Hgeocities.com/collaborators04/retortdemondrink.htmlgeocities.com/collaborators04/retortdemondrink.htmldelayedxkJ׍qIOKtext/htmlw:qIb.HMon, 24 Sep 2007 10:41:37 GMTMozilla/4.5 (compatible; HTTrack 3.0x; Windows 98)en, *kJqI Collaborators

Ahhhhhh what would we ever do without the nectar
of the gods? The proverbial glass of brain damage
or the fuel that turns the wheels of our punk rock
universe on its axis? It tastes good, it looks good
and by golly it does you good!...thankyou Mr
Guinness! A bit of advice to the kids out there, just
fuck the dope and the smak off and get into drink!!!
You don't need those shitty little substances that
fuck up your symmetry. Real punks drink coz its fun
and adds a certain sparkle to your evening!!! Yep
we're talking of the liquid that quenches the thirst of
a nation here. The elixir that makes all women look
like 7 of 9 (remember her from Star Trek anyone?)
and pub bawlers sound like Aled Jones. This is the
evil spirit that can make the sickest joke sound tame
and grown men cry. And take heed my brethren for it
has the power to dole out Dutch courage to an army
and turn a church mouse into a Raging Bull. Now
that's what I call a social phenomenon! This frothy
amber juice is still the best drug out there that
money can buy. And yeah maybe it has gotta lot to
answer for....deaths, failed marriages, insanity,
prison, maimings, glassings and yob behaviour etc.
And it sure has it's risks just like everything else in
life we enjoy in large copious amounts. But just
think about all that drunken creativity we'd have
missed out on if Shane McGowan was straight edge
or George Best had been tee total. The fun far
outweighs the lows in my corner of the bar. Gimme a
staggering drunk with a roadcone on his head
waltzing down the street any day of the week. What's
the alternative? Mr sensible carrying the bag of
lentils home or some crack induced recoil slinking
through the alleyways or begging ya for coinage? I
can handle the drunks and even Mr P.C.....I can't
handle the junkies! And you know why? It's coz
they're too money orientated and too desperate for
my entertainment value. The drunk will be singing or crying while the smak head will be scheming and lieing. And junkies do not know how to have fun do they!!! They can't or won't find things funny either. Their distinct lack of a sensa yuma denies em to have a good craic (pardon the pun) or they're just too damn morose for fucks sake. But for all it's drunken debauchery headlines and nights spent in the police cells, and liver damage...alcohol does take some fucking beating!!!

The demon drink plays a specific part in our punk rock make-up too. It's like the old rock clich 'sex and drugs and rock n roll'. Just take away the unmentionable quota of 'alcohol' from that equation and what are you left with? Rock 'n' Roll just becomes another sexless, depressing drugs binge. Rock 'n' Roll without that stagger in it's walk or that swagger in it's talk is meaningless. Even good old Crass formed on bottles of cheap wine. So whatever your tipple, be it the hang em high 1000 percent proof bottle of cider from the local offy or a trendy looking bottle of Bud at the local on a Saturday night. It's needed, it's called for! Like a sniper needs his gun or a stripper needs her pepper spray. One can't go anywhere without the other. Or maybe you prefer a rocky bottle of Jack Daniels or the good old popular cool pint of lager?...Aaaahhh!Well whatever your poison you just can't have punk rock without it. No matter how heavy your plee to the contrary is! Punk and drink go hand in hand like nits and lice! Life without it would be unthinkable. Like Splodge wthout his Stella, or Johnny minus the lager and even me without my darling Carling! It just ain't cricket! In fact my very first visions of punk were standing at the lip of the Lafayette stage on a Friday night back in the winter of discontent (77), clutching a glass of Carling Black Label mesmerised by the Adverts...how better does life get that that???? How much drink has got to do with inspiration in punk is no mans guess!? It played one helluva part in my baptism....wet the babies head???....huh, more like drown in it!!! And I know I ain't on my own here. Even the Americans have adopted our piss artist veneer with a somewhat touching respect. When i was there Pabst Blue Ribbon was their rather accomodating version of Carling. And it's born out in a whole new breeding ground of drink inspired punks like the US Bombs, Oppressed Logic and Dropkick Murphy's etc. They're either trying to escape it or running after it like a man possessed. Europe, even more so with renowned beer monsters like the impressive Brezhnev and Oxymoron, who have a massive appetite for lager. And they can still produce the goods. Some are good, some are downright embarrassing but it's all fucking entertaining. Where back in the 70's or 80's it was a predominant drug culture that kept the Americans inspired in the punk rock dream. Over here we just had cheap speed and lager to keep us on our toes. Strange how now the roles have reversed. Anyway fuck all that. I'm a lager lout and proud of it! I don't care!!! I was bought up on the stuff. However my only drink problem is I can't get enough these days (yeah i know old jokes but i had to get it in there somehow). Can't really afford it. In fact I never could afford it to the extent where it become a Sclerosis of the liver death sentence. But theres still time! And glorification of it this maybe? But I've witnessed some of my best punk times with a drink in my mitts. I don't go out for a drink to read the paper or coz it's Sunday dinnertime. And whoever said it's even fucking trendy (heaven forbid!) needs to read the right brochures. I go out to get demolished. Drinking's fucking good fun. And anyone who tells you any different is either a liar or is nursing a crack habit. An early grave maybe on the cards for some, as the tee-totallers constantly tell us with wagging fingers. But like my old man once said "a good feed, is a good standing for a good days drinking!" tee hee. Everyone needs some escape from the drab routine or burgularised housing estates.

And where do we do all this drinking?.....why in the fucking pub of course. I ain't a big 'in-house' drinker meself, although im finding as time goes on and the Pub institution is slowly getting bombarded im doing more of that. It ain't got the atmosphere of a pub, even when watching the World Cup! The public house is the number one establishment for real drinking. It's got a sort of homing beacon attached to it. It beckons you with an alluring index finger whispering in sweet seductive tones "come to me and I'll show you a good time!" Those classic lit-up M & B signs were fucking trance inducing when you'd just finished a day on the shovel and were looking to spend the cash some subby had just given you. Especially on hot sunny days. And of course Monday Morning is a must in any drunks calender!!! Like most drunks, I go in pubs for the craic as much as the drink. And to be fair I think given the chance of a fun filled days drinking or a night with a good woman. I'd go for the drink everytime these days (it's far less complicated and hassle free). And talking of sex what's all this rationality thats hit certain segmants of the punk scene? The perpetually sensible ones as I like to call em. They forbid drink, sex and drugs in their punk rock lifestyle! In fact everything gets a miss by the sounds of it...even the point? So why the fuck are they into punk or this rebellious kinda soundtrack? That's always puzzled me? How can any punk in their right mind dare to say they're straight-edge??? I mean fucking hell!!! What a boring fucking lifestyle that must be. Get yerself a bird boys. Or pick up some form of habit for christ's sake. If not come down the pub with me where you can taste all 3 if you play yer cards right. Jeez gimme some loud mouthed drunk any day of the year. At least we can laugh at his falling off a stool or pissing himself in the corner. I think I'd rather shoot meself than become a born again punk!!!! This priestly vision has nothing at all to do with punk in it's former glory. This train of thought is for Christian rockers not punk rockers. I mean try telling Shane McGowan there's fruit juice, cola and water on tap on your rider tonight "So tuck in Shane and be merry!!!!".....Ha! He'd fill you full of profanities and stagger over fields, ditches, canals and 6-laned duel carriageways to the nearest sucker. And you know what?...I don't fucking blame him either! What on earth would it be like reading one of Duane Peter's hilarious lyrics without his drink induced wit or wry penchant for social observation. It would be as tame as a Fugazi rant or a night spent humming with Poly Styrene for gawds sake. We want hellraisers and loudmouths in the scene not monks on a quest for the holy grail of finding ones inner self. Alex Higgins, Ollie Reed, Lee Marvin and Robert Mitchum either all dead or dieng but they were all more punk than any of the emotionally whiter than the driven snow punk exponents out there today!!!

Look in the glass for the real truth. And that old adage "a drunken man speaks a sober mind" is spot on! And y'know why coz he'll tell you the truth. Whether it pisses you off or gets yer laughing. And I like someone who speaks their mind coz their inhibitions are left back in the house. And suprisingly enough the more sussed amongst this punk scene seem to be is the hellraising drunks if their lyrics are anything to go by. They've got the bollocks to say what they mean. And in my view that's some accomplishment. I like risk takers people who tell it like it is. Even if it means running the gauntlet. Could Steve Jones (yeah I know) have told Bill Grundy where to get off without those bottles of Blue Nun in the green room??? Yeah he probably could've, but it made it all the more interesting with the classic "what a fucking rotter!!!!!" Could Shane McGowan (yeah him again) have penned some gritty, passionate street lyrics without touring the Soho bars for the last 30 years? I doubt it! These are just a couple of examples of creativity fuelled by drink. But there are literally thousands more vomited all around the punk rock map. Drugs always gets the headlines, but it's the drink that created the inspiration.

I hate to admit it but I agree with the straight-edge gang here to a certain degree. Coz these days bars just ain't so accommodating. Where have all the cheap thrills gone? What the fuck are they doing to our beloved churches of iniquity....I ask ya? I don't get the same rush as I did 20 years ago. Maybe it's coz I'm older and less impressed. But like the bands, the classic pubs of the 70's/80's era are few and far between now. We just can't find those vintage public bars much these days. There seems to be a distinct lack of atmosphere in most bars today. Even the suppressed violence was more fun than the repressed culture they sell us everytime we stagger through the doors past those wankers in black. Those basic looking backstreet boozers in the wrong side of town are all but gone. They were a breeding ground for Hogarth characters the length 'n' breadth of the country. Those seedy kitchen tiled nests of real life are a thing of the past. Hell I even miss standing by the bar and counting on both hands the dirty looks being reflected from behind the mirrored optics. Usually by the dodgy looking geezers at the other end of the bar. Places where the beermats were being skimmed around the room like Frisbees. Your very lucky to find a beermat today as your pint drips all over your 'cowboys' t-shirt? Those hell holes where a fight would break out in the corner approximately 20 past 10 ever night. Where you got the old Irish tramp balancing on a bar stool singing rebel songs or the dodgy prostitutes with their tattoos all spelt wrong drinking Barley wines. Those seedy dives where the jukebox always had some crackly old country and western tune blazing out. A particular favourite was 'Blanket On The Ground' I seem to recall. Yeah these Dickensian hovels where 'dog-rough' was a sign of affection! And you know what?...I fuckin miss em!!!! But hey kids it wasn't always a trawl through dangerous lunatic asylums y'know. A pub is a great place to hear a good story, find out who's died, get yourself a job, and even find a bird ha ha. I've done all that in em! Todays poxy theme pubs have got a lot to live up to. They've took over like the McDonalds plague that hit the chip shop. It just ain't the same with fucking cameras everywhere either. They're convenience establishments instead of good atmospheric little boozers. The decors gone out the window like a fucking plywood film set. It's plastic and fake. None of the student staff own a broken nose or a glass eye. They even have food in the fuckers now!!!! Which for any well known drunk about town means the dreaded 'flat pint' syndrome. They are conveyors of overpriced, cheaply made, grotty, designer geared drinks. And it sucks big time! The squalors gone along with a decent head on a pint. And it's been replaced with garden centre furnishings, and shite background music. Patrolled by those all in black commando styled swat teams affectionately known as 'security' (snigger)
Strangely enough the best UK punk venues these days are im afraid pubs. Coz in todays underground punk scene pub venues are the bread and butter. I fucking love pubs as you've probably guessed. But I don't really think they are the best place to see a band. I preferred hitting the bars then stagger to a dodgy dimly lit subterranean club with sticky carpet to see a band. It felt right it felt punk! But the times they are a changin! So I'll close with a little bar-room reflection from some poxy little punk outfit......"its obscene language for the obscene, it's where your dirty when you clean, it's where you've come from and where you've been!!".......cheers big ears!!!!!!
we all have our inner demons!