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Flying Cascadilla Brothers
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Club Members ask for advice and we give it to
them! Boy, do we give it to them!
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Q: I'm going to be a senior in high school next September and I want to be a really good Cross Country runner. I plan to train hard this summer but I smoke and would like to keep smoking because it's fun. Also, I would like to keep smoking pot on the weekends with my friends. I work hard at my McDonnalds job and figure that I deserve this as a reward at the end of the week. Also, all my friends do it and it's the only way I can relax. How can I balance all my fun activities and still be a good runner come next fall?
L.W., Endwell, NY
A: Our advice is to more as far away from your parents as possible. They are obviously a couple of losers who did not raise you properly. You can't possibly do any worse on your own and even if you do at least life will slap you around enough to make you shape up. Or you'll die. In either case your problems will be solved. So leave those loser parents of your's and dump those slacker friends, too. Then just run six miles a day and you'll be in great shape for Cross Country.
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Q: I have tried eating a healthy diet but it makes life so boring that I get depressed and start considering suicide. I mean, you only life once, so it seems that you should at least enjoy yourself while you can. And what's with this national obsession with being healthy? It doesn't seem to do much good! Healthy people die every day! I guess my question is, why does a healthy diet make me feel that life isn't worth living.
T.P., Endicott, NY
A: You are very confused about the relationship between diet and emotional outlook. Your feeling that life is not worth living had nothing to do with diet. Life is not worth living. To be honest, it would make much more sense to just drive your car off a cliff in the morning instead of going off to work. But this is illegal in most states. And few people have the organizational skills to find the right cliff, put enough gas in the car, and so on.
This is why totally irrational, mind-numbing sports like swimming, biking, and running,
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were invented. These sports allow you to put yourself in so much pain that you tend to forget how pointless, meaningless, and heartbreaking life is.
So our advice is to get so active you don't have time to think and soon whole wheat spaghetti will taste good to you. Good luck!
Q: I have no muscle. And I'm not cute! And I'm getting fat! Don't tell me what to do!"
S.Y. Buffalo, NY
A: Okay.
Q: Can your recommend some good mutual funds? I would like to start investing.
A: Here in Cascadilla Land we like Oakmark Select and Strong Schafer Value Fund. Or a good indexed fund.
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"I want to be a good runner, but I don't want to have to give up smoking. And I do cigarettes I smoke in my car should count?
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Nutritional Advice by Matt Fisher, College Drop-out
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Back in the early 1970's, granola bars first became available in grocery stores. these were healthy, whole grain affairs, that tastes, mostly, like sticky cardboard. But this was the dietary era of Eul Gibbons, an old man who ate pine nuts all the time and hold-over hippies wanted to be just like him. So, for awhile, these granola bars sold.
But when sales began to drop, manufactures came up with an new
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idea. They decided to slowly remake granola bars into candy bars--adding marshmallow, and chocolate chips while keeping a few flakes of oats to make it all look legitimate. This way, they reasoned, the public could have the pleasure of candy without the guilt.
Well, the same thing is now happening with "sports bars." They are becoming nothing but high priced candy bars. Next month, I will provide a recipe so you can
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make your own healthy sports bar at a cost of 25 cents per bar. I would have provide the recipe now, only it's down in the basement and I'm not in the mood to go get it.
Return to Page 1
Go on to Page 7
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5 Return TO FCB HOMEPAGE
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