Okay, we all know Nitro takes place in Montana tonight. We've all heard that Russo is "taking time off." We know Bischoff was talking to somebody in Montana last Sunday. Put two and two together, and it's pretty obvious that WCW'S BIG SURPRISE ISN'T OVER YET, BABY!!!
The last time Vince Russo "left" the company was in January. What we don't know is (at least not yet) that this time is the exact same time he left before. It may be June, but it's actually Janaury in a magic bubble surrounding Russo everywhere he goes. Confused? Don't be, because there is a hole in the Space-Time Continium, a hole made by Eric Bischoff. Vince Russo is actually living in the year 1989, 1999, and 2000 presently. You see, this version of Russo was snagged by Bischoff who built a machine that could tear apart the space time continium with the purpose of getting Russo before we could write for the WWF. When did Bischoff get such a machine? It costs 60 million dollars of Time Warner's money, but Bischoff built it last year before he was demoted. The machine was then stored in WCW's warehouse until Bill Busch found it a few weeks later. He used it and got Russo, much to his delight. However, the FBI caught on in mid-January and forced Busch to return Russo back to 1989. You didn't think the man was stupid enough to demote Russo, did you?
Anyway, when Bischoff came back in late March, he decided to get Russo again with his magic machine. However, he didn't set the coordinates right and got Russo from back in November 1999. The Russo you saw on television these past few months have been a tormented Russo, because thanks to the time bubble surrounding them, he's had to live his life from 11 years ago, seven months ago, and a brand new life in the present. Well, 10 weeks have passed, and Russo is living in January 2000 again. The FBI has sent him back. However, Bischoff KNEW this was going to happen. That's why he was talking to somebody in Montana. Who you may ask?
Ted Kaczynski.
That's right, the Unibomber himself. Here's where the story gets a little strange though. Ted Kaczynski is actually Vince Russo. Vince Russo is just an alias he uses. He's not even from New York! As it turns out, Kaczynski was writing WWF television from prison during the WWF Attitude era. But if WCW used a Kaczynski from 1989, then why did he stop writing for the WWF in early October of last year? Because Kaczynski escaped around the same time from prison. Since it was kind of embarrising that a hick who hates technology could escape a maximum security prison, it was swept under the rug from the media. Kaczynski currently resides in his cabin in Montana, and that's who Bischoff was talking to (of course Kaczynski couldn't be watching the PPV, he doesn't own a television!) at the Great American Bash.
What's going down on Nitro is Kaczynski will come out with Bischoff to start off the show. Bischoff will then bring his Time-Space Continium ripper shredder machine down and call forth Kaczynski from 1989 once again. Bischoff figures with two Vince Russos writing WCW television, they'll be unstoppable (and to an extent, I agree!). The two Russos will then send a mail bomb to Titan Towers.
I don't know why nobody figured this out before. It's all so obvious! I'm really looking forward to tonight's Nitro!
Oh, and please credit Wade Keller for some of this information.
Written By The Guy Who's Not Really Here, SirSlush2@aol.com
Slush's Archives
Quick Thoughts And Rambles (6/14/00)
The Greatest Stable In WCW History? (5/15/00)
The Crystal Snowball: SuperBrawl 2000 (2/18/00)
"We Gotta Get Out Of This Place, If It's The Last Thing We Ever Do..." (2/16/00)
Hello Apocalypse, What Took You So Long? (1/19/00)
The Crystal Snowball: Souled Out '00 (1/14/00)
4 Life Once Again (12/22/99)