| Post Op Journal, Let the Journey Begin... |
| November 5, 2002 - (Tuesday) I'm back from vacation and I'm still stressing. Stress has become my middle name. I'm eating poorly, I'm not exercising, I'm totally getting into bad habits and I'm in such a bad way mentally! Ugh, it's terrible. I believe once I meet my new boss next week (Monday, the 11th, to be exact) maybe I'll be in a better place. I need to know specifics about what the plans are about my job, who I'm working for, what work I'm doing, am I going to stay employed, etc. etc. and until I know specifics, I'm gonna be a wreck. Oh sorry to bore everyone but I'm a total mess!!!!!!!!! My weight is stagnant, I haven't gained but I haven't lost a pound since last month. My eating sucks and I've eaten way too much Halloween candy. Guess I'm not a dumper because I've eaten a lot of chocolate and nothing happens. It's not that I eat a ton all at once but I do have a piece here and there and nothing gets to me. I wish I were a dumper!!! My daily eating has really suffered now that I'm in a depressed funk. I've gotta get out of it or else. I have been in such a great place mentally for the past 10 months since surgery -- this depression has put me into a tail spin. Ugh, I hope it lifts. The worry about my job has a dark cloud over my entire universe and I hope it passes soon. Sorry to be such a downer, hope all is well by all of you. Until next time.. :) November 8, 2002 - (Friday) Well, I'm feeling a bit better today, weight is still stagnant, but I'm OK with it. In all the months since surgery, this is my very first plateau and I grateful that it hasn't occurred before, but here I am on the verge of 11 months, 120 pounds DOWN, and I'm so pleased with my progress, I can't be sad. I have to admit, my eating this month and lack of exercise could possibly be the cause. My eating is really really lacking. I'm very low on protein, snacking more with pretzels, Halloween was here, and I've eaten a lot of snacks of chocolate bars, M&Ms, sheesh, the whole M&M product line was in my living room in a candy bowl, and I was pooching through all of them!!! Overall, October had been a doomed month. I know I'm confessing my faults of the month, so I hope it gets better soon (I can't honestly say I've improved, even today). I walked the other day and over did it, so I'm in agony. So yesterday and today, I didn't hit the treadmill. I'll try again tomorrow. I was going to go shopping tonight to get a nice outfit to wear on my interview on Monday, but I doubt I'm going. Guess I'll go tomorrow. Hit the mall and come back with a drop dead outfit *lol*. Wow, I'm so glad all this job stuff happened this year and not last. I was in such a doomed mood last year, depressed with my weight and with my life and myself. I guess I have to be grateful that I'm in a better physical place and will be more prepared to present my best *self* to my new boss and the new opportunities that might be rounding the corner (work wise). Ugh, maybe the depression is lifting..let's hope so. I can't wait for Monday and Tuesday to come and go and have a better feeling about my future. Oh well, that's all for now, hope all is well by all of you who stop by. Please feel free to drop me a line, if you'd like. Have a great weekend and I'll stop by next week to report how my meetings go in VA next week, till next time... :) November 13, 2002 - (Wednesday) - Happy 11th Anniversary to MEEEEEEEEE :) Well, I'm a few days late because I've been travelling to VA for meetings for work, but I'm BAACK!!! I have NO idea if I lost any weight since I left, but I'm assuming I've stayed the same all month and am still down 120 pounds. I'm OK with that, so all is good :) I'd have loved to be down another 5-8 pounds, but who can complain with 120 pounds GONE!!! Well, my meetings went well in VA, I met my new boss and I think all will be well for me, workwise. I'm going to be taking on additional responsibilities when 1/2 my job goes away at the end of the year and it looks like it might be exciting. They are moving me to a "operations" group where all of us will do the financials for new programs of the division and it looks really promising. Sooo, as long as I keep my end of the bargain and step up to the plate and perform, I won't be unemployed any time soon. I was just imagining looking for a job after all these years and dreading it. Not only have I not been unemployed ever, I've now worked at the same company for 18 years and haven't a clue what marketable skills I truly have outside this industry. Ugh, I was thinking I could work in Dunkin' Donuts (since I'm there all the time anyway, now I'd just get my coffee for FREE!!!). *lol* Ok, Ok, just joking, I'm majorly into coffee these days and has anyone gone to Dunkin' lately??? The coffee is expensive!!! Overall, let me just say, PHEW!!!!!!!!! I have been in such a funk, it's been terrible. My eating and lack of exercise show just how powerful this has hit me, no wonder I didn't lose anything this month, I've been terrible. Eating very little, snacking with a cups of pretzels, Halloween candy up the yazoo, etc. etc. I hope I'm better with the eating and exercising because when I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, all is good :) Oh well, things are better here in NJ tonight...hope all is well by you also, till next time.... :) |
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