| Post Op Journal, Let the Journey Begin... |
| September 17, 2002 - (Tuesday) A lot of stuff going on at work, very stressful. Lots of reorganizations, my group is being split up, people being reassigned, since my boss is travelling this week, not sure where I will end up in the shuffle, or if I'll be staying put, I HATE CHANGE!!!!.....ugh, I don't need the pressure. Eating a lot better and water and exercise are great!! I'm kinda happy that fall is around the corner. I love fall. The only bad side to this is I really don't have a lot of clothes to wear at all. With the weather changing, I'm still holding onto shorts and tank tops, so I have to assess the situation by going up in the attic and see what's left from the last time I was this size, so hopefully I can find some outfits and not have to hit the stores and my credit cards. At this stage, buying clothes is so wasteful, yet I find myself yearning to shop. Ugh, I love to shop now that I can fit into smaller clothes. All of a sudden I feel like shopping, I want a new pocketbook and wallet and I know I cannot afford to buy the ones I want. Ugh, I hate being broke. Gotta keep playing the lottery!!!! *lol* On the TV front, I'm excited that all the fall shows are about to begin. I love The Amazing Race, Survivor, The Real World, The Osbournes (not sure when that's gonna begin though), etc. etc. I have had such a lag in wanting to watch TV for years now, but the list of programs that I want to see is definitely growing. Need to crank up the VCR!! Hope you are all doing well, I'm doing really great and I'm down a few more pounds now, which always makes me happy. My camera cable has not arrived yet, but I will be posting the 9 month pictures soon (not that anyone cares..lol). If you have a minute, stop by my guestbook, I'm always looking to meet new people who are travelling down the WLS road. Oh well, that's about all for now....until next time... September 18, 2002 - (Wednesday) I just posted my 9 month pictures, the cable came today. Ugh, I'm never happy when I post these pictures. I'm very tough on myself and always feel so fat and have such a far way to go to be satisfied. Is anyone else like that out there? Do you feel still fat after losing 100 lbs? I should give myself a break and accept myself for who I am and where I've been and where I'm going. I'm going to try to be nicer to myself after these photo-ops.. I think overall, I'm not in a good way (mentally) this week and it wouldn't matter what the pictures looked like, I'd still be depressed. Oh well, till next time.. October 4, 2002 - (Friday) Well, today goes down as one of the worst days at work. My boss and several co-workers got "pink slips" and it has put the rest of us in a tail-spin. Ugh, I really hate change and it is disgusting to think of life without my boss. I just adore working for him. He allows me to work from home and I'm loving that BIG TIME. Not sure what this re-organization is going to do to me, personally...but right now I'm in mouring for my boss and co-workers and am really really depressed. Ugh...work, wish I won the lottery and didn't have to put up with all this crap. On the weight front, I'm down a few pounds, I think 6 pounds so far this month, bringing my total loss to 118 pounds. Makes me thrilled. I don't know how much I'm going to lose by the 11th, but I'm happy. I'm now lower than I have been in over 10-15 years (maybe more) and it is just amazing. I'm fitting into clothes that haven't seen daylight in years and I'm giving away clothes that used to be my "small clothes". Oh, can I just say HAPPY??? *lol* Wish life was just losing weight and going to the gym or exercising....now that would be exciting. hahaha Before all this work-stuff happened, I had definitely gotten better with my eating. I'm eating a lot more protein and less snacks. I'm sure being away from home this week helped. Living out of a hotel, with no fridge or snacks accessible is great thing. I ate dinner one night at a restaurant with my co-workers (had one crab cake and a little potato and 2 drinks (White Russians - they were yummy, but boy do they hit me now), then I was on my own the other nights. I was cruisin' the beautiful malls of N. Virginia. I missed my exercise, while I was away, and didn't exercise yesterday due to not feeling like it. (I've been so distressed waiting for the ball to drop today). But today, I did walk and I'm happy about that. Since all this has happend, I really have no desire to eat, so I hope this depression lifts and I get back to living. Ugh...it's just so sad. :( Oh well, that's enough depressing news for today. I will update again when I'm feeling better. I hope all is well by everyone who passes by....until next time :) |
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