10. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the
sound to others.
9. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, "Does this taste
funny to you?"
8. Consistently write three atoms of potassium as "KKK."
7. Mutter repeatedly, "Not again...not again...not again."
6. When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, "My eyes!"
5. Deny the existence of chemicals.
4. Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly
the way s/he says it.
3. Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker.
2. Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about to
pour the sulfuric acid.
1. Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and express an interest in
federal buildings.