades! They are popping it up quicker than the pillheads pop E-'s at a rave! This dirty, riffy, foul-mouthed noise we once called punk has been hi-jacked by ex-jocks, it's had a major facelift and got rid of the unsanitary oiks and replaced em with some new fresh-faced, recently pierced spotty sex appealing, designer geared, nondescript trail of bands with T-shirts, skateboards and goatees!!! Yeah kids it's an uncultured and sensible punk haircut and stylee for every rebel without a clue. These buffoons are just left overs from the mainstream scene. Emotional retards inter-bred with thrash incorporated metallers leaving us with the bastard son of corporate rock 'n' roll!!! The popster punks wanna offend and be nasty, hey they even wanna be goofy, but are just too fucking clean looking or smart or both and too fucking indie to cause a fuss...coz mom and dad are cool. And don't forget we never wanna upset mom and dad! They deliberately chose the safest, weakest wing of punk to infiltrate coz Greenday showed em the green light! Fucking hell originality was never gonna be big in this equation especially with all these prefabricated shitesters that's hitting the fan from all angles! But it sure sells records don't it!!!?

But wait...we still have the street and Hardcore punk scenes to throw us a studded lifebelt...don't we? 'Streetpunk' ha ha ha...the last bastion for reality, now ain't they a sorry bunch! Delete 'boredom' and punch in "0i!" and what do ya get? Middle aged jokers who are all married with kids, dressed like casuals and claiming to be the true sound of the street!....my arse!!! The real sound of the streets (for Britain at least!) is blacks robbing whites, whites robbing themselves, apathy comatosed by drugs and it's all governed and set out in stone by smak or crack laws. It's a uniformed society that has absolutely no concept of originality in it's stoned dead head. It's peer pressure subdued by fashion and/or drugs. A teenager is judged on how to look trendy, what mobile he uses or how to blend in, not stick out!!! It's fucking banal! Every teenager in the UK (and the world most likely) looks the fucking same!!! THEY ARE ALL CLONED I TELL YA!!! 'Streetpunk' for want of a better word is a figment of our over active imagination. 'Streetpunk' has nothing to do with the real streets in Britain today or anywhere else. 'Songs from the street'? Do me a favour, the streets are the last place you'll find any of these middle-aged testosterone cases. You never see a punk or a skin on Britain's streets morning, noon or night! It's a misnomer. 'Streetpunk' is just fucking mundane Oi!/punk groups who sing about working class morals as though their fucking comfortable lives depended on it! Gimme a break why don't ya. You fat fucking skinheads out there singing about the working class survival are living in a cacoon. When was the last time you jerks stepped out on your local street after dark on your own? Ask any real working class punk or skin for that matter what he wants and he'd tell ya "gimme some cash and I'd be happy and straight off as far away as possible from this romanticised ghetto they call the street!" They don't wanna live in bedsits or with 'no future' stamped on their job seekers claim year in year out! And phony bands singing about something they know nothing of with a proud type of arrogance sure ain't gonna fucking change things for the cunts who have to walk the streets. Most of these working class heroes are all working anyway, so what's the fucking problem? They're the lucky ones, they've got a job. So get a grip, this is real life not some socialist dewy eyed comrade call to arms.

As for hardcore bahhh!!! Swop 1981 with 2001, take away the grime and bravery, add a few method actors with crazy colours, spikes and plaid, plus a penchant for flat exported British cider and what d'ya get.. Hardcore.."yeah right!!!" I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings but fuck it, it's a bit late in the column for apologies and this ain't one! Hardcore Punk is now so redundant and fraudulent these days, just like everything else, it ain't fun no more! What we really need are more loose cannons going off left, right and centre. We need a full blown fury let loose and we need some band to ignite it! Even the interesting looking bands are very few and far between these days. They are either overlooked coz they are too damn real/punk for the easily offended amongst us or they are too old to be classed as anything but a drunken threat and therefore unfashionable!!!! Since when has punk become fashionable?...it fucking is today!!! The punks today are either staunch elitists or a very easily pleased bunch, both of which will be their downfall. They continuously accept/ reject any new rubbish or threat! None of em question or suss out why the cunt on stage or on record is putting out this crap that could be done a million times better and with more conviction if they really paid attention, instead of following trends. The kids grow up believing they are witnessing the best thing since the Sex Pistols and probably they are as far as they're concerned. But how much they are missing is criminal! I feel pity for the younger smarter ones who are bullied into believing the crud is good coz of peer pressure or are innored coz the sheep graze elsewhere! Why do we except everything with open arms? Are we all insecure fuck-ups or is that the craze these days? If a band can cause a bit of a twang, put a few cryptic lyrics together and ape a few sneers from the history books can that really be called entertainment? Not in my book! We don't want or need souped up pop or indie...we demand punk rock! That is what we are here for, that's what we were born for!!! Not this 99 landness sprayed all over the our sweet little suburban faces. Punk ain't meant to be nice or indifferent it's an extreme, it's a feeling, a flash of inspiration that you've either got or you aint!!! So if you've got it, throw it out the window jump right out after it and follow your instincts...if you've got any!...
This column is dedicated to the 1%

the 1%